Disclaimer: Well me lovelies one and all…the time has come the walrus said. Yes I'm afraid that it tis true, PH2 is coming to an end. This will be my last chapter of the sequel, but never fear I will start off the tale of PH3…but til then I suppose this is the parting of the ways for the time being. I am beyond overjoyed to find that we have new reviewers and loyal friends who still enjoy our work. We wouldn't be half as happy with it if it weren't for you so…thank you all once again. Now on with the show…
Oh and P.S: I have made a small video on youtube based on Pirates Hilariousity, check it out my friends. It's called Our Song.
P.P.S- Shout out to the BEST pirates fanfiction writer on this site or any other. A genius of Sparrowousity. Citadel, we mention you proudly and with honor in this chapter. You have supplied us with hours of endless happiness with your story. If one day I can write Jack as well as you…well I'd be a content woman. Cheers ta ye, love…an' all the rum from 'ere ta Timbuktu!
I put a hand to my head and sighed deeply. This could not be good; I totaled mentally in my mind our progress in the last few days. Found scary monkey at zoo? Check. Proceeded to capture said monkey, while destroying half of the wild life preserve in the process? Oh, check me please! Finally hogtied monkey in alligator pit? Check. No cursed Aztec medallion found with monkey during his spectacular search and seizure? BIG check. Thus ensuing a city wide search in every antique store known to man for sign of that ridiculous coin? Of course and heck yes.
After Vicki's parents had returned from their vaca, we all had to bookit back to my rental free house to keep our secret guests, well...secret. Jack and I were still kinda weird with each other since calling it quits. I still hadn't had time to call Ben for at least the last forty eight hours. And to top it all off, I was pretty sure Vicki and Will had gone to bed together. Had done the big IT. It was the end of the world. All we needed now was for Barbossa to make a stunning return and we'd have a Greek tragedy on our hands. Not good at all.
Desperate times call for desperate measures, so many have said. I would like to add on to that by saying 'Desperate times call for desperate measures…and Ben and Jerry's Gobfather.' Nothing less could heal my pain, except for maybe a movie fest featuring my favorite leading men…who would be one shy of a full deck now as things were standing.
So with a shimmy I plucked the ice-cream from the fridge and sat myself down to view my on screen flames in solitude.
Halfway through Anna Karenina with the luscious Sean Bean, Jack sat down next to me.
"Wha's this then?"
I worked my mouth around the spoon for a few minutes savoring the chocolatey goodness of the treat, then answered simply, "A movie."
"I can see tha'." He answered impatiently, "But wha's it abou'?"
"Doesn't matter." I replied, shrugging my shoulders, "You wouldn't like it."
"Who says?" He asked affronted.
Tearing my eyes from the screen I pinned the pirate next to me with a blunt, frank stare, "It's about love." Sparing one last glance at him I turned back to my beloved Count Alioshin Vronsky. I didn't expect him to speak again.
"An' why should tha' stop me from likin' it, lass?"
The question was softly spoken, and I shifted uncomfortably at the sound of it, but disguised it as another shrug of my shoulders, "Suit yourself."
We sat, watching in silence the course of the movie. At a point where Sean Bean/Vronsky was being particularly dashing, I grinned…much to Sparrow's chagrin.
"Fancy 'im, do yeh?" He noted with a sneer.
"Yup." I silently handed him the mini tub of ice-cream at the affirmation. Give him something to drown himself in, since he'd emptied all the alcoholic stores in the house just yesterday. I smiled as he spooned, with a vengeance, the chocolate substance into his mouth. Seeing my amusement, he swallowed the stuff quickly and pointed at the screen at the beautiful Anna Karenina, played by Sophie Marcue.
"Keep yer flower boy, I'll take the lass. She's a lusty eyeful for any man."
Glaring, I snatched the pint of ice-cream back, shoveling a spoonful violently down my throat. I suddenly stopped, getting a very nasty idea.
"For any man, it's true…" I agreed, "but she only wants one…and with good reason…HE'S the one."
I slowly sucked on the spoon, pulling the sweet icing in an evil drag to punctuate my point of Sean Bean being a grade A sex god, with much lip licking followed soon after.
I jumped when Sparrow yanked the spoon from my grasp fiercely, stealing the ice-cream back a second later. He went at the stuff like a crazy person…it was only a matter of time before…
"Oh…me 'ead! It burns wif cold…"
I rolled my eyes.
"Wha' is this torture?" He moaned in pain.
"Brain freeze." I replied succinctly.
"Am I goin' ta die?" He asked fearfully, both hands pressed to his temples.
"Of course not." I snorted, "Hold on…" I assured him, suddenly feeling a flare of pity for the poor idiot. I hurried and fetched a hot wet rag from the kitchen and came back, scooting closer to him.
"Here…this is a trick I learned from my aunt." I pried his hands away, slapping the towel on his forehead.
The warm contact of the cloth slowly eased his anguish, and little by little his writhing ceased. A faint sigh of relief from his mouth sent the curtain of my hair brushing against my neck, and I realized I was closer to him than I had been for about a week. I pulled back.
"Better?" I asked, folding the towel into smaller squares.
"Aye. Tha' was extremely unpleasant."
"Well, serves you right, eating it at that speed. Pace yourself…" I took the spoon and pint back gently, "It's not about how fast you go…" I clarified, displaying the correct way to eat the iced sugar, "…it's about how good it is. It's about enjoyment. Capice?"
"Ca wha'?"
