Another slow update again, bet you're all really sick of it now. But if it makes a difference, through a combination of writer's block and injury, I have been unable to give this story the attention it is due up til now. And for that I apologize profusely.
Rating: Very T for a mixture of fluff, a little smut (which you should feel free to skip if it's not your thing, but it's not that extreme anyway coz I suck at writing it) a spoonful of angst, and a bit of minor cussing here and there.
Disclaimer: I don't own it.
With her eyes shut tight so she couldn't see the speedometer needle, Lisbon tried to force herself to relax. The plan had gone off without anyone getting hurt, the case was closed and tomorrow they would be going home. It was almost over. The end of this crazy adventure in L.A was in sight. She couldn't wait to get back to her office, her team, and her own bed.
She yawned again. She had to admit, Jane had been right to insist that they postpone their departure until the morning. Physically, this case had been an easy one; (well, with the exception of those godawful stiletto heels she'd been forced to hobble around in at all those parties) she hadn't had to chase down or tackle anybody, nor had it been necessary to stay awake to all hours looking for a breakthrough as she often did back home. But the mental strain of having to maintain the character of 'Rachel' all this time had taken its toll on her. Now she understood why the Undercover unit at the CBI had such a high turnover rate of agents; pretending to be someone else was hard.
She was glad that she could now go back to being Teresa Lisbon again; it was the only character she felt comfortable playing.
Emotionally, she was just as spent. She'd been put through the wringer this week, experiencing several year's worth of repressed feelings over the course of seven short days, ranging from a burning lust to heartbreak, from betrayal to a white-hot jealousy, all of which were caused by the man beside her, who was humming along with the radio now, as the car flew down the road at a speed she was sure couldn't possibly be legal.
There'd been high points and low points, moments where she couldn't even stand to be in the same room with him, and moments where she'd wanted him so much she'd been able to think of nothing else. It had been a rollercoaster ride and she for one, was ready to get off. She was tired of the battle between what she knew to be right in her head, and what she desired in her heart, and every minute she spent with him made it worse.
She felt the car slowing down, and warily opened her eyes to see Jane guiding the car into a parking space.
"This isn't the house," she said, as she looked out the window.
"Not just a pretty face, are you Lisbon? Can't get one past you," said Jane dryly.
"What are we doing here?" she asked, suspiciously.
He registered the tone of voice, and smirked.
"I have to pick up a few things," he said. "You don't even have to get out of the car if you don't want to."
"As if. I know the dangers of letting you wander around on your own." She reached over to undo her seat belt buckle, but he caught her hand before she could touch it.
"I'm just going to the store," he said, amused by her actions. "Can't you trust me just this once?"
She supposed she might be overreacting just a little bit. Her exhaustion and hunger had combined together, leaving her in a slightly irrational kind of mood.
"Fine," she said. "But if you're not back here in ten minutes, I'm driving back to the house without you."
"Even if I take the keys with me?" he asked, pulling them from the ignition and stowing them in his pocket.
She arched an eyebrow at him. "Do you want to find out?"
He looked surprised for a second and then a wide grin spread across his face. "Why Teresa Lisbon," he said. "Are you telling me that you know how to hotwire a car?"
"Take longer than ten minutes and you'll know," was all she said.
"Well I better get going then," he said. "I'd hate to find out what other not-so-legal hidden talents you might possess. Though the grand-theft auto thing is actually kind of hot."
Lisbon could hear him chuckling to himself as he walked away. She wondered if he thought she was kidding. She wasn't. Bringing up three car-mad teenage boys had been an educational experience on many levels.
However, any grand-theft auto was rendered unnecessary when Jane returned seven minutes later (she'd been keeping track.)
"Case-closed pizza," he said, passing her the box to hold while he drove.
"But-" she started to protest.
"We have to," he said. "It's tradition."
"And what's all the rest of this stuff?" she asked, looking at the plastic bag in his other hand.
"You'll see," he said, putting it on the floor by her feet.
Thirty minutes later, back at the house, they sat together at the dining table, each with a slice of pizza and a glass of wine.
He raised his glass. "To us. The best crime-solving duo in California."
