Chapter 14

Search for Shelter

Shelter from Choices

Kagome paused as she approached Hiei's still figure near Genkai's forest. He could have run completely away from her, but he hadn't. He had waited, but he himself didn't know why. She stood quietly behind him, a few paces away so that she didn't crowd him. Truth be told, she didn't want to invoke his anger further at her, and though she was upset, she felt his own outburst was warranted. He was worried about her, and she had disregarded his feelings by caring so much for someone who hurt her.

She was in foreign territory. No one had cared about her well-being like he had. Even if it was under false pretenses, even if it was only because Koenma told him to do so, she felt that this latest outburst was because he was truly worried, not because he was upset that she'd been taken. If that was the case, Inuyasha would already be dead, and Kagome had a feeling that he was still alive somewhere; where that somewhere was, she had no idea, but he wasn't dead. She was at a loss. She never planned on hurting him, but she could feel the waves of tension and pain that laced through his aura. Did her concern for Inuyasha hurt him so much?

She had no idea where to begin, so she started with the most logical step, when she felt she was in the wrong.

"I'm sorry." She said softly, knowing that his sensitive demon hearing would pick up the words, even if they were barely above a whisper.

"Hn. Do what you like." The hiyoukai spat back, his pain evident, but he was trying too hard to cover it up with anger and gruffness. His expression was almost panicked, but she couldn't see his face. What if something happened to her? The fear of that made him lose all sense of his composure. The only other being he'd ever come close to feeling this panicked emotion for was for Yukina. He didn't even panic this much over himself, so suffice to say that he was feeling incredible turmoil at these new, unknown feelings.

Kagome hesitated, before she walked forward, not sure of what she was going to do, but she had to do something. She had to fix this somehow between them. She counted on him, far more than she liked to admit to herself. Even if he was gruff, and said things in a tone that was harsh, she knew deep down that he wouldn't leave her. He was that loyal, and that caring. Sure, if she tried to say it to his face, he would deny it with a passion, and she knew that he was loyal to very few beings. All that aside, however, she knew in her heart that no matter what happened, he would never abandon her.

She paused just a step away from his exposed back, and tried to gather her racing thoughts. She had to fix this, but how? How did she fix something she wasn't sure how she broke? "Hiei, I…" her voice caught as she looked down, fighting back tears, and anger. He didn't have any right to dictate her, but at the same time, he had been by her side protecting her from demons like Inuyasha – those that wished her harm, and she just kept forgiving, and setting herself up for more pain and almost certain death.

Finally, her frustration and uncertainty won out as she said, "Damnit, Hiei, look at me!"

He didn't think as he whirled around and faced her, her tone of anger and almost childlike fear compelling him to face her even as he wanted to shout back at her, and tell her he didn't have to do a damn thing. However, there was no anger on his face, and the expression that he shared with the miko was one he had not had on his face in hundreds of years: fear, and betrayal. Some sliver of him believed that if she forgave the hanyou, she betrayed him; he was the one who was always there, he was the one who was always watching over her, so if she forgave the person who tried to hurt her, she was betraying his loyalty, and his protection.

Kagome's next words disappeared as she saw that expression. It hurt parts of her she never knew she had inside her at the look on his face. For someone who was supposedly one who did not express emotion, his face belied the rumors. Kagome moved first, in the still silence, as she reached up her hand to touch his face. She didn't touch him however – her hand was trembling lightly just millimeters from his skin. Would he push her away…would he forgive her?

The hiyoukai closed his eyes to the pain that was in her eyes. Something had shown on his face, and it hurt her so deeply he was sure it might not ever heal. He had put that look on her face. Knowing he was hurt, that she was the cause of it, hurt her so much that he wasn't sure how to take it all in. No one cared about him like this before. No one showed such an expression except if he purposely inflicted such pain – and yet, he'd never been one to inflict emotional pain. He inflicted physical pain, and typically to those who deserved it. He did not go purposely seeking to harm others. When Kagome understood that she had hurt him by worrying about Inuyasha, it had hurt her just as much, if not more. She had never meant to injure him. It wasn't a physical wound, but sometimes the wounds that hurt the most aren't ones that we can see.

Finally, her soft fingertips touched his face as she came within touching distance of Hiei. He let out a soft breath at that first, hesitant, gentle touch. Her fingers were slightly cold, and shaking. Even he could feel the tremors in the tips of her fingers. "Hiei…I'm so sorry. I'm so…so sorry." Her broken voice whispered on the wind as she hesitantly touched his face, not brave enough to do anything more than this. Hiei didn't like her touching him, or so she thought. He was a lone creature; though he was part of a team, he didn't live up to the expectations of a team. He often worked alone, and did things alone; he didn't stay in constant company of his teammates. Yet, he protected her. They were a bit of a team, him and her. She trained, and he watched over her. He watched over her, and she found herself in trouble over and over again. Would he leave her someday, because she became too much to handle? Because her life became too much to handle?

