A/N: Sorry for the long wait for this new chapter, I've been busy trying to understand Vector Calculus, which is not fun if you like writing, like me. And, special thanks to Collegekid2006, for revealing Luntz's first name, Cameron, to me. Well, unless he was wrong. But on to more important things. The Chapter 4 Challenge is still on, find the secret and you win the right to name the new Psychmobile that will be introduced in a few chapters!
Chapter 6 – The Passengers From Hell; the absolutely final Part 3, seriously (A/N: I promise)
As Gus pushed Shawn towards Lassiter and Juliet, Lassiter stuck out his foot and tripped both of them to prevent the quarreling friends from falling atop the two detectives. They tumbled into the aisle, where Gus used the limited movement in his arms to lightly slap Shawn repeatedly, making strange noises as he did. After a few seconds, Burton Guster realized where he was and what he was doing, and stopped.
He stood up and straightened out his suit, donning his wide smile instantly. "I'm sorry about that interruption, ladies and gentlemen, but it turns out that this man," Gus pointed to Shawn, who was still on the ground, playing possum. "Is a lying creep and should never be trusted!" Then, Gus made a huff noise and stomped back up to his seat in first class.
As soon as Gus was gone, Lassiter looked down to where Shawn should be, figuring that he could at least get an explanation for their presence. But the aforementioned psychic detective was nowhere to be found. Lassiter quickly looked up and down the aisle, all that he could see from his seat, and found no sign of Shawn.
Normally, not wanting to indulge Spencer's antics, Lassiter would have never bothered to look for him. But next to him, Juliet's head seemed precariously close to falling on his shoulder, and he did not want anyone within ten miles of him if that happened. Especially since, somewhere, Shawn Spencer was still on the plane, and if the troublemaker ever saw 'his' Juliet resting on Lassiter's shoulder, Lassiter would probably have to move to Canada to get away from him.
So, breaking one of his personal rules, Lassiter went to look for Shawn as soon as the seat belt light turned off. He walked up the plane, past Shawn's empty seat, beside which Gus sat, talking rapidly with someone on his cell phone. Lassiter decided not to bother him. He figured that there was no way Shawn was in the cockpit, and both of the bathroom doors were marked vacant. Then, Lassiter walked all of the way down the plane, back past his own seat, and all the way to the last seat.
"Alright, that's impossible." Lassiter remarked, talking to himself but scaring the flight attendant. "There's just no way that Spencer could have vanished, where could he have gone?"
"It's easy to vanish, Lassie, if you're invisible." Came the voice from one of the rear bathrooms.
Lassiter yanked the door open, which was not locked. Inside, Shawn was happily sipping away at a large drink, of what he guessed was pineapple juice.
"Spencer!" Lassiter began his regular accusation. "What are you doing here?"
Shawn's face suddenly became serious. "Do you mean 'here' as on this plane, or in this bathroom, because there are interesting stories for both of them."
"Let's start with the bathroom, and keep the story short."
"Okay, this is the one place where Gus would never look for me. He's terrified of airplane bathrooms, ever since I showed him that news report on the guy who got his hand stuck in one." Shawn said. "I think he had nightmares for a few days about a phantom toilet coming to eat his hand."
"And the plane?"
"Oh yes!" Shawn said. "I almost forgot! The Chief brought me and Gus on to help with your case, but Gus never would have gone for that, so I had to trick him into coming on a vacation!" Shawn sounded very proud of his deception, but Lassiter just stared at him incredulously.
"Did you even consider the possibility of just telling your friend the truth?" At this point, Lassiter had no idea of why he was getting himself involved in this, but he did have Spencer trapped, unable to escape for the moment. Lassiter decided to enjoy this as much as he possibly could before Shawn found some way to escape.
"No!" Shawn exclaimed. "That would take the fun out of it! Do you think I have ever gotten Gus to do anything by telling him the truth? He never would have gone to Mexico if I had told him that we were going to Mexico!"
Lassiter would have said something in response, but at that moment, the flight attendant had gotten tired of Lassiter blocking the aisle, so she used her food cart as a battering ram and shoved it into him. This had the immediate effect of pushing the unsuspecting Lassiter into the bathroom with Shawn, which brought them physically closer together than either would have ever liked.
