Chapter 7 – Dashed hopes

Note:

Thanks for the reviews to the last chapter!

I know some people are following my other stories as well and are probably waiting for the update to another story, rather than this one. But this one was really due first. But my next update will most likely be WWA.

The next night, Angel and Buffy went to see the Oracles. As a present Angel had given them a very old and particularly valuable piece of jewelry, hoping that it would please them and make them less inclined to refuse their request.

"We can't help you."

"You can't or you won't?" Buffy asked, trying to keep her temper in check.

"Even if we could help, the problem will solve itself one day."

"One day? When?" Angel asked. Would it still be in Buffy's lifetime?

"It will take its course."

"I've had this curse for one century," Angel said. "And now you are telling me it will solve itself. When? After another century?"

"We can't mess with your curse. It might have unknown consequences."

"What is that supposed to mean?" Buffy asked, getting really annoyed with their evasive answers.

The Oracles looked rather bored with this whole conversation. "The gypsies have always done their own thing, in their own way, for hundreds of years. They have their own system of magic. We have an agreement. They don't meddle with our plans, exceptions excluded of course." They looked at Angel sternly. "And we don't meddle with theirs. They are very secretive. They guard their spells carefully. They don't want us interfering. Their spells are very particular. Messing with them, messing with anything one doesn't understand, can do more harm than good."

"How could securing Angel's soul do any harm? Not securing it could do harm," Buffy said exasperated.

"You don't understand. You don't know what could be unleashed. Gypsy spells have a very delicate balance. The spells are constructed in a very particular way. They cannot be changed or undone by the uninitiated. If you don't know the right way to undo a spell, everything might end in disaster. It's like a house of cards, if you pull the wrong one, everything will come crashing down. It's their way of a fail-safe. And even if we could do it, we wouldn't interfere with their business for something like this. And believe us when we say that you wouldn't want that either. The vampire knows how obsessed the gypsies are with their vengeance. If we helped you, they just might come after you again. If the spell runs its course, they might leave you alone."

"So what you are saying is that as long as the gypsies don't do anything to mess with your personal plans, they can do as they please?"

"That is the agreement. And now be gone. We already told you more than we were supposed to."

"You have told us nothing."

"We told you there will be an end to the curse."

"I can't lose my soul again. There is too much at stake," Angel pleaded. "I could hurt our baby."

"Not our problem."

"How can you be so-"

"Enough, we have more important things to do than listen to your whining."

"Buffy got pregnant during the day you turned back. We are both fighting for your cause."

"So? We might be above mortal beings. But even we have heard of safer sex. It was a conscious choice. Don't expect any help from us. Besides, the baby is protected, you already know that. The Host told you."

"The baby, but not Buffy."

"What do you think the cruciamentum was for?"

Angel was speechless.

"She had to fight like a mere human."

"And she hardly made it through that day," Angel yelled at them.

"She did, that's the point. And she's improved greatly since then."

"It's a stupid ritual from the Council."

"It has its uses."

"You can't expect her to slay like this."

"She is the Chosen One." The Oracles disappeared without another word.

Dumbfounded, Buffy and Angel were left alone in the room. But then, out of nowhere the Oracles' voices could be heard one more time, "Oh, and congratulations on the pregnancy." A second later, a teddy bear appeared in front of Buffy.

"I knew they were stubborn and self-opinionated," Angel ranted. "But I never expected them to be this heartless."

"Calm down," Buffy said.

"Calm down? How can you be so calm about this?"

"They are right, I am the Slayer," Buffy said resignedly.

"A pregnant Slayer. How can they expect you to slay?"

"You heard them, the baby is protected."

"That's not good enough!"

"Do you think I want to slay? I never asked for being the Slayer in the first place. And I don't want to put our baby in danger. I would like nothing more than to hide under a stone for the next eight months. But I can't. I am the Slayer. People are dying out there."

"You can't save everybody, Buffy. And you can't be everywhere at once."

"I know that. But if I stop slaying for the next eight months… God, I just don't know what to do."

"I will do the slaying for you, Buffy. Sunnydale won't be unprotected."

When Buffy and Angel got back to the AI office, the others were already waiting for them. When Doyle saw the teddy bear he took it as an indicator for the Oracles' goodwill. "Is that from the Oracles?" he asked. "They really made your soul permanent?"

"No, they didn't," Angel said curtly. He grabbed a weapon and made his way towards the door again.

Buffy sat down on a chair and cuddled the teddy bear. She knew Angel wouldn't let her go with him on patrol, especially not today. She didn't feel like slaying anyway.

