Five People Bumblebee Kissed, a teen titans fanfic

Disclaimer: I own nothing but the arrangement of the words on the page

Pairings: Bumblebee/Jinx, Bumblebee/Brother Blood, Bumblebee/Cyborg, Bumblebee/Aqualad, Bumblebee/Speedy
Rating: M (this gets pretty dark, so don't say I haven't warned you)
Length: 8192 Words
Warnings: Disturbing themes, het, femslash, non-con and issues of abuse.
A/N: For Ash, who encouraged me not to give up on this fandom.

Five People Bumblebee Kissed

Jinx glares at her across the gym, races up the ropes and somersaults in front of the training guns so fast she seems to slip between moments. Not one round even musses her hair. She wears her pigtails like devil horns, proud and arrogant, and sees this newcomer as a rival for her crown – Queen Of School, Queen Of Her Teammates' Hearts, Queen Of Everything She Wants To Be Queen Of. She kicks out the main control panel and the guns explode a second after she leaps from their platform, and when she lands she tosses her head, like an Olympic gymnast after a dismount. Even that's not enough to dislodge a single hair.

Bumblebee flies up and Stings the control panel when it's her turn. She beats Jinx's time by a full two minutes. Her hair stays in its buns, too, springy and soft compared to Jinx's horns, but still worn like a crown.

"How d'ya like them apples, girl?"

Jinx's expression could sour milk, and from then on the gauntlet is thrown. They work to beat each other at every turn, and try to outdo each other in every class and mission. Their hunger to succeed and be the best is second to none, and they propel each other to higher and higher heights – higher than HIVE Academy has ever known. The air is thin up there and it's a long way to fall if they slip, but it's worth it. Prodigies, people call them, but Gizmo's a child prodigy. Bumblebee and Jinx are just too determined to accept their limitations.

Bumblebee excels, but she has no people skills. She's too bossy; too harsh; can't work her curves to her advantage because she never learned how to see herself as a girl until now. She changes her costume but it's too late. Her classmates dislike her for making them look bad, and while Jinx isn't exactly Miss Popularity either, her charisma and lisping grasp of Mammoth and Gizmo's loyalty eventually put her ahead. She balances on their shoulders and it raises her above the level Bumblebee can get to on her own, even with her wings.

"Needs to function better in teamwork situations," Bumblebee's teachers say on her assessment. "Interpersonal skill lacking. Recommend field observation of Student Codenamed Jinx to help improve performance."

Because Jinx is the only one with comparable skill for Bumblebee to watch, even if tagging along after her makes Bumblebee feel like she's chewing barbed wire.

"Don't worry, girl, I'll go slow so you can follow what I'm doing. Would you like a pencil? You may want to write some of this down."

"Good one, Jinx."

"Shut up, Mammoth."

Jinx's team is the first one sent out after the Titans because they're that good. When they fail to apprehend them, Bumblebee lords it. She can't help herself. Seeing Jinx limp back into the Academy, beaten and trailing her boys like a broken pennant instead of a victory flag, she folds her arms and hovers above them with a triumphant smile.

"Am I supposed to be taking notes? Maybe on how not to do this?"

Jinx hisses and spits insults at her, but her voice is flat with pain and humiliation. Bumblebee waits outside the sickbay until she's allowed in, then slips into Jinx's cubicle.

"Have you come to insult me some more?" Jinx is sitting up in bed, arms folded and radiating fury. Bumblebee knows she, Mammoth and Gizmo have all been knocked down to beginner level in disgrace, and that tomorrow they'll be in the bottom class with the newbies instead of the advanced one they're used to. Jinx knows it too; her eyes emit such ferocity they're almost glossy with tears.

"Nope."

"Then fuck off."

"Nope."

"I don't need pity, and especially not from you."

"Not gonna get none. You messed up. Boo hoo. Now quit whining and pull yourself together. I ain't gonna let you make a mockery of yourself just because you got your butt kicked."

Jinx stares at her, not sure how to take this. After all, Bumblebee has no people skills. Comfort is as alien for her to give as it is for Jinx to receive. They look hard at each other, trying to assess what the other is thinking the way they do when they're set against each other in hand-to-hand practise.

Jinx kisses like she does everything else: fiercely, proudly, with no quarter asked for or given. Bumblebee learns as much from it as she does from all their head-butting, and when she leaves the sickbay she's still rubbing her lower lip where it's started to bleed.

The Queen has been deposed. Long live the Queen Bee.

Brother Blood stands behind the desk in his office, resplendent in his new white robes. He used to wear suits and ties when he was just an ordinary teacher, but he's been headmaster for a few months. Now he looks more like a cult leader, or some sort of religious figure – white for purity, for wholesomeness, for honour.

There's nothing pure or wholesome about the way he covers Bumblebee's mouth with his own, and there's nothing honourable about the tickle in the back of her head telling her this is wrong. But the thought feels far away, echoey, like someone shouting at the other end of the long tunnel before a train thunders through and conceals their voice completely – or runs them down and kills them. She's never quite sure which is the better description; because when she tries to think about it too hard her head aches and Brother Blood's eyes blink red like they're both suddenly frozen in a photograph.

