Chapter 3 Live and Let Live

My heart had turned to stone, cold and unforgiving. I walked the hallways in away that I would never have to come face to face with him while changing classes. I hardly saw him anymore. I chose to not see him. Everyday I stay out until curfew talking to Ginny and Luna and then go to my room before I have to see him. It's so hard but now it seems like it's the only solution. March turned into April and April turned into May. We graduated in a month's time and I could be no happier to leave Draco Malfoy behind.

Seamus admitted his feelings for me. I don't know why he has them but why not go with him? Why not take that first step in the healing process. Seamus is sweet and cute. He walks me to class he's always nice and funny. There's something missing, there will always be something missing. He is not Draco Malfoy. I try to push this thought aside but it never works. I bring Seamus to the common room to show him around. He wanted to see it.

"Wow this is pretty sweet." He said smiling.

"Yeah. It's cool." I say absent mindedly

Before I know it his lips are attached to mine. Before I know it I am taking off his shirt. Before I know it he is reaching for mine. Before I know it Malfoy walks in. I see his heart shatter like my window, into a thousand pieces, and I see his face contort into ways I never knew possible and suddenly I want to take it back. I want to never have the memory of Seamus and I almost going father then we should on the couch. I don't want the memory of my emotions getting out of control.

Malfoy walked out of the portrait door not saying a word and I wonder if he is broken like I am. I wonder if his soul his shattered, if his love and trust in an other is as well. The silence between Seamus and I is awkward and I tell him to just leave. Tomorrow he will be bragging to his ungrateful friends that he got some and I will have a tainted reputation and suddenly I don't care. Suddenly all I want to do is go after him.

I search everywhere and never find him. Everywhere but one place, the place where I was sitting two months ago crying. Where two months ago I became completely shattered. I sit down next to him and he doesn't say a word. He is not crying like I was he is just staring at the wall across from him.

"Why?" He whispered.

"Why?" I ask him incredulity laced in my voice.

"Why did you get together with Finnegan?" He asked a look of disgust races across his face.

"WHY DID I GET TOGETHER WITH FINNEGAN? ARE YOU INSANE? YOU TOLD ME THAT WE COULDN'T BE TOGETHER THAT YOU COULDN'T BE IN A RELATIONSHIP WITH ME. WHAT DID YOU EXPECT? FOR ME TO BECOME A NUN?" I yell all my anger pulsing through me and flowing into my words.

"You didn't have to do what you were going to do with him Hermione." He whispered to the floor.

"Don't you get it Malfoy?" I whisper more to myself then to him. "You hurt me more then I can possibly understand. You hurt me for years and I fell in love with you. Do you know how much guilt that makes me feel? To secretly love the enemy, a ruthless, hateful, enemy? God, Draco, open your eyes. You need to realize that the world for once, doesn't revolve around you. And for once, I am tired for looking out for everyone but myself and yes since March I have been incredibly selfish, but you know what? I deserve it more than anyone else." I finish and walk away. I don't want to see the look on his face. I just don't.

Two more weeks until graduation. Draco and I haven't said a word to each other since our fight in the hallway. I want to feel better about myself for standing up to him but really I just feel like shit. I haven't told Ginny and Luna about him and maybe it's time that I should. I seek them out and we skip class and we go to the common room.

"What is so important Herms?" Ginny asks, irritation making its way into her voice.

"I am in love with someone. I am in love with someone so much it hurts, makes me cry, scream, shout, and break things. It's been going on since January and I know I should have told you but I just was, am so broken." I tell them. I tell them all about Hogsmeade and the broken window and the hallway when I cried and the hallway when Draco and I fought two weeks ago.

"Hermione, I, wow that really sucks." Ginny manages.

"Hermione, I am going to tell you that you are so ridiculously selfish and so is Draco. You guys need to stop worrying so much about your own needs and worry about the other." Luna said sternly.

"Well Luna tell us how you really feel!" I respond.

I know she's right, deep down I know she is. But oh how I want her to be wrong, oh how I want to continue to hate him. I don't say anything to Draco for the next two weeks and suddenly I find myself on graduation day two hours before the ceremony looking for him. I found him alright, with Lavender Brown. I should have been prepared for this but I wasn't I walked away and he must have heard me going because he told Lavender he'd see her later.

I keep walking not wanting to look back to see the pale beautiful red lipstick smeared face. He called my name, Hermione, and I turned around just because this had better be a damn good excuse.

"What?" If looks could kill he'd be six feet under.

"I need to tell you something. It's really important that I tell you so you can hate me all at once." He pleaded. So I stood there waiting for an explanation.

"Ok, any day now." I say impatiently.

"After the war as you know the Death Eaters were all sentenced to Azkaban prison for life or for the kiss. Since at the time I was underage and a first time offender I was given a second chance. They sent me to Hogwarts to finish out my seventh year. They said that within six months I had to show change in attitudes and change personally. So that's why I started to do better and stop tormenting you but not because I didn't want to, only because it was what I had to do.

"But then things got complicated, because I fell in love with you Hermione. That wasn't part of my plan. I was going to finish Hogwarts and then leave this place and do god knows what else with the rest of my life. That's why I couldn't in the kitchens. I didn't want to tell you then and when I saw you with Seamus I think a part of me died inside." He finished looking paler then usual.

"You know what Draco, I think another part of me just died." I turn away from him and I meet up with Ginny and Luna and we walk out to the quidditch pitch where the graduation ceremony is.

I am jittery the whole beginning of the ceremony. I am valedictorian and Draco is solitarian. I have to make a speech in front of all the people I have grown close too and all the people I don't know at all and my parents are sitting in the audience. Finally McGonagall announces my name and I walk to the podium looking thing and on my way up there Draco has to go to because his speech is after mine and right when I am about to speak he whispers something to me I will never forget:

"No matter how much you may hate me right now, I could never hate you Hermione. I will always love you."

And I freeze completely with five thousand students and parents looking at me. I freeze…