Hi guys :)! It's been a long time since I even attempted writing fanfiction. BUT, I hope you enjoy this anyway. Sorry for not updating in... well, years. :) x

Lily - Normal

Sirius - Bold

James - Normal underlined

Remus - Italics

Peter - Bold Italics

Hey Moony, where's your hot property of a girlfriend today?

You know full well that we broke up, Padfoot.

You broke up? Why?

Things were getting too serious, so I ended it.

She was really torn up about it though mate.

Are you scared of commitment, Remus?

I've been telling you all along that he is exactly like me underneath. Moony, you're a sly one, old boy.

Old boy?

I dunno, it sort of fitted with Moony being a sexual predator and all.

For the last time, please stop telling people that. And PLEASE stop telling people that I aspire to be like you.

There would be some pro's to being Sirius.

Which are immensely outweighed by the cons.

Thank you, Wormtail! Finally someone is coming around to my way of thinking.

Only because he is too stupid to realise what it would actually be like to be you.

Oh, come on! EVERYONE wants to be like me!

Sometimes I worry about you. Either you're really thick, or just plain old deluded.

Evans, I know that you're dating my best mate and all, but there is no need to hide your feelings from me!

Yes, because you're the first person I want to discuss my feelings with.

Wormtail does.

Honestly Wormtail, what good is that? I doubt you'd gain any knowledge from the prat.

They are both dunderheads, how come we have never come across one of your little 'sessions'?

Wormtail and I do it away from prying eyes and open ears.

Black, talking like that makes it seem like you and Peter are in a sexual relationship.

Well, that's one thing I would gouge my eyes out for so I would never have to witness it.

I'd rather have you, Remmy-boy. – Suggestive wink –

You really are immature.

You know I'm only having a laugh.

That could really toy with Moony's emotions.

You did not just say that, James.

Moony knows I'm only messing, it's what guys do.

It's not like he's going to cry.

Or hate us forever.

But just imagine if he did!

Shut up, Padfoot, my head is actually pounding from the sound of your voice.

No! Listen it's like a movie. A young boy becomes so depressed, because his friends taunt him for being gay, when all he wants to do is tell his exceptionally good looking and muscular best friend that he loves him. He becomes so upset that he cries all the time and then comes the shocking event of him throwing himself off of the Astronomy tower, where he unfortunately falls into the Black Lake and into the mouth of the Giant Squid.

Are you sure you haven't written that about yourself?

Oh yeah, and who would be the 'exceptionally good looking and muscular best friend'?

Me?

You don't give off the bad boy vibe well enough, I mean you wear glasses and have stupid hair.

Calm down you two, Padfoot that is the stupidest thing I have ever heard.

Thank you Moony, I knew you would agree that I could portray the best friend remarkably well.

I wasn't talking about that, I was talking about the idiotic story that Mr. Moron over there thought of.

Hey! It could happen, I think we should all take it in turns to follow Moony around, for his own safety.

Yes because you never know, if I can't take it any more you may see me walking off towards the Astronomy tower.

Moving on... Has anyone else thought of answering some questions?

Question: Everyone except Sirius – Why do you take the crap that Sirius gives you? If I were you I would have killed him by now!

This person is clearly deluded, none of you have thought about killing me.

You must be the one who is deluded.

Why?

There are many times when I have thought about killing you.

Evans! I am shocked!

I think my favourite one was feeding you to a pack of centaurs.

Mine was chucking you off of the Astronomy tower.

Haha, mine was –

You've all thought about killing me?

We wouldn't actually do them!

Don't worry Pete. I know why you've all thought of these things.

Because you're incredibly annoying?

Because you're a man whore?

No, because you all feel threatened by me!

What?

Well, Remus and Pete do because girls would rather have me than them. You'd want to because I'm your equal: at Quidditch, at getting girls, at the 'who can flick the peas the furthest in the Great Hall' game etc. And Lily probably wants to kill me because Prongs loves me more than her.

Honestly Sirius, I'm sure James likes us both the same.

I'm not convinced. James?

I love you both.

You must love one of us more! Cough-Me-cough!

Padfoot, we all like each other equally.

Exactly.

Okay then. If we were both drowning and you had no wand, who would you jump in for and try and save first?

Stop it, you moron.

Choose wisely.

Evans! I never knew you had it in you!

I'd probably die trying to save you both.

Awwww, that's so sweet.

No it isn't! That's such a cop-out, four eyes!

Question: Lily – Have you ever sat down and discussed James' flaws?

I don't have any flaws!

I've tried and failed to do this many of times.

Get over it Lils, me and Prongs are just flawless human beings.

I'd say that Remus would be closer to being flawless than you two berks. He's a better human being than you, Sirius.

I'm a great human being!

I have quite a few flaws, I'm afraid Lily.

Just because you have a furry little problem doesn't mean you're a bad person.

Yeah, you're a good person for 353 days of the year.

It's just when you have your time of the month.

You know, many females refer to their menstrual cycle as their 'time of the month'.

And?

Well, when people hear you talking about it in the common room, it sounds like Remus is on his period or something.

Ha! Remmy-boy is a woman!

You're more of a woman than me, Padfoot.

For the last time, just because I take care of my appearance does not mean that I am a woman.

I think it's more of the fact that from the back someone could mistake you for a woman. Your hair needs cutting mate.

I'm too muscular and sexy to look like a woman.

Maybe you just look like a butch lesbian from the back then.

I'm not butch! I'm toned. Do you want to see my six pack?

Not really. Please put your shirt back on.

Madam Pince will come over in a minute if you don't put it back on.

She would love it! I'm one sexy piece of ass!

Do you think if I was good at Quidditch I would lose weight?

No it wouldn't make any difference with the amount of shit you eat.

You're one to talk Padfoot, if anyone eats excessive amounts of food it's you. You're a pig.

Yes, but my body is amazing, as you've just seen.

We have seen it every morning since we started Hogwarts, because you refuse to wear pyjamas.

Ew, remind me never to go into your dormitory in the mornings.

You don't need to wait until the mornings, Lilykins, we can go up to my dorm now and I'll give you a private show.

That sounds wonderful, there's just one small problem.

What?

I'm dating you're best friend.

That doesn't bother me.

Well, I hope you enjoyed it, I'll try and update a bit more often :). I hope you still all enjoy this, but I think I'll be drawing it to a close sometime soon... please review with some question etc.

P.S I just want you to know that I don't think Remus would be scared of commitment, and think he wouldn't have wanted a serious girlfriend because he wouldn't want to hurt her with his condition, and all the problems it would produce from getting close to someone.

AND...

One last thing, with the whole thing of Sirius asking James who he loved more, I genuinely don't think James would have picked between Sirius and Lily.

Thanks again! :) xxxx