"You are so arrogant," she said, smiling a little.
"Fine. The best crime-solving duo in this room, then," he amended.
She clinked her glass with his, but as she did so, she began to feel uncomfortable. This was all starting to feel very familiar, take-away food, red wine and toasts. She tried not to think about how things had ended last time. She really shouldn't lose control of herself again, not now, with home and reality only hours away.
"But in that case,' piped up the little voice in her head. 'Isn't that all the more reason to do it now, while you still can?'
The idea was tempting, Very tempting. After watching someone else paw at him all evening, she'd been having an increasingly strong desire to take back what was hers. A small irrational part of her deep down, thought that being his 'wife' meant that those eyes, that smile, those golden curls, were all her property until they got back to Sacramento.
She glanced out the window to see the lights on in Annabelle's house.
"No way," she said, irritably.
"What?" asked Jane.
"How did she make bail already?" said Lisbon incredulously, standing up for a better look. "I was hoping they'd hold her overnight at least!"
The angry hissing sound that had escaped her as she said this seemed to have clued Jane in on who she was talking about, as she could see him attempting to conceal his smile.
"Guess she has friends in high places," he said.
"It's ridiculous," sad Lisbon. "We arrest her with enough cocaine on her to convict her for trafficking, and she faces no consequences for it. It's like we're telling these people that if you've got enough money to your name and don't mind ratting people out, you can get away with anything."
Jane listened to her little rant with an air of mild surprise and amusement.
"She really pushed your buttons, didn't she?" he said. "You never get this agitated."
Lisbon took a large gulp of wine to avoid answering.
"We did what we had to do to bring down that drug ring," said Jane, soothingly. "Sure, Annabelle got a get-out-of-jail-free card, but she was pretty small-time in the whole scheme of things. And without her statement, we'd never have got all the others. We did our job."
He was right. She knew he was. Hell, she'd told him the same kind of thing more times than she could count over the years. Sometimes you just had to look at the bigger picture, and make decisions you weren't always happy with, in order to get the job done.
But she really would have liked to convict Annabelle for something, just to upset her perfect little world. Just to prove to the woman that people couldn't always get what they wanted.
She herself knew that all too well. The thing she wanted most in the world right now was sitting opposite her pouring himself another glass of wine. He seemed to sense her gaze, looked up, and grinned at her as he topped off her glass too. Her heart felt like it had flipped over in her chest; she didn't think she'd ever get used to that smile, even if she saw it every day for the rest of her life.
A thought came to her. He was here, they were alone, the chances of anybody finding out were minimal.
Maybe she should tap into her inner Annabelle. Forget about the consequences and whether it was right or wrong, and go after what she wanted. Shut out Red John, the CBI, the world, and allow herself to be with the man she loved just this one last time.
She might never get this chance again.
She was thinking about something. He could practically see her ticking things over in her mind. Probably plotting some way to arrest Annabelle again, if the last few minutes had been any indication.
This Annabelle thing had really done a number on her, he realised. He'd never seen her act this way before. He'd have liked to attribute it to jealousy on her part, but being Lisbon, it could just as easily be because she felt she'd left the job half-done, and he knew she hated that.
But whatever it was, it was clear that it was causing her distress, and he didn't want to spend their last night in L.A with her worrying about work the whole time. He had other, more pleasant ideas.
She didn't even notice when he picked up her plate and cleared it away, apparently too intent on her thoughts, and it was only when he replaced it with another plate a minute later that she seemed to shake herself out of it.
"Cheesecake?" she said, questioningly, but he saw the way her eyes had lit up at the sight of it. She might think she was unaffected by the gesture but she wasn't fooling him.
"Figured I owed you," he said. "Since it was my fault you didn't get to have it the other day."
"I really shouldn't," she said. "We've been living on canapés and take-out practically all week, I'm already going to have to put in at least three extra hours at the gym next week to work it all off."
"Never mind that," he said, picking up the plate and waving it in front of her nose. "Treat yourself. You know you want to."
She took the plate from him, but didn't begin eating.
"It's not as simple as just wanting it Jane," she said. "Human beings aren't just a mass of impulses and desires you know."
