More ridiculousness! Now with sprinkles-er, sparkles. And a duel.

Disclaimer: I don't own Yu-Gi-Oh or anything referenced in this story, except for Rosemary.

-O-o-O-o-

It took a minute to register that she wanted to duel them.

"You want a duel?" Seto asked, though it was pretty obvious (she was flashing her deck; that was the only card game anyone ever played-perhaps it hadn't really registered. Seto was still kind of loopy).

"Why not?" She smiled with all the radiance of the sun. Mokuba and Seto shielded their eyes from her golden aura.

"Okay, but don't hold your breath about winning." Seto dug around in his trench coat pocket for his deck.

"I wouldn't be so sure about that…" she trailed off, her voice like the end of a particularly pretty song. Mokuba really wished the neighbors would turn their stereo down.

Seto narrowed his eyes, but then he couldn't see as well, so he opened them to an appropriately annoyed size. Was this woman actually implying she could beat the Great and Almighty Seto Kaiba at Duel Monsters? Was she insinuating that she was better than him at something? This lowly pink-hued, sparkly wench? What card could she have that could beat three Blue Eyes White Dragons and his other, less memorable powerhouses?

Where had he seen that crazy "Do as I say or face the consequences" glint in her eyes before?

"Um, Seto?" Mokuba poked his brother. "I think she wants an answer before next morning."

Seto snapped out of his self-aggrandizing trance. "Bring it on."

The three proceeded to the Kaibas' very own duel station in the basement of the mansion. It seemed they climbed down miles of staircase, but that might be because they were all too busy playing card games/getting kidnapped/looking pretty to exercise much.

Seto finished pushing a white-clad, orange-eyed, lime green haired man that looked oddly like himself ("Back to your cell!") back into a trap door and turned to face Rosemary.

"All right, then. Let's duel."

They boarded the duel stations. Mokuba donned a conductor's hat for the occasion.

The duel wasn't off to the best start.

"You might want to turn the station on first," Mokuba suggested, flipping the switch on the wall.

"Oh. I thought it was kind of dark," Seto thought. "How did I forget to do that?" He shuffled his deck. "At least I'll be guaranteed a win against this chick. And possibly a good battle."

He was sorely disappointed several turns in.

"I summon the 'Magical Unicorn of Venus!'" Rosemary called, flicking a sparkly holographic card from her hand.

"What? That's not a card. There haven't even been any new card shipments. And I should know, unless those cameras I snuck into Yugi's shop aren't filming everything," Seto protested.

"You put cameras in Yugi's house?" Mokuba gawked at Seto.

"No, Mokuba. I put them in the shop. And in his bedroom. Not in the whole house."

"And I'll combine it with the 'Pan-Rainbow' Magic card, to increase my attack points to 20,000."

"Really, now, it's not funny. Cut it out." Seto folded his arms.

A white sparkly unicorn appeared on the field. If there were a show called "Pimp My Equine Ride," this unicorn would certainly be featured in the opening credits. The beast's hair was toilet bowl porcelain white with a few silver strands, giving the entire coat its sparkle. His hooves appeared to be made of diamonds-or giant misshapen rhinestones. His mane and tail were like gold, or silk, or golden silk, and they cascaded to the duel field like a sea of gold or a golden shower. His rose quartz horn corkscrewed from his forehead, two golden orbs mounted at the base of the horn.

"I'd comment on the blatantly phallic imagery on your unicorn's forehead, but I'm too busy wondering how it's being read as an actual existing card," Seto said, shielding his eyes from the bright creature. What was with this lady and blinding lights? "What kind of tricks are you playing? Did you hack the system?"

Rosemary's silvery eyes widened. "Are you accusing me of cheating?"

"No, I'm patronizing a rent boy. Of course I'm accusing you of cheating. That card is nonexistent, and we all know it. Don't insult my intelligence."

Rosemary merely smiled tightly. "I have absolutely no hacking skills. If this isn't a legitimate card, why is your technology reading it as such, and more importantly, why is it attacking your dragons?"