Angel was about to slam the door shut, when he stopped. Without turning around, he said, "Better get rid of that teddy. Give it to a shelter or something. I don't want that thing anywhere near our baby."

Wesley came over to Buffy and knelt before her. "What happened? Where is Angel going? Did you two have a fight?"

"Not exactly. He just needs to blow off some steam."

"So they refused?" Doyle asked.

"Not exactly."

"Can you be a bit more specific?" Cordelia asked.

"They said they couldn't help us, that they had no power over gypsy spells and that it could end in disaster if they meddled with it."

"Interesting," Wesley said.

Buffy chuckled.

"What's so funny?" Doyle asked.

"Well, Angel was the one who warned me that the Oracles would probably be reluctant to help us. He didn't have high hopes to begin with. But now… it seems to have hit him way harder than me. He was even angry at me that I… seemed so calm. But what should I do? Ranting and raving wouldn't help, would it? I am just glad we are back together again. It's more than we had before."

"He always just wanted what's best for you," Cordelia said warmly.

"And for the baby," Buffy added.

"How about we all get something to eat?" Doyle suggested. "I guess Angel is gonna be gone for a while anyway."

They went out to eat and Wesley, Doyle and even Cordelia did their best to distract Buffy.

When Angel came back from patrol, Buffy was already asleep. And she was clutching the teddy bear tightly.

When Buffy woke up in the morning, instead up being cuddled up with the teddy bear, she found herself in Angel's arms. The teddy was lying on the floor. Tenderly, Buffy stroked Angel's face. He opened his eyes and smiled at her.

"Don't tell me you were jealous of the teddy bear," Buffy said.

"You kicked the teddy out of bed."

"Do you have any witnesses?"

"The teddy was already one too many in our bedroom."

"Ah, so you admit that you got rid of him," Buffy teased.

Angel rolled them over, so that Buffy was lying beneath him. "But you'll never get a confession out of me," he said playfully.

"I wouldn't be so sure of that," Buffy said and pushed against his chest with all her might. But all her might wasn't much at that moment.

Angel noticed her feeble attempt to push him off her. Immediately, he backed away from her. "Did I hurt you? Did I hurt the baby?" he asked horrified.

"No, you did nothing. It wasn't you," Buffy said, trying to calm him down.

"Are you sure?

"Yes." She hit the mattress with her fist. "Damn it!"

"Maybe your body considered me as a threat. I did pin you down."

"It only kicks in when I get hurt. And you did not hurt me."

"Buffy, I want you to see a doctor, right now."

"Angel, you are overreacting. I am fine."

"Overreacting? You are not fine. You are loosing your powers without any reason."

"Angel…"

"No, Cordelia will take you to a doctor, no more discussions."

"And what do I tell him? Sorry, I usually can throw a vampire across half a dozen graves, but ever since I got pregnant I can't open a peanut butter glass?"

"Buffy…"

"I am not sick, Angel. Women get pregnant all the time."

"I realize that he might not be able to tell you anything about why you loose your powers, but you haven't gotten checked out yet."

"I agree with that. And we agreed that I'll get checked out when we get back to Sunnydale. Not right now, as you demanded."

"Buffy, please."

Buffy thought about it for a minute. "Fine, I will go see a doctor, but I want to see my doctor in Sunnydale."

Angel sighed. "I can't leave yet."

"I know and you don't have to. I'll take the bus back."

"What? No way!"

Buffy groaned. Why was he being so difficult? "Angel-"

"Well, I guess I could drive you back and finish my business in LA later," Angel said more to himself.

"Angel!"

"What?"

"This is completely ridiculous. I am not ill. There is no reason to assume that something is wrong with the baby. Women have gotten pregnant for thousands of years and most of that time without the luxury of a doctor, ultrasound or any other check-ups."

"But we are not living thousands of years ago. We have those things and you will go see a doctor."

"I already agreed to that," Buffy groaned. Had he listened to her at all? "I just don't want to see someone I don't know."

"And I don't want you to go back to Sunnydale on your on."

Buffy was starting to get angry. He treated her like a little child. She was sure if she gave in to him now, he would get even more possessive later on. She had to show him now that she was still her own person. She did enjoy his protectiveness to a degree, but it would become unpractical and even more annoying further down the road if she didn't show him that there were limits. "You wanted me to see a doctor. It's light outside. So there is no need to worry about some demon attacking a helpless Slayer. And you still have a lot to do here and I am only distracting you.""

"You are not."

"Angel, I think the others wouldn't mind having you to themselves for a while. They know they can't keep you from going back to Sunnydale. They have accepted it. But I think they would like to spend some time alone with you."

"I will come back to LA every now and then."

