Chapter seven

It had been two weeks since the visit to the hospital and Ste couldn't put it out of his mind. He knew that the doctor didn't say it in so many words but Brendan was going to die if he didn't have this surgery. Ste wanted to talk to someone about it, honestly and openly. So he could express his true feelings about Brendan without any prejudgement from anyone. He couldn't do that with anyone he knew as they all hated Brendan's guts – Noah, Amy, Rae and Warren (well he was hardly going to talk to him!). He desperately tried to think of the one person who DIDN'T hate him though, the one person who loved him no matter what… Cheryl! Oh why he didn't think of it before he will never know! But even though they have had their ups and downs before the accident, they have put it in the past and are now stronger for it.

There was just one small problem. Brendan was hardly going to tell his little sister, who he had spent most of his life trying to protect , that he was about to die. Ste decided that the only person in the world he could talk to about Brendan was Brendan. He wasn't going to like it; in fact he was going to hate it! However Ste couldn't just sit back and watch him die, he wasn't going to have that hanging over him for the rest of his life so he made his way to the hospital…

When Ste got to Brendan's room it was empty. Brendan had disappeared. Ste went out and down the corridor searching for doctors, nurses, anyone who could tell him what was going on. Eventually he found Brendan's doctor.

"Oh hi you probably don't remember me, I'm Ste…"

"Hay, yes I remember."

They really had to stop meeting like this Ste thought.

"Where is Brendan?"

"He's gone for a walk." (He pointed down the corridor)

"Gone for a walk?" (Ste was struggling to understand)

"In a wheelchair."

"Oh." (Ste laughed at his own naivety)

"He was driving us all mental, saying that he hadn't been out of his bed in weeks so the nurse has taken him for a walk."

"Oh, is it ok if I wait here for him?"

"Yes of course, he shouldn't be long."

Ste waited for ten minutes until he saw Brendan coming round the corner of the corridor.

"Oi Steven, wanna lift?" (He was going at a reasonable speed, smiling and laughing like he used to)

Ste smiled. It was the first glimpse of the old Brendan he had had in months so it was a welcome sight.

The nurse parked Brendan next to his bed and called another nurse to help him back into it. They wrapped Brendan up in a sling and attached him to a hoist which was much safer that lifting him. Ste observed silently - thinking to himself how vulnerable Brendan looked and, indeed was, now. Once Brendan was back in his bed Ste took the opportunity to close the curtain surrounding them; making it more personal and harder for either one of them to escape the conversation.

"What you doing here Steven?" (He looked tiredly at him)

"I'm here to talk."

Brendan turned away to look out the window but Ste had planned for this type of distraction and went over to pull the blind.

"Oi what ye do that for Steven? It's my only part left of the outside world."

"I want to talk about the surgery…" (He looked at Brendan sternly yet with sympathy for his condition)

"I'm not gonna tell you again Steven – I'm not having it done, end of."

"Yeah end of you if you don't!" (He looked sharply at Brendan before softening his glare)

"Why can't you just accept my wishes Steven? – I never asked for any of this and now that I have got it I just want to get rid of it as quickly as possible!"

Ste couldn't believe what he was hearing. Brendan WANTED to die, but why? What was so horrible in his life that would make him want to end it like this? No, he wasn't just going to be complacent like usual, he was going to make him see that the world would be a much darker place without him in it.

"When you were on life support we thought you were goin' to die."

"Good."

Ste ignored this and carried on.

"I came to see you, more than once, but Noah stopped me. I wanted to hold you and tell you that everything was ok and that I was here but… (He stopped. His voice was pained)

"Ye did that for me?" (He was trying not to sound desperate for an answer)

"Yeah because despite everything, all the crap you put me through, all the nights apart I still care for you. And I don't want you to die!"

There was nothing anyone could say at this moment to change the mood. There was some unspoken language between the two of them which seemed to be stronger than human speech. Brendan looked up at Ste who had sunk deep into his arms to hide his tears.

"Steven…"

"Yeah."

"Will you do something for me?"

"Anything." (He truly meant that)

"Call Conal, tell him I need him."

Ste's heart sank slightly with the mention of Conal's name. However Ste knew that he was Brendan's boyfriend and he had every right to see him, although it didn't demolish the hurt that Ste felt after having had such a meaningful conversation with Brendan – it felt like it meant anything now that he was probably going to have the same one with Conal.

"Sure – will do."

"Cheers"

Ste got up and turned to leave. He looked back at Brendan for a brief second.

"Does this mean you will think about it?"

"Yeah, suppose I better if I mean that much to ye!" (He laughed as Ste headed for the door)

"Oh Steven, one more thing…"

"What?"

"Open the blind for us."

Ste rolled his eyes. Same old Brendan, even if he couldn't see it. Ste was going to make it his mission to save him.