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Special thanks to beta Notes From the Classroom. Check out her latest "Crossing" for happier S/U and Pike and his Number One.

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The Fourth Time

It's the night of the Holiday Party. Uhura's in an access conduit repairing a broken circuit in the Universal Translator, and Jim's crawling in after her to drag her work-a-holic butt to the festivities.

He gets just a few inches below her without her noticing. She's got one foot on the ladder step above his head, another braced two rungs up. He watches her long delicate fingers handling a soldering iron and isn't surprised by her grace.

Clearing his throat he says, "It can wait, Lieutenant."

Visibly starting, she lets out a gasp that makes Jim bite his lip. Then she looks down at him, her face haloed by light. "Captain, I didn't see you there."

Her hair isn't in its usual ponytail; it's pulled back low and tight at the nape of her neck. Certainly it is more practical for the job she's doing now, but it is also more elegant. Thank God she's wearing pants; if she was in the standard issue skirt Jim thinks he'd lose all ability to string words together. As it is, in this small confined space, his mind is running off in inconvenient trajectories. Some predictably profane. Some not. He has an inexplicable desire to rest his head against the inside curve of the boot so close to his cheek.

"I'm almost done," she says and he realizes he's taken much too long to speak. "Just maybe about an hour more..."

Sighing, Jim says, "Uhura, it's Christmas, or Hannukah, or Ramadan, or whatever you prefer."

She licks her lips and he finds himself licking his own mouth, suddenly realizing how wet it is. "Deck 6 can live without the UT for a day," he says.

She hesitates for a beat and then nods. "You're right."

Grinning up at her he says, "The Captain is always right."

She raises an eyebrow. "You know I can't respond to that appropriately while I'm on duty."

Laughing he says, "So pack up your gear and get off duty, Lieutenant." Because he wants her to respond appropriately to all his comments. Jim knows how leaders tumble, how they can be lulled by their worshippers into believing they are more than mere mortals - and Jim does have worshippers, believe it. Uhura, Bones and Spock are like gravity. Without them he might lose all contact with the ground and float away.

...Or just get blown up by Klingons.

Smiling, she says, "Aye, Captain."

They could climb down the conduit, walk 50 meters down the hall, catch a turbolift and go to the rec room the normal way, or they can go up ten meters, crawl along a horizontal shaft another 10, and enter the rec room through the service hallway. They go up.

Nyota goes through the hatch into the hallway first. And then she freezes, her eyes focused ahead.

"Hey, move it, Lieutenant!" Jim says.

But she doesn't move.

Curious, Jim pokes his head around and there is Spock dropping his hands very quickly from Christine's temple.

"Why are you here?" Spock asks, sounding almost...angry. His face is a little flushed, his hair a little askew.

"Nyota?" say Christine. In the small, poorly-ventilated hall, Jim can smell the reek of alcohol.

Jim is furious.

If Spock's been unfaithful to Uhura since the first mission, he's been very discreet. Jim's not heard or seen anything of it. And Jim's told himself for the last two years that Spock has never been unfaithful to Uhura; that Gaila's comment was for him, the Andorian was before Spock was romantically involved with his communications officer, and that Leila was coming out of another apartment...He wants Spock to be innocent. He needs Spock to be innocent. Jim's built the best damn crew in the fleet and he doesn't need something like this fucking it up.

And then he looks at Uhura and it's not about him anymore.

She's standing immobilized, her eyes glued to Spock, her features a perfect mask of shock and...and this is what really chills Jim...fear.

They're all frozen in place. No one is moving and someone has to, so he does. He pulls himself out of the access conduit and levels his eyes at Spock. "Don't bring this to my bridge," he says lowly.

"Yes, Captain," say Spock and Uhura in unison and Jim wants to kick himself. She's taking Spock's fuck up on herself, and he didn't mean it that way. But of course, she's right, he realizes. It is half her responsibility, too. She's dating a fellow bridge officer.

But he wishes he wasn't Captain, that he hadn't compounded her pain. He can't say that, though. All he can say is, "Chapel, you're with me," and lead the inebriated nurse from the hall. He hopes that helps at least a little.

Jim's walking to Uhura's quarters later that night. He wants to apologize. For taking her off duty. For going up instead of down. For being Captain when she needs a friend. But he rounds a corner and sees Spock outside the entrance to her quarters.

For a moment they stare at each other. They've never been friends, Jim and this Spock. After feeling what he did from old Spock, Jim really wanted to be friends, and he tried. But this Spock is angrier than old Spock. Not that he doesn't have reason to be. Old Spock has confessed to Jim that he too was more emotional, less logical when he was young. It took personal and professional tragedy to make him truly embrace logic - but Old Spock won't elaborate on it.

