Author's Note: Thanks for the reviews and story alert subscriptions! I'm really enjoying this little experiment of mine with these characters – though I really ought to be writing my essay for scholarships.. sigh. And yes, this is an experiment – I really have no idea what I'm doing. Haha! So just.. go with it. Thanks everybody for reading and reviewing, I can see that you clicked on this story, so please help me out by leaving a little note when you're done! Thanks. PS. I think Yusuke is one of the sexiest anime men of all time, in part because of his voice, Justin Cook. Agree? :P
Disclaimer: I do not own Yu Yu Hakusho, big surprise.
Yusuke had been staring at his ceiling for three hours, lying on his bed with his hands behind his head. Thinking wasn't one of his favorite hobbies, but nowadays it seemed like the only productive thing to do. The teenaged boy cursed quietly, glancing at the clock. Three in the morning.
Fuck this, he thought, scratching the back of his head. He tried closing his eyes.
You didn't even know you were gonna come back to life, did you?
Yusuke groaned. Kuwabara's words had been repeating themselves over and over in his mind.
I don't know why you did it, but it wasn't just for us.
He didn't know how to react to his friend's despair during the fight with Sensui, he didn't know how to support his friend in his grief, and he didn't know what to say when asked any question that begins with 'why'.
Because the truth of it all was, Yusuke didn't really know why, since before all of this happened, Yusuke didn't think of the reason before he did anything. I didn't think before, and now I can't stop fucking thinking all the damn time! The boy shifted to his side with a glare at the wall.
He put a hand to his chest. No heartbeat. It wasn't easy to get used to. Suddenly, Yusuke felt immensely overwhelmed. I'm not sure of who I am anymore. I'm still Yusuke Urameshi, but not the old one. Not anymore. I'm not a human .. and the scary part is, I don't even give a fuck! He tried to calm himself down by breathing deeply.
Kuwabara is right. I didn't know I'd come back. I didn't care.
Why not?
Yusuke grimaced. Another scary 'why' question. He wasn't sure he wanted to answer it. He wasn't sure he could.
It just .. doesn't feel the same anymore. Something is different.
The half-demon turned over and looked out his window into the night sky. He let out a heavy sigh. Yusuke Urameshi isn't kept awake at night because he doesn't know who he is, or how he feels about a thick-headed punk who wrestled himself into a friendship that's taken a turn for the bizarre. But here I am. Scratching my head over all this bullshit.
Are you just gonna pretend like nothing happened?
I don't fuckin' know!
End of story.
Yusuke felt as though he had accomplished something and so he lay back and closed his eyes once more with a new determination to fall asleep.
Outside, crouched on a branch of a tree beside the window, Hiei looked down on the ex-spirit detective with his usual stoic expression. He grunted, and then quickly flitted away.
Ring. Ring. Ring.
"Shuichi speaking.. Oh, hello Kuwabara. Yes, I'm fine, how are you doing? … Have you seen Yusuke recently?... Oh I see. No, no, that's alright. Yes. I'd be glad to help, of course, Kuwabara, there's no need to be ashamed of how you feel .. I know that, I wasn't saying anything definite... Of course.. Why don't you come over to my place? Does after school tomorrow work for you?.. Great, I'll have tea. See you tomorrow."
Click.
Kuwabara groaned in anxiety and threw his head violently onto the kitchen counter. He rested it there, standing awkwardly. Why am I doing this to myself?
Shizuru simply regarded her brother with a poof of smoke. "Hey moron, stop hurting your head when you should be filling it with European government history."
"Gahh I know, Shizuru. I gotta study. Geez!" the teenaged thug lifted himself from the counter and returned sullenly to his bedroom, there to lock himself in. The red-head sat at his desk and stared down at the pile of homework begging to be torn to pieces. He grimaced. Why am I even bothering talking to Kurama.. I dunno if it's gonna make anything better.