"Angel, I will be perfectly fine on my own and you still have business to do here. Where is the problem?" Buffy's main reason for coming with him to LA had been the Oracles. Since that had been a dead end, there was nothing more for her to do in LA. Besides, she really wanted to give him time with his friends. And she did feel a bit smothered by Angel. Maybe it was just her hormones playing up, because she really didn't want to be separated from him at all, but the last few days he had driven her almost crazy with his protectiveness.

Truth be told, Angel was simply reluctant to let Buffy out of his sight. He knew Buffy would probably be just fine. But he had just gotten her back and the thought of her going back to Sunnydale without him, for whatever reason, was almost unbearable. The last time she had left LA she had been running from him. Angel knew his behavior was irrational, but he couldn't help himself. But he was also aware that he couldn't keep Buffy here against her will. "Okay," he finally relented. "But call me when you get there. Call me when you know when the appointment is. And call me after you've been to the doctor."

"I will. But everything will be okay. I feel fine."

"Please be careful. And don't you-"

"I know, no slaying on my own. I promise."

When Buffy got to Sunnydale, she called the doctor's office and with a bit of whining got an appointment for the same day. Afterwards, Buffy went to her mother's house. She didn't feel like staying in the big old mansion without Angel. Buffy made herself comfortable on her bed and called Angel.

"Hey, you got an appointment?" he asked.

"I am fine. Thanks. How are you?"

"Sorry. I figured you wouldn't want to hear another 'how are you' from me. So, did you get an appointment?"

"You are unbelievable," Buffy said with a chuckle. "But yes, I did get an appointment. Actually, this call also qualifies as the call-me-after-you've-been-to-the-doctor-call."

"You got an appointment right away?" Angel asked skeptically.

"Um… yeah."

"But last time you couldn't even get one for the next day."

"I got lucky."

"Lucky?" Angel asked doubtfully.

"Okay, I might have mentioned that I think I am pregnant and my boyfriend is near hysterical. So they squeezed me in." Buffy thought he would be angry because she had lied and had made him sound like a bit of a wimp. It hadn't been a complete lie, in her opinion he was near hysterical.

"Why didn't you do that last time already?" Angel asked admonishingly. "You could have gotten an appointment before we left."

Definitely hysterical, Buffy thought.

"You did it on purpose," Angel stated.

"Can we focus on the important things?" Buffy tried to change the subject.

"Oh God, yes. What did the doctor say?" Angel asked worriedly.

"Everything is fine."

"Good," Angel said relieved. Then he suddenly heard Buffy crying at the other end of the line. "Buffy, what's wrong?" he asked alarmed. "What aren't you telling me?"

"Nothing," Buffy sobbed. "Everything is okay."

"Buffy, you are crying. Tell me what's wrong," he almost yelled into the phone.

"Nothing is wrong," Buffy said between sobs. "I am just glad that the baby is okay."

With her visit to the doctor, the reality of her pregnancy had finally and utterly sunk in. By saying it out loud to Angel, it had hit her like a freight train. She was pregnant. It was confirmed. There was a baby growing inside her. And so far everything seemed to be on track, nothing abnormal. Not that she had doubted Lorne, and in a way the Oracles had confirmed her pregnancy as well, but Buffy had been afraid of the appointment and had indeed tried to delay it. She hadn't wanted to admit – not even to herself - that she had been terrified to find out that something might be wrong with her or the baby. But the doctor had assured her that there was no reason to worry. Despite her two rather violent run-ins with vampires, her mysterious power fluctuations and the rather unusual parentage of the baby, everything seemed to be absolutely normal.

"You sure?" Angel asked.

"Yeah, probably just hormones."

"I'll be back as soon as I can."

"I'm fine, really," Buffy said, starting to calm down but still sniffling. "Take your time, spend time with the others."

"I wish I could be there with you right now," Angel said longingly. "We should celebrate. We haven't really done that yet."

Hearing his affectionate words, Buffy started to sob anew.

"Oh, Buffy, please don't cry."

"Sorry, just ignore me. I'm being silly and an emotional wreck, for no reason at all."

"I really wish I could be with you."

"I know, me too."

"I'll be back soon."

"I'll be fine. Don't worry. But I better hang up now. I really need to find a tissue."

"Okay. Call me, if you need anything or just want to talk."

"Or cry?" Buffy joked.

"Or that. I love you."

"Love you too." Buffy hung up.

Buffy went downstairs in the search of a box of tissues. She found one in the living room. She blew her nose and then stopped by some family pictures. When she spotted the one where her mother was holding her as a baby, Buffy's tears started again. It seemed like everything made her cry today. That was the moment her mother came home.

