I wiped the tears of laughter fallen from my eyes as I clutched my stomach – it hurting from laughing so much. I took in a deep breath, my lungs stinging from the insane amount of laughter which had made it hard to breathe.
"Fuck me, Moo. You don't half make me laugh." I said with a content sigh as I leaned into her as the closing credits rolled on, the movie we'd previously been watching finishing. We hadn't really paid much attention to the movie, however. We always end up doing that – getting distracted.
We'd spent the whole day at her house, acting like total utter weirdoes, just messing about. It's times like these that make me really appreciate what a beautiful person she is. I'm so damn lucky to have friends like I do. Even if that did mean that I hadn't seen Brady all day.
"See you later, bitch." Moose called as I dragged myself out of her house. I stuck my fingers up at her and shut the door behind me, only to turn and run into Paul's chest.
"There you are," Paul sighed as he hoisted me up, effectively scaring the shit out of me.
"What the almighty fuck, Pauline?" I growled as he chucked me over his shoulder.
"I – Brady has to tell you something," he said and I shook my head.
"Uh-uh. I told him – I'm not keeping a secret from Moose."
"Please, Zo," Paul said through another sigh. "I know as much as you do that she can see straight through lies." That's fucking true. Moose is like some body language expert, I swear. "But I'm fed up. And you need to know. At least I'll have you in the know."
"I don't care! I'm not gonna keep things from Moose," I said defiantly, even though I knew it was no use.
"You will, when you know what it is, you'll be able to keep it a secret. Please, Zo. If not for any other reason, do it for me."
We came to a stop at the edge of the woods and he put me down on my feet. I sighed.
I knew this was coming. Ever since Brady said he had something he wanted to tell me, I knew he would.
And I wanted to know. It's been eating away at me. I just needed to know what it was – because there was definitely something strange going on. And you could tell whenever I was at Emily's that they didn't want to carry on keeping it from me. Emily and Kim have so many times gone to talk about something, to then sigh and turn away.
I looked up at Paul's eyes. "You're hoping I'll let it slip, aren't you?" I said and he smirked.
"Of course not," he said, but any fool could see he was lying.
"Paul," came Sam's warning voice and we both turned to see all of their crew – including Brady. I tried to not smile like a goon when I saw him. That just always happens.
He smiled brightly at me and then I really couldn't not smile back. Brady looks so damn happy when he smiles, it's physically impossible to not be happy while looking at him.
It was weird, standing at the edge of the forest surrounded by these overgrown men. Surely I should feel threatened? But with Brady's presence I knew I could never feel scared.
"Brady," Collin murmured, shoving him forward. Brady coughed, let out a deep breath and walked forward, taking my hands.
He tugged at me, staring into my eyes and I pulled a face, suddenly not wanting to know again. This was damn serious, I could tell from the way he was acting. I don't know how I could keep it from Moose.
A small smile tugged at his lips and I shook my head, trying once again to be defiant and failing. He put his hand on my cheek and the lovely heat radiating off of him, coupled with the intense look in his eyes made me cave.
I'll find a way around Moose.
"Very fucking well then, Brady. I hope this is good, or else I'm slapping you like a bitch," I muttered and he grinned.
"Such a vile mouth for such a young girl," Collin said in 'disappointment', shaking his head at me.
"I'm six months older than you, remember?" He just glared at me as the boys laughed at him. "But I'll watch myself not to swear when I'm around you, kid-o!" I ruffled his hair and he went to shove me away but Brady picked me up, carrying me away from Collin.
"Urg, what the fu-lip is with you guys and carrying me today?" I asked Brady, trying to act angry and he just smiled nervously at me. I wasn't really that bothered. But that's twice in the last five minutes! I turned to look at Collin over Brady's shoulder, smiling. "See? I remembered you and didn't swear!"
He flipped me off. Bitch.
Brady pulled me closer to him. "Your skin is super soft today," he murmured, nuzzling my neck with his nose and rubbing his thumb against a little bit of my back where my top had ridden up slightly, as he continued to carry me on his hip.
"Really?" I asked, rubbing my other cheek with my hand. "My skin was all dry and rough this morning. It was rank. I used, like, a whole tub of Babs' skin gunk. She left it at Moose's and doesn't know, so don't tell her I used it."
He smiled warmly at me. "Well, it worked – if your skin even was as bad as you say."
I smiled at him, and he sucked in a shaky breath. "What's the matter?"
"Hmm?" he said, looking away from me as he continued to navigate us through the trees.
"There's something really wrong with you," I said, "I can tell. You're a very obvious person."
Whatever it is, it's making him hella nervous. He's real distressed. Damn it. This really is fucking serious.
He sort of grimaced/winced. "Great," he sighed. "Umm, no. I'm fine – I just don't know how you're going to take this."
I smiled at him, putting my hand on his face. "Did you kill a person?" he shook his head. "Did you kidnap someone?" he shook his head again. "Are you dying?" once again, he shook his head. "Did you inflict bodily harm on any living being?" he shook his head and I nodded. "Then I shouldn't take it to badly."
He let out a deep breath. "I fucking hope so," he murmured softly, coming to a stop and he gulped nervously. I smiled and nudged my head against his.
"You worry too much, Bradykins."
He flexed his hand out. "No, no. I worry the right amount for the circumstance."
I rolled my eyes, pushing my face against his neck for a while before pulling back; taking the hand that wasn't supporting me.
