She didn't look back to see his startled face. She didn't want to. All Hermione could do at that very moment was run as fast as she could until she reached Gryffindor tower. Panting, she said the password, watched as the door slung open and ran inside. It wasn't until she had managed to collapse in the sofa by the fire, that she realized she was missing something.
Her Defense Against the Darks Arts homework was still remaining in the library, along with the man whom she had recently gave her heart to. Hermione cursed under her breath as she let out a frustrated groan. Her head in her hands, tears started streaming down her cheeks. She was tainted, flawed and everything couldn't have gone so wrong in one night. The man whom was looked up to like a father figure by her best friend, the man whom she had trusted everything with, shared a temporary house at Grimmauld Place, fought along with in the tragic war against Voldemort; this man had turned into a disastrous monster in her cold, unforgiving, chocolate eyes.
He had sex with her, bent her over the desk, and took her wholly. Hermione felt her heart break at the seams and she laid there on that very couch and cried so full-heartedly, she was practically shaking with heavy tremors. Never, had she been so used, so mistreated, so assaulted. It was her fault and she blamed herself. Of course she had wanted him at first, seeing the eerie lust in his eyes. But once they got past that first kiss, everything turned into one big mess.
He wasn't passionate, he was wild; untamed. He wasn't gentle, or kind; traits of the man she was so used to knowing. Remus had changed, and she felt it as he released his seed inside of her body. What would she do tomorrow, when she enters his classroom, and the events of that night will be brought back to life? She couldn't run, she couldn't hide. Hermione would remain a prisoner within his authority. It was frightening. Maybe he would take his normal leave of absence like he usually did every month.
Her sleepy mind wandered on through these thoughts, picking up speed like train running around in circles till finally, her eyes opened with shock and the epiphany crashed over her like a tidal wave.
At that instant, Hermione shot straight up and practically ran to the window. Pulling back the curtains, the image being laid before her, didn't surprise her at all, but made her reassuring. There was the lake, soft and gentle waves flowing back and forth in the early spring air, and the only light that seemed to cascade over the grounds, was the bright, nearly full moon. It was waxing, almost complete with its full transformation. Transformation…
How could she not have realized? Hermione rushed upstairs to the girls dormitory, quietly sneaking past her sleeping schoolmates, and grabbed her backpack, before heading back down to the common room. There, she propped open both her Astronomy book and her Defense Against the Dark Arts book, and began reading vigorously. All the evidence to her assumptions was now being read before her very eyes and it was at that moment that she realized just how logical and bright she really was.
Professor Lupin, didn't just decide to do all those things to her in the library, based on his own selfish need and gain. Of course not. Hermione knew that deep down, as much as she would love to put the entire blame on him, she knew that Remus wasn't that type of person. He was far too gentle, and kind and loving and compassionate…
No. Remus Lupin would never inflict such a thing on herself, a witch whom he'd known since her third year, taught her then, and is teaching her now. But, however, if there were such cases or diseases that could cause a kind, gentle man to slowly lose self control over a week's time until it became too close to tell if he were the same person… one could only realize what this case might be. Remus Lupin was a werewolf.
She knew it, for sure. It was the only logical reason. Every month around a waxing moon, he has become known to fall "ill" so to speak. He would disappear for a couple days, then return only just, looking pale and thin and weary. The moon would begin waning by this time.
His worst fear was the moon. She remembers the boggart her 3rd year, turning into a bright silvery orb right before her eyes. No one paid attention to this thought. Not even Hermione. All these clues, all these simple easy clues had passed before her, had slipped through her mind, not even making the slightest impact into her logic and reason. And here she was, supposedly the brightest witch of her age, in her 7th year at Hogwarts, and she couldn't even figure out that her damn professor was a werewolf? Hermione felt extremely foolish and blushed in the dark room, even thought no one was with her.
Not only this, but she now had a reason to forgive his actions. His "wolf side" as you might call it, was in hyperactive tonight. Tomorrow would be the full moon. So therefore, his immense arousal, his loss of control and eagerness to mate, was all linked back to his transformation. Still, Hermione couldn't help but force herself to use this excuse and keep all other emotions out of the way. Anger, hatred, betrayal, and most importantly, heart break.
