The more I write down the more comes out, it may not all be a stroke of genius but I am pretty content with it so far. Hopefully you will enjoy it as much as I enjoyed writing it down. On one hand I wanted to tell details concerning the torture on the other hand as a reader I always liked it when there was something left to imagination, but who knows what will emerge.

Telling her

Chapter 3

The weekend had come and gone all too soon, Ziva had a great time with Hamza, they talked a long time that same evening, it was already four in the morning when Hamza thought he should be going, but Ziva wouldn´t let him. "just stay" Hamza stayed and while he listened to her oh, so familiar snoring he smiled, he finally slept through the night like a baby, he was with the one who had kept him safe. When they woke up it was around 11.00 in the morning and both of them had slept very well, and for the first time in a long while Ziva felt rested. She made Hamza breakfast en both of them agreed that they should keep in contact, Ziva had told him everything, about the situation with Ari, her life her in the US, her dealings with her father, Mossad just everything but most of all how she had recovered after their return to Israel.

Hamza told her about his time in hospital, that it taken him about 10 months to get his strength back and his weight. Ziva told him it took her more than a year, she had to learn how to eat solid food again, how to walk a distance. It felt good to share those things with someone without explaining the reason why, or how. She told him about the nightmares that would come every so often, and he just nodded understanding what she was telling him because he had the same problem. They said their goodbyes late that afternoon, Hamza was flying back early Sunday morning, and he wanted to get some more rest before he left. When Ziva asked Hamza why he never attempted to make contact before she already knew the answer but still had to ask.
"You represented everything I wanted to forget, I needed the time to give it a proper place, I am just sorry that it took me so long to do so, you where the one that kept me alive" Ziva shook her head. "No, Hamza you were the way that kept me alive. All I wanted was to die, but there you were, you dragged me to the square each morning, telling me not to let them win, that each day I lived was a victory for us and a loss for them" Hamza smiled,"and when I gave up, you did the same for me" They hugged and Hamza left, but not before he told her to talk to Jenny. "I will, I will……… I just need too find the courage to do so"

When Ziva woke up early that Monday morning she seriously considered not going to work that day, but she wasn´t someone that ran away from the problems she faced. She would face them head on.

So when Jenny opened her office door she found Ziva sitting in the dark waiting for her. Ziva started talking the moment Jenny had closed her door.

"when I realized that they were not going to take me with you in the helicopter, I was shocked, but I couldn't just stay there and let myself get caught without at least trying to get away, so I ran, I made it as far as the border between Jordan and Syria.

I spend nearly a year in a Syrian cell, after which they exchanged me for one of their own, when I got back it took me another year to get back on my feet. I had lost more than half my weight, I couldn't walk for more than a view meters .The reason for that was the fact that the cell´s we were kept in weren´t that big, either you could stand or kneel, while one of us would stand the other one would sit. So walking was something I had to learn all over again, I also had to learn how to eat solid food again, the only thing we ever got over there was some kind of porridge, it was grey and it tasted like cardboard, and off course what little food we caught ourselves such as roaches, maggots"

Ziva was quiet like she was remembering a whole lot of other things, things she didn't want to share, things she couldn't share. Jenny looked at her, wanting so much to comfort her but Ziva held her off with a blank soulless stare. Right at that moment Ziva was no longer in Jenny's office but back in the place she was so desperately trying to forget, where she had learned how to become a animal, where she lost every aspect of her human existence, but how can you tell someone that you died in there, and a coldblooded killer emerged, one that could shut off her emotions when it needed to be done, like that moment she killed Ari, just shut down and let the killer do her job, not matter what, not even family could make her become the person she once was before. Ziva realized something right then and there she was more like her father than she ever wanted to admit. She shivered, but quickly regained her composure, taking in a large amount of air as she continued.

"One of their more public games was testing your resolve, they took me and my cellmate out into the square and made us stand on it for hours on end, the first one to fall would be shot, he would be shot by the one who had won. I won and I shot my own cellmate, he begged me to shoot him, he just begged me to set him free, so I did what he asked, after that they chained me to Hamza, he was the one that kept me going, but I was losing, all I wanted was to die, to be left alone, they broke me Jen, they broke me"

Jenny stood up, wanting to be there for her friend, the one who had sacrificed so much to save her and didn´t even bother to tell her. However Ziva would have none of it, she stood up before Jen could cross the room and hold her. "don't, I cannot deal with that right now" Ziva walked away, slowly closing the door behind her. Jen felt a door closing on what used to be friendship beyond borders, knowing the truth had cost her a sister.

TBC…………