A little bell ringing caught his ear. His frown instantly melted into a grin, "Eikichi! Here kitty, kitty!" The thug looked down to see the small feline curled up against his leg. He picked her up gently, staring into her deep brown eyes. He ruffled her head, "At least I've still got you, Eikichi. You won't go killing yourself and then pretend like nothing happened." He stopped to think about it, "Although.. kitties do have nine lives. I wonder if Urameshi has nine lives, too."
The cat responded with, "Meow."
Kuwabara settled Eikichi in his lap, the frown returning to his face. "I gotta talk to Kurama about Urameshi and what happened. I dunno why I feel so weird about him. Urameshi is just my friend, I admire him as a fighter and all and I .. I care about him.. but that doesn't make me gay.. does it?"
Eikichi blinked.
Kuwabara frowned, "It doesn't make me gay. I like girls.. pretty girls like Yukina!" He blushed as Eikichi seemed to roll her eyes, "Don't give me that look!"
"Kazuma, stop talking to yourself and get some homework done!"
"Fuck that.."
"What was that?"
"I said I'm working on it!"
Ring. Ring. Ring.
"Hello? Ah, Urameshi-san, is Yusuke available? Thank you. .. Yusuke, its Kurama. How are you? ..I'm fine, thank you. I was wondering if you'd like to catch up.. over tea, perhaps? ..I know, but I would really like to see how you're doing. Of course… you can come over to my place, free of charge, I promise. Alright, tomorrow afternoon okay?.. Great! See you then, bye."
Yusuke hung up the phone with a growl. What the fuck does Kurama want to talk to me about, and why couldn't I say no to him? God fucking damnit. That damn kitsune is persuasive.
The black-haired teen sat back on his bed with a sigh. "I can take care of myself, thank you very much," he muttered to himself. "I don't need anyone looking out for me or worrying about me. But I better make the fox happy and maybe he'll even cook for me.."
That idea made the situation much more pleasant, and Yusuke grinned ruefully. He'll want to see me all chipper as usual, so I'll give him a show, and in return get free food. Not a bad deal.
Darn you! You're supposed to be here.. for me..
Ding-dong.
Kuwabara shifted nervously outside of Kurama's house. He wasn't sure what to expect. He had called Kurama in an act of desperation to talk to someone about what was bothering him – he even apologized for the way he had behaved before and promised not to run away again. But Kuwabara wasn't sure how or if Kurama would be able to help. What would he even say to the fox-demon?
What's up Kurama, I'm a big sissy who can't get over the second fake death of a friend. I know we talked about this before, but now it's taking over my life and I was hoping you could just go kill him for real so I can study for my exams.
Hey Kurama.. I feel funny about another dude and since you're gay and all, I was wondering if you could un-gay me.
Kurama, you won't believe it, but I think Urameshi is depressed and isolating himself from everyone he knows because he's a demon now and has gone insane.
Oh hi, Kurama, I think I'm a fa-
"What do you want?"
Kuwabara blinked at the open door with seemingly no one in front of him. He sniffed, "..Is there a ghost here?"
"I'm down here you imbecile!"
The teenager glanced down to see Hiei standing before him in the doorway. "Oh. Hey Shrimp. What are you doing at Kurama's house?"
"I could ask you the same thing," Hiei seethed.
At Kuwabara's rescue, Kurama appeared behind the angry fire-demon with a calm smile, "Hello, Kuwabara. Come on in." The teenaged thug didn't notice Kurama place a hand on Hiei's shoulder to guide him away from the door, or hear the quick and quiet comment, "Behave."
"Nice place, man," Kuwabara found himself standing in a tidy living room.
"Thank you, but it's nothing, really. My family is out for a picnic, so please make yourself at home," Kurama settled himself on a plush chair, waving for Kuwabara to sit on the couch, which the nervous teen took. Hiei had not moved from the now closed front door. Deep green eyes found red, "Hiei, would you mind giving us some privacy, please?"
"Why, are you two talking about something secret?" the fire-demon's eyes narrowed, and Kuwabara gulped.
"Not necessarily, I would just like Kuwabara to feel as comfortable as possible," Kurama smiled prettily.
