The tour has been brilliant. Better than you the one in America, all those months ago. Before all of this drama began. Although, the drama is worth it.
We didn't hear from Jessica again after Melbourne. Thank goodness for that. I don't know if I could stand another round with her, she might hit me next time. Mind you I would prefer that to her hitting Edward again.
I was right about the baby bump. It's nearing the 4 month mark and a defined bump is there. Sometimes I imagine it to be twice the size, imagine what I will be like when I'm huge. Edward assures me that he'll still think I'm beautiful even when I'm my own planet.
I don't think anyone has noticed it yet, especially the press. We've been keeping a very low profile since Melbourne, and it seems to be working. We haven't been hassled majorly for quite a bit.
We're in Brisbane now, doing our last shows. We had Christmas here, which is a shame, because I didn't get to see my family or anything like that. Not that I have much of a family. Apart from Alice, I don't talk to my family other than occasions like Christmas. It's quite awkward.
Next year that will change. I'll have my own family. Made of Edward, baby to be, Alice and myself. And I can't wait.
It's the middle of the night, and Edward's asleep. I don't know how he can sleep all night with his arms around me, but somehow he manages. He hardly twitches when he sleeps, it's bizarre. Anyway, I can't sleep, because I'm too busy thinking about the future. Boy or girl? Names, endless names… Blonde or brunette? Will he or she have musical talent? Will I keep going with my career, or will I be a stay-at-home-mom? I must have been tossing a little bit, because Edward moves, meaning he is awake.
"You awake Bells?" he says sleepily.
"No," I joke. He laughs. He pulls my shoulder so I am facing him.
"Why are you still awake? It's 2 am."
"I can't sleep…" I say truthfully. He frowns.
"Why?"
"I just can't stop thinking about the future. So many questions are running through my head. Things to sort out, things to decide…" I rambled.
"Hey, come on now. You don't need to worry about that at the moment. All you need to focus on at the moment is getting these last shows done. Ok?" he says gently. He waits for a response, so I nod. He smiles and tightens his grip on me. He starts to rub my back, an attempt to get me to sleep. But I can't help but let my mind wander back to those queries. I swear Edward's a mind reader.
"Stop thinking about it," he sighs. "Do you want me to sing you to sleep?" I look up at him and smile. His voice could put anyone to sleep. But in a good way, not in a boring way. He starts to hum Bruno Mars' "Just The Way You Are"; one of my favourite songs. I close my eyes and start to drift to sleep. But before I do, I have to ask something important.
"Edward am I the rebound girl?" I ask slowly. At that he laughs.
"Are you high?" he chuckles. I laugh as well. He continues to hum to me. Well that settles that. I slowly drift to sleep.
It is exceptionally hot today, here in Brisbane. I'm melting in my shorts and singlet. The hotel's air conditioner has broken. I'm never staying here again, that's for sure. Of course, Edward is worried about my health, and the health of the baby in the heat. I assure him that the temperature is not going to interfere with any growing.
We didn't want to find out the gender of the baby, we want it to be a surprise. My idea of course. Edward happily agreed, but then he'll agree with anything I say.
There isn't much to do at all today. Just the show. The second last show of the tour. I can't believe it's almost over already. I love it here. I love the people, the place I've been to, the venues. Everything. I don't want to leave. I'm definitely coming back.
I'm lying n the bed, trying to sleep, and running through lyrics in my head. I'm half way through Perfect when Edward comes in. He smiles at me. Even in his smile I can see that he loves me. It's a smile of affection, a smile that says "You're amazing". I smile back at him, hoping that he see the same in my smile. He sits next to me, stroking my sweaty cheek.
"Sorry, I probably look disgusting," I apologise.
"Silly Bella. You never look disgusting," he scoffs, and pokes me on the nose.
"What if I was mauled? Like that girl in Twilight… what was her name?" I've read that book maybe twice? It started with E I think…
"You would still be the most beautiful girl in the universe," he says with a smile. I grimace. At that he laughs. "Did I wake you up, by the way?" he asks.
"No, no. I was just going through my lyrics in my head. I can't concentrate very well, so I was going through them, so I don't blank on stage." That would embarrassing.
"I'm sure you won't," he reassures me. He smiles. I can't help but smile back, it's infectious. "Oh, and her name was Emily." He winked.