"You are a good student, Bumblebee," he says proudly, like he had some hand in her success. "Exactly what HIVE was built to produce – strong, focussed, and completely obedient."

She likes the first two, but not the third. When Mistress HIVE was in charge she didn't ask for complete obedience if it meant losing her students, but Brother Blood doesn't see the HIVE kids like that. His mind is shaped like a chess board, pushing pieces here and there, working in terms of 'acceptable losses' and 'tactical fatalities' – and even, when a group of students come back from a failed mission so wounded they can't even run (away), 'friendly fire'.

It's easier to feel horrified when she's not in his office. Her head doesn't echo then, doesn't feel so fuzzy, and she sees the changes spreading like small fires through dry brush. The whole Academy is going to go up, but nobody sees anything wrong with this.

And neither does she when she's summoned to make her reports after successful missions – the little voice telling her wrong and right diminishes under Brother Blood's gaze. Her thoughts slip away from her, like Jell-O off a hot car hood, and when she leaves again she can't remember anything but giving her reports. The doors slide shut behind her body and her mind, and she's not strong and focussed at all as Brother Blood bends her over his desk, her mind frenetic and scattered, and kisses her like the rough shell of a clam hiding a pearl.

Stone stands alone and sullen in the chemistry lab where this morning they learned how to make bombs using kitchen products. He's startled when Bumblebee taps him on the shoulder, and jumps away like she's touched a raw wound. When he sees it's her, dressed in her best frock for the Sadie Hawkins Dance, his stance relaxes but his eyes don't.

She always gets the same feeling when looking at Stone's eyes: like they don't belong in his body. They don't match the rest of him, too sensitive for his flinty exterior and gravel-rough voice. Jinx laughed at her when she said it, sneering that Bumblebee's just jealous he isn't interested in her.

"You've already got the Headmaster under your thumb. Can't take it that someone else powerful doesn't think you're the best thing since sliced bread?"

"What the hell is that supposed to mean."

"It means there's got to be a reason why you're the Headmaster's pet and getting all the good assignments while I'm still stuck in the beginner's class, even though I'm scoring as good as you on all my assessments. You changed your costume … remind me, why did you change from a functional bodysuit to that sexy ensemble?"

"You're sick."

"I'm not the only one who thinks it. Why do you think nobody wants anything to do with you? They know you didn't get where you are just from your schoolwork. Did you think you'd bat your eyes and wiggle your butt at Stone and he'd run to you like a puppy?"

It's just another round of their competition to Jinx, and that made Bumblebee so mad she went to smash the stuffing out of punching bags in the exercise room. She doesn't trust Stone. She likes him, but doesn't trust him as far as she can sneeze him.

He watches her warily in the dimness of the unlit chemistry lab. "How come you're not dancing with your date?"

She flushes, though she's not sure why. "Because I didn't come with a date."

"Oh. You making a stand for women's independence like those other girls by the punch bowl?" The ones trying to spike it with something deadlier than vodka, because it wouldn't be a HIVE event otherwise.

"No. Nobody asked me." She's not sure why she admits it. Immediately she does, she claps a hand over her mouth, and then pretends she's just fixing her hair even though it doesn't need fixing.

Stone's weird eyes … there's no other words for it; they soften for a moment, until he remembers himself and folds his arms. Muy macho. "Huh."

"You hiding from your date, big guy?"

He shudders. "Yes." And he doesn't try to take his words back. That's another thing that's wrong about him – for someone who never talks about his past, he's way too honest. The pieces of his personality don't fit properly, like parts of two jigsaws shoved into the same box.

"That figures. Jinx looks like a pit-bull that just licked piss off a nettle." Stone chokes and she laughs at him. "What, big tough guys like you don't cuss?"

"I just … uh …"

She sidles closer, trying to get a better look at his eyes. He turns his face away and her hand darts out, quicker than him, and catches his left cheek. He pulls away so fast she actually stumbles, catching her hip against a table. Her wings flutter angrily.

"You're hiding something, Stone. I know you are."

"You're crazy. Only thing I'm hiding is me in this lab."

She narrows her own eyes at him, and she's gratified when he takes a step backwards. "I'll find out what it is. I'm not the Academy's number one student for nothing."

He opens his mouth to reply, and for one horrible moment she thinks he's gong to parrot what Jinx said. He's spent a lot of time with herm, so her poison is bound to have sunk in a little. But it's not true. Bumblebee is the best because she's the best, not for any other reason.

Voices sound along the corridor. Stone's mouth shuts. His eyes flit helplessly from her to the door, and she takes the opportunity to try and hold his cheek again, just to see what he'll do. He snaps aside so fast he crashes into a table and falls on his butt.

