Writing this just about killed every bit of energy left inside me. Lmao
I had trouble coming up with ways to fit everyone in, so PEOPLE WHO DIDN'T SHOW UP/ WERE MENTIONED AS ASSASSINS you have a silly extra plotline that's in the next chapter.
Because I can do that.
I have also murdered all your characters.
Because I can do that.
MWHAHAHAAH!
Owned.
DISCLAIMER! I DON'T OWN THE DARK KNIGHT, BUT IF I DID IT WOULD BE A TOTALLY DIFFERENT MOVIE
With Tom Cruise as a guest star
TOODLES
REVIEW ME STUFF. IM SO ALONE.
--
Cameras flashed and people yelled outside Wayne Manor, getting ready for the party. Ryan Seacrest stood in front of everyone, grinning stupidly like he usually does. He had a 'I'm cool' pin on his shirt and was interviewing everyone that got into the party, or died trying.
Bruce didn't put up with crap from anyone, so he'd hired an elite firing squad to mow down any people that weren't on the list.
Being rich has its perks.
Sadly while Ryan Seacrest was interviewing someone he stepped a bit to close to the front doors of Wayne Manor and was then mowed down by thousands of shots of gunfire and eaten by small, cannibalistic orphans.
Now let's go back to the real story.
Mary-Sue stood in a sea of rich people, nervously fidgeting with her dress. She wasn't very confident despite the big knockers that were nearly slipping out of her tiny, pink dress that left very little to the imagination. Women envied her. Men wanted to date her. She couldn't deal with all this attention that she got everyday but somehow it was different when it was rich people looking up and down your body like hungry gorillas in a cage.
She almost turned to walk out, when Alfred walked up with a bunch of champagne.
"How about a little liquid courage?" He winked at her.
"No thanks, I quit heroin years ago." Mary-Sue smiled. Did I tell you that? She had done drugs to escape the pain of losing her horribly abusive parents. She quit cold turkey, too. Mary-Sue was truly a role model for children of all ages.
"Its champagne." Alfred frowned.
"Oh! Thanks Jeeves." She reached for the champagne class, but because of her clumsiness knocked it over which caused the other glasses to fall over on the tray, spilling them all over Alfred and on her own dress.
"Ooops! I'm so sorry!" She cried out, staring at her ruined dress.
Oh no.
It was dry-clean only.
And that meant..
In a matter of seconds, her tiny dress began to shrink and then promptly ripped off, leaving her standing in her bra and underwear.
"Hahah! Isn't she adorable?" A man commented, smiling brightly.
Everyone laughed along, then began cheering.
"We all love you, Mary-Sue!"
Alfred grumbled something about a dumbass bitch ruining his suit, and left the party.
Of course, in everyone's blind stupor over Mary-Sue's sudden incident, they hadn't noticed Bruce Wayne arrive with three slutty women and one Puerto Rican cross dresser. Shhhhhh.
Bruce Wayne made his entrance, but was slightly annoyed to find out.. No one cared that he'd entered. Everyone was looking at Mary-Sue. The woman of the hour, the beauty amongst all you beasts. "Hey-" He started, but was cut-off.
"Mary-Sue, we just love you oh so much! In fact, I'd love for you to take my hand in marriage despite the fact that I'm a woman! I wonder if gay marriage is legal in Gotham?" The woman asked aloud, and everyone just stood there.
"No, I'm marrying her!" Another girl screamed, tackling her. Oddly enough there happened to be a mud pit in the middle of Bruce Wayne's mansion so everyone's attention quickly went to the squealing, hissing girls bent on marrying their true love.
I guess.
Bruce Wayne erupted into a fit of tears, biting his lip.
"For god's sakes, Master Wayne, have some dignity." Alfred glared, currently sporting a new suit. A leisure suit, in fact. He was wearing a fro, too. And had bitches all around him.
Because everyone needs a few good bitches.
"It's my party, I can cry if I want to!" He sobbed wildly now, flinging cake and other assorted objects at the inattentive guests.
Alfred rolled his eyes, then his gaze met with someone… unsuspected.
Could it be..?
A man entered the room, walking past the crazy mud pile mess. Sporting a pimp cane and a pimp hat with a feather, women flocked around him like.. What animals live in a flock? Sheep?
Yeah, women were flocked around him like sheep. He was at least six feet tall, with a cold, cruel gaze. Jeans, a white T-shirt, and a cape. Like a vampire. He was pale, too. With a wry grin, he walked to the bar, and the women followed in suit, like baby ducklings following their mother.
Quack quack quack.
Anyway.
Alfred turned his gaze to a young woman fluting a beer bottle, she had fair hair and was wearing a cute dress, unlike Mary-Sue's attire. She had a cold and steely gaze, and grinned at Alfred's shocked expression.
Could it be..?
"Murray-Sam and Ri.." Alfred said in a dark voice, moon walking away.
They were both elite assassins, no doubt. And looking for the bounty on Alfred's head. Alfred grimaced, knowing what he had to do. He had to end this.
"Master Wayne, I'm leaving." He said coolly before moon-walking out.
