Blame and Guilt

As Tails walked toward his room, he surveyed the damage to his ship, tracing the fresh cracks with his fingers. He noted the numerous large holes and splits in the walls that had resulted from their final battles. He knew from earlier data that the Typhoon had received heavy damage; one of the wings had been clipped, several engines were lost, the Master Emerald had been shattered, and the main cannon had completely collapsed.

Thinking about that blasted cannon suddenly made Tails very angry. He clenched his fists as he remembered the horrible light that had taken her away from him. But the feeling was gone in a flash, and Tails hung his head as his fists unclenched. It wasn't the cannon's fault she was gone. Cannons don't fire themselves.

Arriving at his room, Tails went to his computer and ran a quick diagnostic of the ship. It was in even worse shape than he'd thought, and he was honestly starting to wonder if it was even worth restoring when he got home. The only reason the Blue Typhoon was even able to function right now was because Dr. Eggman's Crimson Egg was still attached to it. It might just be better to salvage what few undamaged parts the Typhoon had left and just make a new ship. As he pondered this, Tails left his computer and sat down on his bed. His eyes were drawn to the picture he kept on his nightstand. It was a picture of him with all of his friends at a party on the ship. It was funny, Cosmo had been standing right next to him then, and now she was dead.

There. He finally did it. He had finally forced himself to admit the truth about Cosmo. She was dead. DEAD! The thought washed away all of the mental barriers Tails had hastily put into place in his futile attempts to remain calm. He wrapped his tails around himself and cried bitterly. He wasn't sure how long he cried for, and frankly he didn't care. He only stopped crying when he noticed something in his hand. Tails gazed down at the object that he had almost forgotten he was carrying.

As Tails stared at the small seed in his hand, he wondered how he could have fallen so far so fast. He and Cosmo had only known each other for a relatively short amount of time, but in that short period they had become much more than just friends. He hadn't even truly realized how much he really cared, how far he'd really go for her, until the end. Had he really told her he loved her? Yes… yes he had, and she had said the same to him. That was comforting in some ways, but it also reminded Tails of how much he would miss her. He felt the tears returning, and wondered if he would ever be able to stop crying.

In the weeks that followed a kind of strange normalcy returned to the ship. Sonic ran around, because that's what he does when he needs to blow off steam. Knuckles hung around the engine room with the shards of the Master Emerald, wondering if there was anything he could do to help it recover faster. Tails had buried himself in his work, repairing the engines, sensors, and other systems that were essential to the ship. Amy and Cream assisted Chris in piloting the Blue Typhoon home, and Rouge was helping Dr. Eggman keep power flowing to both ships. Really, everyone was mostly doing what they would have normally done on the ship, if only for the sake of routine. The strange part was the conversations among the ship's crew, or rather the lack thereof. They had each hardy spoken to the others since the battle had ended, and there was a tension on both ships that was so thick you could practically cut it with a knife. The only one who even tried to lighten the mood was Sonic, and even his attempts seemed half-hearted.

It was one of these attempts that lead Sonic to Tails' door. He had seen his little bro working his hands to the bone, and he knew the reason for it. Tails was trying to keep his mind occupied, trying not to remember. It hurt too much to remember, and Sonic hated to see his friends hurting so much. He quietly knocked on the door.

"Tails? Can I come in?"

Tails looked up from the pot he was tending numbly. He honestly didn't want to see Sonic or anyone else right now, but he knew he should let his best friend in. He had some things that he had been meaning to say, anyhow.

"Come in," Tails said weakly.

Sonic came through the door and looked sadly at his dejected friend. "Hey, buddy," he said quietly, "How're ya holdin' up?"

Tails didn't answer. He just sprinkled some fertilizer over the dirt in the pot and then poured some water on it.

"So ya planted it, huh?" Sonic said, knowing what was buried beneath the soil. "I'm sure it'll grow into something beautiful."

Tails really didn't want to talk about this. He knew what he wanted the plant to grow into, but he wasn't about to get his hopes up on some flight of fancy. The fox set the pot down and decided to change the subject. It was time he said what he needed to say.

"I'm sorry, Sonic."

"Huh?" Sonic was a little surprised by this statement. "For what?"

"For what I said to you when you gave me this seed," Tails replied.

"It's alright, Tails. Don't worry about it," Sonic said, trying to comfort his friend. It didn't seem to work, though.

"It's not alright, Sonic. I know you did the best you could. It's just… I really thought this time would be like all the other times, y'know? That we'd save the day in the nick of time and everyone would go home and we'd all be happy together. That's why I took the shot, Sonic. I thought that somehow… she'd be okay…" The young fox's voice was beginning to crack again.

Sonic tried to reassure him, "Tails, ya did what you had to do. What she wanted you to do. You saved the galaxy… the whole Universe!"

"That's not much comfort. Sonic…" Tails' voice started to break as his tears returned, "Why did this have to happen? What was the point? Why…" he could barely continue now, and his voice become very soft "Why does this keep happening to me? To the people I care about? First my parents, and… and now Cosmo!" He couldn't say any more. He just buried his head in his hands and sobbed.

"I don't know, little bro", Sonic whispered. Sonic really wasn't good at this. He had no answers for the kid. Normally he could always make Tails feel better when he was down, but Tails was not simply depressed. He was mourning the loss of someone special to him, and that would take more than a quick joke to heal. It would take time, and lots of it. Sonic put his arms around Tails as he had in days past and just sat with him. Tails looked up to him like an older brother, and Sonic had pretty much adopted Tails as a sibling. He had almost forgotten how hard Tails' life had been before they met; how his parents had died, how miserably he'd been treated by others just because he was different. Behind his easy smile and good-natured attitude, Tails had repressed years of pain and anger and sadness. Now it was all just flowing out.

Even though Tails had taken back his earlier remark, Sonic had to admit that he felt guilty. From his point in outer space he had heard what only a few others had. Cosmo had told Tails that she would love him forever, and he knew Tails would feel the same. Sonic had wanted badly to bring the two back together, and in his mind he felt he had let his little brother down. Tails' heart and soul had almost visibly shattered when Sonic handed him the Seed that he and Shadow had recovered, and now there was nothing he could do but help Tails pick up the pieces.

Author's Note: Kinda depressing, huh? Don't worry, things'll start picking up soon.

By the way, this whole thing assumes that events played out as they did in the Japanese versions of episodes 77 & 78 rather than the English versions. If you haven't seen or heard about the differences between the Japanese and English versions of those episodes, I suggest you look it up, because you might be confused otherwise.