I didn't want to cry, but him saying that… I sat up and pulled him tight against my chest.

He squeaked quietly in shock at first, but then let out a breath and wound his arms around my waist.

We sat like that for the longest time, Matt's cheek pressed against my chest. I missed having him this close, and closer. Near had been the biggest mistake of my life. I finally released him and he looked at me curiously before glancing at the window, where the sun had sunk a little and shadows were stretching further across the floor.

"Oh."

"I don't want to leave, but I have to get to class," I said.

"I know, I know," he said. He nodded towards the door. "Go on. I'll be fine."

"Okay. I'll visit later, alright?"

He nodded and I stood up and started to leave.

"Wait."

"Yeah, what is it?" I asked as I turned around.

"Here." He held one half of the sandwich out to me with his left hand as he held the other in his right hand. He was offering me the whole one.

I hook my hand and took a quick bite of the one he'd been eating on. "You need to eat."

He sighed and set the sandwich back down on the tray and sat back down.

"Matt…"
"Everyone keeps, saying I need to eat…but I'm not really hungry," he said quietly.

"Will you eat for me?" I pushed gently.

After a couple minutes of silence, he said, "…Yeah."

"Come on, then," I said, crawling up beside him as he scooted over a little and I pulled the tray into my lap. I waited as he snuggled up against my side and I dipped the sandwich into the soup and held it out to him.

He leaned forward and took a tentative bite; he lay back as he chewed and swallowed.

"See? Not so bad, is it?"

"Mm-mm."

I worked slowly, trying to make him eat, but not wanting to force him. When he'd managed to eat half the soup, I stopped and asked him, "You want anymore?"

"Mm-mm, I'm full," he mumbled sleepily.

"Okay," I said, moving the tray off of my lap and back onto the bedside table.

He snuggled against my side and sighed softly as he closed his eyes and laid his arm across my stomach. "Love you, Mel," he mumbled as he fell asleep.

I ran my fingers gently through his hair a few times. I really didn't want to leave now, but I had to get to class. I sighed. Why couldn't time just stop right then?

I didn't want to, but I carefully slipped from under Matt's arm and pulled the covers up over him. "Love you, Mattie," I whispered as I kissed his forehead before turning around and leaving.

Nurse Jade stopped me as I went to leave the infirmary. "That took longer than your previous visit," she stated calmly.

Against my will, I flushed a little at the statement. My visit a few weeks ago when he'd first been brought in had only been a few minutes and I'd just spent near the entirety of lunch with him today. "So, um, do you think you can release him soon?" I asked curiously.

"I'm not sure, Mello," she said. "Cutting is often categorized as attempted suicide, as you know, and his cuts were fairly deep."

"But they're healed now," I protested.

"Yes, but we're not sure if he's well enough to be on his own. We can't be sure if he'll try it again."

"Look, I know Matt," I said; in my frustration I was almost pleading with her. I did know Matt. He wasn't suicidal, not in the least. The cutting…that was his way to block out emotional pain. The rawer the pain, the deeper the cut. It might not have seemed like it, but Matt was a bit of a control freak. Cutting was his answer to his life spiraling out of control, his way of regaining control on his life. I learned that when I met him, when I finally got him to trust me enough to let me into his world. My God, that was a mess. But I helped him piece the majority of it back together. I helped him, and I knew him. "Being cooped up in here's not good for him, I can tell you that."

"But he can't be left alone, or he may end up doing it again."

"Then I'll take care of him," I said.

"Well…"

"Oh, come on!" I cried in frustration. "If he needs constant supervision, what are you going to do if someone comes in because they're sick or something? Look." I sighed heavily. I didn't want to do this, but it was for Matt. "The cutting is, well…it's his way of solving, or at least, temporarily solving his problems. It only happens when he can't handle the emotional pain…"

Nurse Jade looked at me sadly. She knew there was more than I was telling her, but thankfully she didn't pry. "Very well," she said after sighing resignedly.

"Thank you so much, Nurse Jade," I said gratefully.

"Yes, yes," she said, waving it off. "Now, didn't you need a pass to your next class?"

"Yes ma'am," I said before telling her the name of my teacher.

When she handed me the pass, I turned around and started to leave.

"Mello."

"Yes ma'am?" I asked, turning around.

"Aren't you currently with Near? How will you take care of Matt?"

"I'll work it out," I promised as I left.

#####################################################################################

After classes finished for the day, I dumped my books in my room and sprinted down to the infirmary.

Nurse Jade glanced up at me and smiled gently. "Punctual as always," she said. She nodded towards the doorway to the main hall. "He's in there; I think he was sleeping the last time I checked on him."

"Thank you," I said as she handed me the release slip, which I pocketed before I headed to Matt's room near the back. Walking in, I crossed over to the bed. I knelt down and shook his shoulder gently. "Matt," I whispered. "Mattie, wake up."

He mumbled sleepily a bit before sitting up, rubbing his eyes and yawning cutely. "Mel…? What's up?"

"Come on and get up and let's get to dinner," I said, standing up and gathering his things. I grabbed a t-shirt and a pair of jeans and tossed them onto the bed. "Get dressed too."

"M'kay," he managed after yawning again. He got dressed and we left.

After we dropped his things off, we went to the dining hall. Luckily, the line was empty by then and I got us two sandwiches and two bottles of chocolate milk from Mellie, the cook.

"It's good to see she let you out," Mellie said, nodding to Matt.

He managed a weak smile before I pulled him away. "Where you want to sit?" I asked. I knew he wouldn't want to be near a lot of people.

He pointed to a window seat on the far side of the room. "There," he said quietly.

"Okay," I said. I held out my hand and he took it after only a moment's hesitation; I lead him across the room. We made ourselves comfortable, leaning back against the wall and simply enjoying each other's company.

Matt was holding his sandwich in his left hand, but he had his right hand resting on his arm near his elbow, gripping it. I knew he was feeling extremely self-conscious and I should have at least brought him a jacket to wear. He was staring out the window, consumed in his own thoughts.

I heard quiet footsteps and pulled my thoughts from Matt to see who had come over.

Near was standing quietly, with his head down, staring at the floor, clutching a doll in his right hand. "Why?" he said quietly.

"What are you talk-" I started before he cut me off.

"You're mine, Mello. Mine! And don't forget that," he said fiercely.

"I was never yours," I snapped angrily, clenching my fists. "I'm Matt's and he's mine!"

"No!" He flung the doll at us angrily. It clattered off of the glass and bounced onto the floor. "You're mine," he said again, before walking off.

"What the fuck was that?" I mumbled to myself before glancing over at Matt.

He was shaking and his fingers were clinching his arm so tightly that his nails were scraping over the skin leaving angry red marks across his arm.

"Matt…" I laid my hand on his wrist gently.

He glanced up at me and, just from the slightly crazed look in his eyes, that strained, almost pained look, I could tell that he was near a breakdown.

"Let's go, okay?" I whispered, tugging his wrist gently. "Let's get out of here."

He nodded numbly and got up to follow me.