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Chapter 7
The sun was warm on T'Spock's hair and back as she and Amanda crossed the desert together in the early morning. They were collecting the branches of aromatic plants to place throughout their desert home, now their vacation retreat. After being closed for months, the stately stone abode smelled empty and foreign.
They were being joined for the next few days by the former Vulcan Ambassador to Andoria and his wife and four children - two twin eight year old girls, a young woman in her twenties and a boy T'Spock's age, 18. Now they sought the branches to fill vases throughout the home so the fragrance could permeate the building before their guests arrived.
T'Spock was less than enthusiastic about the upcoming visit. The occasion was bound to be a stuffy, stilted affair. She would rather catch up with their desert neighbors. The local Vulcans were far less prejudiced than the denizens of Shi'ri'kah, and her childhood playmate T'Duna had one of the most fascinating menageries of semi-tame desert lizards on the planet.
I'Chala scampered around their feet. T'Spock saw Sarek stepping out onto the house's wide veranda in the distance. The bond between her father and T'Spock was mostly closed. And it was purposeful; T'Spock could feel it.
After the visit from her aunts, Sarek initially suggested T'Spock find a bond-mate on the pretense that being bonded would permanently end her aunts' designs. T'Spock resisted. Her reasons were illogical. Was it the memory of Desalvic? Memory of the pressure of her aunts? The thought of bonding felt like a trap; it filled T'Spock with a deep unease she could not meditate away, and she did try.
To her surprise, Sarek accepted her illogic and did not press the matter. How could she not love him all the more for it?
Usually the affection between the two of them was a gentle hum at the back of her mind - even when they played chess, discussed the latest scientific discoveries, or argued policy. It made his absence now...disquieting. Was it work he was keeping from her? It wasn't close to his time...
"He is up to something," Amanda whispered.
T'Spock turned to her mother. "He has closed your bond as well?"
Nodding, Amanda took her fingers. Excitement played across the empathic bond the contact created.
"I think I have discovered what it is, and I don't think I can contain it much longer," her mother said.
"What is it?" T'Spock said, sending her mother a wave of curiosity.
"He left a PADD open when I'Chala distracted us all with his howling last night. I saw an email from Josef Friedman - I believe he will be visiting us with his family!"
The link hummed with pleasure from her mother. T'Spock was pleased as well. The Friedmans were fascinating humans. Esther, Josef's wife, was a doctor by training - although she did more philanthropic work now. Rachel, his daughter, was T'Spock's age. She did not have T'Spock's memory or computational ability, but her mind was just as inquisitive. They got along very well.
"A surprise," said T'Spock. Vulcans as a rule did not practice surprises, but Amanda loved them, and Sarek and T'Spock, after debating the idea at length, agreed that there was nothing inherently illogical in the practice.
"I think we shouldn't tell him I've found out...he's gone to such pains to hide it," Amanda said. "But I had to share the news with someone."
"He will know you found out when he opens the bond again," T'Spock said.
"A surprise for him!" said Amanda. "I do love it when I can out maneuver him." The link hummed now with mischievousness.
"Very well," said T'Spock, squeezing her mother's fingers and projecting her camaraderie. "I will disguise my knowledge as well."
The arrival of the former Ambassador to Andoria, Tedam, and his family four hours later was as rigid and uninteresting as T'Spock had imagined.
By lunchtime she was struggling to stay awake as Sarek, Tedam, and T'Riya, his wife, discussed Surak at the other end of the table. It was nothing interesting or controversial. Did the third verse of the fifth parable speak of 'the house' or 'in house'? It was a dance Vulcans did around one another to prove they were around other logical beings.
This meeting was important to her father. Sarek believed Tedam's modest lineage, and his push for greater collaboration between Vulcan and other Federation intelligence agencies, were the reasons he was removed from his post. Inviting Tedam to his personal home was a shocking show of solidarity - and a push to have Tedam accept a post as liaison to Starfleet.
Out of duty to her father T'Spock forced herself to concentrate on lifting her spoon from bowl to mouth without passing out from boredom into her soup. Looking up she saw her mother stifle a yawn. T'Spock met her eyes. Taking a deep breath and glancing once up the other end of the table, Amanda turned to Tedam's children. "So, I hear you are from the svitan region of Tat'sahr province."
