I tried harder on this one, just so you know.
Damn, is it just me or is MadTV taking forever to come on? Jeesh.
Well, this chapter has a suprise plot twist! Hope you guys enjoy. Reviews are greatly appreciated.
And, and and. Does my gender really matter? I keep getting e-mails and what not of people asking me what I am. I'm slightly worried though, that if I tell everyone, that it will somehow influence how many reviews I get. Fo realz.
I am curious to know what you guys think I am, though.. Hahah.
Anyways,
DISCLAIMER! I DONT OWN TDK.
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"Batman! Are you okay!" Joker yelled, pulling him off of a taxicab.
"I'm just fine.. This girl broke my fall." Batman said, getting up off of Lindsay and wiping blood and other assorted organs off of his cape. Her face was twisted in a scream, eyes shot open in fear. She probably would've survived if the two hundred and five pound Batman hadn't used her frail body as a cushion, but that's neither here nor there.
"Why so serious, Lindsay?" Joker joked (Tehe) , smacking a hand hard against her head.
Her head fell off onto the concrete, rolling along the sidewalk towards a small boy, whose face paled.
"Oh my god.." Joker whispered. "She's dead."
Batman quickly grabbed the mourning Joker and dragged him off into an alleyway. Couldn't risk the cops finding them, being wanted vigilantes and all. Besides, how long do you think those pretty boys would last in prison before getting.. You know..
Beaten up?
C'mon, get those minds out of the gutter.
"We have to rescue Mary-Sue!" Batman growled huskily, heading towards the secret hide-out that was only a minutes walk away from Wayne Manor.
"Wait.. How do you know about her kidnapping, Batsy? I'm the one who found the note!" Joker said, shocked.
"Oh. Yeah. Well anyway, I knew it all along. Because uhm.. Oh hey, here we are!" Batman stopped in front a spooky looking warehouse.
Wait a minute.. What was a warehouse doing in the middle of the rich side of Gotham anyway. Come to think of it, who the hell invented the idea of a warehouse, anyway? What do you even do with a warehouse?
HUH?
HUH?
The Joker nodded, and he and Batman opened the doors with a loud rumble, exposing the warehouses' inner depths. Inside, it was relatively empty aside from one man and Mary-Sue's ever glowing hot body.
"Bruce!" She cried out, fighting to get away from the…
Scarecrow?
"I wanted to be in the story too!" Scarecrow pouted, holding tightly to Mary-Sue's arm.
"The Scarecrow! I should've known all along!" Batman growled, teeth clenched.
"Why'd you do it, you sick bastard?" Joker yelled, a menacing look on his face.
"Well.. Ever since the new movie, it's like I never existed! Three shitty lines in the new one, and then poof! I'm gone! Well I'm not gonna take this crap, you're all going to write stories about me, Dr. Crane! I mean.. The Scarecrow! Or else Mary-Sue's gonna get a lethal dosage of my fear serum!" He cackled manically, holding his sides as he did.
"Well no duh," Joker spat. "You're the dumbest villain ever created. A scarecrow? Come on. Scarecrows aren't scary. You're just a creepy skinny guy that graduated from medical school and got pissed off because he's still in debt from all those college loans. Lame." Joker frowned, rolling his eyes.
Batman giggled.
"What!" Scarecrow snapped. "Scarecrows are too scary!"
"To birds, maybe." Batman rolled his eyes.
"Well at least I don't sound like the love child of Clint Eastwood and a grizzly bear! Really Batman, could your voice get any stupider?! Besides, a forty something year old man dressing up as a Bat isn't scary! It's a sad, pitiful cry for attention! Call the white coats, we've got another man that needs to be shipped to the funny farm!" Scarecrow hissed.
Joker giggled, as a tear rolled down Batman's face.
"I'm only in my thirties.."
"And you!" Scarecrow snapped. "What the hell?! A CLOWN?! WHAT THE FUCK MADE YOU SO ANGRY, ANYWAY? FAIL CLOWN COLLEGE AND DECIDE TO GO ON A KILLING RAMPAGE!"
"Hey!" Joker wailed. "I didn't fail.. I dropped out.." He kicked his foot in the dirt, looking ashamed.