"Well maybe they could be," he said. "Just from time to time, they should just seize the moment, because it feels right."
"The moment would have to be pretty special then," she said, smiling coyly.
Somehow, he got the feeling that they weren't just talking about cheesecake anymore, and the gleam in her eyes did nothing to dissuade him from that theory.
"Something on your mind that you'd like to share, Agent Lisbon?" he asked.
"No." And she picked up the fork.
He couldn't help but smile at the undisguised lust in her eyes as she surveyed the dessert. All he needed now was to find out how to make her look at him that way.
She kept her eyes on her plate for the most part, but she could practically feel Jane's eyes following her every movement. Every so often she glanced up and saw him turn his head away just in time, until one time, she caught him looking. She knew she should avert her eyes, but the newfound rebellious part of her told her to let it play itself out a little, just to see what happened. So she held his gaze as she sucked a little stray cream cheese off her finger. She saw his eyes widen just a fraction and his attention remained focused on her lips, until she snapped him out of it by deliberately dropping her fork onto her plate with a clatter.
OK, so now she knew she was playing with fire. She should really stop this right now, before it got any sillier.
But she liked having his full attention. She liked the fact that she was driving him crazy without really trying. She really wanted to seize this chance, this final opportunity to have him all to herself. This was one of the rare times in her life when she thought it might be OK to be a little selfish. She was going to do the right thing eventually, she reasoned. She was just putting it off a little longer.
Was that so wrong?
Jane made a mental note to provide Lisbon with cheesecake at least once a week from here on out. The little moan she'd let out at the first bite had sent a shiver down his spine, and then there'd been the little performance with the cream cheese. He wasn't sure if she'd done it on purpose or not; it was hard to tell with Lisbon, but either way, it had gotten his attention.
She seemed to have noticed this as she smiled at him, but whether she'd been seeking such a reaction from him remained unclear. He knew very well that she could be quite the little seductress when she wanted to, but after her constant rebuffs of him over the last few days, it was unlikely that this was such an occasion.
Her cell phone rang.
"Lisbon," she answered. A brief pause. "Oh, hi Nick!"
Jane rolled his eyes. He'd been hoping they'd heard the last of the pesky FBI agent at the police station. Apparently not. Not in the mood to listen to her flirt with Sheens over the phone, he instead proceeded into the kitchen to start clearing up.
Even as he ran hot water in the sink to soak the plates before they went into the dishwasher, he could still hear her voice from the next room. Every so often she'd let out a little laugh, and he'd scowl to himself. Who knew an FBI agent could be such a comedian?
He wondered what they were talking about. Reminiscing about old times perhaps, or comparing notes on the case or maybe even fixing a time to 'catch up' now they'd found each other again. Perhaps it might turn into a star-crossed lovers scenario and they'd take this as a chance to make up for the missed opportunity at the police academy and he'd be forced to accept that he'd had her, and then lost her in the space of a week.
He considered the possibility of Lisbon and Nick in a relationship. They'd be on the phone to each other all the time and she might God forbid, take a break from work every so often to come to L.A to see him. She might even choose to move permanently. And what if they ended up married? Her name would be Teresa Sheens. It sounded like a cleaning product.
He knew he was getting ahead of himself, and being irrational, but he dreaded the idea of being pushed out of her life to make room for Nick. She was so important to him, and regardless if things worked out between them or not, she was likely to remain so. He had built so much of his current life around her, she was the centre of his world, and if he were to lose her now, it wouldn't surprise him if it were to unhinge him completely. He'd already lost so much to Red John, but somehow managed to recover enough to have something resembling a life again. But the loss of Lisbon, however it came about, would be the final straw.
There was only so much that could be taken from a man before he gave up completely.
Nick talked Lisbon through the plans for the next day's bust on the names that had been provided by Annabelle. Lisbon felt a slight pang, disappointed to be missing out on the culmination of all the work of this past week. Even though her job had purely been for intelligence purposes, she still would've liked to go and enjoy the cathartic release of kicking a little drug-dealer ass.