"So much for the agile super-student," she says dryly, holding out her hand to help him up. He ignores it, and she nods her acknowledgment. She understands about not showing weakness in front of others. "I guess you're human, just like the rest of us. Well," she adds, flexing her wings, "up to a point, anyway."

Her sudden jovial tone bewilders him. "You're one confusing girl."

"I'm not all I seem. You should understand that."

There it is again, that flash of fear. He is hiding something, and the thought of being found out terrifies him.

The voices change direction, heading for this lab. Stone looks panicked. Bumblebee grabs his arm, the feel of his tux rough against her bare arm. He must have to get his clothes specially made since he's built like a linebacker on steroids.

"C'mon, this way."

"What?"

"I know all the secret passages in the Academy. I studied the plans." She leads him through an underground bunker hidden behind the interactive whiteboard, and they emerge in the corridor outside the boys' rooms. Stone looks around, impressed despite himself. "Toldja. A good agent always knows whatever turf she's onto the best of her abilities."

"Agent?" he echoes. "Is that what you call yourself?"

She shrugs. "I call myself Bumblebee. Agent's just a title, like student. 'Villain' is so passé, like something in a Saturday morning cartoon. I mean, who actually calls themselves that?"

"The same people who enrol in a school for villainy?"

"HIVE Academy is a place for kids with special skills to learn how to use 'em. I don't see any superhero schools doing the same. HIVE isn't a school for villainy, anyhow. It's a school for mercenaries."

His already deep brow wrinkles. "Is that why you joined? To learn how to use your powers?"

"Why this sudden interest? Surely you should've checked this stuff out before you enrolled here." She eyeballs him. "Right?"

"Uh, right. I just … got a couple issues with how things are run around here."

"Join the club. Everybody's got issues with school – homework, sadistic teachers, exams, detentions-"

"Yeah, but in most normal high schools you don't have to worry about detention being half an hour suspended above a pit of sharks with laser beams attached to their heads."

"Really?"

"Well, yeah."

"No, I meant that stuff about sharks with laser beams is really true?"

"I don't know. I've never had a detention."

"Me neither. You're a regular goody-two shoes, ain't you?"

"And you."

"Excuse me?"

"Well … you're the best student in school, right? Because you get such great grades."

She's not sure why she does it. Maybe it's the way his mouth is slightly open, his acknowledgement of her hard work, or those sensitive eyes raking the corridor for enemies like he doesn't need the lessons he's enrolled in. Whatever it is, she flies around in front of him and presses her lips to his, stealing a kiss and giggling when he responds by staring at her with outright shock.

"C'mon, big guy. Anybody'd think you'd never been kissed before."

"I-I …" he stutters. "What was that for?"

"Payment for getting you outta there."

"Excuse me?"

"Don't think about it too hard or your head'll explode. Later." Thinking this is the prime time to make a dramatic exit, she shrinks and flies away, back towards the dance because she can't think of anyplace better to go. That and she wants to get another look at Jinx's outraged face, knowing she just planted one on her date when Jinx can't even find him.

Stone doesn't try to follow her. She likes the fact she's reduced him to a stunned lump, enjoys the feeling of power it give her, until she sets her feet down and approaches the gym doors regular-sized and on foot, and a familiar figure steps into her path.

"Bumblebee," Brother Blood says disapprovingly, "you left without permission."

"Bathroom recon, sir."

"Recon?"

"Followed a couple of shifty-looking freshmen. With all due respect, Headmaster, the details fall under the heading 'girl problems'."

His face registers distaste. "I trust the, ah, problems have all been taken care of now?"

"Yes, Headmaster."

"Good. I should've expected nothing less of you." He smiles with just his mouth. "I notice you came alone tonight. That should give you ample opportunity to help discipline those who seek to cause upset through their disobedience. Report to my office first thing in the morning. You can tell me the names of those at the punch bowl so I may dish out the correct level of punishment."

A shiver traces the length of Bumblebee's spine, but she can't tear her gaze away from his. Something in the back of her mind is trembling like the weakling she isn't. "Yes, sir."

Three days later Stone is rescued by the Teen Titans, and she stands in the rubble of their passing with a Stinger in either hand. "I knew you weren't all you seemed," she mutters, kicking a chunk of concrete and wondering why the knowledge that she'll never see Stone again, only Cyborg, and that he's gone while she's still here makes her want to cry.

Aqualad kisses like the ocean, mimicking waves against the shore with the gentle, almost hesitant lave of his tongue. He's as tall as Bumblebee, which is unusual as she's usually a few inches above most guys when wearing her heels. She refuses to take them off, though; refuses to meet life on its own terms, instead demanding it bend to hers. She's had enough of playing by somebody else's rules, and definitely of dancing to somebody else's tune.

She was surprised when she first found this skinny, black-eyed boy in the sewers beneath the temporary HIVE Academy they moved into after the Titans ruined their last one. He was wounded and she, along with the other advanced students, had been sent to capture the intruder who'd infiltrated the headmaster's office and then escaped.

