A/N: Wow, it's been a while. Well, I guess I got distracted by my new Buffy video collection, making a plushie for a birthday, making a Walter Mashburn plushie... ah well. Enjoy!

P.S. The changed the name of the last chapter, because I decided that Sink or Swim? better suited this chapter. The last chapter is now called The Good Doctor Lisbon.

Chapter 16. Sink or Swim?

My heart almost stopped. The voice behind me had changed. It wasn't a voice at war with itself. It wasn't a voice scared of itself. It was Jane. Just Jane. I could barely gather the courage to turn round, just in case I was dreaming.

'Lisbon?' I heard him repeat.

I suddenly felt overwhelmed with happiness, and I spun on the spot, dashing back to the man who had barely stood up before I had enveloped him in a tight hug. I squeezed my eyes tight shut, a wide smile spreading on my face as I held him. I couldn't seem to hold him close enough to satisfy the pang of need that I felt tugging at my heart strings.

'Uh...Lisbon...are you ok?'

I felt his hand patting my back awkwardly, but when he caught on that I wasn't going to let go any time soon, both his arms wrapped around me carefully. I breathed out a sigh of relief, feeling moisture build up behind my eyelids.

'I'm so glad you're back,' I murmured.

'...I went somewhere?'

'You have no idea how far away you went.'

'I really don't.'

'I missed you.'

I knew I was confusing him, but I didn't care. I was far too happy that he was back, and right now, I didn't want to have to explain anything. I just wanted to hold him and make sure he didn't go anywhere else for a long time.

It felt like an eternity had passed when I stepped back, but at the same time, it felt too soon.

'So...you going to tell me what's going on?'

'Come back upstairs. You want a cup of tea? I'll get you a cup of tea. Then we'll talk about it, ok?'

'...Ok,' Jane replied, clearly still confused, but he followed anyway, 'Wouldn't mind some paracetamol with that... my head's killing me.'

'Sure.' I smiled softly.

'Thanks...' Jane murmured as I pushed the tea cup in front of him, along with a couple paracetamol on the saucer. I settled in the chair across the table from him and watched as he carefully lifted the pills to his lips and swallowed them down with a sip of tea. I shifted uncomfortably as he placed the cup down again and lifted his gaze to mine.

'Uh...' I started slowly, 'Do you remember anything?'

'I... don't know. What am I supposed to remember?'

'What happened to you? Do you remember going into the old police station a couple days ago?'

He hesitated for a moment, his expression contorted with concentration, '...You were scared... I... I kissed you on the cheek...'

My cheek suddenly burned, as if remembering the contact of his lips on my skin.

'Yeah, you did...'

'But... I don't remember anything afterwards. Lisbon... what happened to me?'

I could see a fear in his eyes that I wasn't used to seeing. I tried to figure out the best ways of telling him - the best ways to put it. I sighed, looking down at my hands on the table surface briefly. 'I don't know exactly what happened inside, but we know that Red John... he kidnapped you. He took you away before we could stop him.'

Jane's jaw clenched, and his gaze ventured elsewhere as the words sank in.

'We believe he hypnotised you to try and get you to carry out his purposes.'

'He hyp-' he paused, 'Wait... what purposes?'

I swallowed nervously. We'd reached the point which I didn't want to have to reach. I had no idea how Jane would react to learning of his actions. If he took it badly, I wasn't sure what would happen, and I wasn't sure I wanted to cause anything to go wrong.

'Lisbon,' he prompted anxiously, 'What purposes?'

'Uh...' I began, taking a deep breath, 'It seems he wanted you to kill me.'

He simply stared at me for a while, and I couldn't read his expression.

'I didn't hurt you did I?'

'No, you didn't,' I told him quickly, 'I'm fine.'

'You sure?'

'Yeah, I'm sure, don't worry,' I replied. I almost joked about dodging his bullets, but I stopped myself, not wanting to make him worry even more.

'What did I do?'