Instead, all Hermione could do, was apologize to him, explain her reasons from finding out his secret, and promise not to tell anyone. But, there was something else bothering her.
What if, for some unexplainable reason, she was wrong. If he really was going to leave the castle tomorrow for his transformation, then she wanted proof. She had no other choice, and she wasn't going to give up on it, even if she had to put up a fight.
She would go with him.
He walked briskly past each portrait, ignoring their annoyed stares as the light from his wand shone brightly in their faces. He walked through each corridor, hoping not to run into anyone, and then finally, he made it safely to his office. No one had caught him. No one had seen the dirty, shameful act in which he had just inflicted on one of his most prized students. He was lucky, he had to say.
Instead of rewarding himself with this known fact, Remus flung open the door to his quarters and slammed it shut. Anger was now pulsing through his veins, along with complete guilt and embarrassment.
He wouldn't have to see her beautiful scorched face in front of him tomorrow, and again, he couldn't help but think that luck was starting to play favoritism on him. But he knew it wouldn't last. The weekend would come to an end, and classes would resume and she would be forced to sit in his class and see him as only a monster that had taken her sweet innocence.
But that's all he'll ever be. That's all he was set out to be, was a hideous creature, never having the advantage to love, or be loved. No one saw the good person in him once they found out his secret. And now, the only witch that he thought was sure to take chance on him, and show nothing but pure kindness and compassion, was now wallowing away in her bed, probably crying herself to sleep because of his torturous curse. And she didn't even know who he really was.
A werewolf, an ugly, gruesome beast that the Wizarding world would take no pity on. Lily thought he was more than that, but she's dead. James and Sirius helped him recover from his depression, and made him feel better about it as well, but they were dead too. No one else noticed, or has said anything about his reoccurring illnesses; perhaps they all thought it was normal for someone as old and weary as he is.
But she was smarter than that, and Remus knew it was only a matter of time before she found out. He was constantly weighing these ideas in his mind, wondering if she would be accepting or resentful. Now, he would never get the chance to find out.
A fist hit the stone, cold wall in complete anger, making rubble fall from the ceiling and into his sandy-brown hair. He loved her, more than anyone could ever imagine; from that very day she showed up at Grimmauld Place 2 years ago and had managed to turn into a very brilliant and beautiful young lady. He couldn't help it; he saw Lily in her very eyes, as if a ghost of the dead woman was lying beneath the milky porcelain skin of Hermione. God, she was beautiful beyond words.
Everything about her was intoxicating to him. Her eyes, powdered cinnamon, wet with compassion and desire to be something incredible. Skin so soft and smooth, yet scarred with tragedies of having to fight in a war so young; marks of strength and will and the need to risk her life for a friend. He smelled her arousal that night, and it was strong. She had just experienced something that would be life changing, and whatever presented itself in that mirror had told her more than she bargained for.
Remus traced his thoughts back to tonight, reluctantly, as he sat down on his bed and contemplated to himself. She had told him, that what she saw in the mirror was himself kissing her. The Mirror shows what desires lie truly within our hearts. Dumbledore's words haunted back at him like a distant record player, repeating itself in the background. She desired him. Why? Why did she want him, when she could have someone so much better?
It was confusing and heart-breaking and he almost felt as if it was just something she materialized in order to tease him. But that wasn't his Hermione at all. His Hermione wouldn't dare to cause such a joke on a poor, tragic old werewolf.
But she told him, she saw their kisses, their caresses and their lust for each other being displayed in that mirror, and he couldn't help himself from then on. He was completely aroused at the idea, and wanted more. Eventually, what was left of his human conscience was gone, replaced by uncontrollable lust and hunger. He wanted her that bad. Bad enough to not even consider the fact of her age and her innocence and her moral beauty.
He couldn't be seen by her tomorrow. He had to get away from her quickly, to regain some of his self control in order to explain himself. As much as Remus hated telling his secret to anyone, he knew if he told Hermione, surely she would have a better chance at understanding why he did those things. He would tell her first chance he got back. But as for now, all he could do would be to pack, sleep and head off to the Forbidden Forrest where he would reside temporarily, and skulk the late night hours of the full moon.
There was a feeling in the pit of her stomach that told her to get up. It was odd; feelings weren't usually one to demand anything upon her. But Hermione just knew that she had to. Slipping past the covers, and deciding to get dressed, she made her way to the common room, before deciding to head out into the corridors.
