Torn Apart Chapter 4, a sailor moon fanfic

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Rei entered Mamoru's flat with hesitation. He looks so tired, she thought,as if he was working

all night or... drinking? The curtains are drawn, the room is rather dark. His voice sounds as

if he has an urge to kick me out of the door. Anyway I want to talk. I don't know how to start,

but I have to. Since when I grew so strong? Since the moment whenthe man I fell in love with

appeared to beUsagi's destined partnerI think. Nevertheless it didn't extinguish my feelings.

It just put them under the mask which I'm wearing all the time.

Mamoru smiled and asked her to come in. I hope she didn't come to solve my problems. I don't

want anyone to stick their nose into my business. Anyway I'm surprised Rei came herself.

"I can see you're not content but I have to tellyou what I think," Rei decided to come straight

to thebusiness. Her voice trembled slightly and Mamoru crossed his arms.

"If you're going to start the same nonsense again..." he growled and approached her, "...it

would be better to leave now."

The faint smell reached Rei's nostrils and she sniffed. The alcohol.

"It's not anonsense!" she shouted, "Everyone can see you have a problem. We're worried!"

There is nothing I can tell youto explain the situation, Mamoru sighed, Even I myself don't

know what exactly is going on.

"I know you don't want any help. But your problems will have an influence on Usagi."

"Does she know anything?" Mamoru inquired swiftly.

"No, she doesn't," Rei shook her dark head, "So you admit you have a problem?"

"I didn't say I have a problem!"

"Okay, so I will talk to Usagi. Maybe she would help you."

"Don't you dare to mess into our lives!" he threatened her with his fist.

"I have to! You are my friends and I want you to be happy!"

"So you have to understand there are problems you can't solve!"

"If you only talked to me...!" Rei uttered desperately, her eyes soft, betraying her

forbidden feelings. Mamoru scanned her face.

"Believe me, Rei, you can't help me in this case," he stroked her cheek gently and she

blushed rapidly, "Anyway thanks for your care."

"It is something between you and Usagi," Rei said with a confident voice.

"I warn you, you overtax my patience!" Mamoru moved closer. Rei was panting, all her

figure expressing her disappointment and madness. Oh God why it had to be me? She

looked into his eyes. Everyone will hate me. Her gaze slipped down to his mouth. It

doesn't matter, I was always alone. Her lips brushed his. It feels like freedom. She turned

on her heel and ran out.

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Someone knocked on Seiya's door. It was midnight and it took a long time for him to get

clear of his bed. He approached the door yawning.

"Who is it?" he groaned, "What happened?"

"It's me, Kakyuu," the weak voice announced and Seiya froze.

"Princess?" he whispered.

"Please, Fighter, open the door."

He reached for his Star Brooch but he didn't find it. It was lying on the table and he could

have it in a minute. No, I won't lie anymore. He opened the door, revealing to his Princess

the masculine outlines of his body. Kakyuu's jaw dropped.

"Fighter!" she reproached and slammed the door, "Get dressed!"

He took on the boxers and asked her to sit down.

"It's not like you, Fighter, to abandon me. You were always the most loyal and faithful.

What happened to you?"

"I am loyal and faithful, Princess. Obviously Fighter and Seiya are loyal to different

things."

"But you are the same person!"

"Who I had been before I became Senshi?" Seiya approached Kakyuu, "Please, understand

me. I am Senshi, yes... Undoubtedly. Anyway there is a part of me... a part..."
"A part of you which craves for something you can't have, right?"

"You know how it feels, right, Kakyuu?" Seiya called his Princess without any honorifics

for the first time and she bit her lip, nodding. Tiny tear slowly streamed down her cheek.

"I didn't know such a part of me existed. When I realized... it was hard... it was like waking

up from ahundred-year dream. I discovered a new world within me."

"If onlyI could rescue you, Fighter..." Kakyuu sniffed, wiping her face.

"Princess, please... let me go to Earth."

"What?" Kakyuu jumped on her seat with her mouth wide opened, "But what for?"

"I want to see her. No, I have to see her. Or I'll go insane."

"Fighter, why to torture yourself even more?" Princess got up, "You know there is no hope

for you..."

"I have to see Odango's face again. Please..."

Kakyuu stopped in front of the door and uttered without showing Seiya her face.

"You're not allowed to go there, Fighter. You will stay here."

