Disclaimer: Come on, you all know it isn't mine.

An uncomfortable scene was currently facing Patrick Jane and Teresa Lisbon.

It had all begun innocently enough, with Lisbon having misplaced her hairbrush and after being unable to locate it in her room, heading to the bathroom to see if she'd left it there.

The problem with this, was that both she and Jane had been living alone for a very long time and one thing that happened when you were used to living by yourself was that you didn't bother with things like locking bathroom doors behind you when you were inside.

Another thing that happened, you forgot about stuff like knocking on the said bathroom door, and just barged in, opening up the possibility of creating a very awkward situation for both parties involved.

Which was exactly how she came to walk in on Jane while he was in the bathroom.

And also happened to be shirtless.

Oh, dear God.

It appeared she'd surprised him in the process of brushing his teeth as he was holding a tube of toothpaste in one hand and his toothbrush in the other. One look at her face in the reflective door of the medicine cabinet told her that they were both as astonished as each other at this strange turn of events.

Positive thing: From the waist down, he was completely covered in a pair of light blue pyjama bottoms.

Negative thing: While she was technically clothed, tonight had been warmer than the last, causing her to trade her pyjama pants for shorts, of the rather small variety.

Positive thing: His upper body was surprisingly well-defined for someone who, to her knowledge, got very little exercise.

Negative thing: She shouldn't be noticing the fact that he looked actually quite appealing sans shirt. And she definitely shouldn't be thinking about what might happen if she ever saw him with all of his clothes off. The thought made her blush so deeply she wondered if he could feel the heat coming off her body.

Boy, was she in trouble.

Jane cleared his throat to break the silence.

"Was there something you needed, my dear?"

"Looking for my hairbrush," she said, quietly, wishing the ground would open and swallow her up.

"This it?" he asked, holding up something green which was resting on the side of the sink.

"Yep," she said, grabbing it from him. "Thanks. I'll just…go."

She bolted for the door, which clicked shut behind her.

Jane chuckled to himself as he squeezed toothpaste onto the brush. Short shorts huh? That was unexpected. Though she certainly had the legs for them. And she was always so cute when she was embarrassed.

But what had she been thinking about that had made her go so red? Sure, his main focus had been to mentally undress her as soon as he'd seen those tiny little shorts but still, he'd have to be blind not to notice the fact that his friend had suddenly taken on the colour of an overripe tomato.

Oh, how he wished (and not for the first time) that he could read her mind, because he'd be willing to gamble that her brain might have been having a few inappropriate thoughts about him.

It was only fair. She was on his mind in some capacity in practically every waking moment, and star of his dreams (both innocent and not-so-innocent) most nights. It was gratifying to think that this fixation he had with the idea of the two them together may not be totally one-sided.

But, oh God, those shorts. Was she trying to kill him? Really, he thought as he started brushing, there should be some kind of rule against it. She shouldn't be allowed to tease him like that; he was just a man for God's sake. How much temptation could a man stand before he snapped?

On an embarrassment scale of one to ten, Lisbon thought, the bathroom encounter had been an eleven. She didn't know which part had been worse, her minimal attire, or her sudden loss of the power of speech. Or maybe it was that knowing twinkle in Jane's eye that made her think he knew exactly what she was thinking about.

On the plus side, a shirtless Jane was certainly a memory worthy of revisiting (from the relatively safe distance of a flight of stairs and a locked bedroom door, so as to prevent her from doing anything stupid, like say, going back in there, flinging herself into his arms and seeing how things panned out. Not that she'd ever, ever do something like that, because she wasn't interested in him that way anyway.)

Maybe if she kept telling herself that, she might actually start believing it.

The morning found Lisbon and Jane sitting at the kitchen table (fully-clothed) and having reached an unspoken agreement not to discuss what had happened last night. Both were bleary-eyed and suppressing the occasional yawn, due to what could hardly be described as a restful night's sleep for either of them.

Highly vivid sexual fantasies tended to have that effect.

"So," said Jane, in an attempt to draw their attention away from the (half-naked) elephant in the room. "You were gone for a while yesterday. What were you and Meg doing all that time?"

"I told you, we had coffee. And then she drove me home."

He grinned. "Interesting."

Lisbon had known Jane for long enough to know that whenever Jane said "interesting" in that particular smug tone that it could only mean one thing: trouble.

"What's interesting?" she asked, fearing the answer.

"Oh, nothing."

"Jane," she began warningly.

As he looked at her he could see her eyes narrowing and the line between her eyebrows deepening, sure signs that she was getting irritated. Just in case the way she'd snarled at him just now hadn't tipped him off. He chuckled. "Trust me, you don't want to know. You won't like it."

"What else is new? I don't like most of the things that you have to say."

