Disclaimer: I do not own either Detective Conan / Case Closed or Yu Yu Hakusho – if I did, I would be rich and famous! I am currently neither, but frankly, that suits me just fine. I hope this story will be found worthy of both fictional worlds.

"Never Say Never"

"… Ms. Gakushi."

The fake nurse turned to face the young detective. "Why, whatever do you mean? I'm just here to attend this injured patient!"

"No. You shot Mr. Yamaguchi, once already. And you thought he survived, so you came here to give him a shot of another kind – though equally lethal. Hydrogen cyanide?" he guessed, sniffing for the telltale burnt-almond odor. The vapor rising from the drips on the floor confirmed his suspicions.

"He was… already dead?"

"You shouldn't believe everything you hear on TV. You got him the first time."

"You… you have no proof of that!" Her tortoise-shell glasses gleamed in the light; her face was now easily recognizable as that of the woman Jimmy had used to show the Inspector the effect of high heels on walking.

That needle's not completely empty! Jimmy realized as she crept towards him menacingly. "I hope the two guards out there are only unconscious, or we'll have to add two more murder charges," he stalled, dropping into a slight crouch.

"I'll see your three… and raise you one!" The woman lunged at Jimmy, who narrowly dodged the jab of her poisoned needle by leaping to one side. But his maneuver was not entirely defensive.

His reflexes honed by years on the soccer field, Jimmy trapped her overextended arm within his legs, sending them both crashing to the floor. His calved squeezed together, attempting to cut off the circulation in the limb – it worked. Her hand went limp, and the needle clattered under the bed.

"Now then, that's quite – "

A scalpel, in her other hand, thrust towards his thigh.

"Jimmy!" Rachel's lightning-fast hand snaked out and seized the woman's other arm. The woman began thrashing madly, struggling to escape.

"Oh, for – here!" Yusuke's fist smashed into the woman's temple, and she fell instantly limp. "Sheesh. Normally, I wouldn't hit a woman, but I'll make an exception for once."

Keiko and Inspector McGuire emerged from the bathroom, where the four of them had been hiding.

Mr. Yamaguchi's niece and nephew, Asamashii and Takashi, entered from the hallway; Kionna clung to Takashi's hand. Mr. Taka looked in from the hallway.

The two siblings stared at the perpetrator in disbelief, the others in pure confusion.

"Mom? No way…"

"Why would she do such a thing?"

As their mother sat up groggily, a pair of officers cuffed her. The Inspector laughed heartily and pounded Jimmy's back. "You did it again, Kudo! How did you know it was her?"

"It was elementary, really. Watching the surveillance tapes, it was clear that the shooter was right-handed. But his neice, Asamashii, is left-handed; I could tell that by how her nails were filed much more evenly on her right hand. So it couldn't have been her.

"I then thought it might possibly be Kionna, but she's already taller than Takashi; why would she want to make herself look taller with high shoes? Besides, Takashi called her about his uncle – if she had thought the police were onto her, she would have gotten rid of the shoes entirely, not hidden them in her closet!

"I was certain it was you, Ms. Gakushi, when you were walking with Keiko and Yusuke. You stopped short of the prints on the floor, even though I hadn't told you about them; this could have been coincidence, but not likely. By the way, Rachel, I picked her out of the crowd because she was about the right size – and she seemed entirely too interested in what was going on."

Ms. Gakushi interjected. "If I did what you say I did, why would I stick around at the crime scene?"

"You didn't. You had someone else to frame: Miss Kionna, your son's girlfriend. You left the store and put the shoes in her closet, using the key you stole from her when she was sleeping in your son's apartment; you even wore the cap to cover your hair, making it look like it was her in disguise!" he accused.

"Who? That slut?" She jabbed an accusing finger at the girl. "I saw her sneaking around on my son with high-school boys! What was I supposed to do?"

"What? Kionna?" Takashi gaped at his girlfriend.

"It's not… no! My father was having me watched! I had to convince his agents that I was living a normal schoolgirl's life. I never did anything with any of the boys I went out with, I swear! I wouldn't even hold hands!" She burst into tears.

"It's all right, Kionna. You've told me what your father is like, and I know you'd have to do something drastic to get by him." Takashi held her to him. "I trust you."

"Oh, Takashi…"

Asamashii snorted. "Get a room, little brother."

"Ahem. So," Jimmy continued, "basically, Ms. Gakushi, you were killing two birds with one stone: you murdered your brother in cold blood for his substantial life insurance money – you are listed as his only beneficiary, and your husband's pension is running out, so that's plenty of motive – and you framed your son's 'cheating' girlfriend, to boot. My only question now is, why the boy's school uniform?"

