Chapter 9
The crew didn't head straight for Persephone as things turned out. Book needed some 'spiritual healing', and asked - or rather demanded – that Mal layover in Haven for a few days. The crew were grateful for the respite after everything they had all been through.
Seeing as Mal had injuries that needed healing, a shoulder that was bandaged and wouldn't have full range of motion for a while yet, as well as a bullet wound in his leg and arm, both which weren't too serious thankfully, he used that as an excuse to agree to the request. The truth was that he wanted to delay Inara's leaving as long as possible. But his crew knew him better. And most suspected their Captain and the Companion were dancing a wicked dance around each other.
As for Inara, she was healing, but her relationship with the Captain of Serenity was in murky water. Inara had no idea how to read Mal. Just when she thought she had him figured out, she realised she wasn't even close.
She had tried to probe Kaylee on information as to why Saffron was onboard Serenity, but Kaylee just shrugged it off with a "the Cap'n knows best" and changed the subject. Even Jayne wouldn't shed any light with his, "Mal's a man I-nara. Why do you think he is keepin' her around?"
In the week on Haven they had both been avoiding each other. Nothing but the cursory 'Inara' or 'Captain' by way of greeting passed between them. For some inexplicable reason, they were awkward around each other since the night in the infirmary, and Inara didn't know why.
It didn't help matters that Saffron was still around either. Around and perfectly at home. She roamed Serenity freely and took her meals with the crew. Nobody was particularly friendly towards her – except Jayne, who was hoping to get lucky no doubt - but there was a tolerance of her presence which Inara could only conclude meant that they were respecting their Captain's choice of lover. That thought bothered her more than she would like to admit.
That night, after saying their goodbyes on Haven, the crew was back in the sky, en-route to Persephone. Inara and Kaylee were in her shuttle, taking tea and talking.
After sipping on her tea, Kaylee asked, "So, you really going back to Sihnon? Your scars are healin' nicely and Simon says you're doing great. But goin' back there after everythin' that happened there?"
Inara smiled encouragingly, "it's not a bad place Kaylee. Bad things happen everywhere. Even here on Serenity. Does that mean you would leave her forever?" Inara touched her face, "these scars will fade with time. But I can't let it stop me from living my life."
Looking at the still red lines that ran in short, straight lines all over Inara's face, Kaylee shook her head understandingly, "S'pose not. It's just… it's been so great havin' you back. Just like old times. When we would all talk together, and eat together, and argue with each other," she added ruefully, "but like a family. Don't you miss that?"
Inara sipped slowly from her cup before saying, "there wasn't a day when I was on Sihnon that I didn't think about my decision to leave. In the months I had been onboard, I had changed. I had come to love and be loved here," she smiled fondly, "although it wasn't always easy. But my decision to go was the right one for me. And those reasons haven't changed Kaylee."
Inara made a conscious effort to infuse her voice with more excitement, "Besides, I have family on Sihnon as well. Mei-Li and the girls. And I have my work there. So you see, I'm not alone."
Kaylee ignored the latter, and zoned in on what Inara had said before, "What are the reasons Inara? Forgive me for bein' so bold, but is it the Cap'n? I know you two have some funny relationship, but you know he means well right? If you wanted to stay with Serenity, Mal wouldn't mind. I don't need to be tellin' you that that tough exterior just hides a big ol softie."
Inara stood up from the sofa and walked over to her dresser in order to give herself something to do. "Kaylee, Mal and I…" Inara's voice trailed off. "It's complicated," she added slowly. "And it seems like Mal has more than enough female companionship at the moment, with his wife and all."
Kaylee huffed out a breath, frustrated, "Ex-wife. Inara, Saffron and the Cap'n aren't-"
Inara continued, "And I doubt Mal would appreciate being referred to as a big old softie."
"Indeed he would. I aint no softie I'll have you know."
Kaylee gasped in surprise and Inara spun around. "Mal, I see you still take liberties when it comes to knocking. That is, you don't."
