Useless Notes: My favorite chapter, to be honest. Hisagi, Editor-in-Chief of the Seireitei Communication newspaper, deals with phony superheroes and gullible employees.

Disclaimer: Bleach doesn't belong to me and neither does the song Stay Beautiful. They belong to Kubo Tite and Diggy-Mo.

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Shining Velocity

3. Spirits are always with you!

Hanatarou quickly ran inside, making sure to glance around hurriedly before rushing to his desk.

"Oi Yamada! You're late again, ain't ya?"

He almost jumped out of his seat, much to his burly co-worker's laughter. Hanatarou turned around and grinned nervously. "A-ah Iba-san," he stuttered. "Don't scare me like that again… Did Iemura-san-"

"YAMADA!"

"Speak of the devil," Iba muttered to Hanatarou and high-tailed it out of there, lest he be caught in the crossfire.

Iemura stormed into the room. "You're late again! What were you doing again outside and it took you this long? Was the sunlight too yellow for you, aa?!'

Hanatarou whirled around and found himself face-to-face with his boss, the News Editor, Iemura Yasochika. He gave his superior a little smile, while Iemura pushed his glasses further up his nose, waiting to hear his subordinate's excuse.

"What excuse y'think he'll give this time, eh Kira?" Iba nudged his co-worker in the ribs, obviously taking delight in Hanatarou's situation.

"Iba-san, I don't think now's the time for that," the morose-looking journalist muttered, going over the obituaries. "And besides, Komamura-san's been looking all over for you- your column needed to be on his desk fifteen minutes ago."

"Ah you're no fun," the bulkier man groaned, adjusting his shades. "An' besides, my boss'll understand. Writin' an advice column's harder'n ya think, y'know."

"Then I suggest you get started on it right away," a deep voice rumbled from behind Iba, who immediately started sweating buckets at the sound. Even though he wore shades, Iba's wide eyes were visible enough to Kira, who sighed and turned back to the obituaries.

"I-I'll get ta work right away, sir."

"I trust you will, Tetsuzaemon," the large man-beast nodded, then turned to Kira. "Kira, Hitsugaya needs the crosswords and obituaries already."

"Yes sir," he nodded, and opened up his drawer to find the crossword.

"You're half an hour late and you still give me pictures of your superhero?!" Iemura roared at a now-frightened Hanatarou. "You could at least have taken pictures of a car crash, or a high-ranking official sleeping with another woman- anything as long as it's real and isn't made-up!"

"Oi, oi Iemura, what's with all the yelling again early in the morning?"

Iemura turned angrily, ready to give the newcomer a piece of his mind, but stopped midway when he recognized the man.

"Ah Hisagi-san!" he greeted their Editor-in-Chief. "Good morning!"

"Not with you yelling at my eardrums it ain't," he shook his head, while removing his coat. "Sup, Komamura-san. Everything right on schedule for the night paper?"

"It would, if Tetsuzaemon here would stop procrastinating," he grunted, earning him a panicked look from Iba. "I'm workin' on it sir, I really am!" Iba reassured his boss, while throwing his doodles under his table. Komamura only shook his head.

Just then, a short individual with snow-white hair entered the room and walked up to Kira. "The crossword, Kira? Morning, Hisagi," he nodded, taking the sheet of paper from his subordinate. "Those obituaries complete yet?"

Kira nodded silently and handed them over.

"B-but Don Kanonji really does exist sir!" a protesting Hanatarou could be heard from his desk. "A-and he really can see spirits, I asked him myself sir!"

"Man oh man oh man," Hisagi muttered, preventing Iemura from firing another round of angry comments. "What's this I hear about that Don Kanonji guy again? Didn't we establish his illegibility in one of our editorials already?"

"Mine." Hitusgaya raised his hand, which Hisagi acknowledged. "Didn't I already tell you this guy's a quack?" he asked, lowering his tattooed face to Hanatarou's.

"B-but I met him just before I went here, sirs!" Hanatarou answered just as determinedly as his superiors. "Don Kanonji was able to see my great granddad, and he even knew his name! And! And! He flies."

"Oh boy," Iemura brought a hand to his forehead. Somewhere in the room, Iba snickered loudly, but was stopped by glares from Komamura and Kira.

"Now look here, kid," Hisagi raised a finger. "You're new here and maybe you don't know it, but in case you didn't, this newspaper deals with facts, not fakes. You hearing me?"

Hanatarou sputtered, maintaining a tight grip on his camera. "B-but I-"

The phone rang.

"Hang on, we're not done yet," Hisagi said and picked up the telephone. "Seireitei Communication."

Iemura sighed and turned to Hanatarou. "Look Yamada, you're a great talent and you got a good eye with that camera of yours, but unless you start-"

"Look, out the window!" Kira pointed excitedly.

"Wuzzat? That a bird?" Iba looked out and scratched his head.

Komamura followed their gazes and shook his head. "Too big. Maybe a plane."

"Flying too low for a plane, ain't it?" Iemura suggested, momentarily forgetting to scold Hanatarou.

"No, you're all wrong!" Hanatarou almost jumped excitedly. "It's… It's…"

Hitsugaya's mouth hung wide open. "I don't believe it."

Outside, Don Kanonji somersaulted in the air and laughed loudly. "Spirits are always with you!" Hanatarou waved, which Don Kanonji acknowledged, giving him a small salute. "Forward to victory!" he yelled and charged forward, crashing into a nearby building.

"See, what did I tell you?" Hanatarou announced gleefully to his superiors, who were all staring at the window, mouths agape in surprise and shock.

"Thanks for doing business with us, I really appreciate it," Hisagi's voice broke the silence and he put down the phone. "Now about that phony superhero-"

He turned around and saw his employees staring dumbfounded at the scenery outside. "What the hell is this?!" the disgruntled Editor-in-Chief demanded. "Am I running a newspaper here or a museum?!"

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A/N: In case you didn't remember, Iemura's the Fourth Squad's Third Seat; the blonde-haired, shades-wearing man. If it helps, he's also the Vice President of the Shinigami Men's Association.

Also, the Seireitei Communication's an actual magazine the Ninth Division publishes monthly.