Bffimagine: Yay! I really love this story… I hope you enjoy reading it as much as I enjoy writing it!

Note: One of my wonderful reviewers noted that the rape scene is a lot like the one in the fanfiction, 'Zeit'. I have personally read that fic (and loved it to death . but I have a different idea in mind for why Ken associates the rapist with Aya. HAPPY READING!

The door creaked open and Ken stumbled into the shop at five in the morning. Omi came running down the stairs, not bothering to turn on a light.

'Please, please don't let him turn on the light. I don't want him to see me,' Ken thought hopefully.

How appropriate. Now he hid in the dark, like the vermin that no one cared about. The vermin that was dirty and had no right to be seen or heard. That simply existed because life refused to leave their bodies.

"Where were you? I had to send Yohji-kun to get the medicine!"

Ken froze. He forgot the medicine. He had failed…

The soccer player hung his head. He felt selfish for thinking of his own pain instead of Ran's.

"I'm sorry, Omi. Tell Ran I'm sorry too."

'Because I can't tell him myself. I'm too dirty.'

Ken passed Omi and quietly shuffled up the stairs.

"There's no excuse Ken-kun! Aya-kun is really sick! Yotan nearly didn't get the medicine in time!" Omi waved his arms exasperatedly.

Again Ken stopped. He turned to face Omi, subconsciously thankful Omi couldn't see his face.

"I know there's no excuse. I'd trade places with Aya just to save him, anytime, anywhere." With that Ken dragged himself to his room.

Morning light danced on the pallid face of Hidaka Ken, making the mottled bruise on one of his cheeks seem darker and the redness of the other scratched cheek more noticeable. Ken groaned.

Bloody towels were soaking in the bathtub, and the first aid kit was still open at the foot of his bed.

A piece of gauze was in the garbage, stained in blood. It held the bullet Ken had to dig out of his knee.

The blood loss made Ken dizzy as he got to his feet. His entire torso was covered in bandages, neatly wrapped around and meticulously covering the vicious bite mark on his neck.

His right knee was bound tightly with blood still oozing through the gauze. Ken applied more material before pulling on a brace.

Unfortunately his left wrist had no brace. He had to create a makeshift splint to keep the bone in place, and he tried not to move it and still keep his injuries inconspicuous.

It had been a tortuous shower the night before.

Hot water ran into the cuts like rainwater in ditches, stinging as they washed away the blood and divulged Ken with the sight of his swollen red flesh. The soap stung with biting needles of cleansing that burned even after the lather was rinsed off.

Ken sighed resignedly and pulled on a t-shirt and sweater, opting for a baggier one that covered his neck and went past his thumbs. He wore loose black pants just in case the blood soaked through, and applied a tan powder on his face to cover the scratch and the bruise.

Finally convinced that he looked normal, Ken started down the stairs, unsurprised how difficult it was. His vision swam slightly and his knee didn't wish to cooperate with him.

He could feel his blood soaking into all his bandages, his back feeling disgustingly wet and his legs bleeding slightly slower. Ken knew it was only a matter of time before his knee gave out on him altogether, and the amount of blood he was loosing was scary.

But it wasn't anyone else's problem but his own. He would not burden anyone with his troubles, not when Aya was sick and in such dire need of their attention.

Worthless people didn't deserve medical help, anyway.

Yohji ran into Ken as the brunette stepped into the hallway.

"Where were you last night Ken? Aya damn near overheated and you were nowhere in sight!"

Ken fought back the memories of the night before and the tears that accompanied them.

"I-I got lost, Yohji," giving the blonde a watery apologetic smile.

He mentally kicked himself for that reply.

"You suck at lying, Ken. Where were you? Did you leave because you couldn't take it? You couldn't take the thought of Aya dying? And because of that you left him and he nearly did!" Yohji didn't like the sound of his own voice, but he had a lot of stress to get rid of and couldn't help but take it out on Ken.

"I'm sorry, Yohji. You shouldn't have had to go and get the medicine because I didn't. I'm sorry. Please, tell that to Ran." Ken's eyes drifted to the floor.

"No, Kenken. You're going to tell him yourself."

Yohji grabbed Ken's injured wrist and Ken was thankful for two things: One, that he didn't yelp, and two, that Yohji had turned away and hadn't seen him grimace.

"I-I can't, Yohji."

"You'd better, Ken."

"No."

"Ken! I've had enough of this crap! Where the hell were you and why didn't you come back last night."

"I don't want to talk about it Yohji. I've got to open the shop. Let go." Ken looked away from the angry emerald eyes.

'I'm causing them pain…'

"God damn you, Ken! Go, open the shop. Hopefully Aya will be awake enough to hear your apology, given he doesn't die while you're to cowardly to tell him!"

The tears Ken didn't want to shed welled in his eyes again.

"I'm sorry Yohji."

Ken left to begin work at the Koneko.

"YOTAN!"

"What is it, Omittchi?" Yohji looked up from his coffee.

"Have you seen Ken-kun this morning? He didn't eat anything."

"Yeah, I saw him. He's being a prick."

"As in, refusing to say much other than 'I'm sorry'?"

"Mmm-hmm."

