I never expected to get so many reviews for my first chapter.

Well, actually I did.

But not friendly ones.

More like… 'GO KILL YOURSELF' type reviews.

Ya dig?

Although I liked the ones you guys gave me. They actually made me try and type out this chapter so you'd have something to read tonight.

Oh, and the commercial line. It was from a liquor commercial, about some Spanish actor. "He's a lover, not a fighter. But he's also a fighter.. So don't get any ideas." Yeah. I found it funny at the time.

I only got one flame. ONE. Hahaha saying.. Well, this story is rated 'T' so its best not to type that out. But apparently God hates me. Well, God loves you man. :)

Or so says the flamer.

And do you know how that makes me feel?

…

Actually it doesn't make me feel anything. Lol but thanks for trying.

Want to know my favorite review for Chapter one?!

WayWard Childe totally won. I think that was my favorite part in the movie.. Sure, you can quote things he says, but that laugh at the beginning?

Priceless.

DISCLAIMER! I don't own TDK.

P.S. And I have to add this in before I begin. I love the Reader Traffic thing! This is awesome! Hello readers from TURKEY, FRANCE, ARGENTINA, CANADA, UNITED KINGDOM, SLOVENIA, MEXICO, PUERTO RICO, SWEDEN, AND AUSTRALIA!

:D

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Mary-Sue was thrown into the back of a white van, because apparently all criminal masterminds own a white van, even the Joker. It's not cliché. Don't look at me like that.

"Don't rape me! I'm a virgin and I'm saving myself for my honeymoon night with my one and only true love! I am also double jointed and extremely flexible and have won several trophies in gymnastics and I was also accepted into the Beijing Olympics but turned it down because I don't believe in competing against other countries to see who is better!" She huffed, after saying such a long sentence without bothering to pause for a single breath.

One henchmen clapped.

Then they all started to clap, even the one that had been killed by a Spartan.

God rest his soul.

They continued down the road after her moving story, listening to rap music. Suddenly a very powerful and moving song came on. Let's just say it was 'Miss New Booty' because I don't listen to rap music that often.

The song began playing, and Mary Sue piped up, automatically knowing all the lyrics.

Her voice was so angelic, all the henchmen were moved to tears, sadly the driver wore contacts and they fogged up so he could no longer see the road. They crashed into a light post in less than five seconds, and then continued the journey to the Joker's hideout on foot.

"Well, we're here." One of the henchmen spouted. I don't really know how he knew, because the clown mask currently covered his face, and the building looked exactly like every other building in this part of the city, worn down and crummy.

Let's just say he was a good guesser.

The door was slammed open, and Mary-Sue was roughly shoved in. Well, not that roughly because in the total five minutes the three henchmen (Including the undead one) had spent together with Mary-Sue, they had all fallen madly in love with her and dreamed of taking her away from this horrible city, settle down in the country and maybe even start a family.

They all sighed in unison dreamily together, but immediately stopped when they remembered their mission.

"Get upstairs!" One ordered in a gruff voice, grabbing Mary-Sue roughly by the arm and dragging her upstairs.

Entering a dark room, she was thrown onto a chair.

People sure like throwing her.

"Why so serious?" A creepy almost high-pitched voice seemed to ooze through the room.

Mary-Sue's eyes widened, and she stared at the madman known only as…

Doctor Octopus.

No, the Joker.

But wouldn't that be a great plot twist?

The six-foot tall man licked his lipstick clad lips, then brushed the greasy looking blonde hair out of his eyes. He looked over Mary-Sue hungrily, and a sneer erupted on his face. (I really don't know why one would look at another hungrily, because I never saw the Joker as being a cannibal, but it's in all the stories so…)

"Well hello beautiful."

"You sick freak! Do whatever you want to me, but I'll never allow myself to be used in a plot to destroy Batman!" Mary-Sue said in a slightly angry tone, but not completely angry sounding because that would just be rude I mean, he invites you to his abandoned hideout, the least you can do is be good company.

"I'm a dog chasing cars. I wouldn't know what to do with one if I caught one. I just DO things!"

"And you can forget about making me squeal secrets about Batman, because I'll never tell you his true identity!" Which she knew.. Did I tell you that? She had known all along. Because you see, it wasn't Rachel that was Bruce Wayne's best friend, it was actually Mary-Sue. She'd been there through all of it, and it wasn't Luscious Fox that had made all of Batman's weapons, it was indeed Mary-Sue.