Children were not addressed at these things. T'Rene and T'Rull, the two youngest, sat up very straight. The spoons of T'Dulla, the eldest girl, and Telim the boy, hovered in mid air.
They were fairer haired than T'Spock, with golden eyes and skin a deeper olive. The two youngest were prim with bobbed haircuts. Telim was thin; his facial features well proportioned and symmetrical - humans would call him handsome. His hands and head did seem a bit too big for his thin frame - he reminded T'Spock somewhat of I'Chala as a puppy. T'Dulla's features were more mature. She would be considered beautiful on most of the world populated by sentient bipeds, and she was the picture of decorum-hair upswept, face carefully neutral. T'Spock suspected a quirk of the lips or a raised eyebrow would never mar her countenance.
Telim and the two youngest girls looked to T'Dulla now.
Slowly putting down her spoon, T'Dulla said in the official dialect, with enunciation more perfect than Sarek's own, "That is correct. We are, Madam."
"I see," said Amanda.
"Of course, you would never know that by listening to us," said Telim in the same controlled tones. He tilted his head and said in a different dialect entirely. "Thee made us loosen our native dialeects when fathe accept'd his posity-on."
T'Spock blinked.
All conversation at the table stopped.
Amanda's eyes got wide and then she burst out laughing. "Well done!" she said.
T'Dulla's and Telim's eyes slid over to T'Spock.
T'Spock looked at Tedam and his wife. She looked at her father. All of their faces were stony and quiet. Was she expected to say something?
"Please excuse my son and daughter," said Telam. "They are used to Andorian manners."
"There is no need to apologize," said Sarek. "They seem to have amused my wife a great deal. Their manners would not be out of place at a human table either."
Sarek looked at T'Spock.
Her father respected Tedam. Surely she was expected to make their guests comfortable?
Looking back at T'Dulla and Telim, she was struck by an inspiration. "Rrrround hearrre the natives rrrroll their rrr's a bit more."
"Fascinating," said T'Dulla.
Telim turned to Amanda. "We have not had the acquaintance of many humans." Turning his eyes to T'Spock he said, "Or many half-Vulcan half-Humans."
At the end of the table Tedam said, "Now in the third book of Surak -"
T'Rene looked up. "T'Spock would be much more fascinating if she were half Andorian."
Several spoons landed with kerplunks in their soup.
"Then she might have antennae," said the little girl.
Glancing around the table, T'Spock found all eyes on her again, Amanda unsuccessfully trying to hide a smile behind a hand.
Turning to T'Rene, T'Spock said, "I had not considered the matter. However..." She tilted her head. "I agree. That would be fascinating."
She saw Telim and his older sister exchange sidelong glances. At the other end of the table, Sarek said, "I see your children have adapted to living in a foreign culture admirably well. Which leads me to a position I believe you would be ideal for..."
From there, as Amanda would declare later, things became much more interesting.
Later that night T'Spock rolled over in bed; her eyes opened to darkness. A dream so clear in her mind it might have been real.
She had been sitting at a chess table with the Ambassador's son, Telim, across from her, their respective families all around exactly as they had been last night. But in the dream Telim's fingers brushed hers as he handed her his Queen. Across the brief empathic bond had danced affection and longing so strong it took her breath away - literally. The sensation awakened her.
T'Spock rolled onto her back and tried to go to sleep but could not. She felt one side of her mouth curl up in a tiny smile and didn't bother to will it away. Her time with Telim...and his family...had been fascinating.
Like her and Sarek, they told jokes "as an intellectual exercise."
When she barely beat Telim at chess, he said, "You have bested me." And then switching to Andorian he used a common expression of complete defeat from that world, "But you have not torn off my antennae and buried me with them."
T'Spock's lips had tweaked. Noticing Telim said, "T'Spock, you can smile."
Usually Vulcans would choose to ignore such a rude display. T'Spock's face had immediately fallen to a careful neutral.
"Fascinating," said his older sister who had been watching the game beside them.
From across the room, T'Rene, engaged in a game of Scrabble with Amanda, her twin sister, and their mother, said, "We tried smiling in Andoria."
The tension in the room was instantly so thick a knife could have cut it. T'Spock was almost positive someone was projecting their emotions, though she couldn't say who.