He was right of course. I didn't stuff up once. You would think I wouldn't, after doing so many shows, but occasionally I'll make a mistake that will send me into a blush so bad you could spot me from the other side of park. But I didn't make one, so I was happy.
So was Steve. He was grinning for ear to ear as I stepped backstage. Edward helped me back to my dressing room again. I was about to sit down in the chair, when I lurched. Something nudged my belly inside of me. I fell onto the floor, because I had lost my balance. I sat up, hand on my belly. Edward was fussing over me, stroking my face and checking to see if I was hurt. I think he was talking, but I wasn't paying attention, so I couldn't be sure. After a while he noticed my position.
"Bella? Bella talk to me, I'm begging you," he pleads. I look up at him. I gasp as the baby kicks again. I can feel it on my hand as well. I decide to put Edward out of his misery.
"Edward, come see! Or feel, that is." I grab his hand and put it to my belly. Nothing happens for a little while, but when Edward looks up at me, the baby starts to kick. He looks at me, wide-eyed, and smiles. I grin back. Steve comes in, seeing what the commotion was. He notices our position on the floor and cocks his head to the side, in a confused manner. I grin at him. He raises one eyebrow and walks out. I laugh. Edward laughs with me.
I am still beaming when we get back to the hotel. I never believed anyone when they said it was an amazing experience, when the baby first kicks. I've never felt happier in my life. I'm doing what I love, with my friends, and the person I love, and my potential son or daughter growing. I can't stop bouncing, and my cheeks hurt from smiling, but I can't stop.
Edward is happier than I am, if that's possible. I try to calm down by having a shower, but that didn't work. I can't get to sleep, but then neither can Edward. As it's my last show tomorrow, I really should rest, but I'm too keyed up. So I decide to kiss my boyfriend instead.
I wake up the next morning with maybe one or two hours sleep. I pull myself from Edward's arms and try to tame the mess that is my hair. Elisa is not going to be happy with me. There are shadows under my eyes, and… oh crap, I see a pimple coming on. Hmm… nothing a bit of cover-up won't fix. I'm still admiring my hideous look when Edward comes into the bathroom. I turn around to hug him, and can't help glancing at his topless form. He notices my stare.
"What?" he asks.
"Nothing…" I giggle, blushing a little.
"Does my being half naked bother you?" he smirks. At that I can only giggle more. What a silly question. The baby kicked in agreement.
There wasn't anything else to do, so we decided to head down to the beach. It was blisteringly hot, and I couldn't resist the perfectly white sand and aqua ocean of the Brisbane beaches.
I took my sunglasses off to have a swim. That was a bad idea. Bright light. Blinding. Bleh. I come back to my towel dripping. I don't bother to dry myself, the water feels nice. I lie down to sunbake. The beach is practically deserted, no one has even noticed me yet. Edward is sitting on his towel, reading a book.
"Why don't you go for a swim?" I suggested when he put the book down.
"Um, err… no, I'm fine…" he stammers, fear in his eyes. That's not like him. Nothing scares Edward. At least not this bad.
"Spill." He sighs. He looks down, as if he is embarrassed.
"I used to love the ocean. I used to live near there, in my parents house by the sea. I would go every morning for a swim, and sometimes surf. I was okay at it too. But then… when I was twelve, I was having a swim, like I usually did. I was being arrogant and big-headed, I thought that the signs were stupid. I swam into a rip-tide, either accidently or on purpose, I can't remember. I started to get swept out. I went quite far out, and couldn't swim back. I struggled and struggled against it, not realising that I was being pulled towards the rocks of the cliffs that surrounded our tiny bay. I was slammed against the rocks at least twice, and washed up onto them. I haven't been in the water since. We had to move house because I was so afraid of the ocean, I couldn't even be close to it. I can't physically get any closer than this." He held up his arm to show me the long white scar running down his forearm. He then turned his back to me to show me the ones on his lower back. He was shaking, his eyes still fearful. I had never seen this side to him. I didn't know what to say. But it explains why he didn't want to take a bath…
I didn't know what to do. I went for a hug, hesitant. But he pulled me in, so I gave him the most sympathetic hug I could manage.
"Honey, it's ok. I'm sorry that's happened to you, and we don't have to stay here," I soothed. He shook his head.
"It's okay, I don't mind. It's the only place you'll wear that," he said, glancing at my not so appropriate bikini, and winked. I blushed.
Yes baby, I know he's making my heart fly, stop kicking already.