Chapter Six

The walk to work seemed less painful now that Brendan was getting better and the day seemed to feel shorter also as Ste had something to hold onto . Hope. Hope for Brendan's full recovery. Ste and Noah's relationship was stronger now that Ste spent less time occupied with thoughts of Brendan and Conal spent 4-6 hours less at the hospital than before. Yes all seemed well.

Ste was at home alone one night when the phone rang…

"Hello?"

"Oh hello please may I speak to Mr Steven Hay."

"Speaking"

"Oh hello my name is Rebecca Farnsworth and I am a night shift nurse on Intensive Care."

As soon as the words "Intensive Care" were spoken Ste's body tensed with fear.

"What can I do for you Rebecca?" (Ste tried to hold his composure)

"Mr Brady is asking to see you."

"What?"

Ste couldn't comprehend what she was saying. Brendan didn't want him anymore; he had Conal why would he want him instead?

"Mr Brady is very insistent Mr Hay that he wants to see you."

Ste knew how Brendan got when he was "insistent" on something.

"Ok I'll come see him."

"Thank you Mr Hay – it is much appreciated!" (Her voice sounded relieved)

When he got to Intensive Care he was expecting the same old routine, buzzer, wait, heavy doors etc. however this time it was different; there was a woman standing outside waiting for him.

"Hello Mr Hay – thanks for coming I'm Rebecca, we spoke on the phone."

"Yeah I remember." (He smiled and she smiled back)

They walked through to Brendan's room where he was leaning against some pillows which were holding him up. Ste didn't waste time. He wanted to know what had possessed Brendan to, in the middle of the night, get a nurse to call him up and ask him to come and visit him out of the designated visiting hours.

(Ste turned to the nurse) "We will be ok."

(She got the message and turned to leave) "Ok, but if you need me I'll be right out here."

"Ok."

Ste approached Brendan whose eyes seemed to be glazed and empty.

"Ok, come on. What the hell is going on Brendan?" (He crossed his arms and impatiently waited for an answer)

"I…" (He stopped and turned away to look out the window)

"Go on…"

"I was going to get Conal to tell you." (His voice was broken and even more chesty than usual)

"Tell me what?" (He was both intrigued and annoyed)

Brendan looked down at his lap and Ste turned to walk away.

"I'm paralysed."

It was blunt. He didn't hold anything back. There was no debate about it. Ste could see the tears in his eyes, he so desperately wanted to comfort him, to hold him and tell him that everything was going to be ok. But he couldn't. He couldn't do that to Conal; not after what they had been through together in the last few months, it had brought them closer, connected them and Ste wasn't going to demolish that trust and friendship for something he knew he couldn't have.

Nothing came out of Ste's mouth for a while. He sat and looked at the floor, then out of the window and then he paced up and down.

"Stop doing that, it's annoying." (Brendan rubbed his eyes with his left hand to show his frustration)

"Sorry." (Ste sat down next to him)

"I don't understand Brendan." (He looked at him with those same old gorgeous eyes)

"What's not to understand Steven. I am paralysed."

"Yeah I know that, I just don't understand what bit of you is paralysed?" (He looked up and down Brendan's body trying to work it out)

"My right arm and leg." (He pointed just to make sure Ste understood)

"So what, like a stroke?"

"Yeah kinda."

"So does this mean you can't walk no more?"

Brendan shook his head.

"Does Conal know?"

"Corse he does – he was here when I was told. In fact he never leaves my side."

A sudden moment of realisation came over Ste…

"So is that why you called me in the middle of the night? So he wasn't here?"

(Brendan nodded) "I just needed to tell you myself, you know man to man."

"Hardly." (Ste smiled and Brendan nodded whilst retaining his laughter)

"So what are you going to do now?"

"I don't know Steven. Lie here and wait."

"For what?"

"For someone to move me, ha."

"Brendan that's not funny!" (However Ste did feel the sensation of laughter building up inside him and it was getting difficult to suppress)

Ste stayed by Brendan's side the whole night. He knew that it was Conal's place in theory and not his however, the way Brendan talked about Conal's clingy nature made Ste realise that he needed some other male company. He left just before 7:30 am. Brendan was fast asleep and the doctor was just about to begin his ward rounds when he caught Ste leaving.

"Oh hello Mr Hay, how are you this morning?"

"Hi, I'm fine thanks." (Ste tried to sound confident as he attempted to identify the man standing before him)

"You don't recognise me do you?"

"No. Sorry." (Ste sounded defeated)

"I'm doctor Kellerman the…"

"Doctor in charge of Brendan's care… I remember."

"That's it! I'm just on my way to see him now." (He started walking towards the double doors Ste just came through)

"How is Brendan? I mean, really."

The doctor sighed.

"Shall we have a seat?" (He pointed to the relative's room)

Ste walked slowly, trying to prolong not knowing the true extend of Brendan's injuries.

"Mr Brady…Brendan's injuries are far more serious than we first thought Mr Hay."

"Ste, please call me Ste."

"Brendan has a sustained a large amount of damage to the left side of his brain meaning that his right side…."

"Is not working… I know he told me last night." (He was becoming agitated by the doctor's slow pace)

"Yes however it is more than that." (He looked directly at a frightened Ste) "He has an infection that we are unable to treat without surgery."

"So do the surgery, make him better."

Ste struggled to understand what the big deal was.

"It isn't that simple, Mr Brady has refused surgery on several occasions and we have done all we can medically, now we need to operate."

Ste looked blankly at the doctor, searching his mind for answers; however he found none. He went back to Brendan who had just woken up, he sat silent and still until Brendan was aware of his presence.

"Hey, what are ye doing here Steven?" (He pushed up slightly on his left hand however it was a weak attempt and didn't get him far before he fell to the bed again)

"I want answers!" (His arms were crossed)

"I thought I'd given them to you last night?..." (Brendan's voice and expression was confused)

"Not all of them! When were you going to tell me that you have refused surgery?"

"How do you know that?" (Brendan flushed trying to contain his feelings like always)

"It doesn't matter how I know, it matters that you are refusing to have it done." (His hand was subconsciously moving towards Brendan's)

Brendan said nothing. All Ste's attempts to make him open up over the course of their relationship and the times when they were separated had failed; so what was going to make Brendan start now? Ste looked at him both ashamed and devastated, he couldn't deny he still loved him and that he didn't want any harm to come to him but nothing was going to change Brendan's mind – Ste knew that.

"If you're not going to tell me what's wrong then I am going to go home and talk to someone who actually wants to have a civil conversation with me!"

"Who?"

"Noah!"

Brendan laughed.

"Civil? Yeah Noah is the best lad to have a conversation about "civil" rights, ha!" (He laughed at his own cleverness)

"Ugh even a whack to the head hasn't changed you!"

Ste stormed out of the room.

"Ah no Steven come back… I was only joking Steven… Steven!"

Brendan's frustration was beginning to overwhelm him both physically and mentally. He wasn't getting any better, he had Conal down his throat all the time, he had doctors telling him that they had to operate, he hadn't been out of this bed for more than an hour a day for over three months and now Steven was angry at him. He wondered if his life could get any worse!