T'Rene's mother T'Riya looked at Amanda and said, "It seemed logical to attempt. We wished to communicate better with our Andorian friends and associates."
"We were told Vulcan smiles were sinister looking," said Telim.
"And decided it was logical to desist," said T'Dulla.
Smiling, Amanda said smoothly, "Sarek tried the same one time. I agree...it didn't look...natural."
T'Spock blinked. Even she did not know that story.
She turned towards T'Spock. "But my daughter has a lovely smile."
Telim and T'Dulla looked at T'Spock.
"T'Spock has human and Vulcan abilities," said Telim.
"Fascinating," said T'Dulla.
"Yes," said T'Riya.
Human abilities...not disadvantages or deficiencies. The memory made her heart pound with happiness. But it wasn't the only thing that made her heart pound...if she was honest with herself she also found Telim rather attractive. She closed her eyes and turned off a warmth that was trying to spread through her body. She turned her mind to admiration of his other qualities - he was on track to go to the Vulcan Science Academy just as she was, and had many interests in common.
Sleep eluding her, she tried to meditate, but the pounding of her heart made it impossible.
Outside she thought she heard I'Chala whining. Had he slipped out in the night?
Getting up, T'Spock went to her wardrobe and slipped on some clothes and a warm sweater. Heading down the long hallway lit by tiny dim lights in the floor, she heard I'Chala's whining growing louder.
Opening the door she stepped out onto the veranda, still draped in shadows, and very chill. The sun was just barely a sliver on the horizon. I'Chala was there but not alone. Telim was sitting next to the sehlat stroking his fur with one hand, his other hand on the sehlat's equivalent of psi points.
Turning at the sound of T'Spock, Telim said, "Forgive me. I have awakened you."
T'Spock remembered her dream and tried not to blush. He was of course referring to his interactions with the sehlat. "I heard I'Chala whining," she said.
"Ah," said Telim. "I am trying to quiet him, but he is afraid of something. I cannot get a picture of it..."
"Perhaps if I take a look," said T'Spock. "I am more familiar with the animal."
T'Spock placed her own hand on I'Chala, expecting to see a vision of one of the poisonous k'karee snakes that populated the local desert. Instead she just discovered a vague unease.
Lifting her hand away, she said, "I do not know what to make of it."
I'Chala whimpered and rubbed his head affectionately against T'Spock and Telim.
"I think I will take him away from the house," said T'Spock. "So he does not awaken anyone else." Patting I'Chala's head, she looked at Telim, not wearing a sweater or coat, and said, "You are welcome to join me...if you are not too bothered by the cold."
"It is warmer than I am accustomed to," he said. "I will join you."
T'Spock's heart beat too quickly in her side at his words. She reminded herself he was undoubtedly bonded and she was just being silly.
As they headed down the steps, I'Chala whimpered and then followed, at first his front half lowered still, his tail flat against his body. Within a few minutes he seemed a bit surer of himself. His whining stopped and he straightened as he followed, but he stayed very close.
Telim himself was quieter than the night before, which made T'Spock anxious. Perhaps he did not enjoy her company as much as she imagined?
"You were telling me about a new computer program you designed to create more realistic looking snow and ice formations," T'Spock said.
"Yes," said Telim. "But it is, as the Andorians say, overkill, for most practical purposes."
"I imagine it might be useful in holos," said T'Spock.
Telim looked at her. "I had not actually thought of that. I conceived of the idea purely out of interest in how minute random factors change the appearance and properties of a snowflake or an icicle."
What followed was a most satisfying conversation. T'Spock did not lose track of time-that was impossible for her- but she found herself not caring as the sun slipped higher and higher into the sky and they got further and further from her home.
The sun was just clear of the horizon when they approached a natural rock formation spanning a canyon and the remains of a riverbed.
"The Green Bridge," said Telim seeing the familiar landmark from Vulcan history books. "Fascinating."
The Green Bridge was actually red like the surrounding terrain; its name was derived from the green blood of fallen warriors that once ran beneath it.
"Yes," said T'Spock. "If we cross it we can see the caves of M'burrak too."
"I was not aware it was serviceable as a foot path," said Telim staring at the rock arch. At its apex it was no wider than .3 meters, but T'Spock had crossed it many times.
Lifting an eyebrow, T'Spock said, "Why would we call it a bridge if it was not?"