There was a moment of silence that Kuwabara thought would last forever. Sweat was starting to form on his forehead, and he began to pray to whatever God would listen to ask that he not be killed by a dragon..
"Fine. Have your stupid secret. You owe me, fox."
And with that, Hiei stomped into Kurama's bedroom and slammed the door, which was almost as confusing to Kuwabara as the mere presence of the short demon in Kurama's house at all. He gulped with difficulty once more. He realized that Kurama's piercing green eyes were fixed upon him and studying him carefully. This was beginning to seem like a terrible idea.
"Relax, Kuwabara," Kurama nearly chuckled. "It's okay. Hiei is just grumpy." Somehow, that did nothing to sooth him. "Now, tell me what happened between you and Yusuke."
Kuwabara took in a deep breath. Calm down, Kuwabara. This is somethin' you gotta work out or else you're never gonna get anything done. "We.. had a fight. We talked about the fight with Sensui.." Kurama's soft smile and understanding expression urged him on. "And.. how it seems that he's pretendin' that nothing happened, when something did. He died. And he's just.. ignoring it."
Kurama nodded, taking in this information.
The teenaged-thug nearly rolled his eyes at the ridiculousness of the situation. Next thing I know he's gonna ask me about my mother.
"And it upsets you that he is acting this way?"
"Yeah. I mean.. he's just ignoring how the rest of us felt when it happened.." stern green eyes questioned him to tell the truth and Kuwabara looked down in embarrassment. "How I felt when it happened. It was like.. I was about to lose something I hadn't even begun to realize how I felt about.. and now that he's okay, it hurts that he is ignoring me and how I feel."
Kurama smiled, "Well that's Yusuke for you. The boy doesn't think his strategy through for anything, and avoids personal subjects and emotions. What exactly do you feel?"
Kuwabara dreaded the question, but knew it would come up. He sighed, "This is the gayest conversation I've ever had.. but.. shit, Kurama, do you really gotta make me say it?"
The fox-demon nodded cutely.
"Shit," Kuwabara scratched the back of his head nervously. "I guess.. I .. I care about Urameshi. A lot. More than.. I thought I did. I don't like to see him lookin' so depressed and all.. I don't like that he threw himself in Sensui's way with no thought to .. our friendship, and what I would say."
Kurama tilted his head, "Do you find Yusuke attractive?"
Can this get more awkward? The teenaged-thug shifted uncomfortably. "..I guess.. he's ok looking.."
"Just okay?" Kurama pressed. When he got no response, the green-eyed demon tried a different approach, "How was Yusuke's reaction to your argument?"
"He just waved it off like it was nothin'," Kuwabara started to say, until he remembered what had happened at the end of their conversation. Kurama noticed the sudden change in his now stiff posture, and those eyes questioned him again. He tried to laugh, "Ohh.. it was nothing.. we just.. had this moment at the end of the fight.."
"Oh?" Kurama asked, innocently.
Kuwabara wanted to run away again. He tried his best to stay in his chair, and resorted to clutching at his pants. Kuwabara does not run away from any battle. I've got to stop being such a girl and get this over with. "We.. almost.. kissed."
The kitsune put up a hand to his lips to stop the chuckle from escaping, "Oh, I see." When Kuwabara threw up his hands in defeat, Kurama attempted to calm the anxious teen. "Kuwabara, it's alright, do not panic. This sort of thing happens all the time, I must admit that something similar has happened to me in the past."
"Really?" Kuwabara didn't think his face could get any redder.
"Yes," Kurama hummed in thought. He smiled, "There is nothing wrong with your experience with Yusuke. You just have to ask yourself if this is something you think could develop, or if you should tell him you just want to be friends. What do you think are his thoughts on this?"
Kuwabara glanced at the window, "I dunno. He looked at me kinda funny.. but I dunno other than that."
"Alright.. I don't know what other advice to give you, my friend, beside.. decide for yourself what your feelings truly are, with no discrimination. There is nothing wrong with caring for someone, even if it's more than friendship. Love is a very powerful thing," Kurama smiled.