"Just try it again…and take your time." I said thrusting the chocolate at him.
He took it cautiously. And began again.
Smiling, I settled down next to Sparrow, closer than before. Rag ready and waiting should we have a repeat performance.
Sometime later, after I had finished Anna Karenina, I put in the 2004 version of Peter Pan, thinking Jack would like it for the piratical occurrences, and knowing I would like it for the fact that in it I could get my Jason Isaacs kicks.
Sparrow thoroughly enjoyed himself, as did I (although for different reasons), and he noticed these reasons whenever my gaze intensified as Captain Hook came on the screen.
"Ah Jesus…not 'im too!" He exclaimed, "'Ee screams like a gel."
"I scream like a girl!" I defended.
"Tha's cause ye are a gel!"
"Well, if you're going to be difficult."
I went back to admiring Jas. Hook.
The couch's cushions shifted as I felt him move closer.
"'Elp me ta understand this…understand yer feminine mind. Why is it tha' ye so like these gentlemen? Is it their looks? I'm curious…"
"If you must know…what first attracts me to a man is his…"
"Chest." Jack grinned.
"His VOICE…" I corrected.
"Ye sure not 'is chest?" Jack prodded.
"Quite sure." I nodded, "If he has a voice that makes me want to pull my hair out in pleasure, then I'm a goner." I informed him.
Jack pensively hummed at this answer; I shook off the feeling of it thrumming through my bones. Why had I brought up voices when his made me fairly weak in the knees?
"Is tha' all it takes?" He jarred me out of my musings. Honestly I was glad for the interruption. I had been thinking on things I shouldn't have.
"You wish." I smirked, "It takes more than a swoony voice to leave me helpless. Usually after voice I fall hard for…"
"His chest!" He guessed again.
"No! Would you lay off the chest infatuation for a minute and listen? After voice, it's eyes."
"Why not the chest?"
"Because, you dope," I said curling my arms around a large pillow, "eyes express emotion. Raw feeling. If his eyes convey his passion, his care, and kindness…than it's a total turn on…"
Thank goodness Jack's eyes hadn't made me fell like that for a LONG while…
"Wha' else…?" His tone suggested such a genuine curiosity it was compelling, and I found myself turning to regard him again…and was immediately trapped by his goddamn eyes!
Shit! When was I going to learn not to tempt the Ironic Sense Of the Universe (or the ISOP as I called it) anymore than I had to?
"Well…" I gulped noisily, "um…next usually comes…uh…Movement…"
Sparrow pulled back at this, "Movemen'? Wha' the bloody 'ell does tha' 'ave ta do with anythin'?"
Glad for the distance, I was able to continue on, feeling much steadier.
"Everything." I proclaimed, "When a man moves, it has to have a sort of animalistic grace…"
Jack grunted as if the answer were a little ridiculous in his opinion, so I decided to give him a break.
"And then comes his chest." I sighed.
"I knew it!" He crowed, "Ye were tryin' ta 'old it off!"
And to my complete shock, he took the pillow next to him and bonked me one. I sat there stunned for a second before I hissed, a gleam in my eyes, "You're going down!" And with that, my own pillow hit him right in the kisser.
We both jumped up instantaneously and went at it. Full throttle. All out pillow war.
"Admit it! Ye wanted ta put 'chest' firs' an' didn't jus' cause ye knew I was righ'!" He shouted aiming at my solar plexus, and ducking as I swung at his head.
"Nuh UH!" I combated wittingly.
"Did too!"
"Why would I want some hairy chest when I could have a blissful, mellifluous voice like Sean Bean's?"
I got a good one in because of that comment, but I had placed myself a little too close to the enemy, as I soon found out when Jack had suddenly placed a leg behind mine and bowed me down to the ground. I got my bearings in just enough time to roll out from under the pillow heading for my face. Playing dirty, was he? Alright then.
Jack yelped more in surprise than in pain when I grabbed the folds of his coat and over tipped him to the side. Before he could regain the upper hand I scrambled atop him victoriously.
"What can a chest do that Sean's orgasmic voice hasn't already?" I challenged, tauntingly from my perch, "I mean whoa…!"
I hadn't been paying attention as I should have done in this battle, and Sparrow seeking his chance and finding it, deftly rolled me under him.
"Yeh expect me ta believe tha' overstuffed dandy 'as wha' it takes ta 'andle a woman?" Jack grinned smugly above me.
Smiling toothily back, I retorted, "That and more. He could HANDLE me in any way he pleased…" His pillow was inches from my head when I snatched at it, and tugged using it's velocity to switch our places again, "…he and Captain Hook both, with their unbridled, glorious eyes!" Only I kind of overshot my mark as I said this, and the rolling motion of our bodies continued so that once again he was top side.
"Stop…" He murmured, my pillow that had been in his possession lay seemingly forgotten on the floor beside him.
But I went on happily, "And their predatory movements! What a man can do with his body…"
"Stop…" Sparrow husked again. I took the pillow in my hands and aimed high, but Jack grasped both of my wrists and held them over my head to still the throw.
"…Ooooh! Makes me shiver just to think about it…."
"Stop." It sounded almost desperate now.
"…what I wouldn't GIVE to a man like that…"
"Lass, please…"
My smile eased low once I realized he wasn't laughing with me anymore.
"Please…" He pleaded roughly.
I blinked gently, relaxing under him.
"Jus'…stop."
