The Jade Princess, as it so happened, was in the ring. Being pinned down by her opponent, the Warrior, actually. Not exactly the way she'd planned this evening.
If everything had gone as planned, she'd would've kicked this guy's butt and already be having another drink at the bar. There had been a few slight hitches.
The Jade Princess did have one distinct advantage in the ring, however. Her opponents (usually large, sweaty men) tended to underestimate her. With her shiny blond hair and sparkling green eye shadow, it was easy to believe that she couldn't do serious harm.
With an annoyed grunt, the Jade Princess began shifting her body weight. One side, then the other. Her attacker was only using his arms to pin her down, for Christ's sake. This should be easy. The Warrior looked down at her.
"Hey, what are you-" His question was cut off by Jade Princess's fist connecting rather forcibly with his nose. The Warrior wasn't a wrestler for nothing, but a sudden explosion of blood on your face is enough to distract anyone. The Jade Princess used his moment of confusion to pummel in the stomach with her knees. Then, bracing herself against the taut mats, she whacked the Warrior's arms out from underneath him, simultaneously sliding backwards. Two hundred pounds of well-trained wrestler hit the mats with a thud. The Jade Princess hopped to her feet. It was doubtfully the Warrior would stay down for long.
True to her expectations, he levered himself to his feet after a count of six, blood streaming down his face. The Jade Princess smiled. Time for her finishing move.
Executing a twirl that would put a ballerina to shame, the Jade Princess neared her opponent, her long braid spinning with her. On the end of this braid was a thick ring, inset with all kinds of glittery green stones. It hit the Warrior square in the forehead. The huge man crumpled to the ground.
"ONE! TWO! THREE! FOUR! FIVE! SIX! SEVEN! EIGHT! NINE!...TEN!"
With a satisfied grin, the Jade Princess stepped off the mats. Immediately, a short man with deeply tanned skin extricated himself from the crowd.
"Call for you while you were in the ring," he said, in accented English. The Jade Princess nodded, but ignored the cell phone in his outstretched hand.
"I'll call back in a minute," she said decisively. "Right now, I just want a drink."
This wasn't entirely true, but the Jade Princess, otherwise known as Juliet Butler, wanted some time to mull over her victory.
You see, ever since Juliet had left her life in training to become a bodyguard, her greatest aim was to become the world's best female wrestler- hands down. And after four years of work and training, Juliet cracked the big time. Her face- well an overly made-up version of her face- was on television screens across America. Her wrestling matches were broadcasted live as she took down wrestler after wrestler.
But her victory was short-lived. She was famous, but Juliet was also quite bored. So much of her onscreen fights was staged, and barely anyone got actually hurt anymore. Juliet felt that it wasn't really a fight unless someone got hurt. She needed the action.
This was why Juliet Butler, one-time protector of Artemis Fowl and almost graduate of Madame Ko's bodyguard academy, found herself in a dingy bars all through America, wrestling for real.
She hadn't had this much fun in months.
But back to the present, she chided herself. No wonder she hadn't graduated from Madame Ko's Academy. And though it had been four years, that thought still rankled. With a sigh, she beckoned the bartender over. He didn't even ask, simply slapping a beer in front of her and holding his hand out for the money. She gave it to him, took a sip of her beer, and turned to her Mexican assistant.
"You said there was a call?"
In Fowl Manor, the phone rang.
Artemis, who to his eternal shame was searching salad recipes on the internet, jumped to answer it.
"Hello?" he asked. Really, there were only five people in the world who had this number, so he shouldn't have to ask. But there was always the horrifying prospect that his parents might come home early.
"Arty? Is that you?" Juliet wasn't yelling, but her voice was still plenty loud enough to pierce Artemis' eardrums.
"Of course it's me. Who else would pick up the phone?" Even though he knew she couldn't see him, Artemis raised an eyebrow. "You are losing your touch, Miss Butler."
In a somewhat less than clean bar in Chicago state, Juliet grinned. It was him alright.
"Hang on, Arty. I'm going to try to get out of this noise" On the other side of the world, Artemis tapped his fingers impatiently. He waited for perhaps half a second before continuing.
"Doubtless, you are wondering why I called." Suddenly, the background noise cut out. Juliet must have found a quiet place.
"I was at that," she said, waiting to hear what would come next. This was Artemis Fowl, possibly he would require her assistance with some impossible scheme he had come up with. At any rate it shouldn't be boring. Juliet was ready for a little more adventure.
"I um-" Artemis paled slightly. It was not going to be easy, to lower himself and ask for help. Especially since his was not a life threatening situation, though it would be eventually. "I need this to remain in confidence, Juliet. Not a word to anyone, even your brother."
"Of course Artemis," Juliet replied, unable to keep the excitement out of her voice. "What's it going to be this time? More adventures with- psychotic American businessmen?" Juliet silently berated herself. She had been about to say fairies. And according to Artemis, all traces of fairies had been wiped from her mind.
What Artemis didn't know (a very small category of facts) was that Juliet Butler had returned to the Manor on a fateful day several years ago, only to find that the alarms had been disabled and that no one was home. She had searched through the entire house and discovered that one of Artemis' Powerbooks was running, its screen displaying two files- One labeled Artemis, the other labeled Butler. She had clicked Butler's file, and had, over the course of the next few hours, relearned everything the People had erased from her memory. It had been enlightening, but she hadn't wanted the young Master to find out. She got the feeling he wouldn't approve.
"Miss Butler? Juliet? Did you hear me?" Artemis' voice brought Juliet racing back to the present.
"Oh, sorry Arty. Could you repeat what you said?" Artemis was frowning again. The words were not forthcoming.
"Could you…tell me how to make a salad?"
And though she knew she shouldn't, Juliet burst out laughing.
Five minutes later, Artemis had processed enough information to make an adequate salad.
"Erm..thank you, Juliet," he said awkwardly. Repressed giggles flowed through the line.
"No problem, Arty."
"Goodbye," Artemis said, and terminated the intercontinental call.
In America, Juliet smiled faintly at her phone. For such a serious boy, Artemis certainly was amusing.
She flicked the silver shut, spinning around on her heels. She was about to make her way back to the bar when a black-clad figure shimmered into view in front of her.
"Don't move human, and I might not have to blow your head off."
Disclaimer: I own pretty much nothing. Only what you don't recognize. That Mexican dude, for instance.