They turned their attention to the field. Rainbows shot out of the unicorn's horn. A synthpop waltz started up. It took a while for Seto to realize it was coming from the unicorn.

"Our attack is not misbegotten, so now your dragons will fry. Behold my volley of light!" the unicorn sang as his sparkly rainbow beam engulfed Seto's dragons. The unicorn made kabobs of them and devoured Seto's life points.

"Isn't that the wrong song?" Mokuba wondered as Seto stared at the field.

"It looks like I win." Rosemary beamed, her perfectly white teeth lighting up the whole damn basement.

Seto just stood there. What just happened?

-O-o-O-o-O-

"Tell me how you did it right now, and I'll let you leave the basement."

They were on one of the many landings. Mokuba and Rosemary were coming up the stairs while Seto had lingered at his post a bit longer, much they way he did when Yugi beat him. Unlike his first defeat, he recovered quickly and told Mokuba he would shut the duel station down before he went upstairs. They were almost to the top when Seto popped out of a trap door like a sideways jack-in-the-box (kicking the unidentified green-haired man's hands off his trench coat as he did so) and blocked the door.

Rosemary looked up with an expression that could only be described as "charmingly bewildered." Like she were a three year old being scolded jokingly by her parents for finger-painting a perfect replica of the Sistine Chapel ceiling on the kitchen wall.

"I defeated you with a very powerful monster combined with a magic card. Now would you kindly let me exit the basement?" Rosemary answered with all the politeness of a Queen. Seto narrowed his eyes. Sickening. Why bother with niceties when you were no better than a snake in the grass?

"You know damn well what I mean, and that's not it. That was not an authorized Duel Monsters card and thus should neither have been recognized by the duel station nor actually been able to attack. Either Pegasus has gone even further off the deep end-not possible-or you hacked the system."

"Could you not accept that someone actually managed to beat you?"

"No!" Seto was sure he was starting to resemble the wild-eyed, green-haired man he'd recently dealt with, but he didn't care at this point. "Tell me what you did. Let me inspect your deck." He forced a somewhat (by his currently warped standards) cordial expression onto his face. "Please."

"Seto, you're kinda scaring me," Mokuba tittered, edging toward the door.

"Why do you need to see my whole deck? Wouldn't it make more sense for me to just show you the two cards I used?" How the hell could she be so calm at a moment like this?

"IT PUTS THE DECK IN MY HAND OR ELSE IT GETS THE STAIRS!" Seto shouted. "It's a long way down, Miss Rosemary…I'm sure my little friend would like to accompany you." He jerked his head toward the trap door through which he'd entered. "Wouldn't you like some company on your…long…trip…down?"

Rosemary inspected her perfectly glossy nails. "Not particularly. Why are you spacing your words out like that?"

Mokuba sprung into action. He opened the basement door, causing Seto to tumble backwards and land on his rear. "Sorry, Seto, but you're being uncharacteristically insane today." He dragged the young man in front of the bathroom at the top of the stairs and pinned him down while Rosemary climbed the last few steps, looking back at the trap door curiously. It didn't help that she stepped over Seto's legs as she did so. He tried to trip her, but failed as she danced out of the way, much to his disgust and anger.

Rosemary looked up at the clock hanging above the basement door. "It's getting late. I should go now." She turned to Mokuba. "Is he going to be okay?"

"He'll be fine." Mokuba glanced down at Seto. He was foaming at the mouth. "By tomorrow, anyway."

Rosemary shrugged her delicate shoulders. "Good night, then."

As she walked away, Mokuba couldn't help but notice the golden hairpin sticking out of the tiny bun at the back of her head. He was specifically interested in the eye on the end of the pin. Where had he seen that before?

"Hmm. I think I know who might be able to help us," he thought. As Seto staggered into the bathroom, Mokuba grabbed the Domino phonebook from a shelf and scanned the "I" section.

