O HAI GUYS I'M NOT DEAD. (Probably.)

HERE HAVE A CHAPTER. (And thank you for being awesome reviewer people and not giving up on me. Seriously. So. Much. Thanks.)

I-Pin

1.

I-Pin initially falls hard for Hibari Kyouya because of all the traits he shares with her master. Ten years and one increasingly bleak future later, she continues to love him for all the traits he doesn't.

2.

I-Pin has no memory of her birth parents. They were, apparently, talented martial artists in their own rights, her father having been a Triad assassin and her mother Fon's previous pupil, but their combined infamy led to a joint contract on both their heads and a hit on their household when I-Pin was two. She herself was only spared because Fon happened drop by unannounced and managed to eliminate the attackers just minutes too late to save her parents.

Her childhood was anything but orthodox—Fon was never cruel or abusive towards her but the Storm Arcobaleno's strengths lay in teaching combat and survival, not raising a toddler, and so although I-Pin was considered a competent assassin by the age of four and a half, her social skills were rudimentary at best and her massive Electra complex a cause of worry among the few of her associates willing to accept a child as their peer.

I-Pin only realizes what she's missing when Sawada Nana first enters her life.

(I-Pin eventually matures into one of the most level headed and well-adjusted members of the Vongola family thanks to Nana's influence, but that Electra complex never quite goes away.)

3.

I-Pin is fluent in Japanese by the time she is seven. She officially steps out of the Mafia world at age ten in order to dedicate all her efforts towards her education, and is able to breeze through both middle and high school in all of four years free of her obligations to the Vongola. At fifteen she manages to balance her college work with the ramen delivery service that allows her to pay the aforementioned college tuition (she turns down Tsuna's offer to support her on the basis that she's no longer contributing to the family and would rather not take advantage of an old friend) almost flawlessly, save for the occasional hiccup caused by a certain time traveling bazooka.

That said, I-Pin is subjected to no less than eighty-three assassination attempts, one hundred twenty-seven attempted kidnappings, fourteen hostage situations and six incredibly persistent marriage proposals in the five years following her resignation from the Vongola family.

At the very least, she reasons, her martial arts skills will never run the risk of getting rusty, although she's running out of places to hide the bodies.

(Calling Tsuna for help with the disposal is out of the question. I-Pin owes him enough already and she is out of that silly Mafia business now, after all.)

4.

Old man Kawahira is I-Pin's favorite customer—despite his disproval over her bazooka-induced congealed ramen deliveries—simply because they have so much in common. I-Pin recognizes Kawahira as a retired assassin such as herself after her first delivery to his house (although the Mist-fueled security barrier around his yard is a dead giveaway) and gets the man to admit it several accusations and ramen deliveries later, whereupon Kawahira agrees to keep her updated on the continued activities of the Mafia world in exchange for her silence about his former career (and current one, for that matter, as one of Japan's very few but increasingly invaluable Mafia informants).

Thanks to Kawahira and his information, I-Pin has already quit her job, dropped out of college and packed her bags by the time Lambo shows up on her doorstep reluctantly asking for her help in the fight against Byakuran.

5.

I-Pin is mistaken for a boy eight times out of ten every day until she hits puberty. Following those initial few eventful and traumatizing months, she both requires a new wardrobe and finds herself using her martial arts on lovesick teenage boys more often than mafia assassins.

As difficult as teenage hormones are to deal with, I-Pin's greatest challenge is coming to terms with her newfound femininity and the sudden interest of the male gender. Between her unconventional upbringing and former status as "one of the guys", she's ill-equipped to deal with the sudden flood of Valentine's day chocolates, the scribbled notes stuffed in her shoe locker, and the bizarre challenges that end with her would-be suitors in the hospital.

Finally developing ears so she can wear glasses properly totally makes it all worth it, though.

6.

After ten years of having to deal with a whirlwind of chaos, I-Pin is absolutely certain she could never fall for Lambo.

After twenty, she can't imagine living without him.

7.

I-Pin has never wanted to become an assassin; it just takes her a few years to realize that she has other options. She never blames Fon for this—the Arcobaleno had little choice but to give her every means possible to defend herself, considering her parents' reputation, and he's happy enough to seal away her Pinzu Bomb when she asks.

I-Pin's true dream is to become a gourmet chef, and she begins pursuing it as soon as she gets permission from Tsuna.

The Vongola's needs, however, will always come first.

(Her dream is halfway realized when she is made head cook for Tsuna and his Guardians after she serves them a halfway decent meal made entirely from one of Bianchi's recipes.)

8.

I-Pin makes her first kill at age three, three younger than any of the other current Vongola, the Varia included.

Reborn is the only one who knows this. No one else bothers to ask.

9.

I-Pin is already maladjusted enough at five to have trouble dealing with the kindness and affection the other girls show her, but little by little she opens up to them and soon realizes that she's laughed more in the past few months than she had in a lifetime. The Vongola girls have their own set of quirks and dysfunctions, but I-Pin treasures them because they are the first crowd she has ever felt like she's belonged to.

When strange, introverted Chrome Dokuro becomes Tsuna's Mist Guardian, I-Pin isn't the first to extend the hand of friendship, but she is the only one to try persuading Chrome to join their circle of friends after the illusionist refuses.

I-Pin has been there herself after all, and she's eventually rewarded when, after over a year of quiet prompting, she finally sees Chrome Dokuro laugh like she means it.

10.

I-Pin has seen Tsuna as a number of things over the years: a target, an accident, an unlikely heir to the Mafia's most powerful family, a convenient meal ticket, a foster-brother through Sawada Nana's generosity towards all her wards, one of Reborn's many unfortunate victims, a frightened boy with the weight of the world on his shoulders, a reasonable boss, and a powerful friend foremost among them.

But above all, Tsuna has always been there for her when she needed him. And in return, I-Pin vows that she'll always be there for him.

I'M SO SORRY I-PIN BUT YOU WERE JUST. SO. DIFFICULT. I can't go back. I CAN NEVER GO BACK.

And yet, somehow, the vote remains. Lal Mirch, Kyoko, Haru, and Bianchi are still on the table. Thoughts?

Will the semi-regular schedule return? WHO KNOWS? (But I very much hope it does.)

And now I shall go off somewhere until I am slightly less manic. Thanks for putting up with my caps attack, guys. What I want to know is where it was during that Ryohei chapter...