On the bright side, at least she'd been able to slap some handcuffs on Annabelle (something she'd been wanting to do practically since they'd met,) she'd reconnected with an old friend, and made a new one. So it hadn't been all bad.
"I would've thought you guys would have been on the road by now," said Nick. "I thought you said your boss wants you back ASAP."
"We decided to drive back in the morning."
Nick snorted. "Bet that was Jane's idea."
"So what if it was?"
He sighed. "Oh Tess. Are you really so blind? You can't possibly expect me to believe you don't know he has the hots for you."
Memories of the other night's lovemaking flashed through her mind.
"I have an inkling," she said.
"Look, it's none of my business," he said. "But just be careful Tessie, okay? I don't have to know him as well as you do to be able to tell that the guy's trouble."
"You have no idea," said Lisbon, fervently. "But don't worry about me Nick, I'm a big girl. I can take care of myself."
'I know," he said. "But you're one of my best, oldest friends. I just don't want you to get hurt."
Well, it was a bit late for that, thought Lisbon to herself as she hung up the phone. The moment she'd let Patrick Jane into her heart, she'd let herself in for a world of pain. Unfortunately, that particular fact was just too easy to put out of her mind when he smiled at her, or kissed her, or one of the other numerous things he did that made the retribution of the CBI seem worth it for a moment or two.
Being in love with her consultant was just so inconvenient.
She heard the clinking sound of dishes and wandered into the kitchen to see Jane loading the dishwasher.
"How come you're never this helpful with things at work?" she asked, leaning against the counter.
"I thought the CBI paid me for my insight on cases and not my cleaning expertise," he said, but keeping his back to her. "What'd Sheens want?"
"He was just telling me that all the warrants are going to be served tomorrow. You know, keeping me in the loop."
"Well wasn't that nice of him?" said Jane, and she could hear the sarcasm in his voice. "To go to the trouble of calling you up to tell you something you already know."
"It's called being considerate, Jane," she said testily. "A personality trait you're obviously unfamiliar with."
"Obviously," he batted back, flatly turning around to face her. "But I am familiar with subterfuge. Did it occur to you that this so-called 'consideration'" – he punctuated the word with air quotes-"might just be a smokescreen for some sort of ulterior motive?"
"No it hasn't," she snapped. "Because there is no ulterior motive. Nick is a good guy, Jane, and a good friend, you're being overly suspicious and completely unreasonable-"
"So it's OK for you to be jealous of Annabelle, but it's 'unreasonable' for me to question the apparently infallible Agent Sheens?'
There was a brief pause, as she digested these words.
"What are you talking about?" she asked, keeping her voice steady but panicking on the inside. So she was right, he had picked up on her discomfort this evening. She should have done a better job of hiding it.
Oh, who was she kidding? When had she ever been able to hide anything from Jane?
She could see a grin slowly starting to make its way across his face. He had her on the back foot now, and he knew it too, the bastard.
"I think you know exactly what I'm talking about."
The key to getting out of this very dangerous situation with her dignity intact was to keep her cool, and not to let him disarm or sidetrack her. The moment she let her guard down, she was sunk.
"You know that was all part of the plan. I acted like I would if I ever really caught you cheating on me," she said, and at his small chuckle and raised eyebrow, hastily added: "You know, if we were a real couple."
"Of course," he said, but then the smile faded. "But if we were a real couple, you know I'd never do that to you, right? Not with Annabelle or with anyone else."
His gaze zeroed in on hers, and there was such an intensity there, that she had to look away.
"It doesn't matter anyway," she said, with a very fake airiness. "Job's done now, right?" This was all her fault. Her punishment for teasing him with the cream cheese earlier; now she'd opened up this can of worms again with all the meaningful looks and awkward questions.
Everything was always just so complicated between them. And with them due to head home in the morning, she didn't need any more complications right now. She should really just put aside this nonsense for the night and this time tomorrow, they'd be back to the daily grind of cases, trials, complaints and paperwork.
But as she looked into his eyes she realized that it wasn't what she wanted. She didn't want to go back to Sacramento wondering what they could have had if she'd just been brave enough to give it a try. She wanted to know. But first, she had to know exactly where she stood.