The castle was quiet. It must have been nearly 5 in the morning. The Great Hall wouldn't even be serving breakfast for another hour. And then she thought of what today was: the full moon. He would be leaving, today, most likely before classes started. It was very unlikely he would attend today, because she knew even on the day of the full moon, temper and wolf resembled traits could easily seep through that kind exterior. No, Remus would not teach in those conditions.
She needed to find him. Hermione instantly remembered her goal at hand, and she had to get to him quickly before he disappeared. Then, as if a rocket had been lit inside of her, Hermione ran down the staircases and to the third floor to the DADA room. She ran hard and fast. She had to get to him. She needed to be there with him, tonight, and protect him from the harm he may cause. Chances are he had taken the wolfsbane potion by now.
Heading straight to his classroom, she slammed the door open only to find the very man sitting at his desk, grading papers. He looked awfully domestic for a man who was about to change into a beast. And as soon as his eyes met hers, she blushed furiously.
"Miss… Granger," he said, softly and almost with a hint of sorrow. She could understand why.
Taking bold steps forward, Hermione waited to speak until she was fully in front of him, and had his undivided attention. She needed him to hear what she was about to say, and if he refused her offer, she would be willing to put up a fight.
She stopped, placing both hands lightly on the desk and peered straight into his deep amber eyes. There, now he could focus on her and only her. She took and deep breath and with one wave of her wand, a silencing charm was placed over them. Only his voice she could hear, and vise versa.
"You're leaving tonight. And I know why. I want to go with you." Her voice was strict, strong, and hard. This was her approach; be practical, bold and to the point. She watched in awe as his stare went from guilt to complete and utter shock.
He gave an awkward cough between their silence. "Hermione, what you must understand is-"
"What I understand," she interrupted angrily, "is that you fucked me in the library last night as a result of your uncontrollable wolf urges. I know you're a werewolf, Lupin. But I want proof so I don't have to keep telling myself that behind that loving exterior lies a man who is nothing more than a sick, pervert!" Her breathing was heavy and full of passion. Hermione had never felt so powerful and dominating. It was truly quite a breath of fresh air.
What she didn't expect was for him to lash back. "I won't allow it!"
"Why not?"
"Because, Hermione, last night was only a taste of what is yet to come. Books can only lead you so far until you've experienced the real thing. Hermione, I could kill you if you came along." At first, he sounded nothing but angry at her for knowing, for putting this blackmail on his back. But then, Remus realized, this was her life that was at jeopardy. Even if she did fight in the war, that shouldn't mean her life should be at risk again. She however, seemed to think otherwise, and it was frustrating beyond his part.
"Need I remind you that I helped Harry Potter defeat one of the greatest dark wizards of our time? I don't care if I'm at risk! You took your wolfsbane potion didn't you?"
"Yes, but that can only help so much. Hermione do you know how guilty I feel about last night?" She shook her head at his words, and suddenly had to fight off growing tears along the way. "I couldn't sleep knowing what I'd done to you. Please, for both of us, stay here in the castle. After hurting you like that last night, I wouldn't be able to live with myself knowing I caused more damage tonight. Please, try and see reason here!"
He was now standing, looking down into her eyes and hoping she could see the pain inside of him, and how much it was killing him to see her hurt. He could sense the heartache inflicted on her, and that was more damage to his soul than any dementor could ever do.
Hermione placed a small, shaking hand on top of his. "Did it ever occur to you, that I want to be there for you, Remus? I'm doing this because I want to see you transform. I want to live among the experiences you have every month and share the torture with you. After what you did last night, the least you could do is let me come along and witness your other side."
Her voice was soft, strained and pleading. This was unbelievable. Here she was, talking as though they've been together for nearly ever, best friends, lost lovers; whatever they may be, there was a bond forming and it was blooming vigorously. There was an unusual closeness neither had felt before, and suddenly, their minds were starting to melt against each other. She cared for him, more than words could imagine. The mirror's image was now being brought to her mind and for the first time since it's experience, Hermione realized just how much all of it was true.
She was in love with him. In love with his beautiful intelligence and gentle grace that always perched a smile on his lips. She loved the way he tried so much to become that unknown father to Harry; she loved the way he went straight into her arms the moment Nymphadora and Sirius was killed, and cried gently into her shoulder. She relished the moment he first kissed her lips that night in the library. She craved to be touched by his torturing skin again.