"Come on, tell me what's up," I said and he nodded, taking a deep breath and then settling me on a tree stump, letting go of my hand.
He started pacing in front of me. "Okay," he said, then made a strange noise, shook his head and turned away from me again, flexing his hands out once more. "I don't know how to say this," he murmured to himself, his sad tone heartbreaking.
He continued to pace, taking deep breaths while he appeared to be having an internal argument, occasionally rubbing his head in frustration.
It's strange, the intensity of how much I care about him. Because I'm about as nervous as he is, just because he's nervous. Aw, damn, Brady's so adorable.
Suddenly, he turned to me, blurting out the next words that made me realise I didn't know Brady like I thought I did: "I'm a werewolf."
I'm a werewolf.
Werewolf.
Werewolf.
Instantly, I was angry and humiliated.
I'd told and tried to convince the girls that Brady was different. That he was a good person. But he wasn't. He was sick and twisted. And I'd been so wrong. Who makes up shit like that? After everything I'd been through? After what we'd gone through together? He'd watch me go through all of that pain. He'd comforted me and I'd thought he was a sweet, gentle and caring guy – boy, was I wrong. He's trying to tell me that he's a werewolf when wolves are what killed Richard? His funeral was only yesterday, for fucks sake.
You know when you find something out and your brain goes on a whirlwind? And you can barely process all of the things flying around your head? It was one of those moments.
But I knew one thing – Brady fucking played me.
"You're sick," I said, standing up, shaking my head. "Pretending to be so nervous, trying to draw me in, get me to trust you. But I'm not going to believe the undeniably ridiculous shit that spews out of your mouth just because of everything that's happened. Why would you even makethat up? I thought I knew you, Brady. But I didn't, you're just a jackass. So well done, what every mission you were on, you failed."
"No!" He shouted, latching his hands on my waist, spinning me around when I tried to walk away. "No! Zoë – no! You've got it wrong. I'm sorry, I shouldn't have – there were so many things I'd had planned to say. But nothing – I couldn't remember anything. It just came out – like verbal diarrhoea. Oh h-hell, I can't believe I j-just said that. I'm sorry, Zoë, I'm real sorry. Please, let me explain – let me… show you?"
I glared at him. His face was desperate, his eyes darting between mine quickly.
"Please, Zoë. Please. You don't know what you mean to me." I shook my head, rolling my eyes. I'm not stupid. That's such a cliché; 'you don't know what you mean to me'. How many people around the world have said that? Noone honestly knows what someone else means to them. It's a shit expression. But one thing was for sure: Brady didn't care about me at all. Why even would he? I'm just me, bland ol' Zoë. People don't feel strong emotions like this for me.
Even if they did they wouldn't make something like that up.
It's just been an act from the beginning. The whole of it a lie. I hate lies. I don't believe in them.
I just don't see the point. They only ever make things more difficult if, or more realistically when the person finds out you were lying. "Hey, does my new red-died hair make me look like a clown?" Kat once asked. "Lil' bit." I replied. Because she did. The girls have learnt to know that if they don't want the ultimate truth, they don't ask for it. Because that's what they get. And I know I come across as a bitch to some people, but I want my word to be reliable. It's better her knowing from me than for someone else to tell her later, because then she knows I lied – and nowhere there would have I of stopped her feelings from being hurt. Instead it would have hurt more because she hadn't thought it did, and she'd of known I lied to her.
You can really understand now, can't you? Lies destroy people. I'd trusted Brady and now… now it felt like my heart was being hammered down on. I wanted to not be hurt so much – to tell myself that he wasn't worth the pain if he's such a sick bastard. It didn't work. I still felt the pain. The lies, the betrayal, the disappointment, the shock, the anger, and the loss all came together into one big ball of pain, which was steadily swallowing up my body, making my heart pound away furiously in my chest.
Because I'd really liked him. I thought he was so special; I really, properly adored him. He had been kind, funny – fucking hilarious. He was always there when I needed him. He was just everything that I'd ever wanted. He'd just been so perfect.
Evidently too perfect.
Because now I'd found out it was all a lie. I was never going to be able to look at him and feel the same things I used to. I'd never be able to have one of his great hugs. I'd never even be able to talk to him properly.
He was a full out, proper jerk. Worse than anyone I've ever known.
"Brady…" I growled. I was going to kill him. How could he do this? He must of known what that would do to me. After Richard… he comes out with this? He would make up a lie like that? He really knew how to upset me, didn't he? I'd really fallen in for his trap.
"I wouldn't lie to you," Brady said softly, staring into my eyes. I just sighed at him.
Liar.
"Are you going to 'show' me then?" I asked in a bored tone and he nodded. He was gone to me. Whoever makes up lies like that is as good as dead. Whatever he tried to do now was pointless. His intention had been to hurt me when he made that up. He wanted to do this too me.
"Yeah. Right," he said, starting to walk away from the little clearing we were standing at.
"Err, where are you going?" I asked in an accusatory tone. If he were going to 'show' me that he was a 'werewolf', like I would let him out of my sight. I'm that not stupid. He'd end up just whistling for a wolf to come out and pretend that it was him. Maybe it would be the wolf that killed Richard? Maybe he was going to kill me as well.
Well, all I can say was 'bring it'.
Fuck. I'm so angry right now.
I trusted him! I fucking trusted him! And he plays shit like this?
Moose had been right. She'd been fucking right from the beginning! And yet I had been the one telling her she was wrong. Of course she'd be right! She always is! How could I be so fucking stupid?
