Don't ask.

DISCLAIMER!! I DON'T OWN THE DARK KNIGHT.

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Licking my lips, I grinned to myself in the mirror. No longer in drag, despite the fact I look quite snazzy. Haha.. Snazzy. My father used that word. Or was it my grandpa. Or my sister. Or the milk man.. That bastard. Busting a milk bottle and cutting the sides of my face to pieces.. I swear I'll get him back someday. And then I'll murder his family and take a nice, hot bath in their blood. Then sell their organs to the needy masses of organ-needing orphans.

Wait a minute.

No I won't.

Because I'm…

A clown.

Yeah. Fixing my tie up a bit, I slicked my hair back. Want to know how my life's going so far? Well to damn bad because you're going to hear about my life anyway. You see, you're all reading this because you know I look sexy in drag and can't get enough of the cheesey Batman fanfics, written by people with no life.

I'm currently traveling with Mary-Sue, who I'm utterly and completely in love with. Never have I loved a woman as much as I love her, we enjoy everything together. Flying kites, having picnics, hugging small one-legged monkey children.. Yeah, we're perfect for each other.

Then there's Angry-Sue. Who I'm also madly in love with. Yes, it's possible to be in love with two people. We also enjoy the same things. Setting off bombs, poisoning food supplies, and mauling the small one-legged monkey children. Yeah, we're perfect for each other.

And then, there's Batman. We enjoy… Wait a minute. Do we have anything in common? Yeah, we're perfect for each other.

Giggling madly to myself and attracting Batsy's attention.. I do love how he seems to turn his head in slow motion. That might be because of my blinding good looks. Or the fact the suit won't let him turn his neck. I think it's the first. "Batsy.." I began, licking the sides of my face. Then I licked them again. Drool was now coming out of my mouth so I spat everywhere all over his suit, him giving me the occasional remark… It only proved his love for me.

"You cross-dressing scar-faced sack of…"

Oh, his love lines again. My heart fluttered. For a moment, I wondered if he was actually badmouthing me. But then again, no one could really understand what that blubbering oath ever said.. I'm thinking it was the steroids. Or the throat tumor. Or perhaps many years of chain-smoking.

Whatever it was, it made him all the more irresistible.

"Batsaaaaay. I'm pregnant."

Batman then mumbled other things I couldn't understand.

"And you're the father!"

Mary-Sue and Angry-Sue gasped.

"Chut up!" Batman screamed.

WA-POW! I slapped Batman with my ferocious fist of fury.

Try saying that five times fast.

I dare you.

Did you do it?

If you did, did it sound anything like--

"Orange chicken flied rice?"

Because that's what I got when I said it.

No not really.

It just sounded like gibberish.

Speaking of gibberish, I know recalled a shaving accident that had left me horribly scarred on my lips. I'll never forget the day…

Now going off into my dream phase, I suddenly remembered a joke.

A man walks into a bar with a giraffe, and they both start drinking. The giraff drinks too much and passes out on the floor. The man has one last beer, then turns to get up and the bartender says,

"Hey! Are you just gonna leave that lyin' on the floor?"

And the man looks down and says..

"That's not a lion. That's a giraffe."

"AHAHHAHAA!" I cackled loudly, alarming my three's company. My tres companeros, my Optimous prime… Rib.

"Joker, shut the hell up and let's get on with catching the scarecrow."

"You go it Smokey…" I chuckled. Oh, ho ho. Chuckled. I've always hated the word chuckled. Just because I hate the name Chuck. It sounds like some redneck trucker that married three of his cousins and has five inbred children in the Ozarks.

He also has a dog named Spot.

Stifling a laugh, I wrapped my arms around both Mary-Sue and Angry-Sue. Ah, they were so soft and smelled so good…

"Get your paws off me, you damn dirty ape!" An old man grumbled, knocking me over and hobbling off down the street.

"I WILL END YOU!" I screamed, stomping my foot, which had a butterfly effect. Sorry Japanese people, expect a tsunami in the next.. Two million years. Oh, I'll be waiting.

I'll be waiting.

Batman soon got tired of my lolly gagging, and dragged me off somewhere more private….

The Scarecrow's hideout. That I'd known all along. Me and him were pals back in college, in fact we'd both joined the football team. And the drill team and cheer squad, but that's another story.

Yeah, we were quite amazing back in the good old days.

I remember graduating.

Three weeks ago.

My, how time flies by.

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