More than anything she wanted most in the world, was to be by his side the moment he passed the barrier between civil human being to untamed, wild beast. Hermione would risk her life to see this happen, and see himself on the other side.
She waited, her hand stiff upon his and clutching onto each digit for dear life. Hermione was anticipating his answer, wondering whether she would have to argue her way in some more. But as she looked into his eyes, piercing him with her gaze, Remus nodded. "You deserve to see it, Hermione. If that's really what you want."
She nodded back. "More than anything."
Remus sighed, defeated, but almost in shock of her trust and uncommonly kind actions. But as for now, leaving early would be difficult. She couldn't miss her classes today to go strolling about with a werewolf. And even if he did give her permission, the other staff members would never let her, considering his condition. They needed a plan. "So, how do you propose we go about this?"
Hermione nodded as if she already had figured that out. "I'll meet you out in the courtyard right before dinner. I'll wear Harry's Invisibility Cloak for good safety. Also, that should give us enough time to make our way to the Forbidden Forrest before the moon comes out."
Remus gulped, slightly nervous about this, but smiled nonetheless at her. "You really are the brightest witch of your age."
"Only when I've learned from the best." She said, placing a hand on his shoulder.
Hermione now realized just how much she had grown over the years. As she slipped the Invisibility Cloak over her body, she had to crouch down only just, so her feet wouldn't be dangling idly along. Right after the end of afternoon classes, Hermione had told Harry and Ron that she simply wasn't hungry and had a load of homework to do. They understood, knowing Hermione. And obtaining the Invisibility Cloak was no problem either. All she needed to say was that she had to get some books out of the Restricted Section. Of course, Harry and Ron weren't too quick to realize that 7th years were allowed in the Restricted Section. By time they figured this out, Hermione had already gone up to Gryffindor Tower.
Now it was just a matter of meeting Remus. She strode by every ghost, every portrait, and Filch, none of them taking a second glance at her. Finally, after running past the Great Hall, Hermione had managed to open the front oak doors and escape into the courtyard. He was sitting by the fountain, reading an old, leather book when she approached and took off the Cloak.
He gave a startled gasp, then relaxed his face into a smile as he saw her, each part coming into view. Remus laughed softly. "That never gets old."
She let out a small smile. "I don't suppose you plan on getting much reading done." She said, gesturing toward his book.
"No, but it gives me something to focus on before and after transformation. Helps relieve some of the pain."
She grimaced at his words. "I can't imagine how painful it must be."
"Very. But let's get a move on, shall we? We must hurry before the moon appears."
Hermione looked up in the sky, nervously. The sun was just setting beneath the Black Lake and the grounds were starting to become dull and dark as color faded away. Silently, her and Remus walked side by side as they made their way to the edge of the Forrest.
Neither of them said anything, but it didn't feel awkward whatsoever; just peaceful. Hermione couldn't have felt more secure with him by her side, and it was in that very moment that she realized how much she loves his company. He didn't talk much, but it was pleasant, not awkward or strange. He had a certain peaceful aroma that drew you in, and she couldn't have felt more content with herself than she did at that very moment.
She had the urge to take his hand, but she held back, not wanting to ruin the moment with her selfish need of security. But as they got further away from the castle, and nearer to the Forbidden Forrest, an eerie feeling passed over her. She shuddered in response and it seemed to catch his attention.
"I smell fear washing over you, Hermione. Is everything alright?" He asked, concern written all over his face. He grabbed her by the arm and stopped their walking before they got any closer. Hermione had forgotten about his sensitive senses, and immediately felt embarrassed with herself. But the reassuring look on his face told her otherwise. "If you want to go back and join your friends, I can understand. In fact, I think it would be best -"
"No! Remus, I already told you that I wasn't backing down. I want to go, and I'm not scared!" She said defensively, frustration and anger in her voice.
Reluctantly, Remus nodded. "Okay. I was only making sure before you do something you may regret." He pulled back from her and there was a moment's pause. Finally, they started walking again, this time a little more awkward than before.