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Usagi was lying beneath Mamoru, who was rockingand moaning. She was moaning as

well, praying for his spasm to come quickly. Her body was numb, not responding to his

caresses and she felt helpless. She didn't know how to force herself to share a pleasure

with him.

Am I defective? I can't feel anything, even if I love him so much. I love embracing him

and kissing him, but this... is this too much? Maybe I'm not ready? Maybe we should

wait? But how long? What if it goes on and I'm cold? I can't stand even thinking of that!

Mamoru arched his back and uttered a short scream, Usagi accompanied. She wondered

if he noticed she was pretending. Anyway he seemed to be satisfied. He leant his sweaty

forehead against her collarbone, breathing deeply. Tears escaped her half closed eyes and

rolled down her temples. Something was continuously bothering her. The envelope in

Mamoru's desk, found by accident. It was from Harvard University in Massachusetts.

Usagi didn't dare to mention it but it was haunting her again and again. I won't stand it

if he leaves again. Everything bad happened after he left. I can't tell him to stay and I can't

let him go. What should I do? I need him more than ever before.

His breathing was deep and regular, he was obviously sleeping. The girl rubbed her cheek

against raven hair, smiling. Her innate optimism had defeated the dark thoughts and she

fell asleep. And then the nightmare came again.

She was all alone. Her love was lost, her precious ones were dead, killed in front of her

eyes. The only one supporting her was heartbroken because of her. And she survived. She

opened her heart for her enemy, against reason, against all logic. Everybody was saved but

what happened to her? She learned more then she wanted. She experienced the most terrible

cruelty, the cold simple will to destroy. Her innocence was contaminated.

"Wake up, sweetheart!" Mamoru shook her arm, "Come back to me!"

She cuddled to him, sobbing.

"Don't leave me again, okay?" she gripped his hand, "Promise..."

"We have our future, don't you remember?" he stroked her hair lightly, "We'll be together

forever."

"Don't go anywhere, okay?" she demanded and Mamoru hesitated.

"Usako..."

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"I won't talk to Seiya, it's in vain," Maker repeated with her cool voice, adding to Healer's

madness, "Besides, it's not my business."

"Isn't it? Are you going to abandon Princess as well?" short Senshi burst out, her fists were

clenched tightly.

"We didn't abandon our Princess! What are you talking about?"

"You are not the ones you were before!"

"Of course not! One changes constantly!"

"I don't like changes in you!"

"It's not my fault."

"You!" Healer punched surprised Maker in the face, "How dare you!"

"Who do you think you are to come here and accuse me of what I haven't done?" Maker

wiped the corner of her mouth and cast a menacing glance at Healer, "Leave me alone immediately!"

"I just don't understand! We were always friends, we didn't have any secrets!

"It's the past already," Maker pushed her opponent towards the door, "I'm sorry if you

can't take it as it is."

"I'm trying to prevent us from becoming enemies..." Healer flushed slightly under

Maker's touch, "That's all..."

"Enemies?" Maker smiled mildly, "That's impossible. I promise that to you. Now, please

leave me alone."

Healer stood and gaped at the door. Behind them Maker probably detransformed. I want

to see him. She walked down the hall slowlyalthough all her emotions were calling her

to run. Collect yourself! What are you doing this for? If someone finds out, you will hold

yourself up to ridicule! She quickened her pace and encountered Fighter.

Ebony haired Senshi was just heading toward her room after her duty. She was pacing

proudly, barely aware of spying eyes and rumours spreading around. When she saw Healer,

she stopped.

"Where are you rushing? Did something happen?"

Her voice was so kind that Healer lost her tongue for a moment.

"No, nothing," she stuttered, "I just have some business to do."

"I envy you," Fighter stated and started ahead. Healer shook her head.

"How is Princess?" she asked.

"She's okay, why are you asking?" Fighter gazed at Healer over her shoulder.

"You know, she doesn't have easy times these days..."

"What are you suggesting?"

"The entire court gossips of Princess' unreciprocated love towards one of her Senshi, and

unreciprocated love of mentioned Senshi towards theMoon Princess..."

"What?" Fighter looked around threateningly, "Who does?"

"It doesn't matter," Healer shrugged, "Just think of your self-respect..."

And she went her way, leaving Fighter more furious than ever.

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Usagi entered Hikawa Shrine happily. There was no such a gathering from two months and

she was very excited, especially because of theOuters' presence. They were glad to see her

too but the news they had weren't nice so they felt uncomfortable when Usagi showed her

beaming face and greeted them. Finally Rei raised the question.

