Ginny was having a difficult time maintaining her calm. Hermione hadn't given her any kind of final answer, and Ginny was not finding a great deal of Zen-like patience as she waited for a response. She lined up some aluminium cans, which had previously contained Sidney's Syphilis-Free Cider, on an old picket fence that demarcated the border between Hogwarts' grounds and the Forbidden Forest. Ginny then proceeded to blast her helpless targets with powerful rage magic.

With the smoking wreckage she left behind, one could only wonder what the cans had done to deserve such overkill. Alas, they were tragic victims caught in the wrong place at the wrong time.

"I should have used that one curse that makes 'em bleed!" Ginny narrowed her eyes in hatred, spitting roughly into a copse of bushes.

"Ginerva? Ginerva are you there? I swear that's your hideous name and I'm not making it up." Hermione held up the Wikipedia page on her iPhone.

"That name haunts me." Ginny's face folded up like a lemon.

"I know! I totally thought your name was Virginia for the last six years." Hermione laughed nervously.

"My Mom shouldn't have dropped so much acid after Fred and George…although I guess I can't blame her." Ginny sighed. "Maybe when I'm an old lesbian spinster I'll go by my full name, but right now I'm far too hot for that shit."

"Although you seem slightly out of character at the moment, I actually have something along those lines to discuss with you…" Hermione's voice trailed off nervously.

Draco Malfoy, who had been following Hermione after receiving an anonymous tip of juicy, juicy x-rated gossip, suddenly found that he could no longer restrain himself. He popped up from the bush he had been hiding him and virtually exploded,

"I thought it was short for Ginger! Because you're a ginger!" He burst out laughing.

"Then it would be GINGY!" Ginny screamed, decking him good in the face. "My, that feels much better." She exited her hard-boiled persona as Malfoy entered the land of the unconscious concussion victims.

"Are you alright?" Hermione looked nervous, painfully aware that her looks couldn't afford to suffer any more than they already did.

"I had a lot of stress built up from everything. It wasn't exactly easy to admit that I like other women, and while it was wrong of me to expect you'd feel exactly the same way, I kind of thought your sleeping with me would have indicated something along those lines." Ginny tried very hard to keep venom out of her words, but she was still very hurt.

"I was really confused, Ginny. I didn't understand why it meant something different to both of us. I think I know now: for you it was releasing yourself from the lie that you had been living. But for me…it was more confusing. It didn't change my feelings about Ron and I didn't realize that I had been trying to fool myself and others. I just realized that I also can have feelings for a woman."

"Oh…" Ginny felt kind of awkward.

"Ginny, I think I'm bisexual." Hermione finally laid it out in the open.

Ginny was a little shocked because she'd been looking at the whole situation in more simplistic terms. She had assumed their tryst had meant that Hermione was also a lesbian. She briefly started to consider the ramifications that might come of this, but then realized that that wasn't the issue at all. Finally clear, she looked intensely at Hermione.

"That doesn't really matter to me. What I need to know and what is driving me crazy is how you feel about us. About me."

"Well…" Hermione looked down and blushed, "I want to ride you like a hippogriff."

"Hot damn!" Ginny staggered back, overjoyed.

"Also, I really do think that I could fall in love with you. I really want to give us a try. Fuck your brother." Hermione confessed her potential love.

"You already did!" Ginny laughed.

Hermione laughed as well and, arm in arm, they headed back to the dormitory to provide the portrait with some more entertainment.

Harry and Ron were nestled in a nest made of books in some forgotten corner of the library. Forgotten by all except for Madame Prince, but now that the hard stuff was over she had no interest in watching the girly parts. Thus, she had left to go and file her books of troll crochet patterns. Harry and Ron were in various stages of undress, and what they were wearing was somewhat askew.

"Harry," Ron rolled onto his side, breathing heavily from the exertion, "you're my "best mate". A side of the nest caved in, tastefully covering his manhood.

"Oh, I know." Harry smiled impishly. "And I'm the "best mate" you'll ever have. Let's just say I've heard complaints from both Dean and Seamus."

"That's sad." Ron frowned. "I'm glad we don't have that problem, Harry."

Harry also frowned.

"What do you mean "we"?"

"Oh." Ron felt his insides go cold. "I'm sorry…I didn't…I mean, It guess it was presumptuous of me to assume that you weren't a whore and wanted a relationship from this."

Harry knew he was too stupid to be making a jab on purpose.

"Ah, I was just fucking with you!" Harry laughed.

"Oh, thank Merlin." Ron relaxed, feeling mightily relieved.

"And I'm about to continue," He sexily raised an eyebrow and leapt at Ron, preparing to get his freak on yet again.

Madame Prince silently sobbed, in the midst of helping a student and realizing that it would be too late by the time she returned to the nest for her sneak peek. Damn them.

"Well, I know this hasn't been easy since there are probably still hurt feelings in the room." Harry began, really not caring.

"Not really feelings, Harry dear, just wasted time." Ginny muttered under her breath, leaning against Hermione.

"Right." Harry unsuccessfully pretended not to hear.

"Hermione!" Ron started sobbing. "I-I-I-"

"What is it Ron?" Hermione looked vaguely alarmed.

"I slept with Harryyyyyy!"

"Um." Hermione looked uncomfortable.

"Well, I was hoping to approach it more delicately than that, Ron." Harry gave him a quick and pointed glance.

"He's your problem now." Hermione said quickly before Harry could change his mind.

"Speaking of problems, I've called this meeting so that we can discuss the one that united us all." Harry gave Hermione a pointed glance.

"Wha-" Hermione inhaled sharply and then look furious. "My baby is NOT a problem! It's a blessing!"

"I didn't mean that." Harry insincerely backed off while thinking that Hermione probably needed to keep telling herself that to get through the day. That's why he was an asshole.

"I'm excited for the baby!" Ron perked up. "I still want to help, since it is my son or daughter."

"I'm excited to have a neice-daughter. Only five of the Weasleys can boast that accomplishment." Ginny mused, assuming for some reason that the baby was a girl.

"I'd like to help out as well, both because of my lovely Ronald here and also because I can easily ride my fame roller coaster to help the baby out financially." Harry offered.

"I'll help Hermione out of love." Ginny gave Harry an irritated look.

"Love don't buy diapers." Harry retorted.

"FUCK! What did I see in you?" Ginny was continuing to wrestle with the feeling that she had been severely cheated in her previous relationship. Despite the fact that she was the one who had done the cheating. "Were you always this much of a jerk?"

Harry shrugged, "Probably. I feel like I can be myself now. I don't need to play 'The Boy Who Lived' for Ron to accept me."

"I think we're all getting a little sidetracked into various domestic squabbles." Hermione piped up, conveniently ignoring her own contributions. "I'm very touched that you're all willing to help with my baby. They say that it takes an entire village to raise a child, and I'm seeing now that this is certainly true. Why-"

Hermione was interrupted by a hand clapping down on her shoulder. She jumped in her seat and screamed.

Everyone turned to behold…DUMBLEDORE.

"What's this I hear about a baby?" He asked the assembled group with a severe expression on his face.