Tilting his head, Telim said, "As they say, you have me there."
T'Spock's lips quirked up. It was a very rare Vulcan who could utilize figures of speech.
"I would find the M'burrak cave etchings quite interesting to observe firsthand," said Telim.
"They are worthwhile," said T'Spock. "Let us go."
She led Telim to the bridge's base between high boulders with practiced ease.
I'Chala followed along beside them, but to T'Spock's consternation, he began to whimper again.
As T'Spock stepped upon the bridge, I'Chala's whimpering became a whine. He began looking over his shoulder in the direction of the house.
Closing his eyes, Telim said, "He is afraid of something in that direction. But again...I can see no visual..."
His hands were not on the sehlat. "You are a true telepath?" said T'Spock.
"No, I..." Telim looked down. "It is easier for me with touch...but I have been in I'Chala's mind once before, and his mind is as open as all animals are."
"It takes much greater concentration for me to do that," said T'Spock. She too could project and even read minds at a distance, but with much more effort than closing her eyes for a few seconds.
"It is probably just the smell of a k'karee," said T'Spock.
"Perhaps," said Telim. Tilting his head he said, "Shall we proceed?"
T'Spock began walking up the bridge, careful to avoid looking to the side. Telim followed behind her. They were nearly at the apex, about 15 meters from the edge, when I'Chala began to howl frantically.
The two Vulcans stopped. Telim closed his eyes again. Opening them with a gasp he said, "T'Spock, we must go back...it's at the house already."
"What is it?" said T'Spock, and then she heard the rumble. It sounded like thunder but it did not cease, and the sky was perfectly clear.
One of Telim's hands snapped onto T'Spock's wrist. T'Spock looked down at it in confusion, shock, and fear. And then the earth began to ever so gently shake.
Telim pulled her towards the canyon edge. T'Spock. Run! The words might have been a whisper, a shout, or spoken directly into her mind-she wasn't sure.
She couldn't run. It was all she could do to keep her footing. Her hand wrapped around Telim's wrist; they used one another for balance as the gentle shake changed to a ferocious wave and the rumble became a roar.
T'Spock felt herself slipping down and backwards, and then she was falling, her hand slipping from Telim's wrist to his hand. She felt pain searing her shoulder, her breath leaving as she hit the ground...and gasped.
Her body had not hit the ground, she swung in open air like a pendulum, Telim's hand the only thing holding her from a deathly fall. Telim's other hand came down and locked around their combined grip.
She looked up. His face was visible above and their eyes met. Her vision went black around the edges and their minds touched and blurred together. She wasn't seeing Telim anymore, she was seeing herself through his pain and fear. She was too...perfect. Her face symmetrical, her eyes so wet and exotic, the quirk of her lips...fascinating and enchanting. She could not die.
Telim knew death...knew about losing fragile, precious things.
He was not bonded. But he had been. And without wanting to she was sucked into his memory. T'Spock, saw, felt, and lived his bond-mate dying. She hadn't been as beautiful or as clever as T'Spock but she was his, and as she slipped away his heart felt as though it was being extruded slowly from his side.
She saw the tight bonds he had with his family - the only thing that had buoyed him in that time. She saw how his time away from Vulcan and his family's lack of status made him as much an outsider as she.
She felt his longing for her, his attraction...his hope...
And he could see hers. Her attraction to him...mental and physical...He saw her aunts. He saw Desalvic...
...and then there was blackness and rage that made the violence of the earthquake seem tame. T'Spock felt the longing again and desire...
The massive waves of the quake diminished to tepid tremors. The blackness in T'Spock's vision receded. She was staring at Telim again. His golden eyes widened. She felt shock and embarrassment through her hands, and then only tendrils of his physical pain.
As soon as the tremors stopped Telim pulled T'Spock to what was left of the bridge. Both of them were panting and shaking; neither made eye contact. To instigate empathic contact without explicit consent was a grave offense. To touch minds without consent...
"Forgive me," said Telim.
T'Spock swallowed. She'd had telepathic contact with her father, and her mother...just once. To be in the mind of a stranger, to live his thoughts, and see herself in his thoughts...to see his longing...and his strength. If he had wanted to bond...
No...he had wanted to.
