Disclaimer: I don't own them, I just enjoy playing a bit.
Author's Note: Thanks so much for the reviews! I hope you are enjoying this silly little story.
Hermione fell onto her bed exhausted with a terrible headache. She had probably just had the worst day of her life. It was possible that the day of the battle when she saw many of her friends die was actually the worst day of her life, but this came a close second. Well, maybe being almost killed in the ministry was worse. Being tortured at Malfoy Manor was no fun either. Ok, so it really didn't compare with some of her other horrible days but all in all, it wasn't good. Kissing Ron and Kingsley had been bad on day one of what she now thought of as a curse but at least they were her friends and understood. Running up to the security guard that had always flirted with her and sticking her tongue down his throat was a pretty horrible experience on day two; especially since he had apparently eaten onions for lunch.
Day three and four were easy. It was the weekend and that meant she didn't have to leave the house. With a few extra wards, nobody could get in either. Ginny had tried. Lavender had tried. Pansy had tried. She had kept everyone out with claims of a violent stomach flu. Molly had flooed out of concern once word got back of her "illness" but Hermione refused her chicken soup claiming to be too ill to eat. Harry and Ron had tried to come over and truthfully she had made plans with them before this whole mess so they had every right, but she kept them out as well. She just didn't want to see anybody.
The events of day five were currently making her head feel like her brain was loose and bouncing around. If she just kept her head still she might be able to survive the night. Unfortunately she was still dressed, hadn't eaten anything since breakfast and hadn't brushed her teeth. She could not go to sleep without at least brushing her teeth. She decided to just lay there a little longer waiting for her brain to re-attach before tackling the violent task of teeth brushing.
Her day had started out fine. She had been so successful at being a hermit over the weekend that she had almost forgot about her problems. Walking through the atrium in the Ministry, she remembered to keep her eyes down and to avoid eye contact. That method seemed to work the best. She found that eye contact was what brought on the heat and the irresistible urge. She had made it to the lift and was heading to her floor when Draco Malfoy stepped in. She knew it was him, even without looking. She could smell his expensive cologne and recognized the designer shoes.
"Granger." He drawled in greeting.
"Malfoy." She responded, not wanting to be rude, even to one of the few people she genuinely despised. To give him credit, he had made a point of not insulting her over the last several years. She hadn't heard him call her mudblood or any other derogatory term in a while; in fact he had been downright nice to her at times. That was probably why she had, on a few occasions, found him slightly, just barely, a little bit attractive. Well he was more than attractive. His classic good looks and those amazing grey eyes were definitely worth swooning over. She, however was not one to swoon and her dislike and distrust of him prevented even the urge. She had admired him from afar as had many other women she was sure. Because of all of this, she refused to even look at his feet anymore, studying hers instead. She'd have to fix that scuff on the left side when she got into her office.
"I need to talk to you about some contracts. Could we set up a meeting this afternoon at three?" He asked, silently wondering why she was so interested in her shoes.
"I don't think that would work for me. I'm very, very busy. Maybe you could send it through messenger along with any questions you might have." The lift opened, the voice told her it was her floor and she started to walk out. Suddenly, she felt a hand grab her arm and stop her. If eye-contact was one way to activate her curse, touching was much, much more powerful. She gasped as she turned to look into those eyes.
"I would really rather. . . " he started to say before Hermione's arms wrapped around his neck and her lips were on his. Not one to turn down a good kiss, Draco happily kissed her back. He knew she wanted him. Heck, every woman wanted him. He was a god among men, an Adonis, a Casanova, a Lancelot, a Don Juan. His overly egotistical thoughts were ripped from his head as Hermione stepped away, a look of utter horror on her face.
"Three would be fine. See you then." She muttered as she ran into her office. She slammed the door behind her and stood against it, her chest heaving and her lips burning. She had just kissed her childhood enemy. She had kissed Malfoy! The man who stood against everything she believed in had kissed her back. The worst thing was, she kind of liked it. It killed her to admit that Draco Malfoy was a good kisser. The man knew what he was doing with his tongue. As the traitorous part of her brain considered that, the prim and proper part of her brain was trying to beat the other with a figurative stick. She should not know what Draco's tongue was like. Her only relief was that she knew he wasn't her true love. She wouldn't be kissing him again even if she did still feel a tingle running down towards her toes.
She allowed herself to calm down and got right to work. She had several things to go over and was glad for the distraction. At some point she grew hungry and made the mistake of leaving her office. She noticed that many of the women were shooting daggers at her. Remembering that she was not supposed to be looking anyone in the eye, she looked back at her feet and headed for the dining hall. Her plan was to buy her lunch quickly and eat in the solitude of her office.