Her emotions overwhelmed him as they seeped into his Jagan and flooded his mind. Broken images of her being left behind, and having to fight alone because Inuyasha had abandoned her flashed in a continuous stream. It made his anger grow – was she trying to make him feel guilty? Though she had apologized, she was the one who continued to take the hanyou's abuse. She was the one who didn't put an end to it. It was her own fault. She was too tender-hearted, and too forgiving. With a growl, he took a harsh step back from her, tearing himself away from her touch. Let her deal with the hanyou – let her depend on his protection. It was clear that she still cared about Inuyasha, and even with her apology, he knew she would forgive the whelp – because that was just the way she was. That didn't mean that he had to accept it.

Kagome's heart dropped into her stomach when he stepped back like that from her, leaving her hand hovering in mid-air. Her voice took a tone of borderline panic as she spoke, "Please don't go." Tears stung at her eyes at the thought that he might leave, that he would leave because of things she couldn't change about herself. Without her forgiving nature…who was she? Her forgiving nature was one of the things that differentiated her from Kikyou – it was one of her most redeeming qualities in her opinion.

The hiyoukai's eyes widened in shock as he watched as crystalline tears formed in the corners of her eyes. They fell easily down her cheeks as she looked at him with that panicked expression on her face. There was fear too, fear that he would leave, fear that she had hurt him and that she couldn't fix it. Kagome was all about fixing things that were broken. Sometimes she failed, like with Inuyasha, but she kept trying anyway. He was frozen in place at that expression – he hadn't seen her afraid before, and he didn't like it, but he wasn't going to stand idly by while she so easily forgave Inuyasha for nearly killing her…all for a dream of having his dead lover back. He was no fool, even if she was. What she was doing was one of the reasons that he detested human emotion. He appreciated the fact that she could forgive so easily, but not Inuyasha. He had gone too far to be pardoned. With a strength he didn't know he possessed, even at her pleading, he moved another step back and shook his head. "You can have that damned hanyou for all I care." He spat, wrapping his anger around him like a second skin before he fled into the depths of the surrounding forests.

Kagome's eyes widened as he suddenly disappeared from in front of her and she slowly moved her hand to over her mouth. Her entire body shook as she looked from side to side for him, searching for his energy signature. She was so distraught that she couldn't even feel him. Her body suddenly felt numb. Why she was still looking for him, after what he'd said, even she didn't know, but after a few moments a choked sob left her lips as she wrapped her arms around herself. "I'm sorry Hiei…" she whispered, before she covered her face, and screamed out, "I'm sorry!" There was nothing else she could do but apologize. She couldn't fix what she'd broken.

At the scream of Kagome's voice, multiple bodies jumped in their seats in the main house. Kurama was the first to reach the door; he'd been unsettled from the moment Kagome had followed the hiyoukai out of the house. Yusuke followed a close second behind the kitsune, and both were out the door followed quickly by Sesshoumaru, and the rest of the team that had assembled. Though it was a cry of apology, there was such anguish within the two spoken words that it made their hair stand on end. What had happened?

Kurama froze as he approached her shaking form. She was still standing, but how she had managed that, she had no idea. He could smell the scent of despair and sadness blanket the area like an unrelenting fog. Her shoulders shook with each new sob that came from her lips, and she was so lost in her own grief that she didn't notice her new audience. His eyes darted towards Hiei's signature, which was nearby, but it was incredibly agitated, though he noticed that the signature was moving farther and farther away from their current location. Hiei had left Kagome behind – he had abandoned her alone out here. It was in Kagome's nature to forgive, to mend fences after bad things were done to her; Hiei knew this more than anyone, and yet he would hold this against her – her forgiving nature against Inuyasha, one of her first friends during her travels in Feudal Era Japan. Anger and frustration erupted within both parts of Kurama – the human part that sympathized with Kagome, and the kitsune part of him, that wished for that kind of loyalty. After all that had happened, and all the wrongs that had been done to her by the inu-hanyou, she would still forgive him. That kind of loyalty, while foolish, was far too rare to just cast aside – especially when it came from a human.

Yusuke didn't hesitate to rush forward and draw the young, sobbing girl into his arms. He wasn't hesitant, but impulsive, so he went with his gut and that was to get her to stop crying. "Hey…hey now, it's okay. It'll be okay…" he didn't know what else to say as he held her shaking form in his arms. He would have enjoyed the motions more if she hadn't turned her head up to look at him, with her eyes full of sorrow and hopelessness.

"I hurt him…I hurt him, Yusuke." Was all she said before she buried her head down into his chest just as her sobs began anew. He opened his mouth to say something else, to make some kind of retort, but his own voice fell silent. What did anyone say in this situation? It wasn't as if he had experience in matters of the heart. His closest friend was Kuwabara; any disputes were handled through their fists. As for Hiei, he was the most complicated, and emotionally constipated member of the team – how would the girl even know if she hurt the hiyoukai? Did Hiei actually tell her that she'd hurt him? Or did something else happen without their knowledge when she ran out of the house after him? Kurama forced down a growl at the toushin's quick actions, which was easier to do when Kagome spoke. Shock registered on his face before he looked to Yusuke. Neither were able to fully comprehend what had happened here – Hiei…hurt? He never mentioned being actually hurt – and he never let his emotional façade drop, no matter what the situation. It was rare to see any emotion other than disinterest upon his face, but Kagome was most adamant in the assumption that she'd hurt him. There had to be a reason for that – a reason none of them were privy to.

