A/N: Well, I must now apologise profusely, as I had told some people that I would try to update sooner, and it actually ended up later... Sorry (she says profusely). BUT, the up side is that this chapter is much longer than the previous, which was a little pathetic at less than four pages, whereas this one is just over 5 pages. :D Hope y'all enjoy :)

Chapter 9. Screwed Up.

'Where is she?' he snapped.

'Who?' I replied shakily, staring at the gun pointed at my chest.

'You know. Now tell me where she is!'

'Kristina?'

His lip curled softly, and he nodded curtly, searching the room from his spot, as if I was holding her hostage.

'We've got her. She's safe, Jane. Please...put down the gun.'

His eyes snapped back to mine. 'That's what you'd like me to do, isn't it?'

'I would appreciate it,' I murmured softly.

He smirked, leant forward slightly, and whispered in my ear, 'No.'

I felt sick as he moved back again, looking down at me with a smirk which might have been mischievous if it weren't for the gun in his hand.

'Jane, seriously. Stop messing around. You've already got me ok. I'm scared. Just please stop.'

'I can't stop, Lisbon.'

Reluctantly, my grip tightened around my own gun with both hands, but it didn't go unnoticed.

'...You gonna shoot me, Lisbon?'

'I don't know. You gonna shoot me?'

'Maybe.'

'Why?'

His brow furrowed again, but more angrily this time. '...Because you interfered!'

'With what?' I asked, adjusting my grip around my glock.

'You...you messed up my head Lisbon!'

'How?' I tried to stay as calm as possible, looking up into Jane's frenzied, confused, angry face, while always keeping an eye on that brandishing gun he held.

'I was weak...vulnerable...and...you messed up my head!'

'Jane...I don't understand...'

'You wouldn't, would you?'

'Help me, Jane. Please. Help me understand what's going on here!'

He swung his gaze around the room in frustration, the gun threatening my stomach.

'You know what you did. You know what you did when you followed me home!'

'Is this about the...?'

'Bullseye, Lisbon. Bingo.'

'Jane, you know that wasn't me. It was you!'

He snorted with laughter. 'Don't try and shift the blame. You were there. You shouldn't have been!'

'I was doing what any good friend would have done! What anyone who cared would have done!'

I was beginning to feel stressed, upset. This wasn't my fault, and whatever had happened to Jane whilst he had been gone had made him think that it was. Whatever had happened was making him wave a gun at me like a crazed man.

I wasn't going to lie. I was scared. Jane, no matter how frustrating and troublesome he could be, was one of my best friends, he was family, and Red John had messed with his head again. He had a gun in his hand for god's sake. I could still remember his face, the way he threw away that shotgun that he'd shot Sheriff Hardy with, with such fear. This side of Jane was frightening me. This wasn't even Jane. I was silently wishing, over and over again, that we would be able to reverse the effect that Red John had had on him, whatever that was. I just had to somehow get out of this situation...

Jane looked down at me like what I had said had struck a chord, made him realise something. His expression was more of bitterness now.

'I didn't need anyone... I was fine.'

'You and I both know that's not true. We all need someone, Jane.'

He didn't reply, only looked at me. I could see his handgrip loosen slightly around the gun. I was weakening his defences.

'Now...you gonna give me that gun?'

Jane's gaze flickered down to the weapon he had hold of. I saw his hand twitch towards me, internally debating whether to give it up or not. I swallowed, moving my own hand forward just a little.

Then something reversed in Jane's head, and he held the gun back.

'No... stop it! You're playing with my head again!'

He drew it up with both hands, pointing it right between my eyes. I clenched my jaw. I swore internally.

'Jane, please,' I murmured, 'I don't know what Red John's done to you, but you're not thinking straight. You would never pick up a gun unless you desperately needed to!'

'Be quiet! Red John hasn't done anything, it's only you!'