The intruder turned out to be a kid of her age, hand pressed to his side, dark blood seeping between his fingers into the muck. He could barely stand but he still tried to face her down. She could've whistled and the force of the air would've knocked him on his butt, but in the end it was surprise that did it – surprise that his captor hooked her weapons onto her belt and snuck him out so he wouldn't pass in front of any security feeds.

"I want out of this place," she said when he asked the million-dollar-question: why. "I need out of this place."

"Why should I believe you?"

She told him about the bodies and how she can't stomach seeing her friends cut down anymore. "I'd rather HIVE itself was gone and they were running around on their own than under Brother Blood's thumb anymore."

She didn't mention the bruises she finds on her breasts and thighs after she's been to give in her reports, how for a long time she couldn't explain how they got there, or why she feels like she's suffocating each time the tannoy announces her presence is required in the Headmaster's office. The day a corner of her mind cracked open and a repressed memory slid out, she had to claim period pains so she could go throw up in the girls' bathroom.

She's learning to fight Blood's mental control because she's been exposed to it so much, like taking too many antibiotics and so building up an immunity against them. Her mind can withstand his up to a point, and it's left her with a window through which she can see open sky instead of just underground corridors. She may not always remember, but she sure as hell understands.

Aqualad stared at her as hard as his blood loss would allow. "I believe you," he said after a moment. "I'll be back soon. Watch for me." And then he left her, feeling strange and hollow, like she'd just signed away her life and everything she's ever worked for – and would do it again in a heartbeat.

"You didn't find him?" Brother Blood demanded when she and the others lined up empty-handed. "Not even you, Bumblebee?"

"Sir, I attempted to apprehend the intruder, but he evaded me. I'm sorry, sir." Even she was impressed at the contrition she managed to inject into her voice.

Blood trusts her and her record enough that he didn't scan her mind to make sure she was telling the truth. She retired to bed that night and dreamed of black-eyed boys in blue leotards and the taste of freedom she hadn't even known she was craving until then.

She's given too much of herself to HIVE and gotten too little back – she feels stretched thin, and though the thinnest parts poke pieces of her personality she wasn't even aware of. She's made for success, but she isn't made for a life of villainy – of selling her services to the highest bidder, no matter what they want her to use her special skills for, or who she has to hurt for the school to get paid. Her mind isn't shaped like a chessboard.

When she next saw Aqualad they started work on their plans to overthrow HIVE. He was wary of her at first, but she was always on the level with him, never trying to dress things up to make herself sound better. Her sincerity and frankness eventually got to him, and he stopped looking at her like he was just waiting for the other shoe to drop. They discussed tactics, whether to divulge her involvement to the other Titans, just what Blood might be planning and a host of other things.

"What's it like?" she asked once.

"What's what like?"

"Being a Titan."

Aqualad stared at her. "Good," he said at last. "Like … you're making a difference to people. Like you're worth something."

"I think I'd like to feel like that."

"I'm only a part-time Titan. I can't induct you. And the other Titans … they had some problems recently with a new member. It's made them cautious about handing out membership until people have proved themselves."

Bumblebee nodded. She's read the information about Terra and Slade. But the more time she spends with Aqualad, working against Brother Blood, the more she realises she wants this. She wants to be worth more than Jinx and HIVE and everything they value.

They met several times more before she discovered the bombshell. Blood had called her to his office again, the first time in many weeks. She actually thought he'd found a rising star among the newest clutch of students, and had transferred his attentions onto them. However, the night she planned to meet with Aqualad in the sewers, Blood summoned her once again.

Blood was distracted, preoccupied, and ghosted over her mind with only a precursory clamp of control. Her eyes stayed focussed as he turned her around, and she caught sight of the blueprints for his newest scheme. He was rougher than usual because of his preoccupation, making her cry out involuntarily. Afterwards he sent her away, confident he'd done enough to her memories to keep her from rebelling or from affecting her performance levels. He even tried to implant a false memory of her being injured in today's training session, but she dislodged it with little effort.

"What the hell?" Aqualad said when she staggered towards him, leaning heavily against the sewer wall. He ran to hold her up, and rather than make her feel weak, she was grateful for the contact of someone who wanted to help instead of hurt. "You're trembling. What happened?"

"Doesn't matter. I've got news. Blood's built a new school, so we'll be moving out of this temporary one. It's in your neck of the woods – the ocean." Briefly, she explained what she'd found out, and Aqualad listened with troubled eyes, every so often glancing at the drying bloodstains darkening her black pants even further.

"This is serious."

"You're telling me. We're due to move out tomorrow."

"Not that; this. You're getting injured to siphon this information. You need to get out – now."

"No, I gotta see this through to the end. That's what we agreed, remember?"

"But -"

"I ain't gonna run away from my responsibilities. I signed up for the long haul, and so help me, I'm gonna haul my butt to the finish line however long the racetrack might be. I'm gonna be a Titan, remember?"

"As far as I'm concerned, you're one already. You don't need to prove yourself any further, especially if it's getting you hurt."