They approached the edge of the Forrest, and he turned to her again. "Hermione, whatever happens, if I start coming at you, I want you to run. Don't look back to see about me. I'll be alright. I just don't want to put you in danger."
"I'm fine. You took your wolfsbane, correct?"
He nodded. "Yes, but like I said before, it can only work so much of the time -"
"Then everything will be alright." She didn't listen to what else he had to say, because she was already making her way through trees, trying to find a good resting spot before the moon shone it's presence. By now, the grounds was exceptionally dark. There was still little light from what was left of the sun, but if her calculations were correct, they had little less than an hour before the moon would come out. Finding a small little bed of giant forest leaves and tall, untamed grass, Hermione sat herself down on the damp ground, not caring about her jeans getting stained or the creatures living around her. Remus sat down beside her and gazed up at the wide opening that revealed the grounds and the castle sparkling back at them.
The mood seemed to change within the breeze that wisped against their skin and through their hair. Hermione couldn't help but think how strangely romantic this was. Sitting in the Forrest with a poor, yet kind man who just so happened to be cursed, waiting for his transformation, being at his side through happiness and turmoil. She had the urge to touch him and hold him in her arms.
Remus propped himself against a tree and stared for a long time at the wonderful scenery. Never had anyone offered to be with him in his time of transformation; Lily, Sirius, James and Pettigrew did in his Hogwarts days, but those were long gone. For 20 years, he lived without someone caring enough to be there for him, and learned to handle this situation in an independent matter. Hermione crossed his path, showed him kindness and understanding, and seemed more than accepting once she found out. Hence, her presence before him.
The soft gentle wind flung her hair back in cascading waves down her shoulders. The lights from the castle were dim, but they shone nonetheless in the darkness and played a soft tune on her features, her pretty face just barely recognizable. He wanted to touch her beauty, place his hands in those soft curls. She turned to look at him, and he didn't care that she caught him staring.
"Are you okay?" She asked, quietly. He nodded, placed his book behind her, and scooted to where he was sitting next to her, shoulder to shoulder.
"As good as I can be. I'm worried about you being out here, though. Even if I can't suede you into going back, it still worries me what I might do to you."
Hermione let the silky fabric she had been holding of the Invisibility Cloak, drop from her hands, and she laid the material out behind her, using it as a makeshift blanket. Laying back onto the Cloak, Hermione let her hair wave out on all ends, and rested her hands on her stomach. She had noticed he had been watching her the entire time. But now her focus was on the canopy of trees above her head, and the flying creatures above her, cooing softly and flapping around in multiple flocks.
"I don't expect less from you. But I'm strong; I can last for days out here if I have to. I managed a whole year in tents and trees looking for horcruxes. I've fought amongst thousands of Death Eaters and Lord Voldemort himself. I can handle one night alone in a forest with a werewolf." Hermione turned her head to look at him and gave him a dazzling grin.
He returned the gesture. "Hermione, you are the kindest, most thoughtful person I have ever met. This world would be in ruins without you."
She blushed in the dark. "I suppose so. I don't pretend not to be aware of my abilities. But I've killed people before. Seen things in my life that most people have nightmares about. Most people consider me as bitter, bossy and a show off. I try to let it pass me even though it hurts." The was strain in her voice, and Remus almost thought she was going to burst into tears, till she continued. "But hearing those words from you really makes a difference. You know better than to see the big picture on the outside and look on the inside. Even if most people don't do the same to you."
Remus knew that she had just broken that line between estranged friends and something more personal. She had just reached a part in him that touched him deeply and he knew that everything they had established in the past, was now being demolished for something better. Whatever had been holding him back, held him no longer, and he no regrettably laid down on the Cloak beside her and took her small hand into his. He could sense the tension between them and the feelings that were tightening in her stomach. He could feel her breath shorten erratically as he turned his head to look at her.
"You're beautiful," he told her bluntly, "inside and out. Don't let anyone tell you otherwise."
Without warning, he had sat up, and leaned over her, their bodies pressed against each other. Remus didn't know what he was doing, or why he was doing it, but the moment all her feelings had let loose on her tongue, he felt the winds in their relationship had changed. They were now floating on a course entirely different from friendship, moving a direction he could only recognize as something meaningful and long forgotten in his life. They were falling in love, despite their previous acts upon each other the other night, but both felt that it should all remain hidden inside them and left alone.