That was just about the final straw for Kuwabara, and so he stood quickly and gave the fox-demon a forced grin, "Yeah. Thanks for talking to me, man. I just.. gotta figure all this out I guess."
"Well, be sure to call me if anything new happens, or if you'd just like to talk," Kurama raised himself from his chair and gently ushered Kuwabara to the door.
"Are you two done with your secret talk?" came Hiei's grumbling voice from down the hall.
"Yes, we are, you can come out now," Kurama teased.
"I'd rather you came in here and fucked me again."
Kuwabara turned sharply to face the two demons, the shorter of whom was snickering violently while the fox was giving him a glare with a secret smile underneath. It was more than the teenaged-thug could handle and he didn't think he could blush any harder. "Uhh.. uhhh .. I'll just.. be going now.."
"Yes, leave, oaf," Hiei crossed his arms.
"Now, now," Kurama reprimanded. "Call me anytime Kuwabara."
"Yeah.." Kuwabara couldn't tear his eyes away from the burning glance of Hiei, fixated on the fox-demon's rear-end. The door was opened for him and as he began to exit, he found himself running into a large blob of green and black.
"Oi!"
"Oh, sorry," Kuwabara started to say before he actually looked up and realized that Yusuke Urameshi stood before him. "Urameshi! What are you doing here?" The shorter boy was dressed in his usual school uniform with his hair slicked back, the surprise on his face allowing for a quick sneak-peak into the boy's tired eyes. It caused a strain in Kuwabara's chest, and he had to remember that time did not stand still, for the other boy opened his mouth to speak.
"I could ask you the same thing," Yusuke uttered in dark voice with a raised eyebrow. It didn't help that Kurama was smiling a little too innocently.
"Sorry you two, Kuwabara was just leaving," Kurama's smile never left his face. "Come on in, Yusuke."
The word, "Slut" could be overheard from Hiei's general direction.
Stretched beyond his limits, Kuwabara roughly walked by the ex-spirit detective with a sharp, "Bye." The other two members of the team watched him walk away. What the hell, was repeated over and over in Kuwabara's head. He did that on purpose to embarrass me. Goddamnit.
As he walked toward his own house, Kuwabara's quick strides began to fade to a normal pace. But why was it embarrassing? He realized, a grand idea beginning to dawn on him. I guess it's true.. Kurama is right. Maybe.. maybe I do feel about Urameshi in a way that's.. more than friendship. A man doesn't get all red and nervous about how he looks in front of another man unless.. there is something more there.
Kuwabara stopped short and stood frozen to the sidewalk beneath him.
I'm sorry, I got delayed. Traffic was a bitch.
You're gonna regret saying that one! I'm writing an advice book for bad guys. It's called 'Don't piss me off!
So that's how you treat the guy that wins the whole Dark Tournament? "Thanks for savin' my life and all pal, but my sandwich is just too damn good!"
Don't trip over your own feet, Kuwabara!
I've been pathetic, but I won't let you take away any more of my friends.
His wicked laugh and the way his chocolate-eyes flashed that wild look. His passion and courage and strength. His ability to protect and yet need help from his friends. The way he held the world on his shoulders. That feeling Kuwabara got when he saw the light fade from Yusuke's eyes, only to be regenerated with new energy when that smug grin returned. The way his chest constricted when he saw the bags under Yusuke's eyes. The way his heart leapt up to his throat when they got a little too close and he could feel Yusuke's breath on his face. It was more than friendship. Kurama and Hiei didn't feel like this about the half-demon. Just Kuwabara..
"Holy shit," Kuwabara muttered. "I like him."
To be continued…
Author's Note: Thanks for reading, please review and let me know what you think! I hope this isn't going too fast, but if you think about it, not a whole lot has really happened yet. Haha Thanks for your support. This has been a lot of fun writing, and playing around with the characters, pushing them a bit farther than before, but hopefully still "in character". Hoping for not too many out of character flames – since, realistically, people go "out of character" all the time. Lol.