'You were gone for a couple of days after Red John took you, and then you came to my apartment one evening brandishing a gun... but you know what the weird thing was? You were banging at the door, I didn't know it was you, and I accidentally managed to call you when I was trying to get hold of one of the guys. I was about to cancel the call when there was ringing from outside the door,' I laughed softly, looking down at my hands again, 'You scared the crap out of me.'

Jane seemed to be watching the gentle ripples in his tea as he twisted the cup round on the saucer, causing a soft squeaking noise to emit from the ceramic pieces.

'So... if that was one evening, what's happened since then?'

I swallowed again, 'I got away from the apartment... uh... if your back's hurting at all... sorry.'

When Jane gave me a look of confusion, I continued, 'I may have elbowed you in the back to get away... so... sorry about that. But I drove here to get the team. When we got back, you had disappeared. All we could do was wait for you to show up again. We were worried that you'd gone back to Red John.'

I brought my hand up to scratch the back of my neck. The next part was the more difficult part; I planned to tiptoe around it as carefully as possible. Blowing out a stream of air through my lips, I carried on.

'It was another two days or so until you showed up again. I went back to the apartment to get some rest, and you were there, waiting for me.'

'What happened? I didn't try to hurt you again did I?'

'No... no you didn't...' I replied. 'Quite the opposite,' I told myself.

I watched Lisbon as she momentarily seemed to drift off into an alternate universe. I tried to read the expression on her face; tried to decipher the smaller meanings in the drifting of her gaze. But the paracetamol still hadn't kicked in and my head was throbbing far too much to be able to concentrate. The moment only lasted for a couple of seconds before she was looking at me again, mentally collecting herself together once more.

But it was then, when our eyes connected again, that my head gave a violent throb, my ears ringing with the sound of a gunshot, and I was stood inside a blurry, greyish landscape. Nothing could be identified at first, and I didn't know where my mind was taking me, but soon, I was watching two unfocused figures come into existence, running away from me. One held a gun out as they ran, sending a bullet slamming into a wall ahead, just as the other ducked their head down a flight of stairs. The scene flickered and I was watching the gun-wielding figure stumble slightly down the final steps of the staircase, into a wide stretch of nothing. Again, the image jolted and jumped until I was seeing a figure kneeling on the ground, their head in their hands.

The sound of screeching tyres was somewhere in the background, but I couldn't see a car. Only the figure was visible. I saw their hand lift momentarily, throwing a gun away to their far side before it returned to clutch at their hair. It was a little while later when they slowly began to pick themselves up from the floor on unstable legs. I didn't recognise the man for a moment, until his face formed and his features became visible. Then I realised it was me, stood alone, my face contorted with pain.

I watched as I stumbled past the discarded gun, towards a building in the background that I couldn't quite make out. I guessed it was Lisbon's apartment, from what she had been telling me, the tyres screeching being her SUV as she escaped. Slowly, my figure moved forward, but it suddenly went blank. My memory seemed to have faltered as I was brought back to the soft lights in the break room. I could hear Lisbon calling my name, and as my eyes focused back onto reality, I found myself staring into her eyes. She was looking at me worriedly, her fingers stretching across the table surface towards me.

'I... I shot at you?'

Her brow creased as her hand pulled back, 'You remembered?'

'I was chasing you. I fired at you,' I said, my throat feeling parched and dry.

'Well, yeah... but I'm fine, I promise. No bullet holes,' she replied. I could see she was trying to cover up and move on quickly; trying to reduce any emotional pressure it might put on me. I was touched, I really was, but it wasn't helping to untangle the horrible knots in my stomach, tightening every time that shot resounded in my ears. My head was a jumble of pain and mixed up thoughts right now, but I could still just about remember what we had shared before I had disappeared into the police station. I was scared that I had caused pain to her now, and she wasn't going to tell me because she wanted to protect me. She tried to reassure me again as I watched her face, trying to figure out what she was hiding from me.

'What happened at the apartment?' I repeated.

She must have seen the seriousness in my expression, in my tone of voice, because her gaze seemed to fix more fully on mine now. I saw her swallow nervously, like I was intimidating her with my stare, and I really didn't mean to, but I just wanted the truth. The whole truth. I wanted to make sure that I hadn't done anything stupid or offensive towards her.