"Okay." I murmured softly, and I did. I stopped…and stared at him. He looked different. So different. I don't think I had ever seen Jack look so unsure, so…so…
"Okay, Jack."
His eyes were still and focused entirely on me.
"Okay, Jack…it's okay."
Slowly, he released my arms, which were stretched high over my head, and pushed himself up and off; fingers trailing a lovely warm path down them along the way.
I lay there for a moment more, somehow feeling different than I had a minute ago, then slowly raised myself up again.
Jack's mind was elsewhere. His gaze concentrated steadfastly on the floor in front of him.
"Hey…"
I tugged on his sleeve.
"…hey…"
His dark eyes leveled with mine.
"You wanna see what I first fell in love with about you?"
He was silent for a time.
"Not particularly."
I smiled at finally getting a response, "Liar. You're dying to know."
I slid over to the DVD player, popped in the well worn disk, and pressed play.
"Let me show you…"
"There." I paused the picture, "Right there."
"It's a back." Jack replied.
"It's YOUR back." I pointed out. "I felt the first beginnings of thrill when I saw you…" I smiled just remembering that summer, "I had never felt that before."
He turned his head to glance at me, "But…"
"Oh, I've had crushes since I was a little girl!" I chuckled, "The Phantom of the Opera since I was five, Jack Skellington and Jareth the Goblin King at age seven. They were my first big three…" I admitted. "But you…" I murmured casting my mind back to that moment, the moment Jack Sparrow had first entered my life and changed me in probably the most profound way anyone ever had, "You were different. You got me like a cannonball…right in the gut." I pressed play again, "It wasn't until you stepped foot off that dock that I knew I might be in trouble…"
"An' jus' wha' kind o' trouble migh' tha' be, lass?"
"Your kind of trouble, my friend." I sighed, falling slightly against his frame. I was getting kinda sleepy.
Shifting to accommodate our new position Jack placed a warm arm around my shoulder. I was too lazy at the moment to knock it away.
"Wha' else caught ye eye on me god-like form?" He purred.
I looked at his smile and then regarded the screen. About five seconds from where my last commentary had been I pointed again.
"Here…and here…and here…"
888
I don't know how I did it. How I could have done it but I fell asleep half-way through the movie…a first for me. It's just I was SO tired that I kept slumping against Sparrow's chest, and jerking myself awake when I'd realized what I had done. The last time I fell over I just decided to stay put, since I was sure he would knock me back if he got uncomfortable. Instead, Jack took to lightly running his fingers through my hair. I won't lie, it felt really good. I was lulling off when…
"Lass?"
I cracked a lid, "Mmmmn hmmn?"
"How is it tha' ye and the Fraser gel aren't in this?"
"Don't ask me," I grumbled into his shirt, "We've often said we should have been."
His brows furrowed deeply, "But ye were. Yeh were there."
I shrugged limply, "I guess Disney deigned us unsuitable for children and took us out. I don't blame them. We were kind of potty mouthed sometimes." I settled deeper against his warmth, hoping he'd be quiet now so I could get some sleep.
He was and I was grateful for it…and for the continuing, hypnotizing play of his hands in my hair.
The next time I blinked my eyes open it was late afternoon and the movie had been long over. Jack had fallen asleep, too. Smiling softly at the sight, I slowly moved myself out from under his arm and gave a great stretch. God, I loved naps. They made one feel so refreshed. I had actually had the infamous Sean Bean in a dressing room dream from a one hour nap…I looked again at Jack. I wonder…Was I dreaming now?
Leaning closer to him than I had ever dared, I slapped him gently on the cheek. He shifted a bit in sleep and called out in a dream mumble:
"I swear, officer, the dear lady was already in 'er bloomers before she came ta me room, on me 'onor!"
Snorting in disdain I tapped his cheek a bit harder this time around.
A hand flashed out and held mine before I could hit him again. His eyes opened with alarming alertness and locked on me.
"Now, why ye be hittin' me, lass?"
I narrowed my eyes, "I don't know. Who was this esteemed lady and why did you have your hands on her bloomers?" I accused.
"Wha'?"
"Forget it." I muttered, sitting upright and putting my hand to my discombobulated hair. Jack yawned widely.
I straightened my clothes, since they had gotten bunched up in our rest, "See if Will and Vicki are home yet." I announced moving to sweep past. Jack brought his leg up into my path, blocking it sufficiently.
"Why'd ye hit me?" He asked again.
I rolled my eyes. Really. "I thought you might be a dream. Now, could you please move?"
This reply seemed acceptable to him, "Am I of'en in yer dreams?"
"You know the answer to that: No. Now, come on, move. I want to get a sweater." I stepped over the leg in my way and went to collect a cream colored sweater from on the counter.
"Lass…" I heard the tell tale jingle that always accompanied his movement.
"Hmm hmmn?" I murmured, tugging on the sleeves.
"I thought per'aps I should make it known…to yeh, 'ow 'eartily sorry I am abou' me conduct at the dance 'all. Tweren't very nice."
I had spun around in incredulous shock at the mention of the word, "sorry" and was now regarding the rouge in front of me like he was mad. He was WHAT?!
"Huh?" I gaped in open astonishment, "I'm sorry, I just momentarily dipped into an OOC world. I almost thought you said you were 'heartily sorry' about your behavior at the club."
Jack blinked in confusion, "I did."
"Excuse me?" I asked dryly.
"Look, 'ere…" He grunted coming closer, "Isnot tha' difficult ta understand, now is it? I be sayin' I was sorry abou' the way I acted, alrigh'."