"And asking you to tell Aya he was sorry?"

Something clicked.

"I'm worried, Omi. This could be serious."

"Do you think he's hiding something?"

"Hai. We just have to figure out what."

"And soon."

Days dragged by and Ken didn't seem to have changed. He offered his usual, cheerful smile, no matter whom it was directed at, and to the fangirls, he seemed like regular, boy-next-door Kenken.

But to his family—to Weiss—they knew something was up.

Omi sighed as he set some soup and toast in front of Aya. Aya took the food and thanked him, starting to eat immediately.

"We're worried about Ken-kun, Aya-kun," he muttered, though his voice seemed directed at the carpet.

"What happened to him? I haven't seen him… he hasn't come up to my room," Aya responded, his icy monotone warmer with concern.

"He didn't come back that night we sent him to get your medicine. He was out for five hours and the pharmacy is only ten minutes away. We think something happened, but he won't tell us what."

"Demo, it's been nearly a week since then…"

"And seems normal, Aya-kun. Ken-kun is an awful liar because he hates lying and because you can read exactly what he feels in his eyes. He's just so open most of the time, but now…"

"It isn't your concern what he did that night. The medicine was retrieved in the end, no harm done." The ice froze over again.

'Ken… what could be wrong with you?'

Giving up, Omi nodded and stood.

"I'll come up to get the dishes after," he stated flatly, the turned and left.

The truth was, if Yohji and Omi were worried, Aya was worried thousand-fold. He had become infatuated with Ken since the beginning and—

'STOP THINKING THAT!' Ran inwardly yelled at himself. So he finished his food and went back sleep.

He didn't want to admit he loved Ken and would do anything for him. He wouldn't allow himself to.

The next day Yohji confronted Ken. It was time they had a talk.

"What are you hiding, Ken?"

Ken looked confused, but Yohji saw the fear in his eyes.

"I'm not hiding anything, Yotan."

Yohji was very frustrated.

"Then why the hell are you acting like the living dead? What happened, Ken? Since when did your smile die before it reached your eyes?" Yohji traced a finger along Ken's cheekbone.

"I don't know what you're talking about."

"You can't lie and you know it, Ken! What do I have to do to get you to talk to me?"

"What if I don't want to talk?"

Yohji lost it. He swung his fist, expecting Ken to dodge, but was surprised when it connected with a sick smack to Ken's cheek.

The impact reopened a cut on the inside of Ken's cheek, the blood dripping down from the corner of his mouth.

Hurt was evident in the liquid chocolate pools, glazed and watery with tears.

What really got Yohji's attention, was the bruise that was revealed on Ken's face, still dark and mottled but yellowing at the edges, indicating that it was healing.

Mouth open in shock, he stared at Ken, and then his fist, which was tan with powder that had wiped off Ken's face.

"Oh… my God… I'm so sorry, Ken, I-I didn't mean to—"

"Don't worry Yohji. It's… it's not worth it."

'I'm not worth it.'

Ken ran up the stairs and out of sight.

Yohji worked the rest of the shift in silence. Something happened. He knew it. He just had to figure out what.

What could make happy-go-lucky Ken get so closed off?

How could he help?

Ken scuffled into Aya's room. It was dark but warm, and inanely spotless.

"Ran," he whispered softly, confident Aya was asleep, "I'm so sorry."

He stopped for a moment, hesitating.

Aya was, in fact, very much awake and listening intently.

"I understand if you're mad at me. And you should be. You should hate me as much as I hate myself. You should think I'm as dirty and used and worthless as I am."

That's not what Aya expected to hear. The pain in Ken's voice made it all too difficult to listen to.

"I know I'm a coward, since I'm telling you all this in your sleep. But… even though I know I don't deserve you—I… I love you, Ran."

Ran's eyes snapped open.

"No, you don't."

Ken seemed taken aback.

"H-How long were you awake for?" Ken looked so scared at that moment… Aya couldn't help but think that fear didn't belong in Ken's eyes or voice, now or ever.

"Only for the end," Aya lied, his face stony and impassive.

"You only think you love me, Ken, and that's all it is. A silly crush. I never want to hear you say that in my presence—or ever, for that matter—again." Aya inwardly winced at the coldness of his words and tone.

Brown eyes melted in hurt and Aya could just barely make out the outline of Ken's shoulders sagging.

"I-I understand. I'm sorry, Aya, for everything."

Ken left, closing the door almost silently behind him.

Aya wanted to kick himself. Hard. In the head.

Why had he said that to Ken? He wanted the soccer player to fall in love with him this whole time, and here he was tearing the poor boy apart!

Yes, the great Fujimiya Ran was scared. He was scared of loving someone as much and as deeply as he did.

Meanwhile, Ken was in his own bedroom, the door locked.

Quiet sobs wracked his body, sending ripples of pain through his healing back. There would be scars. On his back, legs… everywhere. The bite mark, even, would leave faint lines on his neck.

And the scars on his heart and mind.

They would bleed forever.

Just remember, I had you first.

No one will want you.

I don't want you.

Aya's face danced in Ken's vision as he cried.

bffimagine: AHA! Another chapter finished! Please, please review!