But he had not. She took a breath to compose herself. "Is your shoulder alright?" she asked, daring to look at his face but not quite meeting his eyes. Amanda had declared Telim, "A real cutie." His features were still soft, without the hard edges of a man. His emotions, though...
Clutching it with his other hand he said, "I believe it may need to be looked at." His eyes met hers.
She felt so naked and exposed. Desalvic's attack...her aunts...these were things she did not like to think about. Things she didn't like other people to know; she hated being so...exposed...so vulnerable.
"Our parents are worried about us," Telim said.
And at his words, T'Spock could feel Sarek in her mind, searching for her, seeking reassurance that she was safe. She concentrated and tried to send him feelings of safety and security.
"I have let my parents and T'Dulla know what has happened," Telim said. "And told them we are returning now."
Of course, she should expect that he could do that. A telepath as strong as Telim would have deeper bonds to his family than she had with Sarek. Why did it frighten her so much?
Because if he wanted...right now...Desalvic's mind in hers came back to her and she felt...soiled. It was illogical. Telim wouldn't do that, He'd had the opportunity and resisted.
"Strong telepathy," said Telim staring at her. "More useful than a comm."
T'Spock tilted her head. "Let us go."
The house was in view before either of them spoke again.
"T'Spock," said Telim still clutching his shoulder, "I believe we would make very logical bondmates."
T'Spock swallowed. Part of her mind counted all the ways his statement was correct. Their intellects were compatible. They found each other mutually attractive. Another part of her mind screamed for air, she felt like she was looking into a prison cell, and she was afraid. Afraid of her illogic. Afraid of Telim's strength. Afraid of his...emotion for her. Afraid of her affection for him, too.
"My family standing is not beneficial to you," Telim said. "However, your father mentioned to my parents that you are unbonded. I think perhaps, if he did not consider me acceptable he would never had brought the subject up."
T'Spock stopped. "My father?"
"Yes," said Telim. "I believe he may give us his approval...if you are in agreement. My family has given me my consent to bond with who I wish."
Fear was suddenly replaced by rage. Everyone seemed determined to manipulate her. Desalvic, her aunts, now Sarek. Did Sarek need Telim's father to accept the post so much?
"I am not ready to bond," said T'Spock.
A few hours later as T'Spock sat in meditation staring out the window, Amanda came in. T'Spock did not turn her head to look at her mother.
"In your father's defense," said Amanda, "He was only trying to protect you. And give you a choice...it was actually quite open-minded for him."
"It was wrong not to inform me of his intentions," T'Spock said, feeling heat flair behind her words.
The bond was open. Sarek was angry but not as angry as she was. He was more confused. When she'd told him of Telim's offer and her refusal, his response had been, "I do not understand."
Amanda sat down on the bed next to T'Spock. "It was unfair. To you...and maybe more so to Telim."
T'Spock turned her head swiftly to her mother.
Amanda gave a weary half smile. "All Vulcans want to bond, T'Spock...you do not." Her brow furrowed. "I don't know if it's because of who you are...or what happened..." Shaking her head and looking down, she put her hand on T'Spock's knee. "It doesn't matter. If you were full Vulcan you would want to bond. But you don't, at least not now, and you have all the time in the world to make up your mind, T'Spock. Telim does not."
T'Spock stared at her mother's hand, as pale as her own, but with a pink cast. Was it true what she said? If she was full Vulcan would she want to bond to Telim? For the most part, T'Spock accepted that Vulcan ways were superior to human ways.
If she believed that, why didn't she march down the stairs and declare her acceptance of Telim's offer?
Because her limbs felt like lead, and the thought of bonding made her feel as though a door was being shut, as though she were being locked in a cage.
She turned her head back to the window. "When will father stop trying to protect me?"
Amanda sighed again. "He won't."
Later that day the Friedmans arrived. Rachel spent her time with T'Spock and Telim. T'Spock was grateful she did not have to worry about any more uncomfortable proposals.
At one point, when they were alone, Rachel asked her what she thought of Telim.
T'Spock responded that he was, "a creative thinker and not bigoted."
Winking, Rachel said, "I think he's really cute."
x x x x
Noyoto stared across the table at T'Spock. She was very quiet. Of late she'd started opening up around Sharpton, O'Hara, Matsumara and their respective spouses.
"Great job, you two," said Sharpton, holding up her glass. "I don't know if you ever expected your finding to be this big."