As soon as he could, Lassiter extracted himself from the bathroom and backed up. Shawn stood up as well, still not having spilled his drink.
"Lassie," Shawn said. "I knew you liked me more than you let on! But it would probably be better for you to stop chasing me around, it's never going to happen Lassie, I'm afraid I only have eyes for Jules."
"Okay Spencer, here's how this one is going to work." Lassiter said dangerously, completely ignoring Shawn's previous comment.
"That never happened." He and Shawn both said at the same time.
"And that never happened either." Shawn said.
"Right, now I'm just going to go back to my seat and…" Lassiter trailed off as he saw that Juliet had fallen over into his seat. He was frankly afraid of what would happen if he woke her up, and was therefore not inclined to do so. Shawn saw the problem immediately and quickly devised a solution.
"Don't worry, Lassie, I know how to fix this!" Shawn said, practically skipping down the aisle of the plane. Before Lassiter could even protest, Shawn was directing the flight attendant to bring him a cup of strong tea.
Lassiter's eyes nearly bulged out of his head. "Are you insane? She's asleep, how is a drink going to help?"
"Watch and learn from the Spencmeister." Shawn said. "I've done this before, and it's likely nothing that's compatible with your Lassitarian method. You see, your method involves too much yelling, shooting, and overall saber rattling. In order to learn the ways of the Spencers, you must learn a certain degree of subtlety. I can teach you, if you want."
"Spencer, stop talking like you're some kind of enlightened being, before I add 'phony philosopher' to your file!"
"Okay okay," Shawn said, throwing his hands up in semi-defeat. "Just watch and learn, Lassie. I've done this before."
Shawn took the tea, which was Earl Grey, and put it under Juliet's nose, allowing the fumes to drift up into her nostrils, which picked up the smell immediately. Her head began to stir slightly.
"Okay, Juliet, now when I snap my fingers, you're going to fall into a deep sleep, and you're going to be chasing a cup of tea. Follow the scent of the tea, okay?" Shawn said, intending to somehow hypnotize Juliet with the tea smell.
"One, two, three," Then Shawn snapped his fingers. Shawn slowly moved the cup upward, and to Lassiter's amazement Juliet's head followed it. Shawn continued to move the cup slowly, allowing Juliet's nose to continue following the fumes. Shawn led Juliet over to where she was leaning over the empty seat to her right.
"Okay, now Juliet, when I go snap my fingers this time, you're going to fall back asleep." Juliet nodded her head slowly, still asleep. Shawn snapped his fingers for a second time, and Juliet went limp again, her head falling into the empty seat.
"See, I told you I could do it." Shawn said, sounding incredibly pleased with himself. Lassiter quickly wiped the amazement off of his face before Shawn could see it, and sat down in his seat.
"No thank you? Lassie, I thought you would be more grateful! After all, I did just use my incredible powers to save you from unforgettable awkwardness." Lassiter just glared at Shawn, with a look that just said 'leave, now.' Shawn obliged, and realized that he had nowhere to go but back to the bathroom or back to his seat. Shawn decided on the latter, figuring that Gus would have calmed down by now.
When Shawn approached his seat, he saw Gus rapidly conversing with someone on the phone. "What?" Gus said. "You know I can't do that! Look, everything will be fine, stop worrying." Then, Gus saw Shawn, and quickly said, "Wait; hold on, I hear a goose nearby. I've got to go." Then the phone was off and safe in Gus' hiding place in his sock.
Shawn sat down in his seat. "What was that about?"
"Someone from work." Gus said. "There was some things I had to clear up with them because of my sudden vacation, you know, like making sure they can fend for themselves without me."
"Oh, okay." There was a pause, while Gus was staring ahead, looking intensely pleased with himself, and Shawn thoughtfully staring at his friend.
"Aren't you supposed to be angry with me?" Shawn asked after a moment.
"Well, I'll have you know Shawn, that I decided that being angry with you would be a pointless waste of time, considering that we'll be stuck in Miami for at least a few days together, and you always need help on your cases, mostly from me. So therefore, I am going to leave my anger simmering on the back burner for now."
