Part 3
Dr. Morse came back that same afternoon and informed Sam rather dispassionately of his plan to have his feeding tube removed so he could start eating food on his own again.
"You'll be allowed liquids for the first few days, then we can see about starting you out on some soft, solid food."
Sam tried to mask his distrust of the doctor, but couldn't help but give him the stink eye. At least you won't get the satisfaction of watching me starve to death. He thought to himself bitterly.
The doctor either ignored his reproachful glare or was oblivious to Sam's hostile feelings towards him and left him shortly after he reassessed Sam's condition. The doctor's abrupt and impersonal bedside manner, while it chafed at Sam, only served to fuel his desire to get out of the hospital sooner rather than later and after the disappointment searching for his brother had been on the computer and the heartbreaking news of Bobby's death , he knew that the only way he was ever going to find Dean would be for him to get his boots on the ground and physically track him down. Yet all the while a little voice coming from the back of his mind kept creeping in unwanted: What if Dean had given up on you? What if he couldn't bear the burden of taking care of me and abandoned me?
Sam had to physcially shake his head in order to chase those grim and demoralizing thoughts from his mind. It would be so unlike Dean to just up and leave him and he had to hold onto the hope that Dean could simply not find him.
He was still weak as a kitten, but everyday he got a little stronger. Besides the physical therapy sessions he was sent to for almost two hours each day, he went right to work as soon as he got back to his room with continuing his exercises- stretching and flexing his legs and arms, hoping to strengthen them enough for him to get out of bed and flee the hospital and the clutches of the test-happy, Dr. Morse.
Also, after the feeding tube was removed and he was allowed to start eating again, Sam found that he getting better even faster without it and he promised himself he would never take the ability to taste, chew and swallow his food for granted ever again. Just having the feeling of having something in his stomach was a boost to his flagging morale and energy levels. His stamina began to improve as well after he could start eating again and whereas before he could only stay awake for a couple of hours at a time before fatigue overcame him, by the end of his first week he was staying alert for almost five or six hours at a stretch.
Little by little he felt like he was getting some of the old Sam back and as soon as he felt like he was strong enough to not fall over when he stood, he took his first few steps out of bed, making it all of the way to the bathroom on his own. It was a small achievement, but it meant a great deal to him to be able to get somewhere under his own power and he wanted- no- needed to be able to perform his own grooming tasks if he ever wanted to get out of this damned hospital.
He reached over and flicked on the light then nearly fell over when he got a good look at his face in the mirror. It hadn't occurred to him before to ask for a mirror since he didn't want to appear vain and besides, he had other more import things on his mind than gazing at his reflection. But this image was shocking, even though he should have known he would look different after ten years, it was still a mighty blow.
He stared at the unfamiliar face- at the deep-set eyes ringed with crows feet, the pale, hollowed-out cheeks and the week's worth of scraggly beard growth peppered with flecks of grey. So different did he appear to himself that at first glance he thought that a stranger had stepped into the room with him.
However, slowly he began to recognize some of the features of his face- a mole here, a freckle there and even a small scar he could remember getting from a pissed-off spirit when he was sixteen. This was his new face- his new reality and there wasn't much he could do about it...
That is except for one thing...
OOOOOOOO
"Sam?" He heard his name being called from outside of the bathroom and he would have turned and answered her, but he was presently occupied.
He had failed to close the bathroom door, so he wasn't shocked when out of the corner of his eye he caught a flash of dark hair poke inside. He turned to see Pepper grinning at him in amusement, not at all surprised to see her in his room. Over the last week, she had been his one and only regular visitor and while he didn't understand why she had such an interest in him, he nonetheless had come to look forward to seeing her.
"What are you doing?" She asked.
"Trying to shave." He answered plainly, somewhat embarrassed and muffling his words a bit as he tried to keep some of the shaving cream he had found in the cabinet on his face. He'd only managed to get a couple of swipes of the razor across his bristly face and the task had turned out to be far harder than he had expected it to as he had to keep one hand on the edge of the sink in order to keep his legs from becoming wobbly.
"I see that, but you are gonna cut yourself to smithereens." She tsk'd then came closer to him, holding out her hand in a gesture that brokered no arguments. "Here, gimme that."
"I can do this." He insisted, but she wasn't about to back down.
"Sam..." She sighed. "Just who do you think has been doing this for you all these years, huh? Just let me help you."
He sighed, knowing he wasn't going to win this and handed over the razor.
"Now sit before you fall." She ordered, pointing towards the lidded toilet. Sam obeyed somewhat peevishly and took a seat, trying not to roll his eyes and failing.
Pepper was mostly quiet as she concentrated on the job, her brown eyes focusing on removing the stubble that covered his face, but every so often her eyes would meet his for the briefest of seconds, leaving Sam with a stirring inside that he hadn't felt in a long time. He had to admit that she was pretty- maybe not knock-out gorgeous like the kinds of girls Dean went after and she was older than any woman he had ever been attracted to, but then again, he had to remind himself that he probably about the same age as she was now. However, she had her own special brand of attractiveness- she didn't wear the garish clothes that many of the other women he had seen from this time did, usually donning instead a tasteful sweater and pair of jeans. She also only wore a smattering of make-up that enhanced rather than over-powered her natural features, a quality Sam admired in women.
