A/N: Sorry if I confused anyone with the first chapter. It's been so long since I updated, I forgot that the site eats most page breaks. I'll try to keep that in mind with this fic especially. It's confusing enough as it is. ^^; Anyway, I hope nobody hates me for what I've done so far….

When I heard that Matt was in the infirmary, my first instinct was to run to be by his side, but I couldn't. Not with my albino shadow at least.

We had our books laid out on the table and both Near and I were taking notes from a few books. I really wanted to go see Matt, but how would I sneak away from Near? Unless…of course.

"Hey, Near?" I said, looking up at him.

"Hmm?"

"I'm going to go get a book from the shelves; I'll be back soon, okay?" I answered.

"Fine," he answered simply, continuing to write.

I got up and fought to keep my composure until I got to the end of the aisle and then took off. I sprinted out of the library, down a floor, turned down the hall and into the infirmary. Nurse Jade stopped me at the door.

"Can I help you, Mello, dear?" she asked.

"I need to see Matt," I said.

"I'm afraid I can't allow that, dear," she said sadly.

"Why not?" I said in frustration.

"Because Matt has been hysterical almost since he was brought in and has just recently calmed down enough to be left alone," she explained gently.

"Please," I insisted. "I really, really need to see him." When she still looked doubtful, I promised, "If he starts to get hysterical, I'll leave."

Nurse Jade sighed. "Very well." She stepped aside and went into her office.

I walked into the main hall of the infirmary and made my way past the empty beds down to Matt's; his was the only occupied bed in the main hall. I pulled a chair near his bedside and sat down. "Hey, Matt," I said quietly.

Matt was curled on his side under the sheets, staring at the wall. He didn't answer.

"I'm really sorry I hurt you, Matt," I went on in that same quiet tone. "I really didn't mean to, honest."

"'Didn't…mean…to'?" he repeated slowly. "Didn't mean to?"

"Yeah, I'm s-" I started, only to be cut off by his next outburst.

"Yeah, I know!" he snapped, sitting up angrily. "You're sorry. You didn't mean to. Well, you know what?"

I cringed. I knew what was coming.

"I didn't mean to, either! I just don't care any more. Just leave me alone," he went on.

"Matt, I-"

"Just leave me the fuck alone!" he screamed, clutching his head as he started to sob, rocking back and forth. "Just leave me alone!"

I got up and started to leave. I knew I deserved it, but it still hurt. "I love you, Mail," I said as I turned to leave. "I always will… Even if you don't…" I left, knowing if I stayed I'd only make it worse.

I began to calm down after Mello left and I lay there, tangled in the sheets, hugging my arms around myself. Even if you don't… The tears continued sliding down my cheeks as I whispered to the empty room, "But I still love you…"

I felt like crap as I set the book down on the table next to Near. I just wanted to be alone. "Near, I think I'm going to go to my room," I said.

"Why? We have a paper to do," Near informed me bluntly.

"Yeah, yeah. I know. I just… I really don't feel too well, Near, and I think it would more than likely be counterproductive to our paper if I kept trying to work," I explained.

"Yes," Near said slowly. "That more than likely would be counterproductive."

I took that as a release and left.

Back in my room, I dumped my books on my desk and collapsed face-first on my bed.

Crap was an understatement. I felt like shit right then.

Hours later, moonlight filtering through my window woke me up; apparently I'd fallen asleep in that time.

I sat up and propped myself up on my elbows in my windowsill and glanced out over the grounds. I looked up at the moon and sighed. The moon…it reminded me of Matt. His smiling face; that happy, content smile he had when he felt important and loved. He'd smiled that smile the night I asked him to be with me, just before he'd said yes, and on the night we gave ourselves to each other. And so many more times, just by being with me.

I felt the tears welling up in my eyes and I buried my face against my arms, sobbing in the moonlight.

After a few weeks, Nurse Jade allowed me to do more than just lay around all day. She'd brought me some clothes so that I could shower every night, and my arms were healing up fairly well. They were scarring, but the scars were nothing compared to the state my heart and mind were in. Through it all, all the pain, self-injury, and heartache, I couldn't bring myself to hate Mello. I still loved him, and I wanted him back badly.

"Matt. Lunch time," Nurse Jade said, setting the tray on the bedside table.

"I'm not hungry," I mumbled, rolling over to face the wall.

She sighed. "Will you eat later?"

I didn't answer and she walked off. I might pick at it, but I wouldn't eat all of it. She knew my lack of appetite hadn't faded in the time I'd been here, but she never stopped trying.

I sat up and scanned over what she'd brought. Tomato soup and a grilled cheese sandwich cut in half diagonally.

I swung my legs over the side of the bed and got up. I picked up half of the sandwich and walked over to the window. Looking out, I took a bite of the sandwich as I propped myself up on one elbow.

Some of the younger children were playing tag on the hill and a few boys were having a soccer match near the forest.

I sighed heavily and took another bite of the sandwich. I missed when Mello and I were together during our free time.

"Hey," a quiet voice said behind me.

I whirled around.

"Mello," he breathed, and I almost melted at the sound of his voice.

I gave him a small, half smile as I stood there awkwardly. "It's good to see she's letting you move around," I said, breaking the silence.

He shrugged, looking away. He moved away from the window to sit back down on the bed, pulling one foot up near him on the sheet and letting his other leg dangle over the side of the bed. "It's not like I can go to any classes. She won't even let me play any games."

I shook my head in amusement. Even when he was given a break from classes, Matt was still more worried about his games.

"Well, don't just stand there," he mumbled.

Taking the hint/invitation, or whatever he meant by the statement, I sat down on the side of the bed. "Matt, I-"

"I know you're sorry," he said quietly. "I know, okay? Just…" He sighed and motioned toward the tray of food on the bedside table.

I knew what he was offering and I shook my head. "Mm-mm. You eat it."

"'I'm not very hungry lately…" He set the half-eaten sandwich down on the tray and said, "Mello, I…" He trailed off as he bit his lip, debating something. Before I knew what was happening, he'd thrown his arms around my neck and buried his face against my shoulder.

"I know you probably hate me now," I said softly.

"No," he insisted, pulling back so he could look at me. "I could never hate you. I… I still love you, Mello," he whispered softly.

I could tell by the emotions shimmering in his eyes that he was telling the truth. I stopped thinking and leaned forward, pressing my lips against his as I wrapped my arms around his waist, pulling him closer.

He whimpered softly into the kiss and his arms tightened around my neck slightly.

Now this, this felt right. Feeling him pulling against me and hungrily kissing me, this was as much heaven as anyone could hope to get on earth.

We separated after a few minutes, breathing hard and I rest my forehead against Matt's and sighed.

"God, I love you," he whispered.

I smiled. "Love you too, Mello," I whispered back.

He chuckled and lay back on the bed, pulling me on top of him, he touched my wrist gently and then glanced up at me tentatively.

I nodded, knowing what he was trying to ask.

He pushed the sleeve of my jacket up gently. "God, Mattie, I'm sorry," he said quietly, sounding as if he were struggling not to cry.

"It's okay, Mel," I said. "I'm fine as long as I'm with you."

He shook his head, almost as if he didn't believe me, but pressed a gentle kiss to the scars, old and new, that sent a shiver of pleasure down my spine.

"Mattie," he whispered.

"Hmm?"

"Does this feel good?" he asked quietly as he ran a finger lightly down my forearm.

I moaned softly. "Uh-huh…"

"Does it make up for what I've done…?"

"Mel…" He'd dropped his hand from my wrist, so I propped myself up on my hands and kissed him gently. When I pulled back, I stayed so that our faces were close. "I love you; you don't have to make up for anything."