Clumsy (Damn!)

Summary: To him, I'm invisible like hollow man. I come and go then forgotten. He never looks at me twice. Boom! Splash! Bang! I'm the clumsiest person you'll ever meet. And I want something that I can't have. Damn it!

"You know?" Oh yeah. I know. But that Mr. Jared Thail, needs to be covered up with an excuse so I don't seem like a stalker.

"Yeah. I, uh, was on your English class last year." There, that's not even a lie. I was his partner for crying out loud. Don't expect him to remember though. That was a crazy situation.

"Jared Thail and Kim Connwoller, you both work on Shakespeare's Biography. So, that means you willreport first next week so that we'll have a background on him before we all start studying his amazing literature. Okay?" That would be Mrs. Norris. She was our substitute teacher for that semester before we got Ms. Miralles. I don't know why her name sounds like a cat but at that point, I don't really care.

I am going to work on a project with Jared. All I did was nod my head to let my cat-named teacher know I was okay with everything. I'm more than okay, really. Talk about luck. A project with your crush, what's not okay with that?

Jared told me we should meet after class to research on the library for the following days. So, Tuesday after class, I walked up to him.

"Hey, Jared." I greeted him with a sheepish smile. No need for him to know how happy I am. It's not so hard to do. He makes me nervous anyway.

"Uhm, Hey." He replied looking lost-brows knit together and seems to be thinking real hard. Then, he added, "Do I know you?"

"I'm Kim." I stated as a matter of fact. Thinking he might remember now. But no, I'm just so much of a nobody to remember.

"Hi Kim. What can I do for you?" Work on a project with me Jared. That's what.

"I'm Kim." I repeated.

"Yeah. I heard you." I know you did. Doesn't he really remember me? Apparently not.

"I'm Kim." I sound like a broken record. So, I added, "I'm your English partner."

"Really?" Yeah, really.

I didn't wanna be a bitch so I just nodded and tried not to roll my eyes. I hate the fact that he doesn't even remember me. I thought it was the start of something new, Like Troy and Gabriella. I figured we should probably sing on New Year's Eve for that to happen.

You know in stories when you work on projects and your crush notices you and falls in love with you, next thing you know you're too sweet for everybody else? That is a very, very good luck. But I am Kim. No such thing as good luck for me. For the entire duration of that project, I meet with Jared and read about Shakespeare. Sure, he remembered me the next day but after the project? He doesn't even look my way. By then, I thought he was a jerk. I mean I'm not that beautiful and you would not be proud that you worked with me even for an A – which we got, thanks to my awesome best friend Kate who edited everything – but he could at least smile and treat me with respect. It's not that hard is it? Then, the next day he bumped on me, said sorry and smiled. All the thought about him being a jerk went out the window. How pathetic can I be? At least he said sorry. Right?

"Kim. Kim." Jared pulled me out of my flashback.

"Oh hey you remember me." Oops. That wasn't the right response, was it?

"Of course, I do. You're acting kind of silly. Are you okay?" He asked raising his hand and putting it on my forehead.

"I'm okay." If you remember me, I'm more than okay. I wonder if he still remembers me tomorrow. His memory including me usually lasts a day. No way to know though. He probably won't be here tomorrow because I think we're doing a formal party tomorrow. You know, for the oldies.

"Kim!" Kate. That voice is Kate. And I think she's worried. I ran over to her and let her know I was fine. She told me to change to my clothes so we can leave. While I was changing, I can't help thinking about what happened. I always think about Jared. I wish he'd remember me now. 'The girl who shot me with a beer bottle in the head.' That sounded better than 'Who's that girl?', right? Right. It's still Jared.

Jared!

I forgot about him. How is that possible? I don't know but I better say sorry. That was so rude of me. Humiliating too. I went out of the changing room and searched for Jared through the crowd of teenagers. Good thing they all don't go to my school or this job would be embarrassing. Well, except Jared. Then again, I don't have any thing to lose. I already embarrassed myself.

I saw Jared talking to the owner, again. I wonder if they're in a relationship. They seem to talk a lot. I wouldn't blame Jared if he picked her over me. She has this to-die-for curves, blue eyes and blonde hair. I know for sure she's not a Quileute. How I wish I'd be like her. I love being a native, don't take that the wrong way. I just want the curves and the face and the money. If you look at it, I just a want perfect life. I thought nothing is perfect. But her life is. And Jared's is. See, they're even perfect for each other.

I continued my way up to Jared, all the while thinking if he'd still remember me. If he does, I'd say he's memory lasts a day. Definitely a day. He looked up even before I got there. The moment I was near enough of for eye contact, he looked at me at the eye. It was like he knows I was there. He didn't even searched the crowd. He just saw me. And he never looked away.

The owner noticed his gaze and looked up at me too. But Jared kept staring at me. Just like that time when he asked me if I was okay. And I stared back. But not like I did back then. I stared at him with all the longing in the world. Longing to have a life where I was cool enough for him – a life where it was possible he'd love me just the way I do for him.

The owner was about to leave, probably noticing the different atmosphere created by our gazes, but then I noticed her too. And I realized that the life I long for would probably be impossible.

So I spoke, "Ma'm, I am sorry to interrupt your conversation. I just wanted to apologize to your friend here, Mr. Jared Thail," I went over to look at him and made my intent clear, "for my rude behavior and the accident that happened before we leave."

Instead of my boss replying to my very professional, well-arranged speech, Jared did. And he said, "Jared. Just Jared. And it's okay. I already told you. It didn't even hurt."

"If Jared says its okay, then that's it. And please, call me Lissa. We're in the 20th century, for crying out loud." Lissa, the owner then said to me. "When you say it like that, I feel like I came out from the pages of a Jane Austen book." She added.

She likes classic then. Could she get any more perfect? She's probably an A student too.

"Lissa, then." What was I suppose to say? 'I'm jealous of you, can we change lives?' So instead I continued with an exit saying, "Well, I'm off. My friends are waiting for me. They'd eat me for dinner if I don't get back sooner."

On cue, "There you are! Let's go!" Kamille shouted, waving her hand for me to come so I quickly said goodbye and mumbled a "See you around, Lissa." With a sad and slightly frustrated face and tone, knowing he'd probably forget me the moment his face hit the bed I continued and murmured, "You too. Jared."

With that, I turned my back and ran to my friends. With an empty stomach yet no appetite at all. That's how you feel when you know you can never have the one thing you want so badly.

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AN: HI! *blushes* I don't know what else to say except please review. :) Oh, and Happy New Year! Ya'y! I still think I suck though. Oh well, that's why you HAVE to tell me what's wrong. :) Review!

- VanessaL