She shrugged. "I just saw lots of boys wearing them in the neighborhood around the shop. I figured it would be something easy to make it look like Kionna had disguised herself."

"That's all? That's why I got the crap beat out of me by those dirty cops?"

"Yusuke, shh!"

Her brief moment of restored sanity concluded, Ms. Gakushi resumed ranting irrationally. "She's running around on you, using you, Takashi! Even now, she's plotting to go after the money your uncle left to you!" she screamed.

Having finally had enough of his mother's scathing and increasingly unfounded insults, Takashi defended his girlfriend fiercely. "Kionna has all the money she could ask for from her father – but not love. I can't believe that you'd kill Uncle Yama, but to pin it on her? That's just… spiteful!"

"But – "

"That's enough out of you," snapped the Inspector, snapping his fingers. "Boys, take her downtown! Gag her, if you must."

"Ma'am, she really does love your son," Keiko whispered to the obstinate woman as she shuffled past.

The embittered woman glared at her. "I'll never believe that."

XXXXX

"Jimmy, wasn't that kind of risky?"

"Yeah, I guess. That nut job almost carved me open, didn't she?"

"Not that… what if it hadn't been her? Your reputation could've been ruined?"

"Well, I was about 70% certain it was her just from how she was acting in the store – but I didn't know who exactly she was, and I didn't want to tip her off by asking for her name."

"She probably would have given a fake one, even if you asked," Rachel surmised.

"Probably," Jimmy agreed. "I wasn't about to go searching the streets, so I had to make her come to us. Meanwhile, we found incriminating evidence to go with the suspect," he added, referring to the traces of DNA in the shoes, which matched Ms. Gakushi, but not Kionna. "Now, if she'd used brand new shoes and worn plastic bags inside her socks, maybe it wouldn't have been enough, but…"

Rachel let him babble on for a while, but paid zero attention. I've had enough of detective work for one day…

"Rachel… Rachel?"

"Eh?" They were at the street entrance to her father's apartment/office. She stared at Jimmy's face for a moment. He just looks so excited… and I can't deny that I find that really attractive in him – usually. She dug her toe into the sidewalk. "Hey, Jimmy?"

"What?"

I want to… no. Not yet. Not until he says he…

"It's nothing. I'll see you tomorrow, okay?"

"Sure thing, Rachel. Hey, tomorrow I'll copy someone's science and math notes from today; you get the English, classical Japanese, and history, then we'll swap?"

"No way, I got history last time!" She stuck out her tongue. "You get it."

"Fine, fine. Later!" He waved and jogged down the street.

Rachel stood and watched until he vanished. There he goes, back to that big empty house… I wonder what it would be like to live there… with him… Eep! She shook her head, blushing and ran up the stairs.

Her face became even redder when she unlocked and opened the door.

"DAD, YOU… PIG! GET OFF THE COUCH AND CLEAN UP YOUR MESS!"

XXXXX

"Aw, man… a perfectly good day out of school, gone to waste," Yusuke griped as the sun began to set over the western horizon.

"Well, at least we made some new friends," Keiko commented. "Weird ones, but nice."

"I'll say; that Rachel has a nice right hook… and her legs are really – strong," he finished, taking note of Keiko's death glare just in time.

"I think it was interesting learning about police work, too… I've always wanted to see a real detective in action." She giggled. "That Jimmy Kudo is one smart guy; I think we're going to hear a lot more about him!" Cute, too…

"Peh. Whatever."

She stuck her face in front of his. "Hey, are you… jealous?"

"As if! Keep dreaming!"

"Mm-hm." She turned up her nose. "Maybe you'd be more interesting if you started investigating crimes – you've already got some experience! Besides, I think it would be a nice change of pace for you to be on the right side of the law for once."

"You can forget that. I'll never be a detective."

A/N: To be honest, Yusuke's final line was what inspired this whole story! Long joke, short punch line, huh? I hope you enjoyed it!

I must say, after re-reading this, the mystery and the solving of it are much more in the style of The Mentalist than Case Closed… especially the trap for the criminal. Jimmy/Shinichi/Conan rarely (if ever) needs such gambits – he just uses the facts.

I tried to remain as close to the Case Closed formula as possible, though. Next time I write a mystery, I'll have the whole thing plotted out before I write myself into too many corners!

I do apologize that this particular story was extremely Jimmy-intensive. I wanted Yusuke to play more of a role in solving the mystery, but his brainpower just isn't on par with Jimmy's… oh well. I doubt I'll have these two worlds collide again, at any rate.

On to new works!

By the way, the title for this chapter was decided upon in summer of 2010, LONG before the obsession with a certain teen idol singer… It actually borrows from the title of a James Bond movie.