"I have to undress to phase," he said with a cocky smile, obviously wanting to embarrass me, not reading my infuriation, or just trying to lighten the situation. I, however, was not going to let that pass as an excuse. It was a really shit one to get away.
"Unless you've forgotten, pretty boy, I've seen it all before," I said in the same bored voice and he blushed.
If I weren't incredibly angry, I would have died at his cuteness.
He nodded and then very uncomfortably pulled his jean cut offs down slowly. I tried not to look at him. Argh. How can I be attracted so such a total and utter twat?
He covered himself awkwardly and then turned to me. "Okay, umm, just… look into my eyes? And don't be scared. I won't hurt you."
'I won't hurt you'
I just nodded, not even believing what he was about to do. I strongly knew it wasn't gonna happen.
He bit his lip, looking nervous. "Promise me you won't run away?" he croaked and I sighed. "Please promise. Please." Even if he was pissing me off, the desperation in his voice forced me to agree.
"Fine! Jesus…"
He nodded to himself, taking a deep breath before locking his eyes with mine. Then, he began to shake violently.
Like what Paul does when he's angry. And like he had at Sam's.
He took quite a few steps away from me until he was, like, five meters away. He continued to stare into my eyes.
That was, until he exploded into a wolf.
Fuck my life.
A wolf.
It has his eyes, too. You can tell easily.
I could put it all down to holograms and projections or something. But honestly, why would he go to that much trouble? And there was just something about it that made me believe it was all so real.
It just made sense, I think.
All these sightings, there were off something massive. And this wolf, Brady, it wasn't your average size wolf. This was much, much bigger.
This was… mythically huge.
I cursed myself for even believing in it.
But it made sense. What else could kill the mighty Richard? Only this fitted. I mean, Annie has two dogs, and they're huge dogs, and he doesn't… didn't even blink when they jumped up at him. Only something unnatural like this could kill him.
It's funny that something so unbelievably unreal is the only viable explanation.
Only the impossible seems possible.
And his words echoed through me.
'I won't hurt you'.
You know what that means? He's in control. He has control of himself while a wolf. This isn't your usual Hollywood werewolf. There was no full moon, and he had control. That means that he doesn't kill by accident.
The deaths were all intentional.
And that hurt so much more.
Why was he showing me this? To mock me? 'This is what I am! This is my size. This is my power. Look what I can do.' Yeah. I really didn't know Brady at all.
This being real hurt more than the idea of it being a lie.
He, and I'm assuming his little gang, killed Richard. And he shows me what form he was in while he murdered the one man who meant so much to me? It's sick.
I assume his new friends are also like him because they are exactly that – new. He only started hanging around with them when he grew and all of that. It fitted. He was turned. Do they get bitten or scratched like ordinary werewolves? I'm not sure. They aren't the conventional ones, so they might… have an injection? But that would mean that they would want to become what they are. All of them chose to be like that. Chose to be murderers. And I couldn't believe that because of Paul. I know Paul. I'm sure I did. He was like a brother. I'd known him for so long.
But then, they chose to kill Richard, so I'm not sure if I can entirely rule out that option.
I don't really know Paul at all. I've known him my whole life, I've treated him like a brother, and then he…
Maybe they got turned by a potion?
Holy crap, shut up. They're not fucking wizards. Oh hell, are wizards and witches real then, too? If this is real, then surely… everything?
Everything.
All the nightmares, all the myths, the fiction – it could all be real. Based on the truths noone knew.
It makes sense, really. Where else would the ideas come from? They'd have had to originate from somewhere. And that somewhere is apparently the truth.
Everything I had once thought impossible was now incredibly likely.
How can only a couple minutes of your life make such a huge and drastic difference?
Everything I knew was wrong. Everything most people in the world knew was absolutely wrong. My whole world had been turned upside down, shaken about and utterly crashed in such a short moment.
I mean, if this is possible, then there is so much more possible.
How is this even possible? I mean, I don't pay much attention in my science classes, but I knew for sure that this defies the laws of science. It just isn't possible, no matter how much it appears to be.
Maybe they're all kidnapped test subjects of a nut-job La Push elder. I mean the elders can pretty much pressure anyone into anything.
Changing someone into another species, though, that may just be pushing it.
So all of this thinking went on inside my head in the time Brady – in wolf form – had taken one tentative step forward.
I looked down at the paw of which he had moved towards me.
The claw that could very well have sliced through my Richard – could have been the last thing he ever felt before his body left this word forever.
Why was he acting like this? Cautious? Weary? He was a murderer. And murderers don't generally care about what people think about them. It's still a trick. A trick! And I wasn't going to believe it. Nope. I was going to call him out.
He could squish we with that very large paw. And I was too angry to even be scared. Yeah, I was far from scared.
Before he even had time to think about taking another step, I took a deep breath, trying to calm my boiling-over anger to speak. "Change back," I said.
Well, I rather spat it at him. I was so freaking angry.
The pain, all the pain I'd felt, it was all because of him. And he'd comforted me. He'd fucking held me while I cried, listened to me as I rambled on about everything. He probably got a thrill out of it. A thrill out of seeing the destruction that he caused. He'd killed Richard, or been apart of it, and yet he'd pretended to be kind and hold me – Argh! He's a fucking bastard! He fucking bathed me! What a fucking perverted psychopath! Ew! That's disgusting!
