Chapter twenty-seven - 'He was really weeping away for nearly an hour!'
The following morning after sulking all day in her bedroom and going to sleep ridiculously early to keep away from her mother, Ginny got up almost before dawn to tiptoe downstairs and have some breakfast, before sneaking back up to her room before her mother could start yet again. The air of venom was awful in the Weasley family home now and even Ron tucked away up in his bed glorious that his mother had taken to fussing over him more than usual was struggling. When she brought him his dinner on a tray, Ron became painfully aware of how quickly both the novelty had worn off and the danger of treading down stairs along with everybody else was going to be. He just wanted to chill out and be noticed for a while but clearly his maturity wasn't going to let enjoy it while his sister was suffering so much.
Ginny was sure her father would help sort things out but he merely sighed and gave in when his wife bellowed up the stairs, how if Ginny can't sit with the family to eat, then she will just have to go without. Ginny personally thought this was rather unfair as neither Ron nor Charlie sat downstairs. One because he was resting and the other because he was pissed off he couldn't eat half his favourite foods and the thought of watching other people eat was unbearable, this coupled with the sight of his mother pushed Charlie to sit and eat up in his room the few things that didn't give him agonising stomach ache however bland they were.
"How long has he been in there now?" Lupin wondered hovering at the end of the hallway with Sirius as he struggled to decide what to do about Harry's slightly odd behaviour. When he was honest though if something was showing up on Sirius's odd radar then Harry must be behaving off with something, Lupin was sure.
"Well I offered him some dinner about an hour and a half a go and he just kept on saying he wasn't hungry and wanted to lay on his bed quiet. Do you think I should of just left him, he looks ever so sickly now?"
"Well maybe he's just a bit tired, he looked a bit under the weather when he got here didn't he?" Lupin soothed as best he could.
"I guess, but if he's not feeling well in the first place, what's he doing stopping up all night. I mean he should go to bed... to sleep...' Lupin however after rolling his eyes at his friend started to smirk, but Sirius was so worried about his godson, he couldn't see the joke making Lupin all the more amused by the moment.
'What!" He asked impatiently turning back to his friend and seeing the expression.
"Nothing!"
"No, Tell me what!" He pressed.
"Nothing, but if you're so worried about him, which you are, then why don't you go in there and see him? And you know shockingly, you could always ask him what the matter is? He's more likely to tell you than anybody else so you might as well try and ask."
"Oi don't laugh at me, I worry about him and I can't help it! I never know what to do or what to say round him sometimes!"
"Well you're doing ok so far aren't you? I mean you managed ok over the summer talking to him."
"Hardly, he spent most his time laid in bed ill, for one thing or another!"
"I, well, I suppose so, but when you found out what the problem was it was much better, wasn't it? Now if you're gonna worry, go in there and see him while I go have a bath and rest my knee."
"Oh all right.' Sirius grumbled heading to Harry's door and after yet another encouraging look from Lupin, he opened the door and went in slowly still completely oblivious as to why Lupin's knee might be causing him some discomfort all of a sudden.
What Sirius saw though was the last thing he ever expected to see. Harry was up, awake, fully dressed, rubbing his knuckles roughly so they were already red roar and pacing quickly up and down his room. Not sure what to do at first he waited for Harry to stop when he realised Sirius was standing there.
After a few seconds though it became clear that he either wouldn't, or couldn't stop, Harry just kept on pacing, rubbing his hands and occasionally mumbling something only he could understand.
"Harry, Harry, stop, stand still.' Sirius rushed forward and tried to take a hold of Harry's shoulders and make him stop, first he tried to turn left, then right in a lame attempt to get away but letting his red hands drop down by his sides Harry gave in and left his head droop down so Sirius couldn't see his puffy tired eyes.
'Harry what's the matter?' He asked softly rubbing the sides of his arms for something comforting to do.
Harry however after sobbing a couple of times burst in to tears and let his head drop down on to Sirius's warm chest. He was sobbing heavily away and after a few minuets of trying to rub his head and back to get him to calm down, Sirius could see he wasn't going to stop any time soon without some help.
'Harry, please tell me what the matter is? Harry, what is it?' Harry didn't answer, he just sobbed if possible, even harder.
'Is it Ginny, something from last night, or Mrs Weasley? I know she's a horrible woman, but Ginny will be ok and Molly's gone now. You don't need to get so upset, I won't let her back in if you don't want her around.' But Harry still didn't answer leaving Sirius only to guess that it wasn't this and try something else.