"Now that's not fair. You always appreciate my brilliant insights. And you didn't seem to mind too much when I told you that you looked pretty last week."

"I don't remember that," she said, shortly.

"Sure you do," he said, earnestly. "You'd been wearing your hair up that whole week but that day you came in with it loose. And you were wearing that dark red blouse and your favourite jeans-"

"You remember what I was wearing?" Lisbon cut across him incredulously, a little taken aback by the detail of his recollection. "And how do you know those are my favourite jeans?"

He shrugged. "You only ever wear them to work when you're feeling down and need a confidence boost."

She was speechless at this. She'd never told him that. Sometimes she was still surprised at how observant he was, even though he proved it with every case they undertook.

"Getting back to my original question," she said, before he could voice any of his other opinions concerning her. "What's interesting?"

"Are you sure you want to know?"

She glared at him.

"All right, all right. I just think it's interesting that even though you claim to hate this assignment, you just referred to this house we share together as 'home.' I think that part of you deep down is enjoying being fake-married to me."

The glare intensified.

He smirked. "Told you that you wouldn't like it."

She took a large bite of toast so she wouldn't have to speak for a minute. Once she'd swallowed it (taking as long as possible) she decided that a complete change of subject would be a good idea.

"You'll have to entertain yourself for the day. I'm going to the spa with Meg."

He raised an eyebrow, as though not sure whether to believe her or not, and then to her great surprise, he burst out laughing.

"You're going to a day spa? Seriously?"

"Oh shut up, Jane. It isn't that funny."

"Yes it is."

Lisbon glared at Jane over her slice of toast. Who knew that her plans for the day could be a cause of such hilarity? It wasn't like she was into all this self-pampering garbage, she'd only agreed to this trip for information, as well as a sense of duty to Meg. She'd been terrific yesterday. She explained all this to Jane but it didn't seem to be enough to quell the consultant's amusement about the whole thing.

'What is so funny?" she asked irritably, over the top of his chuckles. "I used that gift certificate Rigsby gave me for my birthday, didn't I?"

"Only because you didn't want to disappoint him. You hated the whole thing."

"I did not hate it, and anyway, it was a damn sight more practical than the pony a certain idiot decided to buy me!"

He waved a hand airily. "Oh the hell with practicality. I know my present was your favourite."

"I never said that."

"You didn't have to. As soon as you saw that pony, you just lit up. Enough said."

He smiled reminiscently at the memory. Seeing the pure joy on her face had made the gift worth every dime he'd spent on it. And that had been a lot of dimes.

"But now we're getting off the point," he said. " The reason I think you hate day spas so much, is that they combine two things that you are spectacularly bad at, making small talk with strangers, and sitting still for long periods of time."

"What a fascinating insight," she said sarcastically, crossing her arms over her chest. "Tell me more."

He grinned. "Why? You know all this already, you just won't admit it."

Abruptly, she stood up from the table. "I have to get ready," she said. "Meg will be here soon. Clean up the kitchen," she ordered.

He mock-saluted her. "Right away, my lady."

She shot him a withering look, and then swept out of the kitchen and back up the stairs. He could hear her cursing him with every step she took.

A car horn blared from outside and Jane paused in the kitchen cleanup as he heard her footsteps coming down the stairs again.

"See you later, Jane," she said, in the tone of voice she used when she wanted him to know she was still mad at him but didn't have time to yell.

He hurried to catch up with her as she reached the front door.

"What?" she snarled, turning around to face him. "I haven't got time for more of your crap, Meg's waiting for me."

He held both hands up in a gesture of surrender. "Easy tiger. I just wanted to remind you that under the terms of yesterday's compromise if you find out anything important, call me."

She rolled her eyes. "No Jane, I was just going to send my carrier pigeon instead."

He grinned. "Maybe while you're there you can get them to seaweed scrub this bad mood out of you."

"Don't count on it."

"Never do."

She pushed open the front door, but he caught her arm before she could walk outside.

"You're forgetting something."

"What?"

"You didn't say goodbye."

She didn't know what she'd been expecting but it certainly wasn't for him to lean over and kiss her cheek, and to linger there a lot longer than strictly necessary. And for her skin to burn where his lips had been. And she hadn't been prepared for the sudden wanting for him to kiss her again, preferably on the lips this time.

Maybe she didn't have to go right away. Just a few minutes more….

The car horn blared again.

"Come on you two lovebirds, knock it off!" came Meg's cheery voice through an open window. "Don't make me go get a bucket of cold water!"

Jane tore his eyes from Lisbon and shot Meg an apologetic smile. "She'll be with you in just a second," he called out. As he turned back to his 'wife' he lowered his voice to little more than a whisper.