"Why fix somethin' that 'aint broke?" he said cheekily.
Kaylee looked from one to the other and decided it was time to leave. She had almost blurted out the real reason Saffron was onboard Serenity, but she had made a decision not to. Even though Inara kept askin' and askin', this time, she and the Cap'n needed to come to some sort of understandin' without any interference.
Kaylee said, "Inara, I'll see you later. I have some compression coils that need checkin'" Getting up she walked to the door and said, "Cap'n" and nodded in Inara's direction, a gesture that Mal responded to with a scowl.
Alone, Mal didn't know what to do with himself, so he chose to sit awkwardly on the seat Kaylee had vacated.
Inara, equally at a loss, chose to fall back on the faithful routine of the past, "What do you want Mal?"
Mal smiled sarcastically and said, "Why, the pleasure of your company Inara."
She scoffed, "Well, considering you haven't sought that particular pleasure – from me anyway – in the last few days-"
Mal snapped, "You noticed?"
Inara ignored him and continued, "-I would have to deduce that you are here to either ask me something or tell me something. Which is it?"
Mal stood up straight, "Well then, seeing as my attempt at some measure of civility has been rejected-"
"Civility?!" cried Inara, her voice raised, she took a step towards the sofa, fists clenched at her sides.
Mal, becoming more and more frustrated stepped towards her too, "yes, civility! What else would you call coming into my shuttle, real peaceful like-"
"You call barging into my shuttle peaceful?" she interjected astonished.
"-only to be confronted by a whore who doesn't know her own mind. Looks like you forgot some of the manners they taught you at that fancy academy of yours."
"Great! Just great Mal! When all else fails, fall back on calling me a whore," she shouted, clearly hurt. "After everything, I had hoped we had at least passed that point, but I see I was wrong."
Mal shouted back, "well clearly I see we were both all sorts of wrong about a lot of things!"
Inara bristled, "and I ask myself why I ever left Serenity! Especially on days when I missed everyone here so much it hurt!"
Mal went still for a moment, his heart beating erratically.
"Well here is the reason! You and your stubbornness! Never have I come across anyone as infuriating, impulsive-"
"Impulsive! Well my impulsive nature rescued you!" Mal retorted.
"-as pig-headed, as annoying as you are Captain!" she yelled, all carefully trained companion composure lost. "And if I remember correctly, I never asked you to rescue me. Although I do appreciate it."
"Well then, you won't have to be around such an irritation for much longer. The reason I came in here was to check whether you would be leavin' us – Serenity," he corrected, "once we reach Persephone, but I see that 'aint even up for debate."
"Oh, I'm leaving alright! And not a minute too soon!"
Chests heaving, they stood facing each other, almost touching, the breath of mere inches separating them.
"Fine!" he shouted. Inara's cheeks were flushed, her hair tousled, her stance defiant. Mal had never seen her look more lovely.
"Fine!" she yelled back. Mal on the other hand, face set in determination looked roguishly handsome, Inara thought. No less infuriating, but still striking.
"Ta Ma Duh," Mal didn't think, he just acted, "'aint no woman in the 'verse who drives me as Feng Le as you do," he muttered before pulling her across the inch that separated them and pressing his lips to hers.
Shock pervaded Inara's entire system. Like cold water drenched over a heated body, her system reacted. Automatically her hands moved to his chest, and as he deepened the kiss, to his shoulders, and finally wound around his neck, pressing her body against his.
It was no gentle kiss. Mal kissed her hard and hungrily, all the months of pent up feeling and longing poured into the moment. Inara moaned and kissed him back. She didn't think anymore, she just felt. His arms were around her, and no matter what was unsettled between them, that was where she most dearly wanted to be, every inch of their bodies pressed together.
"'Nara," he murmured heatedly and moved to caress the nape of her neck with his lips.
Her breathing was erratic as she murmured his name, clutching fistfuls of his hair and forcing his mouth back to hers, "Mal."