Glaring at him suspiciously, I tried to think of a reason for why he was telling me this. I immediately ruled out the possibility of him telling the truth. Come on, I'm not as stupid as to believe he was saying this out of any real concern, or for any guilt he felt on his part. Then it hit me, what was going on, I mean. And I must say, I was very relieved that it was this simple, because the lack of Sparrow attitude had me worried. But it was so easy to see! He was trying to get on my good side again! He did need my help in getting back, and without the previous stores of ass he could tap, he must be practically DYING to go back to the Caribbean and his beloved Pearl. The sneaky bastard!
I decided to play with this situation and see where it led.
I crossed my arms over my chest and cocked my head slightly to the right, "Why?"
That seemed to throw him for a loop in any case, "Wha'?"
"Why? What are you sorry for?"
"Well," He murmured, eyes boring into me, "I wasn't exactly a gentleman, now was I?"
"And? That's nothing new." I proclaimed, turning on my heel. I suddenly had a hankering for apple cinnamon tea. I took a cup from the cabinet and filled it with water as I heard Sparrow come up behind me. "Look, let me clue you in…" I popped the cup in the microwave, and took out a tea packet as I spoke, "It wasn't what you did that was wrong, Sparrow. It's how you went about it. Perhaps in your time, your pretty little bar strumpets liked the man to be in control of a situation like that (and I'm not saying that it doesn't have it's charms).." The microwave beeped and I took out the cup, preparing the tea, "…but here and now, women prefer to be able to make some of the decisions in such sexual situations." I took a spoon and stirred the herbal brew and blew on it gently to cool it.
Jack had leaned himself up against the refridgerator, seemingly listening intently to every word, "Let me ask ye this, lass: If I don't take the 'elm, who will?"
"Oh, I don't know," I replied coldly, "You could've asked me."
"Ye?" He scoffed, "Ye aren't the type ta allow yerself the pleasure o' such a situation, even if it were in yer control."
"How would you know?" I snapped back, "When have you ever let me?"
The comment sunk between us like certain Blacksmith's fathers, to the depths of Davvy Jones. After a moment of silence, in which Jack basically just stared at the floor, when next he spoke his voice had a hint of mischief in it. That was always a bad sign. The tone suggested I had taken a misstep somewhere along the way.
"Prove me wrong, then."
I choked on my next sip of tea.
"Make wha' I've said a dirty lie." He grinned at my stupefied expression, "If ye can, tha' is."
I closed my gaping mouth, and set my jaw firmly, "I can tell you right now, I am not falling for the 'kiss me because I dare you to' ploy. It won't work with me…"
Smiling in such an unbearably smug way, he prowled closer, "I thought as much. Yer afraid…"
"Jack…" I warned, turning my back on him.
"Ye've always been afraid…an' yer not goin' ta stop tha' lovely tradition anytime soon…"
"Jack…" I growled.
"…So forgive me if I takes the lead when yer too cowardly ta do anythin' else!"
Spinning around faster than I think he expected me to, and slamming down my coffee mug on the counter, I dug my fingers into his shirt and hissed, "…just shut up." And pressing myself flush against his lean frame and delighting in his surprised intake of breath…I kissed him.
I willed myself to keep this kiss strictly business; strictly my rebuttle to his argument about my having no spine to speak of whatsoever, and being so, there was no feminine gentleness in it. I kept it clinical and distant but branding. I could feel Sparrow striving to slow the pace, but I couldn't allow that. I knew only too well where those kinds of kisses led, what they made me feel.
And just as suddenly…I released him, and calmly picked up my tea cup and took a leisurely sip.
Jack looked vaguely shell shocked, and seemed to be trying to get his bearings.
"You were saying?" I murmured into the cup.
The question seemed to shake him out of his stupor. His eyes flicked to mine and a grin twitched his lips; although the look showed he was not at all satisfied with what he had received in that embrace.
"Well, call me a rotten liar…it seems I was mistaken in me assumptions…"
I shook my head, "Just misinformed." I assured him proudly.
He continued, simpering (faking of course), "Please accept me most 'umble apology for 'aving slandered ye so shamefully…"
"Of course…"
"…an' forgive me for sayin' tha' though ye certainly 'ave proved ye 'ave the courage ta do wha' I thought ye wouldn't dare, ye lack the courage of yer conviction in doin' it."
"Why thank you…wait…what?" I stalled; there was an insult in there somewhere.
"The wager…" My smile dropped as I recognized this tone; it's sound of giddy triumph and trickery, "…was in ye takin' as much pleasure in the momen' as I would, an' excuse me if tha' little kiss lacked any real amount o' pleasure."
I furrowed my brow, "Are you telling me I have to kiss you again?"
He merely smiled wickedly at the question.
"I do not believe this…" I muttered. "Alright…" I said impaciently, placing the cup down yet again, "Come here."
He did. In two strides.
"You're terrible," I said looking up at him, "You know that, right?"
"Aye." He husked in agreement.
'Okay, you can do this, Rachel. You don't even like him anymore, right? Right? Right. So just do it…it's not like it's going to change anything.'
With that reasoning in my mind, I raised myself up on my toes (just a bit because Jack's not THAT much taller than me) and gently placed my lips on his.
It was like opening a floodgate. In terms of the kisses we had shared previously, it was likely the most innocent of all of them, and maybe because of that, it affected me the most.
