A/N: Ok, sorry for the long wait. I've had so many different feelings towards this story. Not getting many reviews, getting a bit annoyed with the limit of first person-ness, frustrated how short it'll end up being...but hey. Thanks to my small huddle of reviewers for caring enough to say something in a review. Much love xxx

Chapter 5. The Clock Is Ticking.

I stared out the slightly grimy windows in my CBI hideout. I wasn't really looking at the view that I could see though. My mind was too full, too busy, to be able to concentrate on what I was seeing. The tired old drawers that I was sat on creaked slightly as I stared intently at the open page in my book. I twirled a pencil between my fingers, thinking, thinking of what to write, what to do, on the blank page that my thumb rested on. While I tried to think about Red John, Kristina, I couldn't help the petit, dark haired and green eyed Senior Agent from slipping through my thoughts. Even now I could still feel her warm breath on my skin like I had last night.

I rubbed my forehead lightly. I looked around the room. The bare brick walls, the worn wooden panelling, the rusty chains and old ropes hanging from the ceiling...the undisturbed silence. But inside my mind, it was like a train station. Noises echoing through my head, loud voices and shouting, alarm bells and whistles, the bustling and colliding of thoughts and I couldn't even start to try and sort it out. I looked down at my book again, running my fingers over the softly textured page, trying to reflect the blankness into my head. I rested my head on the heel of my right hand, rubbing gently, mildly soothing my aching brain. Swiftly bringing pencil to paper, I tried to leak some of the bustle in my brain onto the blank canvas of the double page spread.

Stepping cautiously through the elevator doors, I quickly scanned the area for signs of Jane. I couldn't tell whether it was because I wanted to talk to him, that I was looking for him, or whether I wanted to avoid him, but either way, I couldn't see him, not even on his beloved couch. I walked slowly, carefully, round to the kitchen, poking my head round the corner, but again, not seeing him.

'Hey, boss.'

I jumped suddenly, spinning on the spot and breathing out a sigh of relief as I met eyes with Van Pelt.

'Hi,' I replied over the sound of my heart pummelling in my ears.

'Are you ok?' Van Pelt looked at me strangely.

'Yeah, of course. Fine. Why wouldn't I be?'

Van Pelt nodded slowly. 'Well, I've been looking up anything I can find on Evelyn Immerson and her daughter, Alayna. You know...connections to Red John.'

'Mhm,' I replied, still overcoming the shock.

'Well, Alayna did have two children...' Van Pelt scanned over a piece of paper in the file before her, 'Jacob and Eleanor Immerson. Alayna was a single nineteen year old mom...'

I nodded. 'So it's likely that this Jacob Immerson is Red John?'

'That's if we're assuming it's a personal connection, yes.'

'Ok, good. Do we know anything about him?'

'No. There's nothing on him anywhere - but if Alayna gave birth in 1983...and this is Red John we're looking at...he'll only have been seventeen when he killed his first victim in 2000.'

My face contorted into a slightly puzzled expression, if not that, then worried, 'Ok... well it's possible. We don't really know anything about him. We don't know what happened to him. Keep digging, ok?'

'Mhm,' Van Pelt nodded and walked back to the bullpen.

I looked around briefly, remembering what I was doing before Van Pelt had appeared. Searching for Jane. That was it. I think.

I knew that ever since Kristina had been abducted and Jane had come face to face with Red John, he hadn't been around as much. He had changed, and it wasn't in a good way. It seemed he had been distancing himself from everyone; finding new places in the CBI where he could be alone. So at times like these when I needed to see him, he wasn't exactly the easiest person to find.

I recalled the most recent places that I'd found him hiding. An empty interrogation room, a small patch of garden behind the CBI, the records room in the basement...but the most recent had been a small unkempt room at the top of the building, where the decorators hadn't reached. All it contained was rusty chains, old ropes and pulleys and a bunch of old wooden planks. But it had a wide viewing window over Sacramento which he'd told me he liked. I headed back towards the elevator, thinking up something to say along the way.

I heard a knock on metal from behind me and I snapped my book shut abruptly before turning fractionally to identify the intruder.