It was when she shifted uncomfortably, squirming under the pressure, that I wished I hadn't pressed her. I would probably remember what had happened in the end anyway, and she didn't seem to like the idea of bringing whatever it was forward. I looked down at my tea briefly, feeling the need for a drink to soothe the dryness in my throat, but it didn't feel like the right moment to make much movement. Awkward silences were horrible places to be. But the awkwardness faded a little in favour of curiousness when I looked up once more and saw a slight pink building in her cheeks as she looked down at the table top. I tilted my head to the side slightly, my brows knitting together as I studied her expression.

'Lisbon? What happened?'

'Look, please don't get mad when I tell you this, because I did it to try and find out whether there were any clues to where you might have gone... and I was curious as to what you always did in that hidey-hole of yours...'

She paused for a moment, gauging my reaction.

'When you had been taken, I went up to your attic - I don't know why. I guess I just wanted to think. But it was when I was about to leave that I saw your book on your pillow, and I just wanted to know what was inside it. I'm sorry...'

I suddenly remembered the extra thing I'd written in the final pages of that book before I'd gone to the police station, and my pulse raised... I could feel it in my chest - a heavy pounding.

'I took it home so I could read it. I wish I hadn't taken it... but I guess things would have gone very differently if I hadn't. I'd hidden it under a cushion on the couch when you started banging at the door, and I think you somehow found it when I left. Because it was open on the table when I came back, on the last pages. I hadn't got to read that bit before you'd come knocking. But I read it, and I realised you must have read it too...'

She took a deep breath, a break, and I took a quick sip of tea, staring at the centre of the table as her voice filled the air once more.

'So something must have been triggered in your head, because when I saw you again... you didn't try to attack me...'

From the trailing off of Lisbon's voice, my gaze was pulled back up again to find her picking at a slight defect in the surface of the table. She stopped after a while and her eyes flickered briefly to mine.

'Jane...'

'...What?' I answered, awaiting an answer nervously, my stomach filling with the fluttering of a thousand butterflies as she paused for far too long.

'You were waiting in my room for me and... uh... you... you might have kissed me.'

The last five words came out in a flurry, and as I registered them, one by one, I withdrew from the table slightly. 'Wha...' I stopped, and tried again, '...What?'

I shook my head a little. 'I might have?'

'Well... I say might...' She looked up at my speechless face before continuing, 'I'm sorry... I let it go on for far longer than I should have...'

'...How long?'

We both shared a look for about five seconds before she hurriedly confirmed that it hadn't gone that far.

'We uh... we did get to the bed, but you were in handcuffs before much longer.'

'...Handcuffs... right...'

'Yeah...'

I cleared my throat after a momentary silence. 'Uhh, I'm gonna go...' I pointed over my shoulder as I pushed my chair back, 'Think.'

I let myself sink down onto the chair in the attic, my eyes still slightly wider than usual, my brain still stumbling over the things that Lisbon had just told me. While I'd managed to remember a little bit more of what happened, I still hadn't got as far as that. I was trying to urge my brain on, trying to get it to remember... or was that just what I wanted to do while in reality, I was still glazed over? I couldn't tell, but I suddenly remembered my book. I quickly got up and sped towards it, gathering it up and getting back to my chair, flicking through to the pages at the back at the same time. I read, hoping that it might trigger some sort of memory or feeling that would help me recall.

I swallowed down nervously, telling myself that Lisbon had read this too. She now knew how I felt about her, and while the very first feeling I'd had when she told me was a slight anger towards the idea that she'd taken my book, the idea that we had kissed was washing it all away. Was I happy that we'd kissed? Was I scared? Was I frustrated that I'd done it when I couldn't think for myself properly? All these questions were buzzing around my head, and I wasn't sure which emotions to feel first.