Richard, his funeral was yesterday! He's showing me this now? Brady really isn't anything like the person I thought he was. He was twisted and sick. I'd vented to him. I'd cried and shouted and Brady had helped me, offering words to help calm me. The day after he killed Richard he held me. That hurt. That hurt a hell of a lot.
He – fuck. This has all been planned.
Since the beginning. It's been planned.
He befriended me, had sex with me, murdered the man who meant everything to me, and then fucking comforted me.
This is revolting.
I can't believe I had sex with him.
This was a whole new level of disgusting.
How could he put on such a good act? How? Who is that fucked up in the head?
Why, why, why didn't I listen to Moose? She's always right. Even she could see he was such a fucking sicko, but I couldn't, even though I spent so much time with him. He'd played me, and I felt so stupid and humiliated.
The wolf stilled instantly, as if shocked and hurt.
If I didn't love animals so much, I would have smashed his face in while in that form. Plus seeing him like that sickened me. Like I said, that could very well have been the last thing Richard saw before he was torn apart.
After a moment of standing there, me fuming as I stared back at him, he changed back.
I stormed up to him as he stared at me, looking more nervous than he had before.
I slapped him hard around the face with all my force.
"Oh fuck!" I shouted, cradling my hand to my body. His cheek was fucking hard.
He hadn't seemed to be effected by the impact, but his head was bent and his eyes were squeezed together with a look on pain across on his face.
"I'm sorry," he whispered.
"Sorry!" I screamed at him. His eyelids tightened even more. "Oh, you're sorry, are you?" I hit his chest. "Oh, well, that just makes everything better!" I shouted at him, hitting his body over and over again.
And he just took it!
"Show me!" I shouted at him, and he looked confused. "Retaliate! Show we the monster you are!"
If I wasn't so uncontrollably furious, I would have died inside at the look of pain on Brady's face. But now I couldn't even think of him – I didn't even register it. He didn't deserve me to care about him. He'd done all of that to me, and yet a part of me still seemed to care for him. It just made me even angrier.
"You-! You-! Arg!" I shoved him and he fell backwards, onto the floor. "I hate you!"
I jumped on top of him, hitting him. "You're sick! Sick! How could you? Arg. Fuck you, Brady. You're disgusting. You fucking bathed me! Right after you –!"
If I weren't totally against murder, I would have killed him.
"How fucking could you?" I spat angrily, slapping him around the face again, the throbbing in my hands slightly dulling by the anger souring through my body, scorching my heart. "I hate you. You're so – urg! This is your entire fault! Richard – it's all your fault!"
His lips were pressed together in a hard line, but his bottom lip trembled slightly as he scrunched his face up, looking away from me. Trying to get his face to his shoulder, as if to hide himself.
"Why? Why, Brady? Why did you do that, and then tell me? What do you get?" I shouted in frustration, trying not to cry from anger. "What do you get out of doing this? Do you like it? Do you like seeing the power you have?" I shook him. "What do you get? Why did you do it?"
He brought his hands up, rubbing at his face as he lay on his back but I pushed his arms back down, not even bothering to stop myself from digging my nails into his forearms.
"D-do w-what?" he stuttered quietly, his face still turned away from me, his eyes closed and his chest heaving up and down quickly, his sharp breaths getting louder every time. He sounded like he was hyperventilating.
All I could think about was what Richard would have been like. Yeah, Brady's not so hard now. But then… when he killed Richard...
How scared Richard must have been to see such a huge wolf – wolves. We passed all of them standing at the edge of the woods when we went to Annie's that morning. They'd killed him, and they stood and watched the devastation they caused.
Annie, Robbie, Grace and Tyler all lost their father. Rowan lost her husband. The world lost one hell of a fucking brilliant man.
And he caused it.
He'd killed him!
He'd ripped Richard from us.
All of the thoughts that quickly went through my head about the wolves, about how the world was all a complete and utter lie, they went through Richards just before he died. He found out that the world he'd brought his children into was all a lie; it was just a ball full of hidden evil. He didn't have time to try and work out what was going on. He was mauled by those wolves. He'd seen something so impossible huge – everything he'd thought was real and impossible suddenly swapped places. And that was the moment before he died. He….
Animal attack my ass. The murderer was currently naked and in between my legs.
Holy cow – that doesn't sound good.
I let out a loud growl of anger at him. How could he do this? How could he put on such a fucking good act? I should have known… Moose knew. Moose is a brilliant judge of character. She knew he'd hurt me. She obviously knew he wouldn't try something like this or she'd already have him dead.
"Fuck sake!" I screamed. "How could you do this?"
I don't think I've ever been this angry in my whole life. And I've had plenty of reasons to be angry.
I looked down at his arms to realise I'd dug my nails so far into his skin that was bleeding. I gasped and pulled my hands back.
He didn't seem to realise though. "Z-Z-Zoë?" his hand tentatively brushed against my knuckles and I slapped his hand away, glaring at him.
"Richard. You – you killed Richard."
"What?" he whispered, looking so confused I gulped.
No, don't be silly. He's playing you. He started to sit up, pushing my shoulders back slightly so I was sitting up too. "Zoë, I – it's not me – us killing people," he said softly, still so confused. "I would never, never do that. I – I couldn't, Zoë, that's not what's going on."
I hit his jaw with my fist, not as hard as I would have wanted. "Don't lieto me, god damn it!" I shouted.