'Lisbon.'

'Hey,' she replied.

Silence.

'Um. I wanted to talk.'

I didn't reply.

I looked down, my stomach filling with flitting butterflies as I hid my book in the folds of my jacket, which lay crumpled on the floor.

I heard hesitant steps approach behind me until Lisbon was stood at my side. My eyes flickered briefly upwards, my head remaining forwards. Her hands dug into her pockets, and she looked uncomfortable as she shifted her weight from one foot to the other and back again. It took a several seconds of looking down at me before she actually said anything more.

'You know what we're gonna talk about, right?'

I nodded stiffly, my gaze wandering around the room before I stood up and walked over to the window, leaning one shoulder on the glass. I crossed my arms, waiting for Lisbon to carry on.

She exhaled heavily. 'I'm not gonna try and tiptoe around the subject, because it won't help either of us. I need to know, Jane... was yesterday about weakness or true feelings?'

I bit the inside of my cheek, staring out the window. I stayed silent for what felt like an age. 'I don't know, Lisbon,' I sighed, looking back at her weakly.

'What do you think?' I asked quietly.

'I don't know...' she paused, 'but... if that was about feelings, I don't think it's a good time.'

I nodded, looking out at the view of Sacramento again.

'Just...y'know...just as long as we don't distance ourselves because of it, it'll be ok, right?'

'Yeah,' I nodded slowly, 'It'll be ok...' My voice sounded absent and far off even to me.

Lisbon's footsteps approached me, and I felt her hand stroke my arm softly. 'What are you thinking?'

The feel of Lisbon's fingers running down my arm sent goosebumps rippling across my body, and I felt cold suddenly.

'Nothing.' I turned towards her and gave her a soft, almost sad smile.

'Let's get back to work, ok?' she returned the smile and nodded towards the door.

'Excellent idea.'

I followed behind her, almost wishing that she would lead me by the hand so I could feel that same safe warmth that I had the night before, but I knew it wasn't the right thing to do, both for myself, and for her. We were at a place on the path where even if we wanted to, we couldn't just run together. I knew I wanted to get away from the heavy burden that rested on my tired shoulders every single day, but it just wasn't an option. I had to keep going, keep fighting to capture the man who had stolen my life. Then, and only then might I ever be able to try again, try to give myself something new to fill my heart, whatever that may be.

Soon, we were once more located in the bullpen, with the team again sat either at their desks or leaning against their desks as I filled them in on what Lisbon and I had seen the night before. I could tell that the other three agents were internally asking the question, 'How did Lisbon persuade him to let her go to his house?' They knew that even at the slightest suggestion of such a thing I would refuse stubbornly, almost snappily. It was only because I knew that if anyone saw the state I lived in, they would automatically have sympathy for me, and I couldn't bear that kind of gesture. It was just something that I hated. I would have to live with the fact that Lisbon now knew, but at least she didn't cause too much of a fuss. It was actually me that had caused the bigger scene of it.

'Where does that leave us then?' Cho asked, pointing out the flaw in Red John's next clue; the fact that it wasn't a clue.

'Well, we either have to try and find a way that it is a clue, or we wait to see what his next move is, right?' Rigsby suggested.

Lisbon nodded her agreement. 'Van Pelt, did you find anything else on Jacob Immerson?'

I listened as the youngest agent proceeded to explain how nothing new had shown up on Jacob, but a certain Gareth Tagliaferro Immerson, relation unknown, had been involved with the development of a company named Cut Iron Industries. So there was another Red John connection. Another useless one. What was he trying to tell me? What use was any of the information that he'd thrown at me so far?

Van Pelt then proceeded to mention that Alayna Immerson was now deceased, since eleven years ago, one year before Red John came into existence. The autopsy report stated that she had committed suicide. Shot herself. I was slowly beginning to see this man's dark past. A murder and a suicide in two immediate generations did nothing good for anyone.

Through the corner of my eye, I watched Lisbon take in the information herself. We shared a brief sideways glance.

I wondered why Red John was giving us all this information. Was this the beginning of the end, or just another play?

I breathed out slowly.

Tick tock, tick tock.

