I appreciate people liking the story, really I do, but let's not get carried away. Don't start telling me in reviews or e-mails who has a 'Mary-Sue' in their story. I honestly don't want anyone to flame anyone. This is ALL in good fun, nothing more. And I won't hesitate to delete my story if it's destroying other people's writing dreams. Believe it or not, I'm just like you guys.

Except I do a lot of cocaine and sleep with prostitutes.

Lmao.

Anyway, DISCLAIMER! I DON'T OWN TDK!

PS. HAPPY SIXTEENTH BIRTHDAY TO ME!!

PPS. The ballroom scene is coming up, so I decided.. Why not add in people..?

If you wish to have you/your character (They can be Mary-Sue types, too) BE SURE TO INCLUDE IN YOUR REVIEW WHAT THEY LOOK LIKE, ETC.

YEAH, SON!

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The Joker sat in the psychology room dwindling his thumbs and grinning evilly. He was going to make sure they never wanted to work here again. Impatiently he began to wonder if they were late. Or not going to show up. Feeling slightly sad now at the passing of three minutes with no human contact, The Joker reverted to his normal state of an amoeba.

"Squeeee…" He hissed, wiggling along the floor.

"I'm here! Sorry I'm late," That unmistakable voice sang through all of the asylum, it was as if a choir of angels had walked through the door.

"Mary-Sue?" Joker gasped, jumping up from the floor and wiping drool from his mouth as he'd tried to suck nutrients from the tile floor.

Because that's what amoebas do.

Don't question my logic.

"You're my psychologist?" Joker asked, as if he was the nerdy kid paired in high school with the super sexy cheerleader who'd won the wet T-shirt contest three years in a row.

"Yup!" She giggled. "I guess I forgot to tell you. I work everyday of the week to keep my apartment despite my extremely high grade-point average and the angelic looks that could get me booked into any modeling agency I wanted, I prefer to work unnecessarily hard for every penny I earn so I can be pitied as the poor girl."

"You poor thing." Joker said as he spat lint and other assorted objects from his mouth.

"It's a hard life.." She sighed, eyes crossing slightly as they left focus from the Joker. "Anyway! Tell me about you!" She smiled, holding out a pencil and paper.

"Wanna know how I got these scars?" He grinned, pointing to them. "I had this job as a kid, mowing lawns. And one day the weed-wacker went all crazy on me and--"

"Joker," She said, resting her hand on his knee. "That's a great idea. Tell me about your life, starting from when you were a kid."

He furrowed his brows, slightly irritated that she'd cut off his newest scar story, but.. Should he really tell her his childhood? No one knew who he was. Not even the henchmen he'd kept around for years knew the truth.. But, something about Mary-Sue.. He knew he could trust her. She currently sat on a chair, staring off into space with a big stupid grin on her face. Sighing, he began..

"Well, when I was born, my mother dropped me off at an orphanage in a remote town in North America. I was later adopted by a family, but they believed I was evil.. So one day my step mom beat me over the head with a rock and dropped me in a well, trying to kill me. She closed the top, and left me there. Unbeknownst to her, I was alive for seven days. I later died, but my spirit lived on through cursed videotapes.." He inhaled deeply, eyes twitching. "And then, I crawl back through the well and steal their SOULLL!!" The Joker cackled maniacally, throwing his hands in the air.

"That was Samara's story from the movie The Ring." Mary-Sue frowned, chewing on her pencil.

"They stole it from my life."

"No they didn't."

"DON'T MAKE ME HAVE TO BALL THIS, BITCH!" Joker growled, raising his hand.

"Alright, tell me about the later years of your life." She started up again, tapping the pencil against her clipboard.

"Hmmm.." He thought back, dwindling a strand of his hair on his finger.

"I was happily married to my husband in Japan for quite a few years, but he believed I'd been sleeping with an American journalist, so he killed my son…" He sniffled, wiping away tears. "And then drowned my son's cat. He then knocked me down the stairs, and I broke my neck and died. But my soul still lived on in the house, holding a… Grudge." He finished, staring blandly at her. "Did you right all that down?"

"That was Kayako's story from the Grudge." Mary-Sue frowned.

"NO IT WASN'T!" The Joker said defiantly.

"Well, this has been nice." Mary-Sue smiled pleasantly. "But I really must be going to a party Bruce Wayne is having for me. I'm the new mayor, you know."

Joker's jaw dropped.

"PARTY?"

"Yepsi-doodles!" Mary-Sue stood up, slamming the door behind her. "And I'm in love with Batman!" She called out behind her.