At first contact, the kiss brought back everything from the beginning…and I tried to reel in the emotions that came with it, but it just wasn't working. And I don't know what it was but there was something, something in remembering the beginning that made me stop and think about now. About how I was handling this. About what I wanted.
I wanted Jack. I wanted Jack as I had had him. Without the jealousy, and without the doubt of who he was and who I was. I missed the ignorance and the innocence…of not getting too into the workings of a relationship. And by the time I had pulled away I knew how I could get it all back.
I cleared my throat softly, "Better?"
Sparrow's eyes had opened slowly a fraction after my own and he murmured in the affirmative, "Aye. Much."
Peering at him a moment more I shook my head and made my way back to the den.
Jack followed quickly after, "Wha' was occupyin' yer mind just now, lass?"
"And if I told you 'The Commodore'?" I smirked, picking up the remote and turning to the food network.
"While ye were kissin' me? Never. Ye lie…"
"Maybe…maybe not." I confessed, making myself comfortable on the couch. "But if you really want to know…I wasn't thinking of him…I was thinking of you…" I shrugged my shoulders as he joined me, "…and me…in the beginning. And truthfully, I liked us better then, better when we were friends but not quite friends. Friendly enemies with a dash of something else on the side, or whatever you want to call it."
"We're that now, lass, or 'ave ye forgotten yer newest proposition tha' we stay 'mates' as ye so put it."
I looked at him closely, "Do you think we're friends, Jack? Really?"
There was that slightly threatening spark of dark that alighted his eyes as he glanced at me. Threatening, only because I wasn't ready to accept what it offered. "No, lass…" He murmured almost inaudibly, "I don't suppose we righ'ly are."
I gathered my breath, trying to fight off that darkness that had started to fill my own head, "I know…that's why I think we should just forget what's happened since you've been here…and go back. Be as we were…when we didn't care."
His brow furrowed further, "I don't think I'm quite getting' yer meanin', lass."
"Look, Jack…I don't care anymore, I really don't. I want things to be like they were before all of this. I thought by telling you 'We should just be mates' it would. Now I'm going to make myself more clear." And saying this I placed my chin on his shoulder and looked up at his stunned expression, "Let's maintain the balance we had. You can try to kiss me, you can try to fondle me, and if you can manage it I'll tip my hat to you…but for the most part I think it would be ultimately better if we remained ambivalent in our feelings toward each other."
A brow cocked, "Come again?"
Chuckling, I nodded, "Exactly."
We sat in companionable silence for a while until I caught a bit of movement from Sparrow out of the corner of my eyes…
"Try it and I'll break your jaw." I warned him playfully.
Slowly, with a wicked grin I had come to miss from Jack, he removed his arm from around my shoulder.
It was morning when I next woke up, and found myself snuggled deep into Sparrow's chest. Oh, that's right…
We had stayed up half the night watching Whose Line Is It Anyway and America's Funniest Home Videos. It had been fun. And our interactions were no longer so…uncomfortable. We were on common ground once again. No one person claimed the other, but each was free to admire and desire (mostly on my part I'm sure.) Friends and yet not. And it felt so great.
Sighing, I slowly worked myself out from under Sparrow's arm…
"Ooof!"
…and promptly fell off the blasted sofa.
Smooth, Rach, real smooth…
Pushing my mass of thick hair out of my eyes, and rubbing my sore deriere, I made to sit up…when something caught my eye.
It was shiny, whatever it was…so much that it winked in the pale sliver of rising sunlight. Peering curiously at the shimmer, half hidden under the couch, I inched nearer on hands and knees. Could Jack have lost one of his many trinkets last night during our pillow battle?
Reaching out a hand I swiped the tantalizing mystery jewel out from under the couch, and my eyes near bugged out of my head.
"You've got to be kidding me…" I breathed. For there in the middle of my palm rested…the fucking Aztec medallion. The same Aztec medallion we'd searched half the city for. With a big whoosh of air expelling from my lungs, I sat back on my haunches.
Well, I guess this was it then. We had the monkey. We had the medallion. The guys were going back.
I spared a glance at Sparrow. Things were finally good between us. I idly began to rub the coin's surface as I thought for a moment. A week ago I would have sold my kidney on the black market to get this piratical rouge out of my hair. But now…I shook my head…
…It just didn't seem right.
I guess my decision might've been different if Vicki hadn't barreled down the stairs, followed closely by Will, at that exact moment.
"Very clever, Victoria. Very clever…" There was an undeniably mischievious gleam in the blacksmith's eyes.
"Now Will, dear, it was only a little splash of water on the face for a wakeup call…" She was trying to suppress a smile, biting her lip as she backed away, one hand raised to ward him off.
"Was that all it was, my beauty? For I believe you sought some other end in wetting my person so thoroughly…"
"Will!" Vicki gasped.
I was likewise shocked. I had no idea Will could be so naughty. It was somewhat disconcerting in my mind.
"…so I find it only fair…" He continued, stalking ever nearer to my friend, "…that you receive the same gentle attentions as you bestowed on me…"
Vicki vamoosed into the kitchen, shrieking in delight, as Will made a lightning fast grab for her. There was silence and then I heard Vicki warn breathlessly:
"Don't you dare…!"
And then with a little scream, I heard her announce, "So ya wanna play? Well then let's DANCE, Turner!"
And then it all went to pot when both of the lovers sprinted out of the kitchen, flicking pelts of water at each other from the well of their cupped hands.
I looked down at the coin in my hand. It seemed wrong to break up the happy couple with my news.
