I could tell that Bella looked at me periodically throughout lunch. I stared at her for a really long time, trying to control my feelings for her. I'm trying not to be so selfish. I hate my current life style at home... why should I mix Bell into it? I won't. I couldn't. It's not ethical.
I must have scared her or something by the agitation on my face. But I wasn't annoyed with her, I was annoyed with myself.
When lunch was over I sighed in relief, now time for Biology.
No one sat with me in that class. Probably because I'm such a dork, or I intimidate them... which is kind of pathetic because if they saw my brother, they wouldn't be so scared of me anymore.
But at least I had some privacy to think to myself.
I had gotten a hold on the whole -stay away from Bella- thing down. I could do that. This was a big school. I didn't have to talk to her if I saw her in the hallways. At lunch we sat at different tables. This could work. I didn't hate Bella or dislike her this was for her own...
Oh...
"Class, today we have a new student. A Miss Isabella Swan."
No.
No, no, no, no, no! This can't be happening. She HAS to sit with me now. I HAVE to talk to her now... wait... maybe I don't...
I cleared off the table instantly so she could sit down and put her books away. Bella looked at me and smiled. I couldn't help but smile back and say my 'hello's' but after that I was on lock down. I just went blank. There was a slight buzzing in my head but that was about it.
I don't know why but once the bell rang I grabbed my books and ran out of there.
Stupid, stupid, stupid! Why did I do that? Now she think that I hate her or... she smells or something. Now, I'm hurting her in another way. This is just bad all around.
But why am I making such a big deal out of this...
Because I know that if I get any closer to her that i won't be able to control myself.
--
"Come on Cullen!" Jacob shouted from behind my Mazda.
"What? Don't you have your own car?"
"Nope." Jacob looked a bit happy about something. "My dad sold it to his old friend."
"OH, sorry about that. That really sucks."
"Actually it doesn't. Because that car was total crap. So now I can get a better one. And by 'get' I mean make." Then Jake smiled a smug smile. "But do you know who I saw driving my old car?"
He didn't leave time for me to answer.
"Bella Swan. Isn't that amazing! She's driving MY car."
"I thought you said it was total crap."
"Yes... but... it was my car and now she has it. So, the sweet smell of me is what she is now intoxicated with and will some day fall in love with me." He had this really gay dreamy look on him as he stared out into the sky.
He jerked his head down and rubbed his eyes. "Ouch... the sun."
I laughed as I pushed him into the car. "Come on."
--
"So what's new at the mob house?"
I stared horrified at him and clamped his mouth shut, swerving off the road.
I gave him a death stare and he understood what I meant, but he still looked bewildered. He never had to worry about saying anything in my car before.
I wrote down on a piece of paper as I was going down the HWY:
New Agent. Beefing up surveillance. not safe here.
Jake nodded, but after a little silence, he said "How do you know?"
I sighed. "We, I mean, my family has ways. They just know okay. We call him Agent Yawn." I looked back at him. "Anything else?"
"Yea, I wish I bugged my old car. Then I could hear Bella when she's driving."
"You are such a douche bag, Jake." I laughed trying not to let anger over whelm me.
I came up to his house and dropped him off.
"Thanks." He yelled back. "Oh, that new Marvel movie comes out Friday. Want to go see it with me?"
"Yeah, that would be awesome... oh wait... I have a... (cough)symphony(cough) to play at."
"A what?" Jake asked coming back to me now.
"I have something to go to that night."
"Oh." He hung his head.
"There'll be an after party later. I'm sure you can come to that."
His face perked up considerably. As he tried to walk back to his house trying to act all cool he yelled over his shoulder.
"Give me the details later."
He fail miserably at being suave. He's too lanky for that.
But the reminder of the symphony reminded me that I have to practice.
I decided I wouldn't self combust till Saturday.