It was then that my mind suddenly demisted a little more, and I found myself stood in a darkened bedroom, hidden away in the shadows. There was a short and low creaking noise as the hinges of the door opposite me began to move, and light trickled in from a lamp somewhere beyond the door frame. A figure stepped into the room; Lisbon. She came to a halt, looking around the room until her eyes fixed on me. She called out to me, unsure. I didn't reply. I moved forward, taking her wrists in my hands as I pushed her up against the wall.

Physically, my breathing hastened as I remembered more; as I watched my memories out like a movie. I began to feel it again; the excitement that had been buzzing through me as I had leant down and begun to run my lips over Lisbon's exposed neck. Before long, I was at her lips, working over them as I ran my hands down her sides. Her hands had begun to move up, circling round and clutching at the hair at the base of my neck. Feelings that I hadn't had in a long time were circling inside me as my brain played out the images that were now clear to me. Desire, passion, lust. I felt my fingers twitch slightly as I remembered the feel of Lisbon underneath them.

I was soon carrying Lisbon to the bed, placing her down and climbing on top of her, refusing to let my lips part with her flesh for more than a couple of seconds at a time. My hands pushed her shirt up, running across the bare skin of her stomach as my lips began to trail kisses across the expanse from navel to just below her bra. I suddenly heard the jingle of handcuffs, and the screen was blank again.

I snapped open my eyes, my breathing heavy and my body shaking. I picked myself up off the chair and ran my hand through my hair, pacing back and forth, the feelings still circling, and the images still echoing in my head. I couldn't tell whether this had made things more complicated, or whether it had helped us to tell each other what we felt, because I knew I would have tiptoed around it for as long as possible, unsure of what to do, or whether I felt ready to take a step in the right direction for once.

I must have paced for at least five minutes before I swerved from my trodden line and towards the door. Don't ask me what I was doing; I wasn't quite sure myself. I just knew that I wanted to see Lisbon again. I hadn't quite got as far as planning what I was going to say.

I was soon back down on the right floor, just outside the bullpen as I scanned for signs of Lisbon. I quickly found her in the break room, stood at the sink, filling a glass with water from the tap. I watched her take a sip, oblivious to me stood just outside the entrance. I paused for just a few seconds before stepping in. I moved silently behind her, her fallen hair preventing her from seeing me. I gently took her arm in my hand, feeling her jump slightly at my touch. She span quickly to face me.

'Jane! Sorry... I didn't hear you come in.'

'That was my intention.'

A slight look of confusion crossed her features as she looked up into my eyes. I lifted my hands to rest either side of her neck, and slowly leant downwards, bringing my lips to hers. It was a simple lingering contact, and when I broke away, I knew that I wanted more, but I didn't want to move too fast. I waited for Lisbon's eyes to open again.

'I think I'm glad about what happened the night you caught me Lisbon.'

'Really?'

'If I'd been left to it, I would have found it hard to tell you how I feel about you... but what happened, with the book, and the kiss... it makes it easier, because it's like the first steps have already happened.'

I let my hands travel along her shoulders and down her arms, slipping round her waist.

'So... you're ok with it then?'

'Lisbon?'

'Yeah?'

'I love you.'

I leant down to her again, our lips meshing once more as her hands looped around my neck. It felt like I was going to burst with happiness, excitement, love, as I pulled Lisbon closer to me, the taste of her lips giving me tingles from head to toe. It was this moment when I realised how long it really was that I had wanted to do this.

Suddenly, the sound of a throat clearing somewhere behind me made me pull away abruptly and quickly sweep a hand through my hair. I turned.

Cho was leaning against the wall at the entrance to the break room, evidently trying his best to hide a smirk that was dying to light up his lips.

'Hey Jane.'

'Cho.'

'You're ok?'

'Yeah, yeah I'm fine.'

'Found the trigger then?'

Lisbon nodded when I looked her way.

'Good... what was it, out of interest?'

'Uh... a tap on the forehead.'

I looked at Lisbon quizzically.

'By tap, you mean kiss?' Cho replied.

'That too.'

Cho nodded. 'Good. Good to see your back, Jane.'

I nodded.

Cho smirked. 'So... I guess I'll be off for the night then.'

'Night, Cho.'

'Night.'