Just then the water fight made its way over to Sparrow and myself. Thinking smartly, I hollered the word, "DUCK!" and proceeded to do just that. Jack, who was still sleeping like a log despite the domestic disturbance going on around us, was not quite so lucky.
Missing her target by a mile, Vicki's next aim hit Sparrow full on in the face.
Sitting up with a sputter and a gurgle, Jack exclaimed with mild panic in his voice, "The Pearl's sprung a leak! She's goin' down by the stem an' takin' on water fast! 'Ang on…why am I moist?"
There was a moment of silence while Vicki, Will and myself took in this question and made the absolute worst of it.
Laughing together, Will finally caught breath long enough to conclude, "Perhaps your dreams, my friend, were more than simply pleasant. I believe that is usually the reason for such a commonplace occurrence."
Well THAT sent Vicki off so that she lost her focus, and Will was able to sneak in another H2O attack that drenched the front of her thin shirt.
"I must say, Victoria, I favor this look above all others, I think…It suits you very well…"
And before you could say, "Turner, you asked for it, man!" Vicki had him by the collar and was doing some serious mackin' on the old boy. It was soon clear they had forgotten anybody else was in the room…
The fire with which Will responded to her kiss gave me a whole new impression of the blacksmith. Limbs all akimbo, Vicki's fingers were frantically trying to work the buttons of his shirt undone, and Will's hands were beginning to tug impaciently on the waistline of her jeans. With pants and groans (to which I had to plug my ears or else I would have gone insane) they fumbled and bumbled their way upstairs, and with a loud door slam all went silent…thankfully.
"My eyes have just been visually raped…" I whispered in horror.
"There was somethin' vaguely distrubin' abou' tha' there exchange, there was." Jack murmured in contemplation.
Disturbing it may have been but I could see now, looking at Will and Vicki and seeing how happy they were, and looking at Jack…
…I could tell I was going to do something very bad indeed.
Without a word I pocketed the medallion, and rose to my feet.
"I guess breakfast will be a little late this morning. I'll start on some pancakes. What doya say?"
"Wha' was tha'?"
"What was what? Pancakes? Oh, I don't think I can describe them properly. You have to eat them to understand them…"
"Nah…wha' was tha'?" He clarified rising from his resting spot and coming nearer, "Wha' ye'd jus' slip in yer pocket?"
I paused in guilty conscious for a moment, and then smiled lightly, attempting to disguise my wrong doing, "Nothing."
"Nothin'?" He raised a skeptical brow at that.
"Well, nothing of any importance, I mean." Again I gave a short smile.
Jack's hand reached for my pocket. I skirted away with a nervous laugh.
"And if you think for one moment your paranoia is an excuse to get into my pants, you've got another thing coming. Come on, I swear you are going to die when you taste these things…"
And taking the hand that had just reached for the coin inhabited pocket a second time, I led him into the kitchen.
The day went by rather uneventfully on the whole. Breakfast tasted a little bland, so did lunch…as a matter of fact, all of the meals tasted a little wrong. A little empty like. But food was the last thing on my mind, so I didn't worry too much about it.
Vicki and Will re-emerged sometime around mid-day, both looking, how shall we say…replenished? Seeking some fun and games over a helping of cold pancakes, Vicki and I decided to introduce the concept of card games.
"Well wha's it ta be, ladies? Piquet? Cacho? I sincerely 'ope ye've enough coin ta spare if we be playin' tha' 'and o' cards, for there's no one a'tall beats me at Cacho." Jack boasted with an air of complete confidence.
Vicki and I shared a glance.
"Wait, Jack, are you telling me you actually PLAY Cacho?" I asked in amazement.
"O' course! Why wouldn't I? Spectacular game it'is, utterly fantastic…especially ifen one 'as a partner…"
I raised my brows and Vicki looked just as surprised. Looks like good ol' Citadel had been onto something with Jack and his gambling habits…well, he was a pirate, after all. Even so, thinking back to how Citadel detailed his playing methods…(a furious blush crept up my face)…perhaps Cacho wasn't the best thing to play.
"I hate to break it to you, mate, but I don't think any of us are familiar with the rules of Cacho." Vicki supplied.
Will looked up at this, "I am." He admitted innocently.
Vicki's eyes widened, "Onnnnnnnnn the other hand…"
"No! Nope!" I bellowed, "Don't even think it! We are not playing that game!"
Vicki fair about slumped in her seat, "Fine. Spoilsport…" She muttered.
"Well, then with all respect, wha' is it we're playin'?" Jack questioned.
"Just a little game we like to call 'Slap Jack'" I grinned.
"Fairly ominous soundin' game, tha' is, lass…"
"It's pretty easy to play," Vicki explained, "Everyone has a pile and in order we put cards down. The person who slaps the Jack when it appears gets all the cards beneath it. The person who has the most cards wins."
"Sounds simple enough…" Jack murmured cautiously.
"More than you'd think." Vicki nodded and then slapped him lightly on the cheek, "See, nothing simpler!"
Will let out a great bellow of laughter and I nearly dropped the cards mid shuffle.
"Ye fancy puttin' a collar on tha' 'ellcat o' yers, boy?" Jack glared at Turner, as I handed out the cards.
"Indeed not. I've no desire to tame such a wild beauty." Will responded, rubbing the tendons in Vicki's neck gently. She smiled.
"Wild pest is more the like, lad." Jack grumbled picking up his hand. Vicki's smile became an instant glower.