'Well is it something to do with school, or Ron? He's gone home now from the hospital, he's fine and Hermione's at home and she's fine too. Dumbledore asked a couple of the aura's to keep an eye on the house incase she gets any trouble.' Sirius explained hugging at Harry's shoulders now and rubbing his back in an attempt to get Harry to calm down he was holding Harry up now more and more but despite the warmth Harry still couldn't stop crying, making Sirius worry all the more about what the cause might be.
'Harry come sit down with me.' He finally decided guiding Harry over to the bed to sit. Laying his head down Harry continued to weep on his shoulder while Sirius hugged him stoking at his arms and back warmly in the hopes this might be more comforting than not.
After a bit Harry started to stop and after being forced gently as he could to drink a glass of water by Sirius, he laid down on his bed with his blanket over him. Harry didn't go to sleep but laid there quiet and occasionally sobbing into the pillow while Sirius watched on. Sirius sat their with him for over half an hour calming him down and trying to tell him things were ok before asking all over again what the matter was.
'Harry it must be something to get you this upset. If you don't tell me what the matter is then how can I help you with it?" At this though Harry mumbled an answer between sobs.
"No! You, can't help me!"
"You don't know that Harry, I might be able to, just tell me what it's about? It might make you feel a bit better, like before? What's the matter Harry?"
"I... I don't know!" Was the gentle sobbed reply he got back.
"Harry you must know, otherwise you wouldn't be so upset."
"I can't remember.' He mumbled again laying very still all of a sudden.
'Sirius." He half groaned shuffling around trying to get up but not managing very well with his tangled knot he'd managed to get in as he curled up in the thin sheet.
"What Harry?" Sirius asked sure Harry was supposed to be getting calmer not suddenly shuffling around erratically.
"Be sick." He groaned as Harry finally made it off the bed falling to all fours he through up. Sirius held his shoulders as his arms began to feel shaky and weak while watery vomit poured out of him on to the rug.
Passing him a cloth to wipe his mouth and then a glass of water when he was finally sat up leaning back against the bed, Sirius came to the conclusion he must have been having nightmares again and that he was in fact ill and struggling to cope with it all. This added to the knowledge that even Harry's stubbornness must fail eventually to cover for him he must be in dire need of rest, if he was ever going to get better.
Helping him back into bed Sirius cleaned the mess up with his wand and opened the window a jar closing the Roman blind to create an odd firey glow as the last of the sun shone in with a welcomed fresh air and breeze.
Harry laid there quietly for about half an hour with Sirius sat at the desk. It didn't take long for him to drift off to sleep properly this time on his bed. The door bell rang and knowing it was probably his turn and deciding Harry definitely was fast to sleep this time, Sirius went down to answer it finding Tonks waiting in the shadows of the house to be let in.
She looked a bit disgruntled about something but Sirius soon perceived it was because she had to hang around at work to wait for the sun to go down before it was safe to come to Grimmauld Place under the cover of darkness. Heading upstairs to get cleaned up Tonks had hardly got into her room when Lupin appeared freshly washed and laundered pretending he had something better to do than hang around waiting for Tonks to get off work all day so he could make-out with her the minuet Sirius was successfully distracted by Harry.
"So how did it go? Was he absolutely fine and just tired like I thought?' Lupin asked pleasantly sitting down on the sofa next to Sirius, unfortunately he'd mis-judged Sirius's worry for hunger, but it all fairness, it was often hard to tell!
'Sirius are you going to sit there in moody silence forever or what?" Lupin asked a little impatiently. It wasn't him, Lupin was cross with, it was more his own frustration at being too shy to go in and see Tonks, till she invited him too.
"I'm worried about him, he threw up." Sirius explained suddenly, expecting Lupin to be able to understand him better than he did himself after just seven words.
"He threw up? Why?" Remus asked sure this was going to be one of those conversations where he had to try really hard to understand Sirius.
"Well he was crying, not just a little bit either; he was really weeping away for nearly an hour. I couldn't get him to stop. So I put him in bed and tried to claim him down a bit, which he did, but then he fell out the bed and threw up. I tried asking him what the matter was and ended up guessing and stuff. But all I managed to get out of him is that, I couldn't help him and he didn't know what the matter was."
"Sirius it sounds like he's got a bug or something in him making him ill. He probably thought it was nothing and because he's so tired, his scraggy little body can't cope." Lupin explained sensibly.
"Well that sounds logical. And he is really scraggy looking when you see him properly, I can't believe he's lost so much weight. I didn't realise at first just how thin he's got himself but now?' Sirius sighed as Lupin had to make the mental note of checking for himself just how thin Harry might be, Lupin had tried on several occasions to point out that Sirius isn't twenty anymore he doesn't need to put half the food away that he does and if he doesn't watch his food better he's going end up a bit on the porky side.