"No, Zoë, I couldn't ever lie to you. We, me and my pack brothers, we're trying to protect you from what's been killing," he said. I then realised how close we were as I was still straddling his hips.
I let out a breath uncomfortably, moving backwards slightly from his sexy nakedness. "What?" I asked as I sat back, on his knees. I rubbed my face in confusion. Why does his lies have to be so good? I hate him! Why can't I just not believe him?
Don't believe him. It's all just a trick.
Right?
"Vampires, Zoë," he said softly. "We're like the way we are because of vampires. We try to protect our people from vampires. Richard… you're right, it is my fault he died, but I didn't kill him. This vampire got past us. A vampire killed Richard."
I closed my eyes, contemplating what he just said, shaking my head.
My brain did the turbine thing and I quickly concluded that that theory would fit. There was the chance that he was in fact telling the truth.
It made sense. More sense than them being murderers. But I think that's just because I didn't want to believe what he said.
This was all just too much. How can all of my thoughts keep flipping?
I looked down at his arms again.
"Oh my god…" The cuts were gone. Gone. Vanished.
I sprung up from him. "Stop fucking lying! You little son of a bitch! I hate you! You're a fucking monster! You did it and I know you did! I'm not falling for your fucking lies one more time, Brady!"
He tried to get up but failed, his hand clutching at his skin above his heart.
"No! Zoë, please! Please, no. I didn't – I wouldn't – I couldn't – never!"
How is that skin thing possible? There's no trace that I'd ever done that, but I had.
"Argh!" I jumped on him again, hitting him.
I only now noticed his eyes were welled with tears, "Please, Zoë, you have to believe me."
"I don't have to do anything, you lying, heartless, murdering asshole!"
He flipped us over and buried his face against my stomach. "Please, Zoë… please. You have to believe me when I say I didn't do it. I would never do that. You have to stop – I – you're killing me, Zoë. You have to believe me," he begged.
"I can't believe you! You're a murderer!"
"I'm not!" he screamed into my stomach and I hit him while he tried to hug me.
"Get off of me! Don't ever touch me again, you fucking murderer!"
"Zoë!" he shouted but I hit his head, trying to get him off me. Those hands ripped Richard to death. I retched.
"Stop touching me!" I screamed. "You're sick! I don't want to ever see your face again, Brady! How could you? After everything, you –? How could you? How could you watch me cry- watch me mourn over him when you killed him? How!" he shook his head vigorously. "Just fucking be truthful for once! Just once tell me the truth? Please, Brady! I think I fucking deserve it now! Fuck, Brady – Jesus, I hate you so much."
All I could think of was everyone at the funeral yesterday. I'd had my family ripped apart. I knew what they all felt. He'd ruined so many lives, and for what? A thrill? "I don't think I've ever hated anyone any more than I do you," I said angrily, looking away from him.
I had to look in Annie's eyes and see them so lifeless. And it was my fault. Brady played me from the start, he picked Richard because I was closest to him, it was him who would be the toughest target. So ultimately, it was my fault Richard was murdered.
It wasn't my fault. I shouldn't feel this guilt. All I wanted was to be normal. Was that too much to ask? Yes, evidently. I should have known I'd never be as lucky as to have someone who had appeared to be as great as Brady.
He got up, stumbling over to a tree, holding onto it desperately as he threw up.
I stared at him wide-eyed as he emptied his stomach.
What?
He staggered backwards, covering his face as he slowly collapsed down to the floor, a little in front of me. My heart panged.
No. Don't feel sorry for him. You hate him.
… but I didn't. I know I didn't. He was… he was Brady. And no matter what, I couldn't hate him. I still felt that bond for him.
I was expecting it to have been gone, the feelings I have for him. But they were still there. I still wanted to hold him and tell him everything was going to be fine. I was only ever happy when he was.
Argh! I'm so fed up with this emotional shifting. I'm getting whiplash from all these damn thought swapping. I swear to god I've become bi-polar.
"I didn't do it, you have the completely wrong idea, Zoë," he murmured, his voice broken. "I could never… never…" he trailed off closing his eyes as he curled up into a ball. I stood completely still.
It wasn't right.
It wasn't right to see him so broken.
My heart had felt like it had been shredded. But now seeing him like that… it was so much worse.
I dropped to my knees, tentatively putting my hand on the side of his face. He whimpered. He grabbed my hand desperately, sitting up slightly to look into my eyes.
"I didn't kill him," he said, his eyes searching mine pleadingly. "Please… please believe m-me. I'm b-b-begging you," he said, his death clamp on my hand starting to hurt. "None of us would ever do that." I nodded, only because the look in his eyes was killing me. He dragged me in with that look. "You know the legends, right?" I nodded, Paul made me and Moose take out a book to read all about th…
I gasped. Holy cow. That, this was why he made us read them? This was…?
Argh. This is all so fucked up.
What the hell do I believe?
On one hand, I have what seems like the only explanation – even if that means that everything I ever knew about Paul and Brady was bollocks.
On the other, they're protectors and had no part in Richards's death.
The latter sounded more appealing, I have to say.
But everything… could I really trust what Brady said? He could just be having me on still. This could just be another stage in his plan. After all those thoughts, could I really go back to trusting him?
But I didn't want it to be real. I didn't want that. I wanted to just going on believing that Brady was Mr Perfect.
So was Brady a murder? Or was he just sweet little Brady, who'd inherited some fucked up genes?
Suddenly, stepping out of the anger-induced bubble I was in, what I really believed maybe wasn't what I'd thought…
Oh fuck!