"Let's just play." I pleaded for mutual peace from the group.
We made it two rounds about our little circle before catastrophe struck. Will put down the first Jack and I immediately went for the card…but so did Will. Needless to say, blacksmith hands are a whole lot harder than my-never-worked-a-day-in-my-life hands. We jammed fingers and to make a long story short, Will was successful in getting the Jack and I was left nursing my wounds. Therefore neither of us actually saw what happened at the time, but we sure heard it.
Cue the: SMACK OF ALL SMACKS.
"Merciful CHRIST!"
Will and I both looked up in shock to find Jack's palm laid against his cheek and Vicki calmly placing down a new card.
"Whoops, sorry. Hit the wrong Jack. Your turn, Rachel."
"Bravo, Victoria. Bravo!" Will exclaimed.
"Wrong Jack!" Sparrow fumed, "I'll 'Wrong Jack' 'er!"
"Ugh, I'm going to get a drink…" I murmured, getting up and heading toward the kitchen. On my way, I passed the caged beast in all his furry fury. Lately the thing had been going nutso whenever I walked by.
"Shut up." I muttered.
And trust me when I say, that that didn't help. It just kept on screaming its racous cry. Finally, I couldn't take it anymore.
"YOU SCREAM LIKE ELIZABETH! NOW JUST SHUT YOUR GOB!" I roared as I got on my knees in front of it.
It peered at me in wondered silence. I was pretty stunned myself that it had actually worked.
"Okay…Thank you." I said politely to it, "That's much better."
Awww…it was kinda sweet looking. You know when it wasn't all dead like and such. It reached out a gentle hand, and it looked so adorably CUTE I had the strangest urge to pet it. Well, I HAD until it tried to attack my pocket. With a piercing screech I pulled back, sliding on the floor, away from it.
It hit me then as I watched mini Jack scramble his paws across the floor, still seeking desperately for my pocket.
Slowly, ever so slowly, I reached into the jeaned depths and withdrew the cursed Aztec gold, hiding in its recesses.
The creature went mad in a screaming frenzy at the sight of it.
Well, I guess that settled that hunch. No wonder the thing lost its shit whenever I walked into the room. It knew I had the medallion in my possession!
Well now what? I couldn't let this zoo monkey gone bad ruin everything for Vicki and Will (or me for that matter). The demon had to be silenced.
Pushing myself up to my knees, I reached for something on the counter that I could use to deal with fuzzy Jack and approached the hairy ape with it firm in my grasp.
"Look, things are really good now," I confided to it, "and I don't need you screwing things up, so I'm sorry…but this has to be done…for the good of all…"
I brought the banana I had swiped into view, "Now, I don't normally resort to bribery but the situation calls for it. So, here's the deal…a daily helping of bananas in return for you shutting the hell up. We clear?" And so saying, I handed the yellow fruit over and mini Jack happily went at it.
"Glad we could come to this arrangement." I sighed in relief, getting up, "But remember," I placed a secretive finger to my lips, "mum's the w…"
"Rachel? Are you talking to that monkey?"
I jumped at Vicki's voice and found her staring at me queerly from the doorway. I hadn't even heard her come in.
"I…um…no…of course not." I shifted away from the animal's makeshift cage. "I…was…uh…talking to myself!"
"Oh, good." She whooshed out in apparent relief, "I was worried about you there for a second. Come on, we've settled for 'Rummy' to start the boys off, plus Sparrow was partial to the name."
"Yeah well, that sounds like Sparrow." I commented.
Vicki looked at me pointedly, "Didn't you come in here for a drink?"
I started, "Oh, yeah…" and reaching into the fridge, I pulled out a Diet Cherry Coke and popped the tab. It didn't taste like anything. Now that was weird, but despite its weirdness I shrugged it off, "I guess I'm not thirsty anymore…" I murmured setting it down and moving past Vicki to the other room.
With a suspicious glance at the now content monkey nibbling on a banana and my discarded favorite drink, she followed.
"Rachel, come look at this!" Vicki called from the computer room. Excusing myself from the couch next to Jack in which he was trying to solve Hollywood Squares ("Ang on, I know this one! I know this one!") I headed toward my friend's call.
"What's up, chicken butt?" I asked leaning in the doorway, as she frantically typed something in.
"Check this out." She said, scooching over a bit so I could lean closer to the screen and read it's contents.
"What?" It was just some new reports about the upcoming Pirates sequel set to come out next summer. Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Man's Chest.
"Will you just read it?"
Huffing in annoyance, I went more slowly along the article…
"…filming stalled sometime two weeks ago. Its reasons are mysterious at best, all that our sources know is that this misfortune is due to 'complications concerning the script'. As it stands, it appears that fans may have to wait another year for the re-emergence of their favorite pirate Captain and his swashbuckling friends."
Slowly, I pulled back, stunned, "You don't think…"
"The boys showed up around the same time. It's possible that their being here…" She trailed off.
"…is affecting the future of the movie." I finished her thought. The small disk of gold in my pocket took on a new weight as I spoke.
Vicki sighed heavily, "As much as I hate to say it, I think it's time they went back. Or else we might royally screw something up here." She turned suddenly in her seat, "We need to redouble our efforts in finding that stupid coin."
"Yeah…yeah…" I murmured, feeling as if for all the world, that so called stupid coin was dragging me down to Davvy Jones, via my sinfully full pocket. "Well, I'll…I'll get right on that…" I left before I could see her eyebrow rise. I had things I still had to do anyway. I was being blackmailed by a monkey, and he was an impacient little bugger.