I groaned softly before I ducked underneath the gun and behind Jane to send my elbow crashing into his back, making him stumble forwards. I ran for the door, grappling my keys on the way out and sprinting as fast as I could, ignoring the cold on my skin. As I ran along the balcony and down the stairs, I heard a shot fire off behind me. I ducked as the plaster on the wall ahead crumbled with the impact of the bullet. My heart was racing, the continuous rhythm pounding an ache into my head.

The stairs seemed to be so much longer now, and it was hard to believe that they would ever end. But soon enough I was stumbling across the car park, my hair whipping across my face as I sent hurried glances behind me, seeing Jane round the stair rail and begin running towards me. The rough concrete was sharp against my bare feet, sending spikes of pain up my legs, but I could barely register it. Adrenaline was pumping through my veins, replacing the fear that had taken hold earlier. I shoved the key into the car door, cursing as it slipped a few times. Eventually, the door swung open and I clambered in, Jane just a couple of meters away from the rear bumper.

The engine grumbled as I brought it to life, as if I'd awakened it too early from its night of rest. I slammed the SUV into reverse, sending it flying backwards out of its space. I cringed as I clipped Jane on the way back, and I couldn't help a glance in the rear view mirror to check if he was ok. I let out a sigh of relief as he clambered up from the floor unhurt.

I took my gaze back to the road ahead, my breathing heavy in my throat. Slamming my head back into the head rest, I gritted my teeth, blocking off the watering in my eyes. I leant over and dropped open the glove compartment, pulling out the cell phone I always had in the SUV. Finding Cho's number I lifted the phone to my ear and looked back at the road again. Barely any light still existed apart from the SUV head lights, casting a ghostly glow across the concrete. The stars twinkled softly amongst the darkness in the sky. It would have been a beautiful night if I had the time to admire it, but right now, I had to call Cho.

I watched as the SUV drove out of the parking lot, away from me. I sunk to the ground, scrunching my eyes tight shut and throwing the gun across the concrete. My head throbbed like something was battling to escape from its walls. My eyes stung with tears, moisture squeezing from between my lids. My fingers threaded through my hair, scrunching it up in tight fistfuls. I cried out. The pain was unbearable. It felt like the left side of my brain was battling the right side, like there was a second, suppressed consciousness trying to break through. There was a voice in my head, so quiet and muffled that I couldn't properly make out what it was trying to say.

I slowly, painfully pulled myself up, my bleary eyes searching the surroundings while my hand still clutched the side of my head. I began to stumble back towards her apartment, leaving the gun behind.

'Cho!' I cried with relief.

'Boss?'

'I found Jane,' I grimaced.

'Where?'

'He dropped by my apartment.'

'What happened?'

'Uh...he tried to shoot me.' I tried to laugh about it, but I couldn't. I was too worried...or scared...or I didn't know.

'Are you alright?'

I heard worry lacing his speech and I found it strange how Cho didn't question why Jane would shoot at me, or what had happened to him, only whether I was ok.

'Yeah, I'm fine. I don't know where he is now though.'

'Where are you?'

'In the SUV, I'm going back to CBI, ok? Meet me there?'

'Sure...shall I call the others?'

'Yeah, tell them to get to headquarters too.'

'Ok.'

Cho hung up, leaving me alone in the SUV again. The adrenaline was still pumping through my veins, and my heartbeat was only just beginning to settle. I brought both hands to the steering wheel and took in a deep breath. I focused on the darkness ahead of me, every so often illuminated with another traveller. I began to wonder where Jane would go now. Would he return to Red John? Wait for me at the apartment? Try to follow me? I found myself checking over my shoulder every so often, searching for a pair of headlights that were following me. But none were there.

I rolled my shoulder, exercising the arm and elbow that had shoved Jane so roughly. It ached and panged, and I hoped it hadn't hurt him too much, but being gentle hadn't been an option with a Jane so changed that he could fire bullets after me. I could still hear the faint echo of the bullets pummelling plaster. I cursed Red John. I couldn't even think of why he was doing this to our team; to Jane and I, other than one big game. Maybe it had some deeper meaning, or maybe it was an attempt to break down our relationships; make us weaker. I didn't know, but I just wanted everything back to relative normality again. I didn't want to dare think what Jane would feel after all this had passed...if it did...if we ever sorted him out again. I found my foot pressing harder on the accelerator as the CBI got closer and closer.