Batman began all out sobbing, and Scarecrow walked over to pat his shoulder. "Look, who cares if you're getting a little old? Or have estranged vocal chords? Or a tiny dick? Plenty of women will still want you. Mainly the Joker." Scarecrow motioned to the cross-dressing clown, who looked shocked.
"I'm not gay!" His voice cracked.
"He's in denial." Mary-Sue spoke up from afar, sighing.
"DAMMIT WOMAN, I'M GONNA SLAP YOU!" Joker screamed, tugging at his hair.
"What made you so angry, Joker?" Scarecrow said in a soothing tone, caressing the side of The Joker's face tenderly.
"Well.." He began. "You know those Charmin commercials? With the bears?"
They all gave a knowing nod.
"The one where the little bear has pieces of toilet paper struck all over his butt and she has to vacuum them to get them all off… WHAT THE HELL KIND OF TOILET PAPER WERE THEY USING? HUH?" He shrieked, lashing out everywhere. "I DEMAND TO KNOW!"
Scarecrow stared.
"Who actually watches commercials that intently?"
"Speaking of asses.." Batman said, grinning. "Anyone seen American Psycho? Where I walk into the shower and you get to see me.. Up close and personal?"
Mary-Sue giggled, and the Joker nodded knowingly.
"No. Ever seen Red Eye?" Scarecrow asked.
"Red Eye? What the hell. That movie sucked. The only good thing about it was seeing your hot self on the screen." The Joker pointed to the Scarecrow with a frown.
Scarecrow ripped his mask off, staring hotly at the Joker. "You.. You really mean it?"
"Shhhh…" Joker pressed a single finger to Dr. Crane's delicate pink lips. "Don't say another word…" And then they kissed!
"WHAT THE HELL?!" Batman shrieked, grabbing the scrawny author from the randomly placed computer in the warehouse.
"NO MORE SLASH, YOU FREAK!" Then shook Dallas violently.
"Jeesh." Dal frowned. "I bet someone out there liked it."
Batman then punched both the Joker and The Scarecrow, and ran up to rescue the ever neglected Mary-Sue.
Teardrops race down her face, beautiful blonde hair cascading down her shoulders lighting up the entire room with her fluorescent beauty. Her lips were placed in a perfect pout, blue eyes glistening as bright as any star could ever dream to be.
"Mary-Sue, I'll save you!" He hurriedly pulled at the chains that appeared out of nowhere, holding the poor blonde down.
"You've got to hurry, there's no time! He's placed a bomb in here.. Just leave and save yourself!" She cried out miserably.
"No! I can't.. Without you, there's no point in me being alive. You're the cheese to my nachos. The Starsky to my Hutch. The Ninja to my turtles. The broom to my-"
"Enough already!" Scarecrow snapped, shooting Batman!
What a twist!
"I've had enough of this! You're all idiots! I'm going to throw a gallon of my fear serum into your water supplies and kill all of you!" He squealed, punching the Joker's lights out.
"Hey." Joker frowned. "Those were my eco-light bulbs from Wal-Mart."
"Enough of Dallas's stupid puns!" He shrieked, bitch-slapping the Joker and hurriedly running from the warehouse.
"Joker! Help me pull off these restraints! We've got to save Mary-Sue!"
Joker nodded, magically pulling the key from nowhere and unlocking everything. They all then ran from the ticking time bomb of a warehouse all slow motion like, and jumped as the explosion went off.
Millions of people died in Gotham that night.
"Have you ever wanted to rent a gorilla suit, and then run through an old folk's home and see how many people you could give heart attacks?" Joker asked Batman, who was growing dizzier by the second from his bullet wound.
"Joker! That's sick!" Mary-Sue frowned, holding onto Batman for support. Because she'd also been shot. And was growing weaker by the second. And she currently wanted a cheeseburger.
"We've got to stop the Scarecrow." Batman growled. "Joker, Mary-Sue, we've got to round up everyone we can to save Gotham!"
"Well. We could get my twin sister..." Mary-Sue said slowly.
Joker and Batman gasped!
"Her name.. Is Angry-Sue. She's currently in Arkham. She'll know what to do." Mary-Sue said softly.
And so it was decided.
They went to McDonald's and grabbed some burgers.
Then went off to Arkham.
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