But for who? Kristina or himself?

'Why is he giving us all this?' Lisbon reflected my thoughts.

I stared at the rippling wood patterns in the floor, 'Well he's not dying or giving up, so I'm going to take a guess at just another parade.'

'Maybe he wants us to understand him more,' Van Pelt suggested. 'Seen as you and he had that encounter, maybe he's thinking that you should know some more about him. Seen as he knows so much about you. I mean, we all know what he's like and how untouchable he is, it's not as if it's going to give him weakness.'

I nodded. Van Pelt made a good point. We all knew that he would always be five steps ahead of us, so just a little toying was his method of fun. I was about to reply, but for the buzzing of my phone in my waistcoat pocket.

Fishing it out between two fingers I flipped it over and open in my hand.

'Ah, new message!' I waved the phone in the air before reading it to myself.

Hello Jane. How about we do some old fashioned police work?

Come and find me when you're ready. Don't bring anyone else.

I immediately gave the handset to Lisbon, her inquisitive expression already asking for me to hand it over.

'What does it say?' Rigsby asked, sitting up straighter in his chair.

Lisbon read out the text message to the team as they all leant further forwards in their seats.

'Isn't there an old police station just outside Sacramento due for demolition?' Cho said.

I looked at him blankly. 'Good Cho,' I praised him, 'Let's go!'

'Wait, what? Hang on a minute,' Lisbon stopped me as I headed for the elevator.

'What?'

'Well we need to organise something! A back up team. We can't just go charging in there and hope for the best.'

'No, I will,' I replied bluntly.

'No you're not, Jane.'

'There could be anything in there. Traps, explosives.'

'Well what would be the point in blowing me up, Lisbon?'

'The point is, I'm not going to let you run in there without some kind of protection.'

'He said I shouldn't bring anyone else with me. Come on, we've got to go!'

'Jane!'

'What?'

She stared at me, helplessly searching for something to say.

'She's right, Jane, you can't go in there on without protection or back up,' Rigsby supported Lisbon, walking up behind her with the rest of the team.

I looked around at them all. 'I'll be fine!' I insisted.

They simply looked back at me.

'What would you suggest I do then?'

The whole journey to Old Sacramento Police Department had been filled with Lisbon sternly ordering me to wear a slim fit CBI vest underneath my clothing, giving me various bottomless threats until I wore one just to stop her fussing.

There would be a backup team nearby when I entered, which I had assured, or tried to assure everyone were unnecessary, but had been ignored. Lisbon and the other three would also be nearby. Closer by.

I rolled my eyes as we stood outside in the Californian heat, tugging at the vest again as it sat uncomfortably underneath my shirt. It wouldn't take a detective to notice the extra bulk I now wore, consisting of a black CBI t-shirt and the vest.

'Stop fiddling,' Lisbon told me as she stood beside me. I could hear the blatant worry in her voice. Only a couple of weeks ago I was going into a danger zone on my own, but this time it was like I was being sent in, and it made her worry, even with the protection I had.

'Don't worry, Lisbon, I'll be fine.'

'I'm not worrying.'

'Yes you are.'

I flickered a glance back at the SUV, where Cho, Rigsby and Van Pelt waited.

'Not.' She looked around nervously, avoiding eye contact.

I smiled softly. 'I promise I'll come out alive.'

'You better,' she chanced a glance up at me.

'I feel safer knowing you care so much,' I told her.

'Ha-ha,' she murmured.

'I don't like this,' she said.

'I know.'

'You be careful, ok?' she softly nudged my arm with her shoulder.

'I'm always careful.'

Lisbon gave me a doubting look, which I could only smile back at.

My smile fell as I quickly placed a kiss on her cheek, making her look away briefly.

'Hey, wish me luck.'

Lisbon didn't seem to want to, so I stepped forward, taking in the building before me. The old brick work was crumbling and dying, only a ghost of where the original Sacramento Police used to be located. Stepping into the shadow that the huge looming structure cast over a broken parking lot, the sudden chill made me shiver, and I gave a last look back at Lisbon before proceeding forward, wondering what awaited me inside...