"Maybe I'm not a Titan officially yet, butI'm certainly not HIVE anymore."

"Bee, who did this to you?"

Nobody's ever shortened her name like that before – with a strange, respectful kind of tenderness. Aqualad was looking at her like he'd never realised who she was until that moment, and something inside her squeezed so tight she couldn't breathe. She could tell him, she realised. She could tell him everything, and he'd probably try to help her. Aqualad has 'hero' inscribed right down to his bones.

But it's not that simple. She has her pride, and she realised in the same instant that she wants his respect more than his help or his pity.

"It doesn't matter," she said firmly, patting his arm and trying to push herself to her feet. "I'm gonna go see the healer in sickbay anyhow. I'll be good as new and ready to kick butt by morning – so you gotta move onto the next stage a little early. It's time to bring in the rest of the Titans." Time to prove to everyone that's she's worth something.

"Bee -"

"I'm fine."

It seems like he kisses her because he can't think what else to do. He wants her to know he's there for her, but it's not the right way to show her. He's gentle and warm, and he cups her face in both hands like he's whispering a secret he only wants her to hear. Basically, his kiss is as far from Brother Blood's as possible, and Bumblebee's reaction is far from her behaviour in the Headmaster's office, too. Blood dominates, dictating passiveness from her and taking what she never wanted to give him. Aqualad is uncertain, inexpert, and achingly tender. Her stomach lurches, causing her to throw herself away from him.

"I-I'm sorry," he says, looking away. "I didn't mean to … I'm sorry, I only wanted to …"

"It's fine," she says tightly. "I'm fine. Now get going and do what you gotta."

"Bee…"

"Go." It's the shortest full sentence in the English language, and also the saddest. She turns away from him, working her way back up the tunnel. "I'll be there when the time comes. Watch for me."

When Bumblebee meets Speedy she thinks he's an arrogant asshole, and it's the impression that sticks because it's pretty damn accurate. When he's not admiring himself in the mirror he's showing off, or picking fights, or just generally being a pain in the butt. He levels out while Cyborg's around (they all do, even her, each one of them having a reason to try to please and impress the real Titan), but when Cy puts her in charge and leaves it's back to Square One.

"A chick? I'm not taking orders from any chick!"

"Fine, then get the hell off my team."

"Your team?"

"Yeah." She glares at him. "My team." She's worked for this, sweated and bled and hurt for this, and no two-bit pretty-boy with more hairspray than brains is going to mess it up for her.

She throws herself into being a Titan, because she's always been the best at whatever she does and not being the best is too wrong to contemplate. She's had her fair share of revelations along the way, and one of them is that she doesn't want to be seen as just a traitor. She was a bad guy, and a lot of people are under the mistaken impression that she was only ever in HIVE to be a Titan mole. She works harder than ever to prove her worth before they start questioning where she was before the Titans even needed a mole. It's repentance and punishment and redemption all at the same time, and the feeling she gets when they save the day is more intoxicating than anything she's ever experienced before.

Of course, not everybody wants to keep up the same high standards she does.

"This is bullshit, man," Speedy complains when she wakes everyone for pre-dawn training, to make sure Titans East would be ready at any hour of the day or night if they're needed. "Just because you've got a cork in your butt doesn't mean the rest of us should suffer."

"Put a sock in it, Speedy," she snaps.

"Bitch." His eyes widen, forcing the edges of his mask outward. "Bumblebitch."

She punches him in the mouth. They have to call Raven on the communicator, and she teleports over from Jump City to fix Speedy's jaw. It's not the most diplomatic thing Bumblebee's ever done, but it sure makes her feel better.

When he's recovered Speedy keeps his remarks to himself for an entire week – until, on the seventh day, Bumblebee goes past the communications room where he's on duty.

"I mean, man, she's got issues. Talk about uptight. Shove a piece of coal up her ass and in a week you'd have a diamond."

"Everybody's got issues, Speedy," says Aqualad. "Even you."

"Yeah, but at least I'm up front about mine. My mentor got himself a younger female sidekick and I was ousted to work on my own, so I said yes when Robin called me about becoming part of Titans East. Boom, there we go, my issues on a plate. But our glorious leader? Do you know what makes her tick aside from making our lives miserable? She's like a sheet of plywood – there's no flexibility to her, and no personality either. She's, like, all Titan and nothing else. Everything has to be just so, and heaven help the poor schmuck who tries to have fun."

"You were out of order."

"Yeah, maybe I was. But the fact remains that Bumblebee's so controlling she makes Brother Blood look like a lightweight who plays with kittens to de-stress."

Bumblebee's hands tighten into fists that leave half-moons where her nails have cut in. She knows what Blood did to 'de-stress', and it wasn't playing with kittens. Speedy's words sting, so much so that she doesn't march in and yell at him, but goes to break things in the gym and then withdraws to her room where she stays until after supper.

Aqualad eventually comes to find her. "I found the punching bag. Well, what was left of it."

"They don't make 'em like they used to."