"Usagi-chan, tell me, does Mamoru have a problem?"

"A problem? What do you mean?" Usagi widened her eyes.

"You don't know anything?"

"Know what?" Usagi's eyes watered, "What about him?"

"I encountered him when he was drunk," Rei stated.

"Me too," Haruka added.

"What are you saying?! When?"

They told her everything. Rei described her visit and Mamoru's hostile attitude. She only

skipped her own actions.

Usagi mused deeply, obviously stunned. She didn't know anything, it was evident. And she

was in a deep shock.

"I have to talk with him," she decided and stood up firmly, ready to go away. Rei stopped

her.

"He didn't want you to know."

Tears escaped Usagi's eyes and she sit down again.

"Why?" she moaned with ateary voice, "Doesn't he trust me?"
"I think thatit is something between you and him," Rei said, "Is everything okay?"

"Of course it is!" Usagi exclaimed with indignation, "Everything is..." she paused.

"What?" Ami asked kindly, "Usagi-chan, we want to help you. Please tell us."

"He got the letter from Harvard University. They ask him to come," Usagi's voice trembled.

Everyone fell silent.

"I don't think Mamoru would drink because of that..." Rei uttered softly, "Usagi, aren't you

hiding anything?"

"I am not!" was the eager answer revealing that in fact there were many things hidden, "Why

do you think I am? We love each other and nothing can divide us! We are destined to be

together forever!"

"Calm down, Usagi! Nobody calls that in question!" Minako tried to soothe her friend,

"We are just worried."

Usagi huffed and didn't reply. She watched them suspiciously with crossed arms.

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Fighter was roaming down the palace garden. It was night already and there was nobody

around except forsome guards keeping an eye on everything. In Fighter's headthere was

a maelstrom making her impatient and struggling. She was in pain because of her love,

of her Princess, of everything. Her heart was broken in so many ways that she wondered

how to save herself from insanity. She thought nothing could be worse than her unrequited

love towards Tsukino Usagi, but then Princess Kakyuu declared her feelings and things

became complicated even more. Fighter couldn't stand her own suffering and hurting

Kakyuu's heart. In addition she knew Maker was in grief also even if she didn't talk about

that much. The world seemed to be thehell where no one could have what they yearned for.

Fighter leapt up and ran. She wanted to be extremely exhausted to forget her pitiful life. She

ran and ran, panting, amongst trees.

"Star Serious Laser!" she screamed and the beam of golden light pierced through the sky

where three satellites were shining. Little part of Fighter's frustration was released but not

enough. She attacked again and again, her powers unable to drain. Suddenly someone

called her name.

"Seiya!"

She turned immediately even if she recognized the voice at once.

"Where are you?"

Maker turned up from behind the tree.

"I couldn't sleep as well. I was afraid you'd kill me if I showed up so I decided to conceal

myself," she approached Fighter, "Seems you're ready."

"Ready for what?"

Maker glanced from her brow but didn't say anything. Fighter stepped forward.

"Ready for what?" she repeated.

"Don't you really know?" Maker shook her arms, "I thought it was obvious. Ready for

the journey."

"The journey?"

"Yes. The journey home."

Fighter parted her lips and breathed, the meaning of Maker's words slowly reached her

reason. She furrowed.

"You mean Earth?"

Maker nodded, looking surprised.

"I thought you wanted to go there too."

"I did... but... I can't desert Princess! You can't as well! What are you saying is a mere

betrayal!" Fighter tightened her fists, "How dare you?"

Maker moved backward, her eyes darkened from hurt.

"I'm sorry if I disappointed you but I can't stand it any longer," she lowered her head

a bit. The wind blew her ponytail straight into her face and she didn't draw it aside. Fighter

was panting loudly, waiting for the continuation, her gaze sticking to Maker's face.

"I know I'm blameworthy weakling, but I... I thought you were too. I'm sorry, Fighter.

I really am. You were always the strongest. I wish I were sostrong as well but I..."

Maker's voice weighed with tears, revealing her soul tormented by conflicted feelings.

Fighter observed her friend with different eyes. Maker was always very cold, reserved,

keeping everyone in a distance. She seemed not to be able to burn with passions but

obviously she was. Fighter's broken heart filled with sympathy, because Maker suffered

the same. She can't forget and she can't go back to what she was before. Journey home,

she said. That meant Kinmoku isn't her home anymore, even if she loves it so dearly.

Maker started to walk away and her last words were:

"I'm running away before the dawn."