"We're protectors, Zoë, we don't kill people. I'm sorry, I'm so, so, so, so sorry. Please – I – I couldn't ever do that. I'm sorry I didn't tell you earlier – but I couldn't – you didn't want to know and I didn't want to scare you and I'm sorry I told you like that, Zo, because I swear, I-I had no idea you would think that we killed someone – I'm so stupid! It didn't even occur to me – and then I made you so angry and I'm so, so, so sorry. You can't believe how sorry I am – I didn't mean to – please, I – you have to believe me, we didn't kill him. There was this vampire chick who was after this Bella Swan girl, and then we had to have like a war with her and then we won so we had less severe patrolling times, and then I saw you and I imprinted, and then we didn't patrol that much - and we should have been! It was all our fault." He took a deep breath, having spoken so quickly. He let out the breath, looking in my eyes with that familiar softness. "Another vampire came when we weren't patrolling, Zoë, and that's what killed Richard – I'm so, so, so sorry. We're patrolling twenty-four seven now. It won't happen again. I'm so sorry, Zoë. Please believe me," he begged, holding onto my hand like it was a life source. He bent his head down, pressing his face against the back of my hand, his mouth moving over my knuckles, pressing wet kisses so soft I barely felt it.
I didn't think about Richard and the vampires. I'd let my brain digest that later. I couldn't – not now.
"Imprinted?" I said, my voice cracking. I wanted something else to think about.
He took a deep breath, trying to pull himself closer to me, but he did it cautiously, as if scared I'd start shouting at him again.
I hated it, but I was believing him. And I hated myself even more for not believing him in the first place.
Argh! Fuck! I'm so confused. I wish I could just press pause on my life, have a moment to just think about this properly. But I can't and if I say I want some time to think about it Brady will think the wrong thing and that's definitely not an option because I've already hurt him far too much. Shit. I feel like I'm gonna die from the amount of pain I feel for putting him through that much pain – what I said to him was just…
I'm just one big ball of hate for myself at the moment.
"I fell in love with you ages ago, Zoë. You were perfect to me. Everything about you… you just, there's just something about you that makes you so different from any other girl I've ever seen. And then I phased for the first time, and I changed into a wolf. I hadn't seen you in a while and I was practically dying inside because I missed you so much. Then it was the day after the war and I was catching up on some much needed sleep and," a smile tugged at his lips, "some angel came and threatened to stick my door up my ass." His eyes twinkled as he spoke, as if remembering back. "I jumped off that bed so damn quickly when I realised it was you. Then I opened that door and I saw you for the first time in so long and… my suspicions that you were my soul mate were confirmed.
"Imprinting is finding your soul mate. All other ties to any other person are severed because nobody else matters apart from the imprintee – you. You're my only tie to this world. I live for you. Sam imprinted on Emily and Jared imprinted on Kim and Emily and Kim got all upset when they heard about imprinting because they think that the only reason Sam and Jared love them is because of the imprint, but it's not like that. The imprint doesn't make me love you, I love you because you're you. The imprint only makes me want to make you happy – like before but now it's stronger. I live to make you happy. The imprinting is just a massive sign above your head saying 'yep, she's the one, go for it'. It's just to show you how much I love you. How much you mean to me, that we're that perfect for each other. But, like, Quil imprinted on Claire, who's two and he's not a paedophile, he just wants to be her friend or older brother so don't ever think that imprinting is a reason for me to love you, because it's not. It just, it makes me more obsessed with your safety – that's why I always go slightly mental whenever I don't see you or anyone hurts you. That's why I always stare at you like I do and why I can't spend time away from you – because you're my sun and it kills me to be away from you.
"And that's why I said I could never move on from you, because to me that sounds disgusting. I just don't see other girls' faces anymore. And that's why I get so super protective and why I hate it when you're with other guys, because I only want you to be happy but I'm so selfish when it comes to you I'd die if I had to watch you with another guy. And I can't lie to you, that's why you have to believe me when I say I didn't kill Richard and I would never do anything to hurt you. It killed me to watch you cry and know it was my fault – even if indirectly. And I had to tell you this today because it's killing me to have to keep this from you. You're my everything and I want to be able to talk to you about everything.
"Billy Black – Jacob's dad – says he thinks imprinting is so that we make stronger wolves, but I don't think it's about if we were to have children, because you make me stronger – you make me fight so much harder. Seeing the pain those vampires caused you – they make me fight so much more than just to ensure your safety. You really are my world, Zoë, and I know you hate me but all I want is to care for you. And…" he finally looked back up into my eyes. How he hasn't passed out is beyond me – he didn't even stop to take a breath through all of that. "I think that's it. For now. I'll probably remember some more stuff later but that's all I can think of at this moment." He took a deep breath, searching my eyes before he smiled sadly. "Basically, I'm your bitch."
I flung my arms around his neck, burying my face against his skin as we fell back against the forest floor.
"I'm so sorry!" I whimpered against his neck. "Brady, I'm so sorry."
I just kept apologising, holding onto him like my life depended on it. "Please, forgive me, I was so stupid! I shouldn't have thought that I should have listened and –"
The guilt was killing me. Everything I said to him – it was killing me remembering it.
I let out a sob. "I'm so, so, so, sorry!"
Brady stroked my back, "What in the world do you have to be sorry for?" he asked, finally interrupting my repeating apologies, while holding me so tightly I thought he was going to cut off my blood circulation.