"Sure. Aren't you hungry?"

"No."

"You should eat something."

"I'm not gonna waste away from one skipped meal."

"You're really tense."

"Maybe I should go play with a kitten to de-stress."

He pauses and the air thickens around them. "You heard that?"

"Yeah, I heard."

"He doesn't mean to be …"

"An asshole?"

"I was going to say thoughtless, but we can go with yours."

She laughs bitterly. "He's right, though." She holds up her hand. "No personality. Just Titan. Still, better than being just HIVE." Another bitter laugh. Different side, different rules, and still she's too good at what she does to make friends easily.

"Bee?" Aqualad sounds worried. He's never heard her like this before.

"I'm tired, Waterboy. I'm gonna go to bed. You can see yourself out."

"Yeah. Yeah, sure," he says, though he sounds anything but sure.

In the days that follow she works as hard as ever, but she's going through the motions. Her voice is flat and her eyes even flatter, and when Mas y Menos destroy the kitchen while making pancakes she just looks at the mess and keys in the code for one of Cyborg's cleaner-bots to come up from the basement. The twins cower under the table until they realise she's not going to yell, exchange puzzled looks, and then run off somewhere. Not long afterwards Aqualad turns up, but she shrugs him off again.

"Something's bothering you. Is it what Speedy said?"

"Can't I just be having an off day? Jeez, Waterboy, you can be such a mother hen sometimes."

"Everybody has off days. You're having an off three weeks."

"I never do anything by halves. Now I've scheduled a hand-to-hand practise session for this afternoon. Make sure everyone's there, will you? I'm gonna go … do something. Else. Somewhere else." Hardly the best closing line ever, but she needs to get away from his probing gaze.

Speedy knocks on her door half an hour later, surly as a regular teenager with chores to do. "Aqualad says I need to apologise, even though you were totally eavesdropping and eavesdroppers never hear good stuff about themselves."

"That's a pretty awful apology."

"I never said I was good at them."

"I'll bet."

"Humph. Well … sorry. There. Now can you stop looking like I kicked your puppy and mooching around with a long face? It's depressing."

Anger flares inside her. "Well I'd hate to think my issues could be depressing and get in the way of your fun."

He scowls right back at her. "Listen, whatever's bothering you, get it out in the open. It's how the rest of the world deals with its problems."

"I'm not the rest of the world," she replies, and slams the door in his face.

And because she's not the rest of the world, she throws herself so hard into being The Leader of Titans East that she very nearly breaks herself. She flies higher and faster than ever, practises until dawn to improve her accuracy with her Stingers, asks Cyborg to install a higher-level training simulation programme for her, and is always first out the door when calls come in. she's first on the scene, last to leave, punches harder than anyone else and refuses to accept it's anything but her own fault when she messes up.

"Usted debe reclinarse más," Mas y Menos tell her, frowning with worry about her even though they're only ten years old. You should get more rest.

"I'll rest when there's no more work to do," she says, bending to pull back their hood and ruffle their hair. Her people skills are improving. She's actually quite attached to these bundles of hyperactivity, and the thought of anything happening to them because she wasn't a good enough leader makes her up her training regimen even more.

"You're starting to worry people," says Aqualad when he catches her falling asleep over her paperwork for the Steel City PD. "You're pushing yourself too hard. Leaders are supposed to delegate, not just have their teammates running around doing endless training while they shoulder everything alone."

"You just make sure you can take care of yourselves. I can handle myself just fine."

"I'm worried about you, Bee. One of these days it's going to get too much for you."

It isn't a day though; it's a night when it happens. Laying half-in, half-out of the water of the docks, and holding the wound in her side closed, she reflects that maybe taking on an escaped lab monster alone wasn't the brightest of ideas. Still, she got the job done, and she still has enough strength to pull herself up before any sharks smell blood in the water and decide not even Steel City's pollution is enough to keep them away.

Her biceps tremble and she slips back, one foot kicking weakly, until someone yanks her up by her armpits.

"Fucking hell, Bumblebitch. Why didn't you wait for us to get back from patrol?"

"Manning communications room … call came in ... only one closest …" she mumbles, woozy with blood-loss and fading adrenaline. "Beat it. Lost the body inna sea though. No evidence to nail thoze guys at Veli Labs with." She's lying on her back, pain pulsing deep into her side, staring at the starry sky. "Smog's clearin'. Can see starzzz …"

"Oh shit, not a good sign." Speedy flips open his communicator. She hears it click and him asking for help, and Aqualad's tinny response.

"This is how I met him."

"Who?" Speedy snaps his com shut.

"Waterboy. He broke inta HIVE, got hisself hurt … bleedin' all over the place … smuggled him out even thought I wuz … wuzza bad guy …" Her eyes flicker shut. They're too heavy to keep open, even to see the stars. Her hand slips from her side. She fancies she can hear the blood hitting the wooden slats now she's stopped trying to staunch it.

Blood …

"Shit. You stay with me, you stupid … hey, are you crying?"