His hand reached up to brush the curls dancing on her face, and pull them back into the soft mane. Hermione's heart beat rhythmically, though faster than one could imagine. Her eyes were glowing passionately and dancing along with his extremely golden ones. Remus was close to her, all the things that were neglected the night before, all the intimate moments that were left unspoken, were now returning for a second chance. Her lips twitched to touch his, as he leaned in closer to her face, eyes growing heavy.
It happened without a second to spare. His lips parted and rest between hers. It was soft, gentle, and merciful. It wasn't a caress, but merely a soft bit of pressure to give her something to look forward to. His tongue slipped out without meaning to and he tasted her as if for the first time. Honey and spearmint and chocolate. The unlikely combination couldn't have been more sweeter.
He was brushing his tongue against her lips and playfully made its territory there, until she decided to be bold. Her tongue came with a groan, an eager surprise for him. Their lips caressed as their tongues played and everything in the world disappeared. They forgot about the forest, they forgot about his lycanthropy, they forgot about…
There was a sharp pain shooting in his back. Remus let out a gasp in pain, then groaned as it continued. He parted from Hermione and was now holding on to his sides. "It's… almost time." He managed to say between clenched teeth.
Hermione looked up in the now night sky. Sure enough, arriving above the clouds, the full moon was almost out.
Lupin was now perched on all fours, groaning as he became extremely close to transformation. His hands clutched at his chest, breath was running out and his eyes were shut tight. He couldn't see the horror struck on Hermione's face. Remus let out a wild, low groan and his whole body managed to display itself on the ground.
The full moonlight was now illuminating the whole forest, shining brightly in Hermione's eyes as she watched her professor transform into a beast. Bones were breaking, cracking, shifting into different places. His eyes, no longer amber, were now dark, black orbs. Feet and hands were now paws, and hair seemed to grow everywhere on his body.
Hermione was backed up against a tree, watching this horrible curse take place before her eyes. It was awful, painful to see, but she made a promise and at the same time, she felt significantly blessed that he allowed her to be with him. Still, she couldn't help but feel scared for a moment or two, and she tried desperately hard not to let it show.
Finally, after what seemed like an hour of torturous pain, Remus was now Moony. Hermione's breath hitched at what she saw. This animal was still as could be, watching her with beady black eyes. It resembled something much like a dog, but not quite. His deep brown fur was matted and wild; his arms dangled in front of him, as he stood on hind legs; he was skinny and as his ears flattened pathetically, Hermione almost thought he looked cute. She quickly reminded herself that this was no house pet, but a vicious, man-eating werewolf.
But it wasn't vicious, or man-eating for that matter. It simply shifted it's head around helplessly, whimpering and whining as it looked up at the full moon. It's wet nose sniffed the air, and suddenly turned to Hermione, who tried to take another step back but the tree was in her way. The animal was slowly making it's way toward her, causing Hermione to whimper in fear. She didn't know what he would do, didn't know what he was like as a werewolf and was instantly reminded that she had never been in this situation before.
But as Moony approached her, it didn't claw her, or bite her or try to hurt her in anyway. Instead, he rubbed his nose affectionately on her hand, which was clutching the trunk of the tree behind her for dear life. Hermione gasped at the cold contact of his wet nose. She yanked it away at once, but only in shock. Then, he started whimpering and began to sniff her leg. She kept still, not wanting to accidentally disturb the animal until it dawned on her why he was like this; the Wolfsbane Potion. The Wolfsbane Potion, is a highly advanced and difficult potion that helps calm and regain control to the werewolf. It's a recent discovery and Hermione suddenly realized this was the affect it had on her Professor.
On all fours now, Moony clutched the bottom of her shirt between his teeth and pulled her down to the ground gently, as to not rip the material, or startle her. She obliged and sat on the cool ground as he circled her, until coming to a comfortable position and laid down, head in her lap and body wrapped around her protectively.
She smiled, petting his soft head and watching as he affectionately licked her other hand. The night went on like this, Hermione occasionally falling asleep, Moony laying next to her, growling at any creature that went near them. She felt protected, safe, and secure, feelings she hadn't felt in a really long time.
And when she awoke the next morning to find one Remus Lupin wrapped around her chilly body, that's when she realized, she had fallen helplessly in love with a werewolf.