"Gotta keep up the act," he said. "Good luck, and do me a favour and try to enjoy yourself if you can. You could benefit from relaxing a little. See you tonight."

She didn't realize that her arm was tingling until he let it go.

Lisbon could still feel her face burning as she got into the car.

"Looks like you two are back to normal," remarked Meg, smirking.

"Guess we are," said Lisbon, though it couldn't be further from the truth. This whole situation, however pleasant and exciting was anything but normal.

As the car pulled away, Jane congratulated himself on a job well done. At least this time they'd progressed to actual contact, and now all he had to do was convince her to let him kiss her where it actually counted.

He mustn't rush it. Baby steps were required.

It had to be planned carefully, with no potential distractions or interruptions, because he had a hunch that when he finally started kissing her, he wasn't going to want to stop.

Vicky Madress turned out to be a polite and friendly, if a little ditzy young woman who Lisbon spent most of the morning carefully questioning to see what information she could tease out. She learned that Sid Madress was currently out of town and that his wife knew neither where he was or when he'd be back. If Sid was in their drug ring, he certainly was playing his cards close to his chest.

She thought that if she had the chance to get Vicky in an interrogation room, then she probably would have gotten a lot more out of her. Giving people the runaround like this was much more Jane's department than hers, and it would look suspicious if she was asking too many questions.

Life was so much simpler when you had a badge.

Her cell phone rang, earning her a dirty look from the therapist, who had told them to turn off all electronic devices to avoid disturbing the chi. She'd then proceeded to give them a long-winded explanation about how cell phones shouldn't be used as they interfered with your chakra and prevented you from achieving inner peace.

Lisbon however, was fully prepared to put aside chakra health in favour of getting their case solved. Excusing herself, she slipped around a partition into another room to take the call.

"Hello?"

"Tessie, it's Nick. Why are you talking so quietly?"

"I'm at one of those stupid day spas. Sound carries for miles in here."

Nick chuckled. "A day spa? That's what the CBI counts as work?"

"Tough job I know, but someone has to do it."

"Right. Now the reason I called was because I've finished running those background checks you asked me to do. Everybody came back clean except a Megan Chiswick."

Lisbon's heart sank. Of course it would be just her luck that the person she liked best in this God-awful town would turn out to be a criminal.

"She had a minor drug conviction a few years back, just a possession charge," Nick went on. "She's fairly small-time, but I think she'd be worth talking to. I can get some people to track her down if you like."

"She's actually here with me right now," said Lisbon reluctantly.

"Perfect. Get back in there and see if you can girl-talk a confession out of her. With any luck this case could be done by the end of the day."

"Yeah right, I'll just go back and find a way to casually slip into the conversation that I'm an undercover cop who thinks that she's a drug dealer. Can't think of any way that plan could possibly go south."

Without bothering to say goodbye, she hung up the phone.

Back at the house, Jane was bored. It was all well and good for Lisbon, flitting about town like a little social butterfly, but he wasn't used to being left behind and frankly, he resented it.

As he passed the kitchen, he saw the keys to the Suburban lying on the counter. Usually, Lisbon would rather chop her own foot off then let him drive it, but she wasn't here now, was she? And they weren't going to get this solved with him sitting around the house like some trophy husband.

Impulsively he grabbed the keys and walked out the door. Even though it was mid-afternoon on a Sunday, he thought he might go for a drink.

Lisbon came back around the partition to find Meg eyeing her curiously as a therapist darted around her, fussing with her nails.

"Will?" she enquired.

"Yeah," Lisbon lied. "Just checking in."

Meg smiled. "You're so lucky, having someone who cares about where you are all the time. My last boyfriend wouldn't have noticed if I was gone for a week, at least until the dirty laundry started piling up."

Lisbon laughed at that as she made her way back into her chair. She had to repress the urge to slap away the therapist's hand as the woman seized her left hand and began filing her nails with great vigour.

"Sid's in and out so much it's like being married to a ghost," piped up Vicky from her seat across from them. "I've given up asking him where he goes because the only answer I ever get is 'don't worry about it, honey,'"

"Ah, men," said Meg, closing her eyes. "Can't live with them, can't live without them."

Lisbon thought about that in the silence that followed. In their normal life, Patrick Jane found every conceivable way to drive her up the wall, and it was considerably awkward to now have to share a house with him and their buzzing sexual tension. But then she tried to picture her life without him in it. Sure, her professional standing could only be improved but honestly, things would be a lot less fun without him around. Of course, there was nothing enjoyable about investigating the deaths of human beings, but you had to find some way to shut yourself off from the sadness of it all or it would consume you. And Jane, with his crazy stunts and silly little presents and bright smile, gave her that.

Couldn't live with him, couldn't live without him.