I pulled a fresh black vest top and slacks from my locker at the headquarters. I felt cold and vulnerable in my oversized shirt. Quickly putting the new clothes on, depositing my football shirt in my locker and grabbing a spare jacket from the hangar inside, I walked out, pulling the jacket on as I went. I started to think of plans. Not for my own protection, but to find Jane again. The last thing I wanted to happen was that he ended up back with Red John, where he was vulnerable again. I hoped that he would actually have gone back to my apartment to wait for me, even if he was trying to kill me.

How did Red John even know about what had happened at the Jane's house? The plan had been at work long before that had ever happened... Or maybe it was Red John's plan to turn Jane on someone in the team. Maybe he'd somehow found out and used it to enhance his plan; turned those feelings around into hatred. I shook my head silently. This was a dangerous game, and I'd started to wish that I had never let Jane go inside that Police Department alone. Even if Red John had taken me, or whoever else in the process, at least there would have been someone with him. Maybe they could have stopped this all before Jane was brainwashed...or hypnotised...or whatever the hell had happened to him.

I found myself striding into the bullpen pretty soon, the few lights now on casting ghostly shadows behind desks and furniture. I didn't let my eyes venture to Jane's corner. I dug my hands deep into my pockets. All three of my agents were there. If my consultant was there, right as rain, we wouldn't need to be here at all, and I wouldn't need to be awkwardly stood among three sets of prying eyes.

'What happened?' Van Pelt asked worriedly.

'Well...Jane showed up.'

'What? Where? Is he ok?'

'Not exactly... He picked my lock and pointed a gun at me.'

'What?'

'Are you alright?' Rigsby asked, looking a little unsettled, 'How did you escape?'

'That doesn't matter,' I replied, subconsciously rolling my shoulder, 'What matters is that we need to find him soon, before he gets back to Red John or something.'

'So...he's been hypnotised then?'

Van Pelt looked a little scared at the prospect of Jane threatening one of us with a gun.

'Quite possibly,' I answered.

'But...how? We've all been around Jane long enough to learn that you can't hypnotise someone against their will...right?'

'I don't know...but Red John obviously succeeded, which either means he's far skilled than we think, or he did something that stopped Jane from retaliating...physically and mentally.'

Van Pelt looked agitated now. Her expression was full of worry. 'Poor Jane...' she murmured, 'Imagine what he's going to be like when he realises what he's been forced to do...'

I swallowed, looking down at the floor. When I looked back up, Rigsby was gently rubbing Van Pelt's arm, soothing her unease.

'Do you think Jane's still at your apartment?' Cho asked.

'I don't know.'

Rigsby switched gazes from the youngest agent to me, 'It's worth a look. If we can find him and get him here safe, we can fix him right?'

I nodded once, pushing my hands further into my pockets. None of us seemed to move for a moment, and I felt Cho's hand on my shoulder.

'Are you ok?'

I stared up at him, considering all the things I could say.

No, I didn't ever expect to find one of the people who I care about most pointing a gun at me.

No, I'm scared.

No, I'm worrying about whether we'll be able to get Jane back.

No, I'm worried that if we do get him back, he might finally break.

'...Yeah, I'm fine. Let's go.'

Cho simply seemed to examine my face for a moment, before gently nodding in the direction of the elevator. Rigsby and Van Pelt soon followed. We were all worried sick about Jane, in our own ways. I think we all were wondering what it would be like facing off to a Jane who was a stranger to us all, and whether we would be able to change him back completely. It was a solemn, silent walk to the elevator, and on the way down, there was a thick, uncomfortable atmosphere.

I closed my eyes on the journey, soothing the stinging tiredness that I realised now existed. The back of my lids were like a cinema screen, playing out the events that had happened at my apartment over and over again like a broken video until the soft ping of the elevator brought me back to the headquarters. I let out a long exhaling breath, blowing through my slightly parted lips.