"Wait!" The Joker yelled, re-opening the once shut door. "Why.. Why would you do this to me? You know how much I love you! And how I'll even give up my life of crime and sadistic ways to be with you! Besides, what's Batsy got that I don't have?"

"I like guys that live up to their name." She shrugged. "For a guy named Joker, you don't joke around very much."

"Wha.." The Joker started, distraught. "How does Batman live up to his name, anyway?!"

"He's a vampire." Mary-Sue spoke seriously. "That's why he only comes out at night… And he's madly in love with me and more of a man than you could ever be." She cooed.

Oooo.

I smell Vampire-styled fanfics spawning in the Batman category as we speak.

Delicious.

"Let me tell you a joke!" He pleaded, dropping to his knees.

"Ugh. Fine." Mary-Sue groaned, putting her hands on her hips.

"Two peanuts were walking down the street, and then one was ASSAULTED! Peanut." He grinned.

"That wasn't funny." Mary-Sue frowned.

"Okay, okay.. Let me tell you another. A Shetland pony goes to the doctor, and the doctor asks 'what's wrong' and the pony replies, 'oh, I'm a little horse'." The joker's final attempt proved not to work as Mary-Sue didn't even smile.

"That was even more pathetic than the first time. I'm sorry Joker, but I'm in love with Bruce Wayne.. I mean Batman. I mean Bruce Wayne's secret identity isn't Batman. Don't even think that for a second because it isn't true. Don't think it. Just pretend you never heard anything. Well, toodles!" Mary-Sue waved before frolicking off amongst the patients and doctors.

"Dammit. The real me would've had amazing jokes. I only lost because Dallas sucks at being funny." Joker growled, stamping his foot. "Mary-Sue, I'll get you. And you're little dog too. Ehehehehehe!" He cackled, grabbing a broom from the hallway and proceeding to sweep down the hallway at super-human speed.

Wait a minute! Joker dropped the broom, an idea hatching in his head.

"Peep peep peep," Is what the idea would've said if it was a baby chicken.

Anyway.

"I'll crash Bruce Wayne's party! And then kill him! And Batman! So she'll have to love me and only me!" He spun in a circle, obviously this plan was unbeatable. Now, just to escape from the asylum.

He peered over at the man in charge of the doors.

Currently the man was bashing his head on and off the button in perfectly time intervals so that the Joker could slip out easily and run off into the city.

NO!

TO RISKY.

He turned to one of the nurses, who was asleep, drooling everywhere. Scrunching his nose up, he walked out of this room and to another, slightly wondering why they let a convicted killer and madman do whatever he wanted.

Shrugging, he grabbed a nurse and went into the utility closet. A muffled scream was heard, but that was all. Then, he came out of the closet..

Wait a minute.

DON'T EVEN SAY WHAT YOU'RE THINKING BECAUSE IT'S WRONG.

HE'S IN LOVE WITH MARY-SUE.

I WASN'T USING A FIGURE OF SPEECH.

Dressed as a nurse, Joker grinned. The perfect disguise to walk right out of the doors, no questions asked. He had to admit, the skirt was a little short, but eh.

Who cares?

Walking through the doors, he rubbed his hands together evilly, then felt stupid as clown henchman ran in te way he'd come.

"We're gonna save you, boss!"

"Don't worry!"

"TONIGHT, WE DINE IN HELL!" One screamed, clutching a spear.

Joker slapped his forehead.

But wait.. What had Mary-Sue said earlier?

Bruce Wayne.. Batman.. Bruce Wayne.. Batman..

It couldn't be..

Could it?

"Ooo! A nickel!" Joker bent down and picked it up. "Shiny!"

"Woaaaah!"

"Hey Baby!"

"Wanna go for a ride in the Batcar?!"

BATCAR?!

"Batman, you son of a bitch! I'm going to kill you for--" Joker stopped, feeling stupid.

Adam West walked out of a taxi cab, running his fingers through his hair seductively. "I've always had a thing for blondes."

"I'm a man." Joker spat.

"But I.. But.." Adam protested, lip quivering.

"Look," Joker patted Adam's shoulder tenderly. "It would've been an interesting plotline, me and you getting together. But sadly, I don't think it would work out. Perhaps some other writer.. Far off, out there, would write it." He smiled reassuringly.

Adam West smiled.

"You think?"

"HELL NO!" Joker screamed, bitch-slapping the C-grade actor.

TO BE CONTINUED!!

IN THE NEXT EPISODE, JOKER DISCOVERS HIS TRUE IDENTITY, BRUCE WAYNE FALLS FOR A VERY RENOWN POKEMON, AND MARY-SUE UNCOVERS THE CURE FOR THE COMMON COLD… STAY TUNED.

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