"Why does this bus keep flushing when I put the brakes on?" Seto moaned from the bathroom, his voice echoing.

"Because that's the toilet," Mokuba answered, then closed the door so Seto could have some privacy while puking.

Upstairs, Noah was sniffing a lock of hair that had fallen from Rosemary's head onto his shirt.

"Ahh…Lavender and freesia."

-O-o-O-o-O-

"Why do we need to see this loon again?"

Mokuba sighed as Seto turned off of Chess Avenue onto Poker Street. Hadn't he just told him about it a few minutes ago? He could understand Seto not quite getting it when he explained his plan last night; it was doubtful Seto could even hear over the flushing of the toilet. Then this morning, he had to go over the plan to meet Ishizu (who was in Domino to supervise the traveling Egyptian artifact exhibit) all over again at breakfast. Again, excusable, considering Seto was distracted with eating. Or, rather, staring down his Alpha-Chips cereal, because there were two I's right next to each other, challenging his authority.

Mokuba was really starting to wonder about him.

Then, they had to wake Noah, who was still mooning over that clump of pink and blond hair, even while sleeping. Mokuba managed to wake him up for a short time and explain the plan to him (and Seto, again). Noah looked like he was ready to act like a rational human until the wind blew the hair up in front of his face and he snatched it up, content to settle back into his trance. They left him to rub his face against it to his heart's content.

"Don't know what he sees in it, anyway; it looks synthetic," Seto muttered as they walked out. "What are we doing, again?"

Mokuba was a lot more patient than his biological brother. But like Seto, he didn't like repeating himself. He calmly explained the plan a fourth time, with Seto making his usual "Hocus-pocus nonsense" cracks (which Mokuba begged him not to say in front of Ishizu).

And here they were: Seto, driving (he was sure he could pass a breathalyzer); Mokuba, wondering where his brother's memory and attention span went and if they were in the same place as Noah's sanity.

"We're seeing Ishizu," Mokuba repeated, "because of the eye I saw on Rosemary's hairpin. It looks like the eye on the Millennium Items. But there shouldn't be any of those left."

"Did you think it might just be a coincidence?" Seto cut off a guy coming down 52 Pick-Up Street. As it very nearly became "Four Pile-Up" Street, Mokuba heard the chorus of car horns. In one fluid motion, Seto gave what looked like a "turning" hand signal, except only one finger went up.

"Seto! What was that about?" Mokuba exclaimed.

"It's not like they weren't thinking of doing the same thing." Seto completed the turn and pulled up to the museum. "We're here."

Mokuba got out of the car. "You're acting even crazier than usual, you know that?"

"I'm not crazy." Seto got out and locked the door. "Crazy is like those people you see on reality shows, acting out for a few dollars. Crazy is Wheeler actually believing he can last a few seconds in a duel against someone worthwhile. Crazy is sleeping in your car outside your rival's house, hoping he'll reveal his winning strategy, then getting a ladder and-okay, you get the point."

Mokuba gave him a sideways look. "I'm going to walk over here for now." He moved about two feet away from his brother (or this being who resembled his brother).

Light streamed in through the plate glass windows as they proceeded to Ishizu's office. She smiled politely as they entered.

"Good morning, brothers Kaiba."

"Good morning," Mokuba responded respectfully as they all sat down. Seto stared at a point vaguely behind Ishizu's head and said nothing.

"Have you had a chance to look at the exhibit?" Ishizu asked.

"Not yet. We're going to, though, but we have a problem." He shifted in his chair. "The Millennium Items were all destroyed, weren't they?"

"They were sealed underground for eternity. They are highly unlikely to resurface." She tilted her head. "Have you seen any signs that they aren't quite so buried?"

"Other than Yugi's long-lost cousin, Yami, mysteriously showing up a few months ago…" Mokuba cast a sideways glance at Seto to check his reaction. He was now staring levelly at Ishizu, his head tilted at an angle twice as large as hers. "We hired a woman to help us around the house," he continued. "Our father and our brother started acting really weirdly after she showed up."