That personal epiphany hasn't occurred yet with this Spock. His head is tilted down, his eyes are blazing at Jim.

And then Jim hears a whoosh. Spock turns away and then vanishes into Uhura's chambers. There is another whoosh.

Jim walks over and spends a few minutes staring at the numbers stamped into the metal of her door. And then he leaves.

x x x x

Jim never sees Uhura after that, not alone. Oh, she's on the bridge, more haughty and imperious than ever, but he doesn't see her in the rec room on holo nights, alone in the mess, or in the gym. She's hiding in plain sight. He's not sure what to do about it, so he does nothing.

He's playing poker with Bones and Scotty three weeks later in one of the small conference rooms. He's not doing well because he's drinking, but Bones is talking about his 8 year-old daughter Joanna and that always makes Jim drink. Bones is his best friend and Jim tries to keep his mouth shut, and tries not to be judgmental; but it's hard, really hard.

When Uhura comes in and joins the game he's too pissed— emotionally and physically—to do much more than nod and grunt.

A few minutes into the next hand and Bones says, "She's shacking up with the guy she cheated on me with! And what the Hell, I've never even met him, but now he's raising my daughter."

And Jim is going to scream at him, but he can't, or shouldn't, because he needs Bones, especially now that he and Uhura aren't speaking. Or not as friends anyway.

Without a word, Jim throws down his hand and leaves the table.

"Wot?" Scotty says as Jim stomps to the door in what he knows is a grown up temper tantrum. "You're leavin' us, Captain?"

But Jim's already at the door and walking down the hall. He swings into a small kitchenette in the conference room wing, bends over the sink and begins furiously splashing his face with the water.

"What's the matter, Jimmy," says a familiar voice from behind. "It's not like you to run away. Even when you know I'm about to clean you out."

Jim turns around and looks at her. She's leaning in the door frame, but even in that position he can see she's too stiff, all angles and jaunty edges still. And fine. They can't talk about her problems obviously, but maybe they can talk about his, because he's been holding this in for over five years now.

"He always bitches about the guy his ex is seeing," Jim says, or slurs, or shouts, he's not sure. "And claims that he gives a fuck about the guy raising Joanna, but then why the fuck is he here, Uhura? Why is Bones here? He had a choice! He could be down on Earth right now, watchin' over his little girl but he ran away!

"You don't run from your children, you don't..."

Jim sags backwards against the sink and rubs a hand over his eyes. Jim's only faced one no-win scenario in his life, and that was choosing between being beat up by Frank or being beat up in juvie, and he's promised he'll never, never leave any child of his so lost and so helpless.

"Oh, Jimmy," Uhura says.

He looks up at her. She's not leaning on the door frame now; she's standing up straight, arms at her side, and her eyes...her eyes are wide and wet, like she understands, like she feels exactly the way he does. No one's looked at him that way, not since Gaila, and he's never seen her like this, so soft.

He swallows. And then she comes forward and wraps her arms around him and it's like she's just melted into him. He closes his eyes not sure what he should do.

"No, you don't Jimmy, you don't," she whispers into his neck. And of course she does understand.

He brings his arms up slowly, but as soon as his hands touch her back, he pulls her in tight, like he's afraid she'll slip away at any moment, or he will. He hears a gasp and realizes it's his own.

"It's okay, Jimmy, it's okay," she whispers.

No one should feel this perfect in his arms. No one should just fit like this, like she's made to be there, so small, and so strong all at once.

Does she feel this good to Spock? He doesn't know, but there is one thing he does know. "He doesn't deserve you," Jim says. "He doesn't deserve you." Because, really, who could?

As soon as he says it he knows he's doomed. He has the same sinking sensation he did when he realized his father's corvette was going to go over that cliff. He closes his eyes tighter, and tries to hold on, but she stiffens in his arms and then pulls away. His eyes open, and he sees her eyes are still wet, but they're hard again, too.

"What are you talking about?" she says. And before he can answer, she drops her head and says, "Christine was just drunk and...confused...and someone slipped him some chocolate..."

Looking up at him, her eyes narrow and she says, "Just what are you trying to pull? Did you think just because I took pity on you I'd..." She doesn't finish. She doesn't have to.

She exhales loudly, and shaking her head she turns and leaves.

He doesn't answer. He can't. Because honestly, he's not sure what he was trying to do.

A/N:

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