"I don't hate you, I never hated you, I didn't mean it, I was stupid and jumped to conclusions and I was stupid and I wanted to hurt you because I thought you'd hurt me really bad and I was stupid and I got angry because I couldn't hate you and I –"
"You don't hate me?" he asked quietly, sitting up and I pulled back, shaking my head from side to side wildly.
"No!"
He looked like he stopped breathing.
"That… that's why you were sick?" I asked and he looked away, down at the ground. I chocked on the guilt.
"I can't – deal with that, Zoë. I can't handle you hating me. It just, it just hurts so much." My heart was breaking all over again. "To know that I failed you so badly… I'm such a failure… I'd never be able to see you, be with you, have you talk to me? It hurt." A shiver ran over my body, chilling me to the bone. "It makes me feel so unbelievably sick. You know when something just happens, and it makes you feel so terrible, you just don't want it to be true? And your whole body feels terrible, like out of sorts terrible and then you – everything burns, and your bloods pumping so loudly in your body and your head just does so dizzy and you think it's the end of the world and you just – just want to die. I live for you, Zoë, and I couldn't live with you hating me. The pain is just… too much to deal with."
I pulled him even closer, kissing him as hard as I could. I whimpered when he reacted, and I pushed him back down, trying to show him how much he meant to me, that I believed him and that I was sorry. He didn't taste too great, but I didn't care.
How could I have believed that? It was stupid. It just wasn't him. I did know Brady. I knew him more than any other person.
"I believed you," I murmured into his mouth and he pulled me even closer, moaning.
Brady was the most magnificent guy I'd ever met in my life, and I hated myself for doubting his perfect-ness. I would forever feel the guilt of doubting him. Forever. I'd forever feel the guilt of saying those god-awful things, for making him feel so much pain. It made me want to jump off a cliff, knowing I'd put him through so much pain.
"I think you need to stop that," he said in a breathless, strangled tone when he pulled his lips away.
"Why?" I asked as I started kissing down his neck.
"You may have forgotten, but I really haven't. I'm still naked." He shifted uncomfortably.
"Oh," I said, staring into his eyes as his cheeks flushed a slightly redder tone. "I'll just..." I rolled off of him.
"I think that's best," he said, still looking and sounding very uncomfortable. "Erm, cover your eyes." I looked at him disbelievingly and he raised his eyebrows at me in that 'just do it' way. I sighed and did as he said, covering my eyes.
He let out a loud breath and within a moment he was back at my side, wearing his pants. "Feeling better?" I asked and he rolled his eyes but grinned. I hugged him tightly again, just holding onto him.
How could I have -? I was so fickle. How could I have not trusted him? I buried my face into his neck, letting the feelings of everything that had just happened wash over me, letting myself adjust. My heart was slowly rebuilding as I held onto him. I can't believe I'd let myself believe that. I was just so ready to believe he'd hurt me – like Moose has been drilling into my head that he would do – that I'd believe sweet little Brady would kill someone.
"I really am terribly sorry, Brady." I murmured after about fifteen minutes of us just sitting there.
"You don't have to be, Zoë, don't be silly."
"How can you say that? I was such a bitch to you! Do you want to, like, shout at me a little as payback?" he laughed loudly as I pulled back.
"No, Zoë," he said with another laugh. I kissed him again, then started kissing all over his face. He grinned at me as I placed both hands on either side of his face. I'd set a target to kiss every square millimetre of his face.
I succeeded.
"Please forgive me, Brady. I'm so sorry."
He pulled my hands off his face, pulling me onto his lap as he sat cross-legged. "Really, stop it. It was my fault; I should have explained it better. It was understandable for you to react the way you did, it's my fault. His funeral was only yesterday, of course that's still fresh in your brain and you'd think it was that. It was stupid of me to even load something like this on you now; you're in a very vulnerable state still. I should be apologising for putting you through that," he said and I flicked his nose.
"Don't be a turd, Brady. I was a complete and utter bitch, I- oh, hell, I shouldn't have said any of that. I'm like the worst person ever," I groaned, letting my head drop.
"Hey," he said, flicking my nose, but much lighter. I could barely even feel it. "Don't you dare say that. This was my fault."
I let a rather unappealing snort. "How the fucking hell is this your fault?"
He sighed, pulling me closer. "Please, can we not argue over this? It's too soon. We're just gonna have to agree to disagree on this one, Zo."
"No! I won't. How the hell could this be your fault? I won't let you think that when I –"
"It's fine, Zoë. Stop talking," he said and I pursed my lips, frowning at him. He grinned, tucking a hair behind my ear. "Everything's okay, okay? We had a simple misunderstanding but it's completely okay now. You don't need to worry. Got it?"
I bit my lip. Like I was ever going to stop worrying.
I – I'm a bitchy hoe.
I wrapped my arms around his neck, kissing him. It distracted him well. Because I wasn't gonna lie and say I wasn't worrying.
He stroked my back as I leant my face against his neck, my arms still wrapped around his shoulders.
"So… you're a werewolf."
He nodded. "I'm a werewolf."
"Fuck," I said. "You get to have a tail!"
He laughed loudly, lying backwards as I stayed sitting up. "Why are you laughing? I'm not joking. That's fucking awesome."
He put his hands on my hips as he grinned up at me, running his thumbs in circles.
"What are you thinking about?" he asked after a couple of minutes.