After the conversation things hadn't gone to well and Tonks was forced to do quiet a bit to convince Sirius he wasn't fat and he wasn't old like Lupin had left him un-knowingly to believe, having had the horrible realisations that he may end up looking like his father. To Lupin though it became quiet apparent that Sirius was worrying about Harry and it may well be completely justified in its scale of worry.
'But when I went in there he was pacing up and down, rubbing his knuckles so hard they've gone really red and he was mumbling to himself. I had to grab hold of him to make him stop!"
"I thought you said not to grab him ever." Lupin wondered always guiltily curious as to why Sirius had said not to do this in particular when it seemed so obvious in a way.
"Well no You shouldn't. But it's ok to do it sometimes around the shoulders.' Lupin merely continued to look a bit confused by this and Sirius's odd arm gesture of grabbing Harry round the shoulder's a bit.
'Oh you wouldn't understand Mooney, its hard to explain without, well. He just looked so lost, like he seemed well, a bit confused."
"Confused."
"Yeah, like he wasn't quiet sure about things around him or where he was and stuff, he seemed a bit confused to see me."
"Oh." Was all he could manage now, it was no wonder Sirius felt uncomfortable and worried because Lupin couldn't understand him either now.
Harry slept through the night quiet calmly for him, occasionally he had the odd murmur of a bad dream but nothing to make him shout out or anything, until just before the early dawn he seemed to be ok. Up until now that was.
It was just before dawn now and Harry had that hot dizzy feeling that only ever led to one thing. Rolling out his bed and dragging the blanket along behind him, Harry staggered into his bathroom and after sitting down for a few moments on the floor, he started to choke up the watery contents of his stomach. It didn't take long to empty everything he could and then some as there wasn't much left in his stomach, before Harry started to feel the cold shiver take over him again, Harry rapped himself up in the blanket and crawled back into his bed feeling if possible, even worse only too cold now rather than hot.
Three or four hours laid like this and he started to feel quiet a lot better. Sirius was just debating weather or not to go in when Harry emerged from his room feeling a bit dodgy in his particularly scruffy clothes. He wasn't quiet staggering now but almost, as he wondered over to the living-come-dinning room Lupin and Sirius had completely reclaimed now from the dreaded women still hanging on the hallway wall downstairs.
Sirius and Lupin were calmly sat eating as Harry wondered in making Harry decide, both his stomach hurt too much and his legs felt far too twitchy for him to be able to cope with sitting at the little table. After a nod of encouragement from Lupin, Sirius piled a few things on a plate and headed over to sit next to Harry who had flumped himself over the arm rest. Looking up he smiled weakly, in his dodgy large t-shirt but soon went back to the sad expression that only partly conveyed the sad state he felt this morning.
"Do you feel any better after another sleep Harry?" Sirius asked softly.
"A bit." He mumbled back.
"Here, have some breakfast." Sirius decided holding the plate up more.
"I'm not hungry Sirius."
"No Harry, you have to eat. I can't remember you eating anything yesterday and your getting thin again, Harry!" Sirius pushed trying to sound as firm as he could without coming across as remotely angry but Harry merely snapped back.
"No I'm not! Stop fussing."
"Harry, eat something. Please just a bit." Sirius continued determined not to let Harry get any thinner, the more he looked at his godson the thinner he seemed to be
"But I'm not hungry!" Harry complained firmly.
"Just eat a bit Harry. It might stop your stomach from hurting." Sirius sighed.
"How do you know it hurts?" Harry asked a little too defensively to give him the chance of arguing it didn't hurt much later.
"Because your holding on to it Harry. Now eat some of this, and I'll get you a drink!" Sirius finished as firmly as he could. Harry knew he probably should try and eat something as Sirius was known for being stubborn when he got daft notions into his head like making Harry eat stupid breakfast when his stomach already hurt from puking.
Giving in he sat up more and taking the plate from Sirius started to eat some toast slowly. After waiting a few minuets to satisfy his worry that Harry won't eat anything, Sirius got up and retrieving his own plate and a glass of juice for Harry and sat back down. While munching through his own breakfast quiet happily Sirius watched Harry force himself painfully to eat while Lupin watched on to, but subtly from the table as he read a paper. It took a while and a considerable amount of gently pushing from Sirius, but eventually, Harry finished his little plate and gulped down his drink when he was done.
"Does it still hurt?" Sirius asked, as Harry shuffled back to his half laid position holding on to his stomach tightly despite it giving him very little relief.