"Couldn't be a bad guy anymore. Couldn't watch m'friends dyin' fuh tha' … tha' bastard. Couldn't go out an' kill jus' cuz he said so … Not a killer. Just wanted to be worth sumthin', to be good at sumthin', but couldn't kill to do it." She shakes her head. "Jus' killed a monster though, didn't I? Crappy argument. But still, I couldn't keep … keep going to his office and pretendin' I didn't remember what … happened there … what he did …"

Speedy's hands are pressed against her wound, so she can feel him stiffen at her words. He doesn't say anything though, and his silence invites her to fill it. It's as though the monster injected her with some kind of truth serum when it tried to claw out her guts, and now everything she's kept so carefully hidden pours out of her like hacked-up seawater. Each word scratches her throat like a thorn, but she keeps coughing them out until her vision greys completely.

When she wakes up she has a thumping headache, but the pain in her side is gone and Raven is next to her.

"Aqualad contacted Cyborg."

"Good call."

"You nearly bled to death."

"Thanks for saving my life, then." The words sound weird. All this time and she's still not used to relying on others instead of just herself.

Raven shakes her head. "Actually, it was Speedy who saved you. I teleported here, but it took a while for Cyborg to get through to me. If Speedy hadn't staunched your wound there would've been nothing I could do.

Bumblebee examines her tattered and bloodied costume, and for the first time realises there's an equally bloody shirt next to her, though the stains don't show up so well on maroon fabric. "Huh," is all she can think to say. "I guess it's not a full bodysuit after all." She looks around. "Where is he, anyway? I should probably thank him, though it'll stoke his ego so bad I'll be hearing about this for weeks."

"He took off." Aqualad approaches from where he's been talking to a pair of police officers stringing the scene with yellow Do Not Cross tape. "As soon as Raven said you were okay, he left."

"Without his shirt?"

"Without his shirt."

Bumblebee blinks, details of what happened slowly trickling back to her. "Oh ... no," she whispers, recalling some of the things she said. Hastily she gets to her feet. "I gotta go find him."

"You need to rest," Raven advises, catching her when she wobbles. "Even though I healed you, you're still incredibly weak. You lost a lot of blood and I've only replenished as much as I could after expending so much of my powers getting here and sealing the wound."

"You don't get it; I need to speak to him."

Aqualad protests, but Raven narrows her eyes at the taller girl. Her jaw sets. "I can teleport you to East Tower, as long as someone contacts Titans West to come pick me up in the T-Car."

Speedy isn't there. Bumblebee waits for him, but he doesn't come home that night.

At close to six in the morning he finally appears. She stirs where she's fallen asleep lying across his bed, horizontal and nowhere close to his pillows. She doesn't get up, and she's facing away from him, listening.

He stays in the doorway for a long time, not coming into the room but not going away either. Eventually he takes enough steps forward for the door to slide shut and she turns over.

His expression is far grimmer than she can ever remember seeing it. He flinches when she sits up – actually flinches.

"I take it from that reaction I told you everything."

"I don't know. Only you know what constitutes 'everything'. But you told me enough." He looks away. "I guess now I know why you were so gung-ho about defeating Brother Blood."

"I guess."

"Damn it, Bumblebi- Bumblebee. Why didn't you tell anyone? Or am I the last to know?"

"First. Last. Only." She starts to draw her knees up to her chest and then stops, hating the little-girl-lost look. "The healer at HIVE probably guessed. I think Aqualad suspects. He saw me once after … a bad one. But that's it. Nobody else knows."

"Not even Cyborg?"

"Especially not Cyborg."

"But I thought he went to HIVE Academy."

"He did."

"And he never noticed?" Speedy sounds outraged. "What kind of hero is he?"

"The best kind. He's the one who defeated Blood."

"But he never -"

"I never knew for a long time. I didn't remember. He sent me to the healer in the school sickbay and by the time I came around I thought I'd just been injured in combat training."

"But … that's not … fucking hell." Speedy scrubs a hand through his hair, which already looks like's done that a lot recently. He's wearing a jacket over his bare chest, zipped up to the neck. It bulks him out in the gloom. "I want to kill the bastard all over again. I was to put him back together, piece by piece, just so I can rip him apart."

"Sentiment noted."

"What? What kind of feeble reaction is that?"

"What were you expecting?"

"I don't know. You to scream and shout. Start running through the Tower breaking things. Make an effigy of Brother Blood and burn it out on the helipad. Something."

"I already got my revenge. Brother Blood's dead. He can't hurt me anymore."

"He may be dead, but he's still hurting you."

She blinks at him. "What?"

"I understand now why you're so neurotic; why you're obsessed with us being ready to fight evil all the freaking time. You're channelling your own fear that you could be called on to 'go to his office' at any time and you wouldn't be able to defend yourself while you were there. Or your fear about how he treated people – like chess pieces, you said."

She frowns. "That's armchair psychology. Really bad armchair psychology."

"It's the truth, is what it is."