"You know, you and Annabelle seemed to be hitting it off really well tonight," she said, in what she hoped passed for polite disinterest. "And now our 'marriage' has hit the skids, you could give her a call, ask her if she wants to go out tonight."
Jane looked at her as if she were crazy. "Why the hell would I want to do that? You know how I feel about her. And more importantly, you know how I feel about you."
There was a sarcastic little smile on his face as he shook his head in disbelief.
"You could throw any woman in the world at me, and it wouldn't change that."
A brief silence followed these words. Lisbon looked like she'd come to a decision about something as she met his eyes again. Rather then the irritation or scepticism he'd expected to find in them, he saw tenderness instead, it was like he'd passed some kind of test, as she tentatively moved towards him.
As soon as she was close enough, he took her by the waist, and finally, after days of waiting, kissed her again. God, how had he gone so long without this? It had only been three days, but it felt like three years.
He felt her pull away from him.
"Did you mean that?" he heard her whisper.
He chuckled just a little. Was she really asking him that question? Hadn't he made his intentions clear enough?
"You tell me," he said, pulling her in for another one, but she stopped him, needing to make something clear.
"Just so you know, my feelings for you were never the point of contention. That ship sailed a long time ago."
"Good to know," said Jane, and he kissed her again.
Neither of them would ever really know how they ended up getting from the kitchen to lying on the floor in the living room, though Jane vaguely remembered later that they seemed to be heading towards the couch, and simply never made it. Of course, he couldn't be 100% sure of this, as they never stopped kissing for the entire transition from room to room, but when he thought back on it, he did recall the moment when walking seemed like such an unnecessary effort and he'd fallen down onto the rug, taking her with him.
She giggled as she landed on top of him and something about the sound made him hotter for her than ever. Suddenly the kisses which had been soft and tender became harder and more passionate. The fingers he'd been running through her hair began to clutch at her clothes as though they had a life of their own.
"We have- to stop-doing this," she said, her words punctuated by increasingly loud moans of pleasure as he nibbled at her earlobe, nuzzled her neck, kissed her all over. "If anyone…mmm…ever finds out, we can…Oh God, yes…kiss our jobs goodbye."
"Well," Jane panted, as he started tugging her shirt over her head. "They're going to get"-he paused as she nipped at his bottom lip-"one hell of a send-off."
The quiet of the street had already been disturbed by the residents of Number 17 that evening. But this time it was screams of a different kind that broke the peaceful night air.
Afterwards, they lay entwined on the shag pile rug, clothes scattered everywhere.
"Think you burned off that cheesecake yet?" Jane asked, as his fingers ran lazily up and down her arm.
"I don't know," she said. "But I have to say, that was way more enjoyable cardio then running on a treadmill."
He smirked. "Who said exercise can't be fun?"
They lay there in silence for a little while, listening to the wind howling past the window.
"Jane, do you ever wonder what it would be like?"
"What?"
"You know," she said. "Us."
She didn't have to explain any further, the answer came to him right away.
"All the time. How about you?"
She was silent for so long, he thought she wasn't going to answer.
"Me too."
To his bemusement, she shrugged off his arm and sat up. "It's late," she said. "We've got a long drive in the morning. I should go to bed." She began to pull her clothes back on for the walk upstairs.
"Oh come on," said Jane, giving her the pleading eyes he knew she couldn't resist. "You're not going to leave me down here all by myself are you?"
She sighed. " Fine. You can come up too, but just so we're clear, all we're going to do is sleep. Got it?"
He winked at her. "Don't worry about that," he said. "You already wore me out."
Curiously, it seemed their little 'workout' had taken its toll on her too. Only a few minutes after she'd changed into pyjamas and gotten into the bed, she fell asleep in his arms, and he stroked her hair over and over again until he did too.
The sun shining on Lisbon's face caused her to wake quite early the next morning. But today she didn't bother extricating herself from Jane's embrace. She didn't feel like popping her blissful little bubble this morning; it would happen soon enough anyway.
Instead she just lay there and allowed herself to enjoy these last hours with the man she loved before shoving down all those feelings again and going back to being simply his boss. She didn't want to, and she didn't like it, but it was the way things had to be. But they'd always have this week in L.A, nobody could take that from them, now or ever.