The monkey weaseled four bananas out of me in my desperation to keep him quiet. Perhaps it was because I was haggling with the beast at the time, that I missed the discussion in the computer room.
Vicki shut the door behind her.
"Wha's all this then?" Jack asked, taking a seat in the old black rocking chair, while Will sat composedly on the loveseat.
Turning to regard the boys seriously she spoke, "We have a situation…"
"You really think she's keeping it hidden, then?" Will asked softly.
"I'm pretty positive." Vicki replied.
"Only fools are positive." Jack snorted.
"You're sure?" Vicki crossed her arms over her chest.
"I'm righ' positive, I am!...'Old on…" Jack put a hand to his braids, "Tha's not righ'…"
Vicki shook her head in annoyance, "All I know is what I feel. And I have a hunch Rachel's hiding something from us."
"What makes you think it is the medallion?"
Turning to Will she offered up a small smile, "I didn't watch the movie a hundred and fifty times for nothing, you know. She's been acting oddly lately…and by odd I mean displaying classic curse signs. She complained about the food tasting weird and just a few hours ago, I saw her open a diet cherry coke…and not finish it! Not to mention spending way too much time with that monkey, if you ask me."
"There may be a wee problem with yer suspicions, lass." Jack interrupted.
"Oh?" Vicki raised a brow.
"Ifen the lass DID 'ave the coin she wouldn't be hidin' it, savvy? She's wanted ta be rid of us fer a time now."
"Maybe," Vicki pursed her lips, "but maybe something has changed."
Jack had nothing to say to that and so she continued, "But then again maybe I'm totally wrong." She threw up her hands in indecision, "I just wish there was a way we could be sure."
"Well what are our options?" Will tried to be helpful.
"Short of tying her down and forcing a confession out of her, I honestly don't know…I suppose we could always…"
Jack spoke out of his silence, a deadly expression etched into his every line, "There is a way of course, but I'm afraid ye won't like it…"
I hadn't seen the others for a while. Oh well. Vicki and Will were probably off somewhere re-deflowering each other, and Jack, well Jack just pops up from time to time in the oddest places, so that gave me some time to myself. Time to be well spent in quiet thought. In the backyard.
'What are you doing?' My angel on the right shoulder scolded me, as I flipped the Aztec medallion into the air and caught it again, 'You can't keep them here forever. You can't keep HIM here forever!'
'Not forever,' I assured my better side, 'Just long enough to…'
'Enjoy carnal pleasures!'
'Oh, there you are Mistress Devil,' I remarked to the demon voice to my left, 'I was wondering when you'd show up.' I continued flipping the coin.
'Oh…you!' The angelic voice of reason huffed at my evil side, "You always have to make things harder than they've any right to be!'
'Some things…' The devil smirked lustily, 'are better harder.'
Well that made me blush. It's bad when your own mind starts corrupting you, that's for damn sure.
'Cleanse these impure thoughts from your soul, child!' The angelic one pleaded.
'Okay, now you're just plain bugging me.' I snapped, 'I'll call you when I'm more in the mood for a sermon, but right now I just want some time to think.'
'Well I never!' And with a burst of divine light she was gone.
'Good riddance!' The devil smirked.
'You know what, for that matter you can take a hike too. Just please, all of you leave me alone!'
'Fine.' And in a flash of flames the she-devil disappeared too. Now it was just me and the flipping coin, and the moon.
I knew what I should do. I knew should go and tell the others what I'd found, and send the boys back, but I couldn't seem to find the strength to do it. Maybe I was just lazy…but maybe it was something else…I didn't know. All I did know is it would be a whole lot easier if someone made the decision for me…
"'Ello, poppet…"
I quickly caught the medallion and hid it in my clenched fist, turning to find Sparrow a few feet away. See, what did I tell you? Pops up in the oddest places.
"Hey." I waved at him with my other hand. "Hey guys." I waved to Vicki and Will. Will looked hardened, and Vicki's mouth was gaping in a look of absolute horror.
"What?"
Slowly, Sparrow approached, "Somethin' ye be wantin' ta confess ta Ol' Jack, love?"
"No, no, not really…why?"
He made no reply save for pointing straight up at the stars…well maybe not the stars. The moon.
"No, Jack, it is not made of cheese. We discovered that a while ago…"
"Lass, yer skin an' bones…"
Okay now that did not make any sense, especially since I knew it to be untrue…I'm not overweight perse…there's just more of me to love!
"I'm flattered, Jack, but that is a big lie…I mean…look at me…"
"I am. An' yer skin an' bones by the very definition."
"No, I'm not! Look! I…HOLY SHIT!!!!!!!!"
Skin and bones was pretty much right, all things considered. I was an effing skeleton.
Gently, Sparrow pried my ugly dead fingers apart, releasing the gold coin to glint eriely in the moonlit glow of the night.
I looked up into his face and sighed, "Couldn't resist, mate."
And grinning like a jackal he slapped me lightly on the wrist, "Naughty, gel. Very naughty indeed. Now we know not ta play with cursed artifacts o' any kind, don't we? They make us dead and rotty."
"Yeah, yeah, yeah…" I muttered, handing over the medallion, and trudging after him, "At least tell me I was a hot skeleton…" I pleaded of Vicki as I pulled alongside her.
"No, you were pretty much just scary and corpsified."
"Damnit!"