"Buffy? What's wrong? Why are you back already? I thought you two wanted to stay in LA for a few more days."

"I…" Buffy couldn't say anymore because of her crying and she had to blow her nose. She tried again, "Angel-"

Joyce rushed over to her daughter and hugged her. "Oh my God, this is my fault."

"What is your fault?" Buffy asked, looking at her mother confused and with red eyes.

"Buffy, he loves you. I know that now. And I am so sorry. He never wanted to leave you. I'll call him and talk to him."

Buffy took a step back from her mother. "What are you talking about?"

"I told him he should make the right decision and leave you so that you could have a normal life."

"When? When did you say that?" Buffy almost yelled.

"Last year, before the prom. I thought that a life with somebody like him…"

"Say it mom, a vampire."

"That life with a vampire was not good for you."

Buffy looked at her mother aghast. "You still don't want him here, do you?"

"No, that's not it. I've realized that he is good for you. I admit that I don't understand it most of the time, but you seem so much happier since he's been back and he seems to do everything for you and the baby."

"You destroyed my life!"

"Buffy, I thought-"

"You thought what? Did you ask me? Did you talk to me about it? No, you went behind my back. And I hate that. I can't stand it. And people seem to do it again and again."

"I'm sorry Angel left again. I'm sure we can work this out and-"

"Left again? He didn't leave me. He had to stay in LA a bit longer. He'll be back in a few days."

"Oh."

"What, not what you wanted to hear?"

"Buffy, no, I am glad you have him."

"Forgive me if I don't believe that right now."

"But why were you crying then?"

"Hormones, I guess. And I've been to the doctor and everything seems to be fine with the baby."

"Oh, but that's great."

"Please leave. Leave me alone."

"Buffy…"

"Fine, then I'll leave." Before Joyce could say anything else, Buffy was already out the door.

When Angel arrived back in Sunnydale, Buffy was already waiting for him at the mansion. "She told me."

"Who told you what?"

"Mom. That she made you leave."

Angel sighed. This was going to be tricky. "Buffy, no matter what your mom said to me before prom, I made the decision to leave. I won't blame that decision on your mom to make it easier on us. I won't. I made a mistake and we got over it. Please, don't let that set us back."

"Great, now you are putting this on my shoulders."

"Buffy, that's not what I meant. I understand that you are angry. You have every right to be. I just want you to know that I love you."

"You went behind my back and talked to my mom."

"She came to me."

"And you didn't tell me."

"I didn't see it necessary."

"Can you say that her talking to you had no, absolutely no influence on your leaving Sunnydale?"

Angel didn't answer right away.

"We need honesty in this relationship, Angel."

"It might have."

"Might have?"

"I was thinking about it. Your mother reinforced the conclusion I had come to. She's your mother. She's known you a lot longer than me. I thought that she would know what is best for you. And I wanted what is best for you."

"My mom didn't even know that I was the Slayer for years! How can she judge anything else that goes on in my life? Because most of my life revolves around slaying and fighting evil. When she found out she went into complete denial. How could she know what is best for me? You know better. You should have known better."

"I do know now."

"I hate people going behind my back and treating me like a child. I've had to fight on my own for years, go to high school, work towards college even though I will probably never have a real job, be the dutiful daughter and friend and smile while waiting for the next apocalypse. I am not complaining about that. I am just saying that if I've behaved like a teenager once in a while when I was not saving the world, it might have been my version of a well deserved break from my usual daily routine. I can handle worse news. I get them almost every day. What makes you think you have to protect me from such things? I like to think that I deserve a bit more respect than that."

"I'm sorry."

"You could have told me."

"When?"

"Anytime. But you just should have told me. What if I had withheld something like that from you?"

"I see your point.

"Wait a minute. Now that I think about it, you seem to know everything about my life already. How could that be? You even knew about Riley, although it was nothing. You thought I was dating him, when I wasn't. If you had simply stalked me, you would have known that. Somebody must have told you. Did my mom tell you?"

"No, it wasn't your mom."

"But there was somebody. Who?"

"Buffy…"

"Who?"

"It doesn't matter. It's my fault. It was my idea."

"Who told you?"

"I asked Giles."

"Giles?" Buffy asked shocked. She had to sit down.

"I called him and begged him to let me know you were alright. He only agreed reluctantly."

"Giles?"

"Don't be angry with him."

"Why couldn't you simply have asked me? Why didn't you call me? I wished for your call every night."

"I wanted to make it easier for you, so that you could move on with your life. If we had talked on the phone… I just needed to know you were doing okay, so that I could move on and wouldn't come running back here."