"Mal…" came another voice, and at first neither heard it above the heart pounding of their own heartbeats in their ears.
"Mal..." The voice, and its owner, penetrated Inara's fuzzy brain and she pushed at Mal. He immediately let her go and with their chests heaving, Inara and Mal maintained eye contact till the voice came once more, "Mal!"
Inara turned her back to Mal to hide her mortification.
"Inara," he said weakly and moved his hand to touch her. Seeing the tense set of her shoulders, his hand hovered over her, but he ultimately clenched it and moved it to his side instead.
"Your wife calls Captain," she said softly.
"Inara, she aint-"
"Save the explanations Captain. I really don't want to hear it. Please leave."
"Inara…" he muttered through clenched teeth.
"I'm leaving Serenity when we reach Persephone. Please be so kind as to send a wave to Mei-Li and ask her to send transportation to collect me. We will soon be free of each other Captain."
Qing Wa Cao De Liu Mang, he wouldn't beg! "As you wish. Anything else I can do for you while I'm at it?" he asked sarcastically.
Saffron popped her head into the shuttle at this point, "Mal, here you are." She had to have been dead to miss the tension in the room.
Inara turned to face him definitely, "Yes, there is. You can leave. Your wife is calling Captain."
Mal closed his eyes and brought his clenched fist to his mouth, praying for patience. "So be it." he said and left without a backward glance, brushing past Saffron on his way out.
"What did I miss?" she asked Inara innocently, walking into the shuttle.
Inara prayed for strength, "I have a great deal of preparation to make for my departure from Serenity Saffron. Please say what you came to say and leave me to my preparation."
Saffron eyed the Companion critically. Swollen lips and eyes that look ready to pop some tears. Ah ha. Seems like the Captain and his lady had been kissing. But if what she walked in on was any indication, things hadn't ended all that well.
"Mal mentioned to me once that I had kissed you." Saffron saw Inara's eyes widen with surprise. "You know men, always fascinated with the thought of some girl-on-girl action. But it occurred to me that although I tried, I had never kissed you Inara. And yet Mal is convinced I must have. Care to explain how he would have that silly notion?"
Inara turned away and touched her lips, remembering the first time she had met Saffron. Discovering that Saffron was playing the crew, she had rushed to Mal's room, only to discover him passed out on the floor. In her relief to find him alive, she had kissed him on the lips, and in doing so, had come into contact with the sedative Saffron had put on her lips.
"Like you said, who knows how Mal's mind works." Inara said carelessly.
Saffron walked into the room, touching the furniture and trinkets as she moved along, "I think you kissed him. I think you let him think you kissed me. And I have to wonder why."
Inara looked at her, "Saffron, if things happened the way you imagine they did, I would also imagine that it was by business."
"It would be, if you weren't kissing my husband."
"Ex-husband," Inara corrected.
Saffron waived a hand dismissively and made for the exit.
"Saffron! Whatever you think you know, keep it to yourself." Inara asked as kindly as she could, all the while wishing she could punch the Yi Dwei Da Buen Chuo Roh.
"Oh, I wouldn't dream of saying anything. Why dredge up the past, especially when it holds no bearing on our future. Right?" she threw over her shoulder as she left. "Your secret is safe with me Inara," she whispered to herself, "at least as long as I need it to be."
Alone at last, Inara touched a hand to her lips and closed her eyes tightly. Mal had kissed her. It took a minute for it to sink in. Mal had kissed her. Her eyes glazed over painfully. And now she would have to pretend like that slice of heaven hadn't happened.
Inara sat on her bed and hunched over, letting tears silently fall from her eyes. To the infuriating Captain, it hadn't meant a thing - not a Ta Ma Duh thing.
Glossary:
Ta Ma Duh – Damn it
Feng Le – Crazy
Qing Wa Cao De Liu Mang - Frog-humping son of a bitch
Yi Dwei Da Buen Chuo Roh - Big stupid pile of stinking meat
Ta Ma Duh - Damned