She felt him stir behind her.
"Well, this is definitely an improvement on the other day," he said, voice husky and deeper than usual from sleep. "Now this is a wonderful way to wake up."
Reluctantly, she peeled his arms from her torso and wriggled out of his embrace.
"Come on," she said. "We need to pack up our stuff and get going. It's a long way back to Sacramento."
"Then why not break up the journey?" said Jane. "We'll drive a few miles and then call the CBI and say the car broke down." He moved over to where she was perched on the edge of the bed. "Find ourselves a little hotel," he went on, brushing her hair aside. "Get a room, just you and me," he began peppering kisses up and down and her neck. She wished he wouldn't, he made it very hard for her to be able to think straight, let alone come up with scathing comebacks to his ridiculous plan.
"And I suppose we'll pay in cash, give fake names, and enter separately from the front and back," she said, jerking away from him irritably.
He grinned at her. "Oh Lisbon, you make it sound so sordid."
"Because it is!" she snapped, now getting off the bed altogether. "That is not going to happen Jane!"
The smile faded. "So this is your way of telling me that last night meant nothing to you, is it? What about the night before, and the night before that?"
She scowled at him. "Do you really think I do this kind of stuff so often it's not important to me? Of course last night meant something, it all meant something." She sighed. "But it's something that you and I just aren't allowed to have."
He looked so forlorn, that she just couldn't help leaning down and giving him a quick peck on his cheek.
"Last night was like something out of a fairytale," she said. "But it's time for us to get back to reality."
Before he could say anything else, she swept out of the room headed for the shower. All she wanted now was to get home.
Jane's cheek tingled where she'd kissed it. Did the woman have any idea how much she was tearing him up right now? If their perfect night together hadn't been enough to convince her that the two of them were worth a shot then what was?
Deep down, he knew the answer. Mind-blowing sex, while not to be discounted completely, could only get him so far. He'd known all along that he wouldn't be able to seduce her into a relationship; he needed to do something more. Something big. Something to prove to her that whatever happened, she could trust and depend on him. And deep down, he knew the only way he could do that was in Sacramento, so he could show her once and for all that he took her seriously, along with everything she stood for.
He flung the covers back and got out of the bed. It was time to go home.
Two hours later, their suitcases were in the car and they were ready to leave. Lisbon was just locking the front door when she heard a soft voice calling out.
"Rachel! Hey! Rach!"
Automatically, she turned towards it, still programmed to respond to her fake name. Meg was standing just beyond the driveway. With a rush of guilt Lisbon, waved an acknowledgement; she'd forgotten about this part.
Jane appeared by her side and took the key from her. "Go," he said, quietly. "I'll lock up."
With a smile of thanks to her partner Lisbon walked across the lawn to where Meg was standing.
"So I hear that 'Rachel' isn't actually your name," said Meg.
"You hear right."
"Apparently you guys are cops from Sacramento."
"Well, he's just a consultant," corrected Lisbon. "And I'm a state agent."
"I see. What's your real name?" Meg's face was impassive.
"Teresa. Teresa Lisbon. And I apologise for deceiving you."
Meg shrugged. "S'OK, it was your job. I understand."
There was an awkward silence for a minute, before Meg spoke again.
"The word is that you arrested Annabelle Beckett for drug possession. Is that right?"
"Yes."
Meg's face broke into a grin. "I would've paid big money to see that woman in an orange jumpsuit."
Relief washed through Lisbon as she realized Meg wasn't mad after all.
"Unfortunately it never got that far."
"Well I'm sure you did your best. And hey, if you're ever back in L.A…"
"Same goes for you if you ever come to Sacramento."
The two women hugged, Meg waved goodbye to Jane (Will) and left.
Lisbon turned to Jane.
"Ready?" she asked.
He shrugged.
"Let's go home," she said, walking towards the SUV. "Oh, and Jane?"
"Yes?"
"I'm driving."
So the case is now well and truly over and our heroes are on their way home. But our story continues. Will Jane be able to finally win over the woman he loves?
I hope you come back next chapter to find out.