Although she didn't condone the use of weapons, she knew Bruce Wayne would only use them for justice. She had also invented the Fear Serum accidentally when working with Dr. Crane, but had never imagined he was the type to use it for evil.

She had also built the Gotham City Orphanage with her bare hands, and no help from anyone.

And the Pyramids.

And she had regular contact with aliens.

And knew Jujitsu.

She was truly a walking legend.

"Do you want to know how I got these scars?" The Joker said in a light toned voice, that darkened as he said the ending words. He pulled a knife out of nowhere and ran it along his face without cutting it. (He sure pulls things out of nowhere a lot. I'm working on a theory.. Apparently all madmen have a void around them that holds many dangerous weapons. Don't give me that look. I know you believe it too.)

"Actually I know how you got them--"

"You remind me of my father, I hated my father."

"Excuse me?"

"Why so serious?" He shot out, squawking like a parrot. His head then spun in a 360 degree angle and he recited The Batman themesong, which is tricky because there isn't any words to it.

Mary-Sue cocked a brow.

"Is he alright?"

The henchmen suddenly snapped out of their daze. "Oh! I thought he was acting a little off. He's stuck in 'Quote things from the Dark Knight mode'. Hahaha, let me fix him." One of the Henchmen walked over to The Joker and flipped a switch on the back of his neck, so that he could speak normally again. Don't you hate it when you don't have the ability to come up with a dialogue of your own for him, so you make him shout out lines from the movie every five freaking seconds?

The Joker tilted his head to the side, slightly curly hair wavering as he popped his neck. His cold eyes seemed glazed over.

"Boss, what do you want us to do with the girl?" A henchman asked, and the Joker pulled a gun out of nowhere (YOU SEE?!) shooting him down in a matter of seconds.

Mary-Sue gasped, face paling.

The Joker then began to beat her senseless.

After a matter of hours, taking a beating that only a girl as strong and brave as Mary-Sue could stand, he stopped beating her and sat in a chair.

"Why.. Why did you beat me?" She coughed up blood, innocent eyes filling with tears.

"Well…" The Joker began, walking over to a computer that was conveniently placed in this room along the wall. "In every fan fiction, apparently I'm supposed to beat you half to death before I realize the error of my ways and fall head over heels in love with you." He cackled for a few minutes, spinning around in the chair. "Whee!"

"How long will that take?" She pouted, biting her lip suggestively, completely forgetting about her vow to keep her virginity until marriage. What can I say, every woman has a thing for a guy that treats them like they're some kind of punching bag.

I guess.

The Joker gave her a lopsided grin, and put a gloved hand to his wrist, staring at a watch he'd drawn on with permanent marker.

"And here we… Go." He moved both hands as he said this, as if conducting an Opera. I'd like to see that Opera.. I wonder what it would be called. Maybe I can add it in that Joker made the Opera Bruce's parents died in that fateful night.

I could see this working.

His eyes gleamed in a new light, and his face softened, clown make-up draining off his face and his God-like beauty shining through. Well, his beauty was nowhere near Mary-Sue's, of course, but he was okay looking. I guess.

"Marianne. I never meant to hurt you, I.. Couldn't help myself. Everytime I feel like I'm going to fall in love with someone, I nearly beat them to death. Its what madmen do, you know?"

Mary-Sue gave a knowing nod. She's also a psychologist. And a professional wrestler, but that's a totally different story.

"To be honest, the idea of a relationship scares me, considering my dark and horrible past. But I'm willing to try, for you.." He stepped towards her, purple trench coat flopping along around him. He leaned in, inches from her face, and then..

"Boss! It's the Batman!" A henchman wailed from below.

"BATMAN!?" The Joker exclaimed.

"VEGETA, WHAT'S THE SCOUTER SAY ABOUT HIS POWER LEVEL?!" The Henchman questioned.

"Its… OVER NINE THOOOOOOUUUUUSSSSSSSSAAAAAND!" The Joker growled, slamming his fist into Mary-Sue's perfectly formed nose. He then began another one of his merciless beating sprees because that's obviously what all insane men do to their hostages. And of course, despite his strength he never gives her any sort of complication to her health and she's automatically better the next day.

And even more in love with him.

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Hahaha oh man. I feel so… dirty for writing the Joker out like this. Ew. I think I'll mix it up a bit in the next chapter, because this is WAAAY OOC, even for a parody.