"So, when did you two start dating?" Melissa asked, falling in step with her.
"I don't know what you are talking about." Hermione huffed. Melissa was a new employee and a potential friend. She might need new female friends after she killed all her others.
"I'm talking about you and Draco. We all saw you kiss him."
"Yes, well that was a joke. I am not dating Malfoy. I hate Malfoy."
"That was some kiss. Everyone is talking about it. You've got some women pretty angry at you."
"Well you can assure them that there is nothing going on between us. I have hated him from the day I met him and today isn't any different." They walked into the dining hall and Hermione went up to the counter to grab a sandwich. She started feeling a bit nauseous all of a sudden and thought it probably had to do with the weird cafeteria smells.
"Look, there's Harry Potter. He's so gorgeous." Melissa sighed.
Hermione froze. She couldn't possibly run into Harry in the middle of the dining hall. She didn't need another kissing scene today. She didn't dare look in his direction but it didn't seem to matter, she started sweating, felt weak and was very warm. "I'm going to be sick." She told Melissa as she covered her mouth and ran out the back way to the nearest restrooms. She then proceeded to lose her lunch, even though she hadn't eaten anything.
Coming out of the stall a few minutes later, she threw some water on her face and washed her hands. She noticed that a few women were giving her a strange look, they obviously didn't appreciate hearing her retch. They were probably on their way to lunch and she had ruined it for them.
"Are you all right?" asked a woman who Hermione recognized but didn't know.
"Yes, thank you. I think I ate something bad."
"You didn't eat though. I saw you run out of the dining hall and you hadn't even paid for your lunch."
"It must have been breakfast. Maybe my milk was expired." She really didn't want to explain and truthfully she didn't even have an explanation. "I'd better get back to my office."
"Feel better." Yelled the woman as Hermione hurried out the door.
Harry had just turned Hermione's way when he saw her run out the back door with her hand over her mouth. He walked over to Melissa who had a bad habit of giggling whenever he was around. He really didn't want to talk to her but he had to check on Hermione.
"Hi Melissa."
"Oh! Hi Harry! You are looking nice today!" Her voice was high pitched and sure enough she started giggling.
"I saw you with Hermione, is she all right?"
"Hermione? Oh right, yeah, she said she was sick and ran out."
"Do you know what's wrong?"
"No." She started to say more but ended up giggling and watching Harry walk away.
Harry went to Hermione's office only to find it empty. He then went back to the dining hall thinking she might have come back. Ron came in at that point and Harry decided to grab some food and eat with his friend. He could look for Hermione after he ate. They were eating in peaceful silence while conversations were buzzing around them.
"Did you hear?"
"Hear what"
"About Hermione Granger?"
At the mention of Hermione's name, both Harry and Ron stopped chewing and turned their ears toward the conversation going on at the next table.
"She's pregnant!"
"What?"
"She has horrible morning sickness, I just heard her getting sick in the bathroom."
"Who's the father?"
"Draco Malfoy!"
"Seriously?"
"Yes! They were snogging by the lifts this morning. They were all over each other."
Harry and Ron were both frozen as the gossip reached their ears. The fork Harry was holding was starting to bend as his fist clenched around it. There was no possible way that Hermione could be pregnant, and definitely not with Malfoy.
"It isn't true." Harry told a shocked Ron. "It can't be true." Harry now felt nauseous himself and headed back to his office to process what he had just heard. It had to be a rumor. She wouldn't do that to him.
The gossip continued around the ministry, each re-telling making the story larger and more sordid. By the time it got to Draco it had been blown all out of proportion.
"Congratulations Mate!" Blaise patted Draco on the back and started laughing.
"Congratulations on what?"
"On getting Granger preggars!"
"Granger is pregnant?"
"You didn't know? I thought the father would know."
"You think I'm the father?" Draco sputtered.
"That's what I heard."
"Tell me everything you heard." Draco demanded, his feelings alternated between amusement over Granger being the topic of gossip, anger that he was involved in the gossip and curiosity as to what the gossip really entailed.
"From what I heard, you and Hermione have been secretly dating for a while. Someone saw you shagging in one of the empty conference rooms down in the Department of Mysteries and there were several witnesses to you snogging each other senseless this morning. Apparently Hermione has been sick every morning and after losing her lunch today she apparently confessed to being pregnant with twins. Your twins to be exact." Blaise smiled at his friend, knowing full well that none of it was true. He did hear about the snogging session from several people though so he wondered if that did in fact happen.
"You know it's not true right?" Draco asked, his face heating up from embarrassment.
"Of course it's not true. I just think it's bloody hilarious. You've got some damage control to do. You could come out as gay and put the rumors to rest."
