You ever notice when you call the internet company about having problems, and they ask you if your computer is connected?
HOLY HELL.
THAT NEVER CROSSED MY MIND.
TO PLUG IT IN.
I WOULD'VE NEVER THOUGHT OF THAT.
Idiots.
DISCLAIMER! I DON'T OWN TDK
--
It was snowing really hard now, and the gang had been caught in it on the street, slowly trudging onward to meet their fantastic and dangerous current goal.
"Hey.. Since when does it snow here? It only rains. Or is cloudy.. Or really dark. And when the hell did my bullet wound heal, anyway?" Batman asking, touching himself.
Where the bullet had hit him.
Below the belt.
On his left kneecap.
"All aboard the fail boat! Whoot whoot!" Mary-Sue said happily, spinning around.
Angry-Sue frowned. "I think Dal added snow to be original, but clearly failed because snow is merely a product of water, which makes it just frozen fluffy bits of water constantly getting into my eye sockets and filling them with toxic waste because Gotham is extremely polluted."
"If this snow keeps up, I'm having dinner with the Donnor Party and eating you all ALIVE!" Joker cackled, throwing a snowball at Angry-Sue, who stopped abruptly.
She turned around, eyes glowing red.
Joker gulped…
Down a slurpee.
"What are you gonna do, bitch? You're just a girl. And girls have absolutely no power in these stories." He sighed, shaking his head. "But maybe someday, some girl will kick my ass.. And I'll enjoy every minute of it." He grinned.
"I… HATE YOU!" She sobbed wildly, dropping to her knees in a fit of teenage angst. Because being over-emotional and bitchy is surprisingly cute. Or so it says in all the stories.
That day, Joker's icy heart melted reveling its soft and moist inner core.
"Angry-Sue," He batted his eyelashes, "I've never loved a woman as much as you."
Then he pulled out a guitar?!
"Angry-Sue, I love you. With your eyes so blue.. And red. And purple. I like to make you smile, but only for a while, because you usually frown. I love it when you wear your nightgown.. To bed. With your ex-boyfriend, named Fred. Fred.. Fred… Is dead." He strummed, smiling. "Because I killed him… Killed him.. Killed him, because he got in the way of my love with you. I made a sweater out of his hair, and bought you a teddy bear… Named Bob… For apples at the circus, circus where you met me… And Patrick.. Swayze."
Millions of girls clapped all over the world at the emotional and heart-warming song that moved the hearts and minds of so many people.
Mary-Sue wiped away tears. Never had she heard such an amazing song in her life. For a moment, she almost wished she loved him again.. Just for once, to hold his beautiful hand in hers again and feel his eyes go up and down her body in that creepy way that did. Like the stalker-ish way. Like the way all girls want to be looked at.
I guess.
Mary-Sue realized.. She had to kill off her sister. She couldn't let another Sue roam around and try and steal her man.. Men! Hell no! She was the only perfect girl that could fit in this story, in fact.. Scratching her head she realized.. She had to kill every single girl in the world. No girl would ever take away the chances of her having her men.
Although she didn't believe in violence, she did believe in capping some bitches every once and a while, and she knew the perfect man to kill every single girl in Gotham, anyway.
He went by A-Wizzle.
But his real name was…
"HAI MARY-SUE LOLOL WE ARE KICKING ASS IN THIS BIATCH, MIGHT WANNA CRACK DOWN AND TAKE A WHACK AT THIS HOOO, YA MEEEE?" Joker laughed, jumping up and down and kicking the Scarecrow over and over.
Oh, she must've been so consumed in her thoughts she'd forgotten they had to stop the Scarecrow.
"WHERE IS HE?!" Batman shrieked, obviously angry. Or constipated. You know what, at this point I think it's anybody's guess what the hell is wrong with him.
Joker sighed, turning Batman around to see the bloody, mauled body of the Scarecrow, who was hurt. Really badly.
"Joker.. I think I'm going to have to break my one rule to stop this madman." Batman said, pulling out a battle-axe.
Joker nodded grimly, understanding.
He then began to unbutton his shirt to sexy techno music.
"JOKER, WHAT THE HELL!?" Batman yelled, eyes twitching. "The only thing worse than thinking about a creepy clown is being raped by the creepy clown!"
"SHUT IT YOU PHANY BANDIT!" Joker snapped, stamping his foot in anger.
"BUTT PIRATE!"
"ASS HAT!" Joker yelled back.
"Woah woah woah." Batman said, dropping the axe and pulling out a gun.
"Hey, I've decided.. To change my life, and just be a doctor. I've realized that killing is bad, and I'm going to change, I pro-"
Batman shot him a total of thirty seven times, which is kinda hard because a pistol only holds about twelve bullets. Or so it says in the Silent Hill games. Don't question me.
"You just said Ass-hat? Hahaha!" Batman laughed, full and hearty.
"Yeah, I guess that was pretty silly, huh?" He giggled, joining in the laughter.
They laughed so hard they drowned at the screams of Angry-Sue's horrible and gruesome death. Alas I'm lazy and don't feel like typing out a death scene, so just use your imaginations. I like to imagine the killer ripped off her limbs and beat her with them.
But maybe that's just me.
Batman and Joker gasped! Seeing Angry-Sue lying dead on the floor, Mary-Sue standing next to her shifty eyed, mouthing 'I didn't kill her'.
"What happened!" Batman asked.
"Oh my god.." Joker said, walking over to her mangled corpse and prodding her with a ten inch kantana he just happened to find. "She's dead."
Batman held the emotionally disturbed clown, who was sobbing wildly.
"I'll get whoever did this to you, Angry-Sue! I swear I'll get revenge!" Joker cried, clinging to the immensely buff Batman.
"Shhh, it's okay. At least we can say we tried to save her. Now.. Who wants some ice cream!" Batman announced happily, giving everyone a hi-five.
So they left Angry-Sue and Scarecrow to rott, and happily skipped off for ice-cream.
At twelve at night.
In a snowstorm.
Yeah.
--