"I had no idea where you were in the beginning. Don't you think I wasn't worried sick about you and would have liked to know that you were okay and not a pile of ash somewhere?"

Angel just looked guiltily at the floor.

Buffy went on, "And if you would have bothered to go to the source, then you would have gotten an accurate account of my life and not some exaggerated gossip magazine version."

"I know. And I am sorry." Angel tried to reach for her hand but Buffy avoided his touch.

"Don't. Not now."

"I'm so sorry. Buffy… please..."

"I will stay at Willow's tonight."

"Buffy…" Angel begged, knowing it wouldn't make a difference. "I love you," he whispered, afraid that she didn't want to hear that right now, but having to say it anyway.

"And I love you. I just need some time to calm down." Buffy didn't really want to leave. Angel had just come back from LA. She had just found out that her baby was okay. They had wanted to celebrate. But she couldn't stay. She couldn't be around him right now. She couldn't pretend to be happy when she was deeply disappointed by him. And she was afraid that she might say something to him that she would regret later. So for their sake she had to leave. She grabbed her pre-packed bag and headed for the door.

When Buffy had left, Angel sunk down on the couch. For a while he simply stared ahead at nothing in particular. Then he put his hand into his pocket and pulled out a little black box. He opened the lid. Inside was a beautiful silver ring. It was a delicate vintage style ring. He'd even had it engraved. Angel had wanted to propose to her tonight. But after their argument he couldn't do it. Buffy might have seen it as blackmail to squirm his way out of the situation. And he didn't want her to associate his proposal with them having had a big argument for the rest of her life. He'd simply have to wait.

Buffy couldn't sleep. She was tossing and turning.

"Everything alright?" Willow asked into the darkness.

"I'm fine. Just can't sleep."

"You can have one of my stuffed animals. That always helps me when I feel lonely."

"I am not missing Angel. I am perfectly able to sleep on my own." Truth be told, she had slept with the teddy bear the last few nights because she had missed Angel. And now it was back at the mansion. And Mr. Gordo was at her mother's house.

"Well, I just thought since you could have slept in the same bed as him tonight-"

"Willow!"

"You are right. It's probably just because you are still angry at him."

"You think I am overreacting?"

"No, I would be mad too, especially since it's not the first time."

"Exactly. And we've just had a discussion about secrets a few days ago in LA when I found out that Doyle knew about the Thanksgiving Day all along. And then he does it again. Well, it was a while back. But still, it hurt to find out."

"I'm sure he didn't mean to keep it from you, not deliberately."

"I just want him to understand how much it hurts me, if he goes behind my back or keeps things from me. I'm not really mad at him. I am really mad at my mom though. But I don't want him to do it again. And if I had stayed at the mansion tonight, he might not have taken this seriously enough. I really can't take much more of this. And if he doesn't get that, I don't know what else to do."

"I'm sure he got the message."

"Hopefully" Buffy sighed.

"Sure you don't want a stuffed animal?"

"No, thanks." Buffy doubted that a simple stuffed animal would do the trick tonight.

Willow let Buffy sleep longer. She was preparing breakfast when Buffy came into the kitchen. Buffy sat down at the table without saying a word.

"What's wrong?"

"I lost my powers again."

"What did you do?"

"Nothing." Buffy looked truly upset.

"Don't worry. They usually come back rather quickly, don't they?"

"I think I'll go back to the mansion," Buffy said absentmindedly. "If that's okay with you."

"Sure, it's okay. Why shouldn't it be?"

"Because I'm bailing on you."

Willow smiled at her friend. "No problem."

"Thanks for letting me sleep here."

"Any time. And if Angel gives you any trouble again, tell him the next time he pulls something like that I will put a spell on him. A really nasty one."

Buffy hugged Willow. "Thanks. You are the best, Will."

Buffy didn't want to be alone. No, that wasn't right. She didn't want to be without Angel. She felt unusually vulnerable without him. Had Angel's paranoia gotten to her? Was it her hormones that made her feel so helpless? When she got back to the mansion, she made her way into the bedroom as quietly as possible. She didn't want to talk. She just wanted to feel safe.

Angel had already been asleep, but when Buffy opened the door, he was instantly awake. He wasn't sure what had prompted her to come back, but she didn't look at him, so he assumed that she was still angry with him. Without saying a word, Buffy crept into his bed. Angel was unsure about what to do. But when Buffy had settled under the covers, with her back to him, she felt behind her, took his arm and pulled it around her. Angel gladly obliged and spooned her, not saying a word either. He was just grateful that she was back, back in his arms.

TBC