Once in the car park, we all made our way towards the van. I folded my arms tightly across my chest, in some dismal attempt to bar the late night cold from sending shivers through me. Cho unlocked the doors, and I climbed into the passenger seat. The engine grumbled as he flicked the key in the ignition, and soon we were out on the road. I was lost in space, staring out beyond the road in front of us. The warm orangey glow of the street lights spotted the road, the van running them over every couple of seconds. The continuous, smooth flashes of light were hypnotic. A few minutes later, my eyes refocused and I looked in the corner of my eye at Cho in the driver's seat.

'I want to go in first,' I broke the silence.

Cho looked over at me briefly.

'Are you sure that's a good idea?' Rigsby asked from behind.

I didn't reply, only switched my absent gaze to the car window. I ignored any attempts to change my mind. If he was there, and by any chance he could remember any of the things he felt from a few nights ago, I might just have a chance to calm him. Surely there would be more of a sensitive connection between he and I, than any of the others.

Edging across the car park outside my apartment building, I could see my door on the second floor still wide open where it had been left from before. I took deep, calming breaths as my feet shuffled across the concrete. My eyes trained on the door above, I didn't take the time to notice a disposed gun on the ground in front of me until my right foot collided with it and sent it skidding a little further away. My gaze switched to the weapon I recognised as the one Jane had had. My eyebrows creased for just a moment before I quickly crouched down and scooped it up. Why was it here? Did he drop it while he left? Was he coming back for it? Or had he thrown it away? I flicked the safety catch and carefully tucked the gun into the back of my waistband, progressing towards the stairs again.

With the team behind me, I climbed the two flights of stairs, casting a brief look over the bullet hole in the plastered wall that I'd seen so many times since it had actually happened. I could now see the glow of my apartment's lights leaking onto the balcony I was stood on, just a few metres away. My heart was pounding again. A swift night breeze came whistling through the bars of the rail beside me, and I shivered softly, cold tingling in my limbs. I looked briefly behind me, checking that the team was still there.

Slowly, I began to creep along the expanse of concrete balcony. I stopped just shy of the door, carefully edging my vision around the door frame. I couldn't see any activity so far, at least not in the main room. I nodded back at the team and slid into the room silently. The apartment was silent. I motioned for the team to stay downstairs and check the kitchen, while I went upstairs to search bedroom and bathroom. Alone now, I carefully pushed into the bedroom after having looked in the bathroom. I didn't know why Jane would be up here if he had still been around. But I checked all the same, only to find the room undisturbed, and Jane-less.

I regrouped with the team down in the main room.

'He's not here,' I sighed. I cast a hopeless glance around the room, frustrated that we hadn't got back in time. But that was when I saw the book laid open on the table. Jane's book. The one I had stuffed beneath the cushions. I frowned as I stepped forward.

'What is it, boss?' Rigsby asked.

I examined the pages on which the book was open.

My breathing quickly stepped up several paces again.

Lisbon.

It was the page that I hadn't been able to read. I cautiously took up the book on my hand and began to read it, realising that Jane must have seen and read it too.

Lisbon, I can't say I understand, but last night, I didn't dream of my family. I didn't dream of Red John, I didn't dream about a single thing to do with my personal pains...I could only think of you...what happened between us the evening before. That's the first night that I've ever been able to dream on anything else. One day I'll apologise for putting us in this situation, but I can't remember ever feeling so much love for someone since Angela. I couldn't deny the appreciation I felt for what you said to me...

I don't know what this means for us in the future. I hope there'll be nothing awkward between us. If you're ever not there, I don't know what I'd do. I know I've been drifting away lately, and I hope you understand that it was only for your protection. My past doesn't allow me to get close...but now, I think I've got myself too deep to climb back out again.

But hell, why am I even writing this? It's like I'm talking to you, but in a book. It's not as if you'll ever read this...

Well, at least if I ever tell you any of this, I'll have a prepared speech.