"Does that mean it's going to boil over when we get back to Santa Barbara?"
"Oh, you know that's right." Gus said immediately.
Juliet woke up much later, when the plane was on the final approach to Miami. She slowly figured out that she was leaning over an empty seat to her left. And there was someone holding a cup of coffee under her nose. A sidelong glance showed that it was Lassiter holding the coffee.
"Okay, now when I snap my fingers…" Lassiter started to say, but then noticed that Juliet was stirring from her slumber.
"What are you doing, Carlton?" Juliet asked. Lassiter quickly withdrew the Styrofoam coffee cup.
"Nothing, I was just offering you some coffee as you were waking up." Lassiter said, quickly trying to cover himself.
"Well, thank you, but I don't really like coffee." Juliet said. I actually prefer tea. Chamomile or Earl Grey."
"What?" Lassiter said. "How did Spencer know that?"
"Know what?" Juliet asked, but then Lassiter's second statement hit her. "Shawn's here?" She asked, her face now scrunched up in confusion.
As if on cue, Shawn appeared in the aisle of the airplane next to Lassiter and Juliet's row of seats. "Hey Jules." He greeted off-handedly, as if it was perfectly normal for him to be there.
"What are you doing here Shawn?" Juliet asked.
"Well, that is quite a long story." Shawn said. "I'll have to tell you some other time, because it's a bit complicated, and requires several reenactments, none of which I have the space for here."
Suddenly, there was a voice coming from the internal intercom system of the plane. "This is your captain, David Caruso speaking, and we're on our final approach to Miami international airport right now. If you would all get into your seats and fasten your seatbelts, we can begin landing the plane." Juliet paused for a moment, interrupting her own question that she was about to launch at Shawn, recognizing something about the voice of the captain of the plane.
At that moment, the nearby flight attendant was attempting to get Shawn into a seat on the plane. "Sir, you have to sit down so we can land the airplane." She insisted politely.
"Okay, but then I have to get all the way to the front of the plane, where my seat is." Shawn said, wanting to get the flight attendant away so that he could continue harassing Juliet and Lassiter. However, the flight attendant seemed undeterred.
"Sir, you could just take the seat next to that nice man and his niece." The flight attendant said sweetly.
"We are not related!" Juliet and Lassiter said at the same time, with Shawn uttering a similar sentence, only replacing 'We' with 'They.' The flight attendant took that as her cue to leave, and she backed off a few steps, eyes still on Shawn, which forced the psychic to sit down in the seat next to Juliet.
Lassiter looked over at Juliet and Shawn. "That never happened." He said.
"Agreed again, Lassie." Shawn said. Juliet looked on in confusion, oblivious to their earlier confrontation near the bathroom. In fact, the entire idea of Shawn and Carlton acting with civility towards one another was a very foreign idea for Juliet, who looked between them as they sat still, calmly facing forward. Shawn didn't even fidget for a moment, but after a minute or so, he was back to as normal as he could be.
Lassiter's silence, Juliet's questions, and Shawn's dodging of those questions were ceaseless until they landed.
By that point, Lassiter desperately needed to get away from Shawn, as if the hyperactive man was choking off his air supply by talking so fast and so randomly.
Juliet suddenly remembered that she was back in her hometown, and was instantly filled with part happiness to see her friend, and part dread at the prospects of running into one person in particular.
Shawn noticed Juliet's look of upcoming dread and immediately backed off; giving him some time to try to figure out what was bothering her.
And in the front of the plane, Gus was back on his phone, this time only for a short message.
"Henry, it's done. Everyone will be in place soon. It's time to begin Phase II of Operation… Barracuda."
-End-
A/N: Again, I'm very sorry for the long wait for this chapter. In addition to trying to figure out Vector Calculus, (which is not fun, especially if you don't like vectors or calculus, like me) I had to do some serious brainstorming to figure out where I was going to take this story. Well, I now know, so expect another chapter by the end of the week, like on Saturday or Sunday. Also, somewhere in this chapter, up near the top, there is the story's 10,000th word! Landmark time!
And again, please review! Rewards await!