"Because you've got a degree in psychology that I didn't know about?"

"Because it's really freaking obvious."

"I push myself because I want to be the best, and I push you guys because I want you to be the best too."

"Except that on the docks you said you suspected he only got interested in you in the first place because you stood out as the best. If Jinx hadn't been knocked off her perch when she faced Robin's team he may have gone for her, but instead it was you who was top student when he became Headmaster. He was a megalomaniac perfectionist, so of course only the best was going to be good enough for him."

Bumblebee's blood runs cold. "I really did say a lot," she murmurs after a moment, mouth tacky without enough saliva. She draws her knees all the way up to her chest this time and sits, arms around her own long legs, getting dirt on his sheets because she never bothered to take off her heels. "I can't not try," she says at last. "I can't not … succeed. It's who I am. If I don't try to be the best, then what good am I? It's how I prove I'm worth something. You said it yourself: I don't have a personality beyond that."

Speedy sits down heavily on the edge of the bed. "I was wrong, okay? I was really, really wrong. You do have a personality. I'm just … I'm really, really, really good at being a cretin who talks more than he thinks."

She snorts. "You won't hear no argument from me on that account."

"I don't know what I'm supposed to say next."

"Maybe you ain't supposed to say anything. Maybe I don't want to think about this anymore."

"No … no, now it's in the open, you've got to think about it, otherwise it'll eat you alive. Like it's been doing. This really does explain a lot about you and how you've been acting recently." He plants a hand in the centre of his face. "Plays with kittens to de-stress? Maaaan, I can't believe I said something so stupid."

"You didn't know."

"That's beside the point. You went through … well, hell, to put it bluntly."

"Thanks. That makes me feel a whole lot better."

"But it's over now, and you've got to teach yourself to accept that it's over – all of you, not just the bit that says 'I got my revenge because Cyborg killed my abuser'."

She recoils at the word. She's never used such a clinical one before – not for this. It makes it all seem realer, somehow. Abuser. It sticks in her gullet like a fragment of bone trying to choke her; sharp-edged and so jagged it's going to cut her throat from the inside out. "Ab …" That's as far as she can get.

"Shit!" Speedy curses, shrinking away from her as her judders turn into gut-wrenching sobs.

Years of pent-up emotion surge out of her like dirty water, clogging her tear ducts, her nostrils, her mouth and her pores – too much for one body to cope with, at least without breaking apart. She presses her face against her knees and holds herself tight to keep that from happening.

A cautious arm encircles her shoulders. Speedy's clearly suspicious she's going to reject his clumsy attempt at comfort, possibly with one of her patented piledriver-punches, and for a moment the impulse is there, but then her chest contracts again and she wants to be held. She wants someone there and leans into him, letting him prop her up just this once.

"It's … it's okay," he says after a while. "He's gone. He's not coming back. And you're okay. You're … okay."

She's not okay, but she will be. Those crummy talk-shows and infomercials are right: the first step to conquering a problem is admitting it's there. And Blood has been there, under her skin, lurking in the back of her mind in the scars he and his powers left behind. In a way, he never really left. Maybe it would've been different if it'd been her who killed him instead of Cyborg, but she didn't, so she has to get her closure some other way.

"I've got you," Speedy murmurs into the top of her head, between her hair-buns, which have become mussed and scruffy. They don't look much like a crown now. She's not much like a queen or triumphant usurper, either. She's just her, just Bumblebee, not the best student or the best Titan, just a girl who grew up too fast and too much. She's seventeen and she feels seventy. "I've got you."

She turns her face upwards so quickly she catches him off guard, so the kiss is mostly all her. He doesn't know how to react, doesn't push her away or return it, so she breaks off and leans her head into the crook of his neck instead. She can feel his pulse against her cheek. He feels alive and everything she's not – wild and free and ungoverned by his past.

"Sorry," she says softly.

That seems to break him from his shock. "It's all right." He brings his other arm up, turning this into a hug.

She's never been hugged before. The realisation is spiky – she's been kissed, punched, stabbed, electrocuted, slashed, slapped, cut, kicked, clawed and fucked, but never hugged. It's … nice. She thought she might feel trapped, but instead she feels protected, even if it is just Speedy doing the hugging.

"Can we just stay like this for a while?"

"Uh, sure."

"Thanks."

"Bumblebee, that kiss … why did you do it?"

"I don't know."

He thinks about this for a moment, then his hug tightens incrementally. "You know we're all here for you, don't you? That's what being a team is: being there for each other and looking out for each other, so none of us have to cope with the big stuff alone."

"I know."

"In your head, maybe." But not in your heart. The extra sentence hangs between them, unsaid but understood.

"I know." She closes her eyes. "I guess you're not such a colossal asshole after all."

"That's, like, the biggest compliment you've ever paid me." A beat. "Kind of."

Bumblebee just smiles and says nothing at all, listening to his pulse and the steady rhythm of his breathing.

Queen Bee is dead. Long live Bumblebee.

Fin.