The toushin rubbed her back gently as he held her, unable to say anything else. He wasn't good with crying people, but as the seconds passed, he noticed that she was becoming more and more slack in his arms. His grip tightened on her as Sesshoumaru approached. He, too, had heard her assumption and he placed a hand over her head. "Give him a chance to cool his head, Kagome. Everything will be okay." He said softly, though the words were meant to be comforting, they only added another piercing arrow into her heart.

"I shouldn't have hurt him in the first place, Sesshoumaru." She said softly before she pulled slowly from Yusuke's embrace. Her face was reddened and swollen from her tears, but she had no time to lament her mistakes. Inuyasha was still out there somewhere, and she had to deal with the aftereffects of what he'd done. The taiyoukai moved to speak again, but he fell silent at the look in her eyes. Sadness overshadowed all other emotions that normally sparkled in her eyes, but he also saw a small bit of resignation. She had come to a decision about something.

"Kagome…Hiei is…" Kurama tried to speak up, but was stalled as she held up a single hand, even as she wiped at her face lightly with her other hand.

"He's right." She said with a slightly cracked voice. "I'm too soft on him…Inuyasha. I just can't abandon him though…I can't…not forgive him." She whispered, before she looked up to Sesshoumaru's hardened expression. "He's suffered so much…and a lot of it was my fault…if all he wants is to have Kikyou back…then I'll give it to him." She finished in a quiet voice, earning startled gasps from the rest of the team.

"She was always…better than me anyway…right?" she spoke over the protests and the shouts.

"But the jewel…!"

"He doesn't deserve it!"

"He hurt you!"

"You can't do this!"

"I won't let you!"

Kagome held up a hand to stall the jumbling voices and she shook her head. "I have a wish, right? On the Shikon no Tama…one wish. Maybe I can fix…everything that I broke." She said softly, as she placed a hand over her side. Yusuke reached out his hands to shake her but was forcefully pushed back by an invisible wave of power.

"Kagome, stop!" Sesshoumaru yelled, as he too, tried to reach her, even though he couldn't penetrate the barrier that had formed around her.

"He's not worth it, Kagome! Please, be rational!" Kurama shouted, as Youko took advantage of the situation and forced his way to the front of their shared body.

Hiei, who felt the large disturbance, turned sharply from his retreat, and stared into the distance. Even from miles away, he could see the brilliant pink of Kagome's power. Anger seethed within him – should he return? He was confident the others could handle the danger, but the fact that so much power was visible was troubling. He didn't move forward, but he also didn't move further away.

Midoriko's ethereal form appeared, and hovered lightly over Kagome's much smaller form. The girl cared too much for her own good, and now, in her sadness, she was going to take the ultimate step and finally make a wish on the jewel. Anger filled her at the thought that a demon had made her sister feel this way again. Another demon, another wound in Kagome's heart – she was tired of Kagome suffering when she was just trying to live her life as honestly as she could. She would always be caring, always be forgiving, and always, always…would she put others before herself. A weak smile appeared on the young miko's lips as she stared up at her predecessor and creator of the Shikon no Tama. "I've decided on a wish, Midoriko." Kagome said softly, as she felt as the spherical jewel slowly slip from her body before solidifying in front of her. Her hand moved forward even as the others' protests died in the background. It was such a pretty jewel, but so much malice and disaster came from it's mere existence.

"What is it you wish for, Kagome?" the ancient miko questioned, even as her eyes softened in quiet sadness.

"Fix…everything. Fix everything that I broke. The past…Hiei's heart…their lives." She looked out of the barrier towards the now silent companions that had gathered for her sake. They were shouting, but she couldn't hear their voices any longer. "I wish…I had never died. If I had never died…I never would have met them…Inuyasha could have my soul and Kikyou back, and it will be as if I never existed. I never…" her voice broke as she shouted, "I never should have gone back to the past to begin with!"

The wind picked up, and with a burst of pink and powerful energy, much like an atomic bomb, everything changed, and Kagome squinted her eyes at the brightness of it all. The final words she heard before she blacked out were, "Your wish has been fulfilled…Kagome."

And then…everything went dark.

/end

A/N: I apologize deeply for the long delay in this chapter. I know it's shorter than my others. (A scant 6 pages, eek!) But towards the end of this chapter inspiration struck and I decided that I need to start a new chapter before everyone sees what happened with her wish. Hopefully my next one will be up within the week – I have the ideas, I just need to type it up. FA should have a new chapter soon-ish as well.

Thanks for all of the reviews, watches, and adds to favorite lists. I appreciate all of the support.

Kudos, Loves!
Sayuri-chan aka animeinvasiongirlieiHiei