"What do you consider weird?"

"They give her a lot of attention. A lot of positive attention. Like, they're obsessed with her, or something. Noah even thinks he's in love with her." Mokuba shrugged. Seto continued to look like a confused owl.

"And your concerns about the Millennium Items?" Ishizu prompted.

"Well, one night, while she was leaving, she turned around and she was wearing this hairpin. I wouldn't have noticed it, usually, except it had a gold eye at the end, just like the Millennium Items. I don't think she could've bought it at a store, because no one else would know about the eye to be able to use it as a design."

"Hmm." Ishizu's interest was apparent. "You're sure the eye was identical to the ones on the Items?'

"Positive."

Ishizu was absorbed in thought for a minute. "What does this woman look like?"

"She's really pale, with pink and blond hair and silver eyes. Or they're violet. They change colors. Also, whenever Noah looks at her, it's like he hypnotized. Seto and I can barely look at her. Sometimes we can see her, but other times, we have to shield our eyes because the light she reflects is so bright!"

Ishizu was leaning forward. "Is it a white light, and is it sometimes gold?'

Mokuba perked up, nodding energetically. "Yes!"

"Like a full-body aura?"

Mokuba nodded like a metal head.

"Almost like looking into the sun? Only, with glitter?"

"That's her exactly!" Mokuba was floored. "How did you know?"

Ishizu looked much less calm than before-a little distressed, actually. Mokuba was unnerved. "This isn't a good sign. After what you've told me, I fear this may be a bigger problem than any of us can handle." She went over to the window and gazed out. Mokuba got up to look as well. At first, he didn't see anything out of the ordinary; it was just the usual sunny day in Domino.

Then he saw the pink clouds rolling in, tuning the sky a lilac color. Almost like the Shadow Realm, only more pastel.

"Tell me, Mokuba, what is this woman's name?" Ishizu's voice was tinged with urgency.

"Her name is Rosemary," Mokuba answered.

Ishizu drew back, horror passing over her face so quickly, Mokuba almost missed it. "This is much worse than the Shadow Realm," she intoned dazedly.

"That's enough."

Both Mokuba and Ishizu spun around, right round, like a tilt-a-whirl, to face Seto.

"If I have to hear one more of your fairy tales, I swear I'll go insane."

Mokuba rolled his eyes. "Seto…"

"When are you going to realize all this Millennium stuff is just a bunch of hocus-pocus nonsense?"

"Don't be rude, Seto."

Ishizu wasn't fazed by Seto's outburst. "You may choose to believe whatever you want to. However, if you don't do something soon, you and your brothers may be in great danger."

Seto cackled, a little too shrilly for Mokuba's liking. "You're so predictable! No wonder I beat you in my tournament. Maybe I'm the one's who's psychic." Seto continued to cackle until he fell off his chair. "Ow."

Mokuba looked up at Ishizu. "I hate to run out, but I think I have to get my brother home."

Ishizu nodded, glancing over at Seto, who was having trouble maneuvering with his trench coat flopping everywhere. "I understand completely."

Mokuba pulled Seto up and dragged him out, waving to Ishizu as they exited.

"What is your problem today? You're acting like someone from a bad performance art piece!" Mokuba hissed as he dragged Seto down the hall.

"Obelisk…" Seto shoved his face into a square pillar and started to lick it. The two security guards (thankfully, the only two people around) stared, amused.

"Holy…" Mokuba yanked his brother away from the pillar and dragged him toward the exit. "Why are you acting so stupid?"

They made it out the automatic doors without further ado. The streets were empty, just like the museum. Where was everybody?

Mokuba readjusted Seto on his shoulders, preparing to pivot in the direction of their car when a smooth tenor asked, "Need some help with him?"

-O-o-O-o-

Cliffhanger. I'll actually try not to leave it hanging for too long. I'll try really, really hard.