"Hmm." He mumbled again too uncomfortable to give Sirius a proper look of disgust at being forced to eat all his breakfast.
"Well if you're fed up of laying in your bed, then why don't you lay down in here for a bit?"
"I suppose, but your not gonna make me eat anymore are you, I just feel sick and worse now!" Harry grumbled stubbornly finally throwing Sirius at disgusted look at being made to eat that morning.
"Not until dinner time Harry, but you have to eat, don't you see that?" He asked suddenly, hardly able to contain his frustrated worry, there was no denying it now Harry was sat about in such a loose t-shirt, he was too thin to be healthy any more and it frightened Sirius more than anything else about Harry, even the crying and far too lost look he seemed to have.
"Why, it's a stupid thing to have to do!" Harry continued to grumble as he laid down on the sofa, he shuffled around to get comfy while Sirius merely covered his disappointment as he retrieved a blanket from the cupboard to cover Harry with. When he got back Harry's eyes were already closed and his shoulders were shaking and clearly not because they were cold, Lupin was the worst for finding a draft somewhere and he was stretched out in a t-shirt this morning.
"Harry, Harry what's the matter?" Sirius asked softly, taking hold of Harry's shoulders and crouching down in front of him, assuming he was dozing in to a night mare or something and eager to keep him out of it.
"Hmmm, I, I, I'm cold Sirius!" He stuttered out shivering from head to toe and trying to pull his arms tighter to his chest.
"Harry, shush, its ok! Pull the blanket around you better Harry.' Sirius explained tugging the blanket tighter across Harry's shoulders, as he did he stopped to feel if Harry was indeed as cold as he seemed, by touching his neck softly.
'Harry your burning up?" Sirius suddenly realised feeling Harry's face properly now and pulling the thick blanket back off his shoulders.
Harry merely shivered a little harder and struggled to pull it back over his shoulder, but Sirius was by far stronger and tried to feel his face more, keeping the blanket firmly off him as he did.
"Be sick!" Harry suddenly groaned, as just in time Sirius made a bucket appear so Harry could puke up all Sirius's hard work at trying to get Harry to eat that morning.
"Come on get this off and lay back down.' Sirius decided helping Harry to pull his trousers off. Sirius worried by how hot Harry still seemed and decided water might help to cool him off a bit. Carefully he managed to get Harry to drink a glass of water before finally getting him to lay down calmer to sleep for a few hours on the sofa.
Lupin did pop his head in a few times, having left at the first sight of vomit, but could only see Harry fast to sleep on the sofa, occasionally muttering and twitching in his bad dreams and either Sirius or Snuffles sat very still opposite him watching.
"Do you think I should tell Dumbledore how ill he's been?" Sirius asked quietly from the living room while Harry happily slept away in Sirius's bed. He'd refused to sleep in his own bed and for some reason had crawled in to Sirius's bed before Sirius had much chance to stop him. Sirius really couldn't understand why he did this and neither could Lupin, but as Tonks pointed out, if it made Harry feel safe while he slept, then really Sirius shouldn't complain about giving way to his godchild.
"Yes I suppose you should. But he seems to be getting a bit better now, it'll be Christmas eve tomorrow and seen as he eats with less fuss and has slept through most the last two nights without screaming the place down, maybe he's getting better. But I still think you should mention it to him before the next meeting, he usually wants to know everything to do with Harry however unimportant doesn't he and I suppose Harry is being odd even for him?" Lupin wondered supping slowly at his tea and watching Sirius more than he was Harry.
Harry had long since gone past Lupin's capability of understanding, only Sirius seemed to know what was best for him or what he wanted and Lupin was yet to work out how he seemed to be doing this. Things just seemed to pop into Sirius's head out of no-where and then Harry would calm down a bit to eat something or go to sleep. Lupin was well aware though of the fragile state of Sirius's confidence, the last thing Lupin wanted to do was let his friend know that he had no-idea what to do and that Harry had strayed into the beyond understanding section of normal behaviour.
"I suppose, but getting over what, is he sick, or is he upset, or can he just not cope anymore with all this stupid heat?" Sirius asked blankly.
"I'm not sure Sirius, it might be a bit of all of it. I know it's frustrating but it might take a while to get hold of Dumbledore, and I seriously doubt Harry would want a whole load of people knowing what a mess he's in some nights. You've got his daft pride to think about." Lupin added as out of all of them Sirius seemed to understand Harry's pride better than anyone else having endured many more hours of James than anyone else at Hogwarts.
"It is mainly at night isn't it?" Tonks wondered aloud from the table where she'd been trying to read up on a few maps for the order.