I smirked at him. "I'm thinking of all the things I could do if I had a tail." He laughed again and I smiled. I love Brady's laugh.
"What's it like – being a wolf?" I asked and he smiled at me before going into a long explanation about everything: about the advanced healing – which I'd kind of guessed at – the enhanced smelling, endurance, durability, speed and strength.
"Anyone would think you're boasting, Brady," I said and he grinned his adorable little grin. Damn, Brady's cute.
Brady also then told me about vampires and this Bella Swan girl. Wowza. I instantly hated her. I mean, she got the wolves to fight for her? Uh-uh. Not on. She put my Brady in danger, the selfish bitch! I don't care if it's not her fault, but I was not happy with Brady going off to fight some newborn vampires. And I know from what Brady said that vampires have that super looks thing going on, but I've seen Jacob and Kat, Nick and Ava can't even stop salivating whenever they see him. And Edward is, like, over a hundred years old… that's got to be a major turn off, right? He's older than my great-grandfather. That's just paedophilic.
He also talked about a bunch of other things – including the mind reading thing. That must be weird. I really wouldn't want to have anyone knowing what goes on inside my head.
He also told me about how they eat about seven times as much as the average person and, as if on cue, his stomach rumbled.
I laughed as he smiled. "Come on, it's dinnertime, Mr Wolf," I said, standing up.
He laughed but shook his head. "No, I don't want to."
I tried pulling him up, but he wouldn't budge. He looked up at me with a bored – but still somehow amused – expression as I tried with all my strength to pull him up.
"Braady!" I moaned, stomping my foot and he instantly hopped up, moving so fast I almost fell, but he caught me.
I looked up at him in surprise but he just picked me up. "Come on, then. Whatever you want."
Wrapping my arms and legs tightly around him, he started walking as I let out a laugh.
"I'm sorry," I murmured once more and he let out a tut.
"Zoë! Stop apologising. You're fine, I'm fine, we're fine – everything's fine."
I just nuzzled my cold nose against his warm skin, holding onto him contently as he walked.
"Um, Zo?"
I nodded, already feeling myself drifting off to sleep. "Yeah?" I said, yawning. I was so sleepy after all of that.
"What – what are we doing now?"
"I was under the impression we were gonna go somewhere for you to eat."
"No, I mean like us, what are we doing? Like… you know, us."
"Oh," I replied. "Oh."
The muscles in his neck started moving so I think he was sucking on his inside lip again. "I mean, just because I told you all that stuff doesn't mean I'm pressuring you or anything and I don't care at all if you just want to be friends, because I'm fine with that, I love that," he spoke insanely quickly again. "I just… you know… wanted to know…"
I grinned to myself. Brady's adorable. "I don't know, Brady. Let me sort things out with Moose?" he let out an annoyed breath through his nose. "I'm sorry! But we're just friends till I convince Moose that your goal in life isn't to hurt me."
His face turned hard and he looked away from me, fuming. "It really angers me that she thinks that. The last thing I ever want to do is hurt you. I'd rather die a hundred times over – in the most horrific and pain-filled way than to have you in pain – let alone hurt you myself. In fact, I'm scared that she'll hurt you because you depend on her so much. But you don't see me telling her she can't spend time with you," he grumbled and I smiled, rolling my eyes.
"You're so overdramatic, Brady."
"You don't believe that I'd do that for you?" he asked, looking so adorably confused and I laughed.
"Why even say that? When the hell will you ever be in the position to chose between dying horrifically a hundred times over or seeing me in pain?"
"Well," he took a hand off of me to run it through his hair, "err. I'm just sayin'…"
I laughed again. "Exactly. See? Overdramatic."
"Oh, shh," he said with a grin, placing his hand on my face as he pressed his lips to mine. "Wait," he said, rubbing his nose against my cheek. "Can we change the 'friends' agreement terms? Because now you don't have to worry about stringing me along because you know I'm pretty much gonna be following you around forever."
I laughed hysterically loudly and he looked at me with wide-eyes. "Will you follow me around like a puppy?" I let out, laughing loudly again.
"Oh my god," he said in an exasperated tone.
"This is too good!" I tried to control my laughter. There are so many dog jokes to make now…
"You're lucky you're so damn cute, or I'd hit you with my tail," he said in a bored tone, his betraying his amusement.
My face broke out in an excited smile. "Do it!"
I'm sorry! Apologies, all.
I hope you all can understand this. I wanted it to be kind of caotic in her mind as so many thoughts buzzed through her, constantly swapping and turning. Please don't hate her for what she said. I hope you can understand why she thought what she did, if you remember back Babs had said that she thought the wolves were the murderers, and as they all count on Babs and trust her, they just naturally agreed. And I know I'll get a few comments saying 'why did he throw up?' but I hope you guys can understand. You know, when you find something out thats just so unbelievable and you feel so sick and everythings just so uncontrolable that you feel like you actually will vom? I felt like that the other day over something much less severe, so I don't think him throwing up is that unreal, but I apologise if you think it's stupid.
Also, apologies for the minor Edward hating up there! I didn't mean it. I was just setting some minor feelings out about her not liking Brady being in dager.
Okay, after that long-ass chapter, with quite a lot of stuff going on, you may unleash yourself on me with a review!
Thanks for reading, reviewing or adding this story/me to alerts/favourites. I appreciate it all!
And sorry for the long time to update, but things still haven't quieted down for me, even though I said I'd have this up earlier. Sorry!