Thanks all for reviewing! I apoligize for the wait; just got finished with the first draft of my novel and the publication process has just begun. Review, enjoy, yada yada yada.
SCENE THREE
(BENVOLIO and MERCUTIO, arm in arm, glance around at the partying guests. No one spares them a second glance).
MERCUTIO. Benvolio, worry not. I've a plan. To-night we have entered just another party, unlike any other we have attended. In the trophy room standeth the ladies - (*gestures to the right*) - and the men in the hall - (*gestures to the left*); we shall adapt to a ladylike way, and thou shalt go to the trophy room to find the weapon thou shalt use to regain thy pride. 'Tis foolproof!
BENVOLIO. I ... am ... so uncomfortable...
MERCUTIO (draws back to examine BENVOLIO). Of course thou art, 'tis thy bosom! What fruit didst thou use?
BENVOLIO. Thou packed us only one grapefruit; I had to use a peach for my right - ouch!
(MERCUTIO starts to adjust the fruit stuffed in BENVOLIO's dress)
BENVOLIO. STOP IT, Mercutio! Don't you think people will wonder?
MERCUTIO. Thou art lopsided, 'tis unnatural...
(Two LADIES exiting the party stop to stare; MERCUTIO freezes and gapes back).
LADY. On then, to the house of Montague.. (they leave).
BENVOLIO. Mercutio, this is not going to work. You look like a man, I look like a man, and Tybalt knows us! So let us go home and change into our real clothing.
MERCUTIO. Nay! We are here to see thou defeat'st Tybalt, and so we will! No one will see through these disguises, I swear to thee! Now dost thou trust me, or dost thou NOT?
(LADY PLACENTIO taps MERCUTIO's shoulder).
MERCUTIO (whips around; smiles nervously. In high voice). Hello!
LADY PLACENTIO. Good evening, good maidens! Who might the two of you be?
(MERCUTIO and BENVOLIO exchange glances).
BENVOLIO (curtsies with the wrong foot in front of the other). I am Debbie.
MERCUTIO. And I am Susie. (attempts to curtsy and trips; LADY PLACENTIO raises an eyebrow). Teehee.
LADY PLACENTIO. Debbie and Susie, 'tis a pleasure to have you at my home to-night. My husband hath so many ... er, lovely friends I had not met before to-night! I pray you enjoy yourself. Excuse me.. (hurries away).
BENVOLIO. Good save.
MERCUTIO. Thank thee. Now, onto business...
(They approach the trophy room, which is full of giggling maidens).
MERCUTIO. Study them, Benny...dost thou see how they hold themselves up, how they walk with that tiny swing of their hips? We must walk that way.
(They attempt to, only to realize they don't know exactly know where they're going. There are many closed groups of girls holding different conversations. They peek into one of them, where four CAPULET GIRLS are howling with laughter).
ALLEGRA. ... and so I told him, 'Ay, I would like to walk to the plaza with thee...when? On the day after NEVER!'
JULIET (giggling). Thou awful thing! Poor Petruchio.
CONSOLATA. He hath been a suitor of many - scorn'd by all he hath pursued, so I have heard. The most harshly rejected gentleman in all Verona is Petruchio!
YOLANDA. Ay, but forget you all Ricardo? Allegra, hast not thou told Consolata and Juliet?
ALLEGRA. Of Ricardo? My poor brother. Orlandina hath broken his poor heart, and would not go out to-night in fear of seeing her.
(The girls 'awww'; BENVOLIO joins the 'awww'ing a beat too late, but MERCUTIO stifles a cruel laugh).
CONSOLATA. But Ricardo is a courtly gentleman! How come Orlandina to deny him?
ALLEGRA. Tell no one, but Ricardo believes 'tis because of Romeo. Romeo Montague.
JULIET (biting her lip). What about him?
ALLEGRA: He hath been pursuing her, and she hath given in. Ricardo's wondrous angry -
JULIET: Doth Romeo know she now returneth his admiration?
MERCUTIO (blurts out speaking). Romeo hath given up ladies. He loveth no-one anymore.
YOLANDA (blinks). Who are you?
CONSOLATA (to BENVOLIO). And you?
MERCUTIO. I am Debbie.
BENVOLIO (simultaneously with MERCUTIO). I am Susie.
(They exchange glances).
BENVOLIO. Nay, I am Debbie.
MERCUTIO (simultaneously with BENVOLIO). Nay, I am Debbie!
ALLEGRA: Come, which of you is Debbie, and which is Susie?
MERCUTIO. Uh...'cum' is a dirty word, little maiden...
(The CAPULET GIRLS stare, unimpressed).
MERCUTIO (whispers to BENVOLIO). They suspect us. Get thee hence; practice thy girl-walk.
(BENVOLIO sashays away)
MERCUTIO. Forgive her, my friends. She is fond of the drink - too fond, if you know of which fondness I refer to. I am Debbie.
CONSOLATA: Good even, Debbie. We are all cousins from the house of Capulet.
MERCUTIO. Ay, I know.
YOLANDA. How come thee to know us, and still to know Romeo Montague?
MERCUTIO (thinking fast). Ah, well, 'tis not so much Romeo I know; however, for the longest time I have admired his friend...what is he, that incredibly handsome and spirited youth who is of the Prince's blood?
ALLEGRA. Why, thou speak'st of Signor Mercutio.
MERCUTIO. Ay, he! (*swoons*) I have admired the nobleman Mercutio for the longest of months...
ALLEGRA: Well then, good Debbie, if you are so fond of Mercutio, then I cannot be fond of you.
(CONSOLATA, JULIET and YOLANDA are not looking at MERCUTIO, but at ALLEGRA, who has crossed her arms.)