"Yes I suppose. He rants and smashes things at night doesn't he but when he's awake during the day he tends to cry most the time if he does anything?" Lupin sighed looking over to Sirius.
"Don't talk about it, he wouldn't want you to know!" Sirius snapped watching through the open doors at Harry tossing slightly as he slept.
"That doesn't mean I don't care Sirius. And to be honest it's hard to ignore even if you do shove me out the room before he starts properly." Lupin explained honestly, annoyed his friend was so snappy these days. Despite all his understanding that the heat might make people a little fed up and easy to annoy he'd forgotten to include himself in it.
"And to be fair, it's not as if we aren't going to notice certain other things about the place. But I do understand why he might want to keep this a little private from everyone else." Tonks sighed and looked wearily over to Lupin.
"How was he the other day anyway, when I was out, I got the impression I left him sobbing with you but I didn't think you wanted me to come in."
"He didn't stop until a few minuets before you came back!" Sirius sighed wiping the sweat off his face roughly with one hand.
"But I was gone hours." Lupin protested sure Sirius must have got it wrong some how.
"I know that but he still didn't stop, he didn't get that much worse after you left it was more continuous. The only reason he stopped in the end was when I tried to get him up, to take him to the toilet so he could be sick, but then he fainted with standing up. When he came round he didn't really feel like crying anymore and sort of dozed off instead."
"Oh!" Was all Lupin could manage at this point.
"But like you said, he's doing better now. But I'm worried about having everyone here and stuff, what am I going to do if he starts, being odd again? He doesn't like been looked at, say's he's not a spectator sport and that people should just ignore him!" Sirius wondered looking back at Lupin again who was watching Harry over his shoulder.
"That shouldn't bother you what anyone else thinks. Just take him upstairs and calm him down like you normally do, and me and Tonks will cover over for you. The only person likely to cause much of a problem would be Molly and well, there are enough distractions for her I think. Besides, Moody will be there too and that must help matters. Well it normally does anyway!" Lupin explained not sure even he believed what he was saying anymore but Sirius did, or seemed to think he did at the moment.
Harry was sleeping properly at the moment and hadn't been sick since that morning so all in all, Tonks and Lupin hoped things were on there way up again. Sirius however couldn't get the image of Harry crying his eyes out for hours on end out of his head particularly because he felt so useless not managing to calm him very well.
"Harry, the Weasley's are here?" Lupin called up the stairs as several Weasley's headed straight over to the food despite Mrs Weasley's scolding looks.
"I'm around Harry whenever you want me. If you don't feel well or something you can just tell me, and I can make sure you don't get bothered if you want to go to bed early. No one has to know!" Sirius added firmly, he wanted Harry to know things would be ok, or at least he wanted Harry's pride to know that Sirius would never laugh at him.
"I know. Thanks. I guess I've been a bit, well..." Harry tried to explain but wasn't sure what to say, he wasn't sure what he'd been recently other than tired and a bit pissed off with feeling strange. He couldn't understand what was the matter with him, one minuet he'd be sat reading and the next he'd have broken down in tears, and Sirius would be there trying to calm him down and Harry would have no idea why he wanted to cry so badly. Then something would explode or shake, or levitate or all three and then he usually ended up puking and often on Sirius in some way. But Sirius wouldn't mind, he's smile gently and clean everything up and sit with Harry while he dozed off to sleep. The as far as Harry was aware he'd wake up feeling a bit better than when he went to sleep but Sirius would look worried or concerned and fuss over Harry taking far too much attention over what Harry managed to eat.
Even if Harry wasn't sure what to say or how to explain what he was trying to say to Sirius, Sirius seemed to understand what he was worried about.
"I'm not going to go anywhere Harry. Besides I haven't got anywhere else to go, you can always come and talk to me."
"Sirius...I..."
"You wanna go see Ron now, or is it more Ginny you've been desperate to see?" Sirius asked carefully watching with pleasure as Harry went from slightly confused as to what to say to pleased at the mention of Ron and then a little cross when he realised Sirius was teasing him about Ginny.
"Oi, I like seeing Ron too!"
"Yeah but I bet you like seeing more of Ginny. Now come on you, can't keep em waiting. Well, we can't leave Lupin down there with Molly on his own." Sirius added opening Harry's bedroom door and waiting for Harry to lead the way down stairs.
(Add a bit on about the opening to the party and Harry coming down stairs to see people and there reaction, Molly Weasley making loud noises about Harry looking thin. Ron making it difficult for Harry to sit and talk to Ginny about the night like he wanted too.)