Disclaimer: You laugh because I'm different... I laugh because I just farted on your disclaimer. :) Owned by CLAMP.

AN: Sorry this took longer than anticipated to put up but once you read it you'll see that it was a really hard chapter to write. I'm slightly tempted to rewrite this a fourth time but I think my beta Keiyou would fall over from the angst overdose.

AN: Rating has gone up for blood and imagery.

The darkness wouldn't recede this time even though he was conscious, to some minor extent or another- that much he did know, what he didn't know was where he was or where that other voice had gone off to and though he was thankful for it's silence it also put him on edge and that wasn't the only thing. It was as if his eyes were open though he knew they weren't, he could see but other than the fog there is nothing to see aside from wave after wave of milky gray fog.

'Nothing for miles around...'

As soon as the thought is formed it is proven wrong with the appearance of a strange shape in the distant shadows, a building perhaps. Whether he wants to or not Fai suddenly finds himself walking towards it, his feet moving of their own accord and it is then that he makes another realization- he can see himself, a pale, two eyed, hollow husk of a magician walking in the darkness as if his awareness was on the outside and suddenly he understood what's going on, a sense of dread washing over him at the thought.

'Dreaming.'

There was no relief in the word, no voice, just the single conviction ringing out through his doomed existence. He wanted to stop his feet, to turn and run like the self-serving coward he was but as usual his masochistic subconscious refused to relinquish control and he could see the vague shape before him slowly become the prison he once knew so well.

The tower of Valeria.

Memories, usually repressed so well, resurfaced with a vengeance, demanding his attention as his hands began to drip blood, his dream eyes going wide with horror and shock. 'No, no, no...' he shouted but knew there was no stopping this. It would play out like it always had whether he bade it to or not.

Time skipped forward and he was in the bottom level of the tower now, surrounded by bodies filled with rot, their faces a collective mask of hatred- forever on the verge of death but never truly passing on. Suddenly his focus changed though in real life he'd never been able to take his eyes off the bodies. No, in real life he would have fallen to the ground, keening for all the souls he'd harmed and cursing the gods for his birth.

'It's not fair that so many others have had to suffer just because no one was willing to kill-'

His thoughts stopped there as his attention came around to the small shadow of a boy sitting on the mountain of bodies, sunken eyes closed against the terror and long mangy hair hiding anything he might have seen should he peek for but a moment. His skin was pulled taught over his small, frail bones, all palled and smooth from malnutrition aside from the gashes of dried and still flowing blood that poured from his arms at his own sharp nail's beckon.

A sob escaped the boy, ringing out into the silence as he dug deeper into his skin but no tears fell. Fai knew he had no more tears to shed at this point, his body being carefully kept alive by the curse of his magic but not enough to produce more proof of his guilt- nevertheless that didn't stop him. He would have cried an eternity had he been left one.

Looking back on himself he felt the conscious part of him weeping with the boy he once, and in many ways still, was, shedding the tears that he could not and his heart ached all the more for it. He didn't deserve even his own pity now let alone anyone else's.

"Yuui? Yuui!" A small, panicked voice from above called out and he flinched.

'No, I don't deserve anyone's tears. No one at all. Not for what I've done.'

The boy stopped shuddering and turned his head upwards, his mouth opening and closing as he fought for control of his emotions.

"Yuui?" The voice called again, softer this time with less fear as he tried to comfort his sobbing brother. "It'll be okay, Yuui. We'll find a way out of this." He reassured. "I promise, we'll figure it out...'

"Stop it!" The boy snapped, his eyes coming open in anger only to close them again with the sight before him. "We don't deserve to get out of here. Haven't we done enough damage already?" It wasn't a question that needed to be answered between them but he still felt the need to ask it.

There was a pause before the other spoke again, trying hard to cover the waver in his words. "Don't say that." He said slowly. "We can't give up just because theysay we're unnatural, that we're the ones doing all this. We're not. Don't you remember what Mamma-"

"Don't!" The boy put his hands over his ears as if to block out the memory but it was too late and suddenly Fai found himself transported to another place and time just five painful years prior.

The ground was now covered with white, fluffy snow instead of littered with dead, stinking bodies, the white sheet interrupted only by the occasional snowman or angel instead of streaks of blood. Fai felt his heart falter and trip as he watched the seemingly peaceful scene unfold before him, blood still dripping from his hands as he clenched and unclenched them in preparation for what he was about to see.

A young woman with long blond hair and beautiful sapphire eyes stood watching the horizon while her two precious children built snow kitties and puppies, their own mops of pale blond dusted with flakes of white as they laughed and danced and teased each other- unknowing of the turn their lives were about to take or what their mother had foreseen as they ran back and forth, bringing her presents conjured of snow and ice and love.

The woman stiffed suddenly, ignoring her children's outstretched arms and Fai's blood froze- a drip on the end of his fingertip pausing in mid drop as if dream time itself has stopped in recognition of this single most painful moment of his existence. 'No...' He whispered within himself. 'Run, run you foolish woman. Leave them. Save yourself.' His mind begged but the formless voice his thoughts took was sounded resigned, having already relived this memory over and over again.

"Inside. Now." Her voice was toneless and cold, piercing the frosty air with it's own unique chill, the one and only time he'd ever heard it like that as she scooped up her two clueless blue eyed babies and ran into the house.

Time skipped forward again and suddenly they were in the bathroom. His mother standing in the doorway, staff in hand and surrounded by a pale blue light as she fought back the oncoming force, the twins huddled in the tub behind her, clinging to each other as they would have done to her if hadn't ordered them to stay put. "Always remember," she said over her shoulder "that I love you and no matter what- this is not your fault. None of this is your fault." The two little boys nodded, understanding so little but already committing the words to memory as he himself stood motionless in the drama, hands dripping crimson onto the pearly white floor, unseen by any but his conscious.

'Of course they can't see you. They're all dead now.' His mind whispered in betrayal. 'All dead, dead, dead...'

As if to accentuate the traitorous thoughts that rose up through him a scream pieced the air, an empty silence following in its wake and fracturing his mind just a little more than it had been before.

Whether it was his mother or the arrow's whistle he would never know but one minute she was standing ready, chanting protection spells and counter curses under her breath and the next- she was laying dead on the floor, eyes blank and blood flowing from the wound in her chest, her beautiful hair becoming a halo of red around her forever frozen angelic face. The moment after that the twins were at her side, wearing perfectly matching masks of horror and grief.

"Mamma, mamma! Mamma!"They shouted in unison, tears and blood mixing together as they cried. The first boy looked down as his hands while the second held him tightly and Fai found himself suddenly looking through the eyes of his youth once again, looking down at the stain upon his hands and weeping.

'No! Mamma!' The thoughts reverberated in his long forgotten childlike voice that no longer bore the quality or innocence of a child.

The world changed again as time skipped forward and instantly his mother's body was gone only be replaced with that of his dear, dear brother Fai, the realFai. He remembered the exact moment he'd chosen death, this brother of his. He remembered feeling his own cursed magic suddenly double up and intensify and the complete and utter horror that came next as he realized what was about to happen.

Before he, Yuui, could even begin to contemplate the decision that had been given to the both of them his brother had jumped, ending his own life to save his worthless one and now here he lay, broken body motionless and blood forever staining his twin's hands.

"Fai! Fai come back, this isn't funny anymore!" He both sobbed and screamed in denial, his voice starting to crack as what was left of his sanity began to break.

His brother, his twin, turned to dust in his arms.