"She didn't," said Noyoto, trying to goad T'Spock into talking. "She said the odds were -"
"Two million thirteen hundred thousand ninety six to one," said T'Spock, looking at her glass.
Better, but not by much. Noyoto smiled. "But I always believed. There was something so sincere about his voice. I knew it couldn't be fake. All of T'Spock's logic was just Descartes Error in action."
Descartes was the philosopher who declared, "I think, therefore I am." The neurologist Damasio had proposed that humans' rationality required emotional input and called his theory, "Descartes Error." Tying together science and ancient philosophy, it was just the sort of quip that would normally get T'Spock going.
T'Spock turned her glass around in her hand. "Indeed," was all she said.
"Ahh, Demasio," said O'Hara.
"I always liked Ryle's refutation of Descartes better," said Matsumura.
And that really should have got her going. She and Noyoto had discussed Ryle's "Ghost in the Machine" before. But she remained silent.
Noyoto took a sip of his champagne. He could pinpoint the moment she first got weird. It was when the notice of her friends' engagement came over the holo. Had the guy been her boyfriend? He didn't think Vulcans dated - there was some references to them being betrothed as children.
Whatever. He shook his head and jumped into the intellectual fray. "What I want to know is why does Ryle insist that the ghost is all bad? What's wrong with our instincts? They aren't all predatory." Some instincts were chivalrous and protective. Like not letting a xenophobe touch a pretty alien.
His eyes went sideways to T'Spock. She did not take the bait.
"Here! Here!" said Yumi, Matsumura's wife.
The whole table jumped into the discussion, and Noyoto put T'Spock out of his mind. One discussion split into three, and then some of the party went outside. Noyoto was left at the table with Diego, Sharpton's husband, and T'Spock.
Noyoto was talking with Diego about the Nairobi Lion's chances in the Sol System Cup when T'Spock declared. "I think I will catch the early train back to San Francisco."
"I think Patrick and Katie were going to give us a ride back to the city," said Noyoto. Turning back to Diego and the very important topic at hand he said, "But I think you've got to admit, our goalie, Ollie Kahn...best ever."
"He's ugly," said Diego.
"What!" said Noyoto. "The man practically played the Mongolian Raiders by himself..."
"And lost," said Diego.
"He had no offense," said Noyoto. "...and your comment is he's ugly?"
"It's true," said Diego.
"Thank you," said Noyoto nodding at Diego's concession.
"That he's ugly," said Diego.
As he opened his mouth to retort, Noyoto was cut off.
"I am leaving," said T'Spock, already heading out of the dining room.
Noyoto blinked. Sharpton's house was near by the famous radiation mutated trees of Muir Woods. It was a rural area without street lights.
Turning his head, Diego said, "You can't do that."
Putting his hand on his forehead, Noyoto closed his eyes and waited for the inevitable.
"That comment is illogical," said T'Spock from the other room. "I can and will."
He opened his eyes and gave a tight smile to Diego. "Vulcan logic," Noyoto said.
"I can hear you," said T'Spock. "And my statement was logical."
Getting up out of his chair, Noyoto followed her into the other room, Diego behind him. "It's illogical to go alone," he said. The faces of the xenophobes in Iowa flashed through Noyoto's mind. He could imagine what humans like that would do if they caught T'Spock alone, and it made his blood turn cold.
"I can take care of myself," said T'Spock. "As I am sure you are aware."
"Not if you're hit by a hover," said Noyoto with a too-vivid image of T'Spock crushed in a ditch suddenly in his mind.
"I am going," said T'Spock.
"Fine," said Noyoto, grabbing his coat. "I'm going with you."
"No, you are not," said T'Spock, coat already over her shoulders, meeting his eyes and then looking away quickly.
Noyoto froze. "Is that an order, Sir?" He asked not knowing if he was more irritated or worried.
"Let me take you to the station at least," said Diego.
"There is no need," said T'Spock. "I am going alone."
And with that she opened the doorknob and stepped out into the night.
A/N:
Sorry. I took some time off. I had a bad week, to cheer myself up I wrote "Destiny Waits for No Vulcan". It's a one shot and completely different from the angst in this chapter.
If you read and enjoyed, please leave a review! It's the only way fanfic authors and our betas get paid.