"Whatever." Bruce sniffled, arms still crossed.
The live entertainment soon began, and a girl in high heels, no seriously, they were HIGH HEELS, must've been like six inches or so off the ground. Her voice was soft and sweet, and brought the moronic yuppies attention to her in a matter of moments as she sang 'I will possess your heart'.
"Beautiful," One man said, wiping a tear away.
Once she finished, she began a new song that lead to her demise.
"Never gonna give you up, never gonna let you down, never gonna run around and desert you--" She yelled out, and the rich people were furious.
"That bitch is rick-rolling us! SHOOT HER!" One screamed, and they all pulled out guns and shot her to pieces in a matter of seconds.
Yes, because all rich people carry guns.
And I didn't tell you guy's you'd get amazing parts in my story.
"I will… Have revenge…" She said, sputtering out blood and then died a slow and miserable death because the cannibalistic orphans had somehow gotten into the party.
ANYWHO.
Mary-Sue, who was currently ignored, stood in the corner. The dark one, you know? In every party where you generally find the cool kids. Like me.
Not really.
An arm snaked its' way around Mary-Sue's waist, and dragged her off into the darkness, kidnapping her! "Eek!" She cried out, but was soon out like a light because he placed a washcloth over her mouth with chloroform on it.
Can anybody say…
PLOT TWIST?
Sam and Aubrey, two teenage girls that had snuck into the party had seen this, but cared little because they apparently dislike Mary-Sue.
It's jealousy, you know.
Sadly they were kicked out because no minors at an adult party.
"Hey! Watch it! I'll kick your ass if you bruise me!" Aubrey yelled, fighting against the security.
Sam rolled her eyes and sighed.
"It was your idea. You're stupid, dumb, idea. I don't know how else to characterize me so I will continue to say pessimistic things. Moronic, foolish.." She continued.
A girl named Lindsay stood in the middle of the crowd, in a white gown because that's just me telling you guys I lack the originality for a pretty dress. I don't wear dresses.
Just use your damn imagination.
Sighing, she crossed her arms.
She wished she hadn't of come.. Everyone seemed to be absolute lunatics around here. She took a sip of her champagne, and then eyes went wide at the sound of a gunshot.
"Oh my god!"
People were in a frenzy and state of panic as a very pissed off Joker entered the room..
And he was dressed as a…
Nurse?
Lindsay cocked a brow.
This was too weird.
"Alright.. Where's the man of the hour?" He grinned maliciously, throwing his nurse cap to the ground and clacking around in high heels.
Some moron decided to giggle at the sight of the villain in drag, and was blown to bits by his clown army that had followed him in.
"Man of the hour? You mean.. Harvey Dent?" A guy in glasses questioned.
Joker rolled his eyes.
"No, Mary-Sue!" He said viciously.
"Oh, why didn't you say so? We have no idea." A girl piped up.
"Wait! Don't take Mary-Sue, Take me!" A woman cried out, now clinging to a very frightened Joker.
She had honey blond locks, sculpted cheek bones, a daintily curved nose, full, blossoming rosebud lips, and big startling eyes, she had always been a celebrity in the making with her movie star good looks.
Joker quickly shoved her off and started across the room to Lindsay, frowning.
"Where.. Is.. Mary-Sue?" He pulled a knife, softly touching it across her neck.
"I don't know!" She cried out, and her eyes began to glisten with tears.
He cackled, obviously enjoying this. I can't tell you what he enjoyed more, picking on women or cross-dressing.
I'm guessing it's the latter.
"Y'know, you're not so bad looking. If I didn't have a fetish for kinky, disturbing bat costumes with middle-aged billionaires in them, I would probably date you."
"Then you're gonna love me!" Bruce Wayne shot out, punching the Joker.
"Oi! Why'd you punch my beautiful face?" Joker asked aghast. "I've never done anything to you!"
GASP!
Bruce had forgotten to change into Batman because he was too busy bitching about his party!
"I've got explosive diarrhea!" Bruce screamed, fleeing the scene.
Everyone just kind of stared.
The Joker looked at his watch, then turned to Lindsay.
"So you come here often?"
She shook her head, and then Batman burst through the doors and punched The Joker.
"Then you're gonna love me!" He repeated.
"Oh my god!"
"It's the Batman!"
"I leik Mudkips!"
"OH DEAR GOD, MY ORGANS HAVE BURST THROUGH MY CHEST, HELP ME! DON'T JUST STAND AROUND, HELP MEEEE!" One party guest screamed, spewing blood and guts everywhere for no apparent reason.
The Joker licked his lips.
"Very poor choice of words," He said, kicking a small puppy out the window.
"That's not mine." Batman shrugged.
"Oh. Well then." He grabbed Lindsay, throwing her out the window.
"YEEEEEKKK!!" She screamed.
"RACHEL!" Batman yelled, jumping out the window.
The Joker gasped after killing every single person at the party, noticing a scribbled note that said someone had kidnapped Mary-Sue!
"I'll save you!" Joker shrieked, clacking down the hallway in his high heels.
--