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Chapter Fourteen

Gil,
I've had some good news at last! The San Francisco lab have rung me and asked me to go and have a look around and a chat to the staff. They want me to start working there in two weeks time, as a rookie to begin with, but they said I could be a CSI level 3 in under two years. I'm so excited, Thomas (the graveyard shift supervisor you spoke to) is so friendly, apparently I get my own jacket with my name on, and a case with all my equipment in, like finger print dust and Luminal.
Okay, I may be getting ahead of myself slightly; he did say the first few months would purely be assessing evidence that's already been processed. But maybe he'll send me over the Vegas lab sometime, I can meet all your friends and we could work together?
I've quit my job at the supermarket already, I wish you'd been there to see it; it was so satisfying to tell my manager where to stick his minimum wage and rotten shop.
I do miss you terribly, I just wish you were here to share this all with me. As excited as I am, I am ever so alone without you here to hold my hand.
Yours,
Sara xx

Gil,
It's been three weeks and no word from you. I hope you're okay, maybe just tied down with things in the lab?
I started working at San Francisco lab last week, everyone is really nice. They took me out on a crime scene last night, just to observe, it was fascinating, reminded me so much of all the stories you've told me, I wanted to start photographing and collecting evidence, but Jane said maybe in a few more weeks.
The graveyard shift is perfect for me; I feel like my body is working in the correct order, I've managed to sleep properly in the day.
I'm thinking about moving to my own apartment soon, my housemate is becoming more unbearable, I've had to buy my own fridge for my room she's so greedy with my groceries!
I've enclosed a copy of a photograph of me that the lab took for ID purposes, I've got my CSI jacket on, sewed my 'Sidle' badge in myself – managed to stab my finger with the needle, had a plaster on it for days now.
I keep looking around for you, and you're never here. Only in my dreams do you now exist? When will you visit again?
Yours,
Sara xx

Sara,
I can only apologise for my lack of replies to your letters. I am so pleased for you that you got into the San Francisco lab, you'll be an absolute asset to the team, and it sounds as though you're progressing quickly. It was at least six months before they let me out onto the field, but don't let the rush of it all deter your focus from the evidence. You are the only voice the victim has left.
The Vegas lab is full to the brim; I haven't had an evening away for at least two weeks. The more time I seem to spend in the field, the large my paperwork pile becomes, I can only offload so much of it into Brass, as good as he is at his job, he's clearly not a criminologist.
Sara, I am writing to let you know that I will not be able to visit you again, for two reasons, both of which are for your benefit, not necessarily now, but in the future, you will see why I have done this.
You are a CSI now, this is your big shot that you've waited so long for. You need to be focused on this, Sara, and you can reach the top in no time. I don't want anything to deter you from something you have put so much time into. Not even me.
I cannot offer you the relationship I want to give you; I cannot be the man I want to be for you. I want to fall asleep with you every evening, and wake up with you every morning, take you for dinner, go to the movies with you, fall asleep in front of TV on the couch, run you a bath.
I can't have a part-time relationship with you, because you deserve more than that. I want to give you the world, and a weekend every six weeks isn't good enough for you. It hurts me to my core that I cannot be with you, my heart is breaking as I write this, and I know it will hurt you now, but this is for the best, I promise you.
Focus on your lab, Sara, be the best you can be where you are. Don't come chasing crimes in Vegas when they need you there.
Thank you for your photograph. You are beautiful.
Keep your chin up, darling Sara. The world shines when you smile.
Gil x

A/N Update coming Friday/Saturday. Definitely still more to come.