Chapter 8: What if I stumble?
The agents settled down for the next twenty minutes, carefully reviewing the files, asking here and there the details of the murders. According to Lizzie's detailed statement on her trial, she would first drug her victims during breakfast on her B&B. Once the movement of the morning was gone she would move them to a more private barn in the back of her property, specially prepared for her activities. There she would slowly cut into their skin, slicing their flesh with painstaking precision. When they were almost in hypovolemic shock, she would stab them in the heart before getting her favorite meat ax, the one she used on her game hunting, and would chop their heads off.
Then she would gently put the heads in conserve oil and in nice glass jars in her collection in the basement, before disposing the bodies and all private stuff of the victims. Their personal effects were found in the levee. The bodies were never found in the course of their investigation.
After being grilled for minutes, Joy simply stood up and went to the small bar, trying to calm her thoughts while grabbing a soda for herself and a cup of coffee for McGee. She came back from the bar and sat at the small table beside McGee who was reviewing the reports on the last victim. She sighed and closed her eyes, catching his attention as she kept breathing deeply, trying to focus herself.
"How bad will it be when we get there?"
She turned to look him into his eyes and he could clearly see the terror in her eyes of having to take on this task, but also her tenacity of getting the job done.
"I won't sleep; I won't eat; I won't rest until we have her behind bars or dead. I'll be twenty four seven profiling, inside her head. The Joy you know will take a step back and there will be only her. Her mind, her thoughts, her acts."
He frowned at hearing those words. "That can't be healthy."
"It isn't. But I'm the only one from the team who knows her inside out, so I have to do that."
"What can I do to help?" He whispered, looking into her eyes.
"If I stumble, don't let me fall."
A hot tear escaped from her eyes, leaving a silver track over her cheek, and he lifted one of his hands to wipe it away.
"I can do that."
McGee ached to take her into his arms and squeeze her against his chest, offering support and comfort, but he knew he couldn't, not with Gibbs, Tony and Ziva just a few feet away.
Gibbs walked towards them and sat right in front of the two agents at the other side of the table. He studied the tenseness on McGee's shoulders and how he was leaning towards Joy, not touching. Joy was simply staring at the table, the very picture of misery.
"Hey, are you up to it?"
"I have no choice. I have to do it." She muttered, without lifting her eyes from the table.
"There's always a choice."
"Not in my case." She looked up and he sees her silently gathering her strength again, her tears drying as if they've never were. "This is my calling. My task. It's my gift and at the same time my curse. That's what I'm meant to do. And I'll do it to the best of my abilities, and finish this task."
"Whatever it takes? Even if it costs your sanity?"
She stayed in silence and didnot answer him. He leaned over the table of the jet and touched her hand lightly, calling her attention to him, "We can't follow you inside her head, but we can stop you from getting lost in there. If I notice that you're slipping, you're out of this case and in a plane back to DC so fast that you will be dizzy."
"Boss."
"That's an order."
The pilot's voice came out, announcing their upcoming landing. There was a fury of activity as they packed all the reports back on the boxes and went to their seats, getting ready for the landing.
"Hey Buchanan, are we going to eat cajun food?" Tony fiddled with his seatbelt, glancing at the profiler who smiled briefly back at him.
"Sure, I'll ask Detective Cole to take you to his favorite restaurant. I've heard they serve alligator meat in there."
"Really, is that any good?" McGee asks, just to be surprised by Gibbs.
"It tastes like chicken."
Gibbs grinned at the surprised looks of his agents, who were all staring at him as if he had sprouted a new head.