A few hours later, Lisbon sat in the front seat as Meg drove her back to the house she shared with 'husband'/consultant. It was just the two of them in the car as Vicky had driven herself. It was the perfect time to ask Meg a few questions, especially since they were stuck in traffic, and likely to remain so for a while.

"I just realized, I always complain to you about Will, but I've never bothered to ask you about your boyfriend."

Meg gave a short laugh. "There's not much to tell, since there isn't one at the moment. Because you see, I'm never smart enough to fall for a good guy like Will. I have the classic female shortcoming of always going for bad boys."

Lisbon snorted at this rather optimistic notion of Jane. He might appear like the quintessential good guy, but she knew it was only because he took care to keep his dark side well-hidden from the rest of the world.

"You'd think by now I'd know better," Meg went on. "But it's always the same, I just get caught up in the romance of it all and in the end it always comes back to bite me on the ass."

"Really?"

Lisbon marvelled at the fact that anybody could be so open and truthful about their life to someone who was more or less a complete stranger. This was obviously what happened when you had an easy, loving upbringing and hadn't developed serious trust issues at the age of twelve.

"Well one of them turned out to be married, and another is currently doing time for kiting cheques. And of course there was Greg Gould who I've got to thank for giving me a criminal record."

Lisbon listened with keen interest. Perhaps this would explain the drug charge on Meg's background check.

"It was about three years ago now. One of my friends begged me to go on this double date with her, which turned out to be a disaster for her, but Greg I got on all right so we swapped phone numbers and he called me a few weeks later. We hadn't even been dating for that long when we were stopped on the street by a cop and he asked me to hand over my bag. You can imagine my surprise when a baggie full of weed came out of it. Greg that bastard, had slipped it in there without me knowing about it."

"Did you tell the cop that?"

"Of course I did, but you know, think like a cop for a second. Would you have believed me?"

"Probably not," said Lisbon. How many times had she seen drug dealers use the old 'it's not mine, and I don't even know where it came from' excuse?

"Exactly. So, needless to say the relationship was over after that little incident. I heard that he's moved on to dealing the harder stuff now and he's still using his poor unknowing girlfriends as his drug mules. Guess I should feel lucky I got out when I did."

There was a pause in conversation as Meg negotiated a heavily-congested intersection.

"Really Rach," she said once they had cleared it. "I don't think you know just how lucky you are. I mean, I only met Will for a few minutes but I could tell right away that the man worships the ground you walk on. I'd give anything to have someone look at me the way he looks at you."

Lisbon was saved from answering when they turned into her street and pulled up in front of the house.

"Looks like Will's gone out," said Meg.

Lisbon quickly turned to look at the driveway. The empty driveway.

"Son of a bitch," she muttered under her breath.

"Something wrong?"

"Oh no," she said in an unconvincing voice as she unfastened her seatbelt. "Everything's fine."

"OK," said Meg, doubtfully. "I'll call you sometime this week and we can do lunch or something."

"Sure," said Lisbon, forcing a smile. "See you later."

She'd barely walked two steps into the house when she dragged her cell phone out of her pocket and speed-dialled Jane. She had all the team's cell numbers programmed into her phone but Jane's was right at the top. None of the others were as prone to disappearing as he was, and on the rare occasion that they did, it was a safe bet that the consultant would be behind it.

"Yes, my dove?" his cheery voice came through the phone once the call connected. She could hear a rumble of voices and laughter in the background, along with glasses clinking and some faint music.

"Jane, where the hell is my car?"

"I got bored. So I borrowed it."

"Stole it, more like."

"You say potato…"

"I'll tell you what I say," she growled at him. "I say that if you don't walk in this door in half an hour with my car in perfect condition, you're going to find out exactly how many household objects can be used as a deadly weapon."

"You make a good argument, my dear." There was a bumping sound as she guessed he put the phone down on the table.

"Deal me out of this hand," she heard him say. "My better half wants me home ASAP."

"Thank God for that," she heard a slightly muffled male voice say. "You've just about cleaned me out. "

There were several murmurs of agreement.

"We'll have to play again someday," she heard Jane's voice say. "But in the meantime, I believe you gentlemen owe me some money."

Lisbon couldn't help feeling a bit sorry for Jane's unseen companions as they all grumbled amongst themselves. They could have had no idea that the harmless-looking blonde guy that they had encountered was about to swindle them out of every cent that they had. Such was the danger of underestimating Patrick Jane.

"You've been gambling," she said as the phone was picked up again.

"Correction. I've been winning. Oh thanks, Martin…" She imagined her consultant sitting there holding a thick wad of cash, just like in Vegas. "See you soon, hon," he said and the phone line went dead.

I'm not thrilled about this chapter, but I figured it was better than no chapter at all. And it has been a couple of weeks since the last update. I hope you enjoyed it.