"I'm not gay! I don't need to stop one set of lies with another. I have a meeting with Granger in just a few minutes, I'll get to the bottom of it."
()()()()()()()()
Hermione looked at the clock. Draco would be coming for his meeting soon and then she could leave. There were plenty of people who knew she got sick today so she wouldn't have to make many excuses. She never did get to eat any lunch so she was feeling grumpier than usual. At exactly three o'clock there was a knock on her door.
"Come in." She called, praying it was Draco and not some other former crush of hers.
"Granger." Draco greeted as he closed the door behind him.
"Malfoy. What can I do for you?"
Draco figured she hadn't heard the news so he thought that before he got into that he should actually get some business done. He handed her the contracts he was working on and went over the list of questions that had come up. Hermione was good at her job and knew the law backwards and forwards. About an hour later the contracts were settled and Draco decided to bring up the kiss.
"Do you want to explain what this morning was all about? Not that I'm not happy to be kissing a beautiful woman, but I don't think a relationship between us could work."
"You think I'm beautiful?" Hermione asked stupidly. At his nod, she blushed and told him about the potion.
"So you really let the little Weasel and Parkinson give you a potion?" He asked with a laugh.
"No, I didn't let them, they just did. It's not funny you know."
"Yeah, it really is. I'm going to have to thank Ginny for this bit of entertainment."
"I hate being the butt of a joke Draco."
"Well how about the key figure in a tasty bit of gossip that's going around?"
"What gossip?" Hermione looked at him sharply. Surely he hadn't told anyone about her kissing him.
"Well, apparently we've been shagging all over the Ministry, in addition of course to snogging by the lifts. You are currently pregnant with twins although the latest news has me being only the father of one of them, the other father is unknown but rumored to have red hair."
Hermione sat in her chair, mouth open and knuckles white. She attempted to say something but only squeaked.
"I assume you are not the one who started this rumor?"
Hermione shook her head no in reply.
"Are you pregnant?"
Another shake of the head.
"Shag anyone in a conference room?"
She finally got her voice, "No!"
"Well, we'll have to figure out a solution to our problem then."
"Why are you being nice to me?" Hermione finally asked. "You could be gloating and telling the world about my unfortunate situation."
"Well as I am no longer the bastard I once was, I don't necessarily want to embarrass people that could potentially be my friends. Besides, I'm the father of at least one of your unborn children so I should treat you better."
Hermione laughed despite her situation. "You think we could be friends?"
"We have several friends in common so I don't think that a friendship in the future is unreasonable. Now, I need to get back to my office and I'm guessing that the fact that we've been shut up alone in your office for over an hour has led to quite an audience outside. I suggest that we just let it go for now, let people talk and maybe you should wear something tight and sexy that clearly shows you are not pregnant. I'll talk to you later." Draco didn't give Hermione a chance to respond and headed out the door. She sat in silence trying to figure out how in the world she would be able to ignore these rumors while avoiding people starting new ones. She was startled out of her thoughts by a banging on the door.
"Hermione! It's me Ron, let me in!"
"Are you alone?"
"Yes." At his answer, Hermione let Ron enter and closed the door behind him.
"Is it true?" Ron demanded. "I just saw him leave your office."
"Do you really believe that gossip Ronald? You know me better than that."
"Do I? Roger told Mark that he saw you shagging in the broom closet in the auror department. Are you having Draco Malfoy's babies?"
It was at this point that her head started to throb. "Ronald Weasley, you know better than to believe stupid gossip about people. Of course I'm not pregnant and I have never shagged anyone in any broom closet in the bloody Ministry." As she yelled she grabbed her cloak and purse and headed for the door.
"I knew it couldn't be true. You haven't even had a date in a year."
Hermione stopped in the open doorway and looked at her now former best friend. She was losing friends fast. She might need to take Draco up on his offer of friendship. "Is it that hard to believe that I could have a relationship with someone? Is it that hard to believe that someone might want to shag me? Maybe I am pregnant, you don't know what I do with my private time." She stomped her foot and headed for the lifts. Just as the doors to the lift were about to close, she saw Harry running towards her yelling her name. If the doors hadn't closed, when they did she would have made the biggest mistake of her life. As it was, she was sick again and stumbled into the atrium, promptly vomiting in a potted plant. It definitely added some kindling to the gossip fire. She ran quickly to the nearest floo and went straight home.
In one day she had kissed Draco Malfoy, fought with Ron, been the victim of a vicious rumor, was apparently pregnant -by immaculate conception no less- and had thrown up every time she saw Harry. That was why she was currently laying on her bed, waiting for her brain to stop bouncing and thinking about taking a long vacation to somewhere far, far away.