But it wasn't so much her looks that he liked. She had kind eyes and a gentleness that went beyond just doing her job and she was the only person he had made any kind of connection with since waking up in this strange, new world he was stuck in. Sam wasn't sure if it was just the fascination of trying to get to know the man she had seen everyday as 'John Doe' for years that brought her back each day or if there was something more. It was too soon to tell, but one thing was certain- he was glad she was there.
"There." She said as she wiped his face clean with a cloth when she was finished. "You're looking better already." Sam grabbed hold of the sink and used it as leverage to pull himself up and get a look at her handiwork in the mirror.
He couldn't help but grin a little at his cleaner face. "Looks more like me now."
"I never thought you were a beard guy. You look much better without all that wool." She quipped then reached up and ruffled his hair. "Now, what about this mop of yours? I have some skills with scissors too."
"Actually...It's not too bad- a little shorter than I'm used to, but it'll grow."
"You never know." She shrugged. "A good, clean haircut could make you feel like a new man."
Sam felt his face drop at that off-hand comment, taken aback a little by how much it hit him in the gut. He didn't want to be a 'new man' he wanted to be his old self- to get his life back, but finding it was frustratingly slow even if he was making progress.
"I'm sorry...did I say something wrong?" Pepper asked, seeing his shoulders slump.
He shook his head. "No...no- it's okay." He sighed, not wanting her to think that she had caused him any grief, but he suddenly had a desire to be alone so he could sort through his emotions. "I'm sorry, Pepper, but I'm kinda tired..."
"Hey, no worries, Sam." She said. "You want me to help you back to bed?"
He shook his head. "Nah...I'll make it...But, thanks anyway...ya know...for everything."
"Sure." She nodded. "I better get going anyway- my shift starts pretty soon."
Pepper was gone soon after than and Sam shuffled his way back to bed, exhausted. It wouldn't take long for sleep to find him that night, but he was chased by dreams that robbed him of any true rest.
OOOOOOO
Sam's swiss cheese memory also started to come back to him incrementally. He had a dream one night of he and Dean riding inside of the Impala with the skyline of Chicago coming at them through the windshield and when he woke, it had triggered new memories to surface.
He could recall now what had brought them to Chicago. It was a hunt- of that he was certain- but what it was exactly they had been after was fuzzy, he only knew that people had been disappearing and they had tracked the culprit down to a warehouse near the docks by Lake Michigan. He could also remember now Dean's scary quietness since learning that Crowley was still alive from the creature that called herself 'the mother' and his own sinking suspicion that Cas might have had something to do with that, though he had still yet to voice those concerns out loud to his brother.
"Watch yourself and stick to the plan. No going off-script with this one, got it?" He recalled Dean saying as they gathered supplies from the trunk.
He and Dean split up after that, Sam taking the stairs to the upper floors while Dean searched the lower ones. Threading his way through the abandoned corridors of the building, Sam had been on high alert, his flashlight darting about in tandem with his gun as he searched. He could still smell the scent of the water nearby, the mustiness of the walls and the faint, yet distinct waft of death and decay that hung in the air, ratcheting up a sense of wariness and unease through his gut. He didn't like being split up like that, but there was also a sense of urgency to their mission, that they were trying to find someone or something soon before anyone else got hurt.
There was an open door at the end of the hallway he treaded carefully down and his last memory before all went black was of crossing its threshold. What happened to him after that he couldn't say and it was anybody's guess what happened to Dean as well. He could only hope and pray that whatever had gotten to him hadn't gotten to his brother as well.
Sam was unwilling and unable to give in to the thought that Dean might have come to a disastrous fate though and his search was still on for his absent brother. He still had hope that he would be strong enough to leave the hospital and despite his loneliness and stifled feelings of abandonment, he knew that Dean wouldn't have given up any hope that he would wake up any more than Sam would have if their positions had been reversed.
During his stay in the hospital Sam also decided to heed some of Pepper's advice and tried catching up an all that had gone on in the world while he was asleep. For the most part, he found that little had actually changed in the past ten years. Wars came and went, people still blew themselves up in the name of religion, and vapid celebrites and crooked politicians still gabbed bigger headlines than the plights of the everyday people.
It was during one of these catch-up lessons with his little tablet that Sam was surfing the web for news and stumbled across a recent article from the Chicago Tribune.
"What the Hell?" He muttered in confusion as he read through the first few sentences of the article.
Pontiac Man Injured Saving Three Girls From Burning Church
Jimmy Novak, 49, a deacon with the Fellowship of Christ Church in Pontiac, IL rushed back into the burning building when it was realized that three girls, ages 11, 10 and 15 had not yet made it out.
Witnesses to the rescue state that Novak managed to find the girls and lead them safely to an amergency exit, but became trapped himself when the burning ceiling collapsed on top of him.
He was transported to the local hospital where his condition remains unknown at this time and the cause of the blaze remains under investigation.
Sam couldn't believe that what he was seeing and reading was true, even with the accompanied photo of a smiling Cas,-make that Jimmy- staring him in the face and he shook his head in disbelief. Had Cas somehow abandoned Jimmy as a vessel? Was that even possible? What did all of this mean?
He was still lost in confusion when Dr. Morse strolled into his room unannounced followed by three others, all wearing doctor's lab coats.
"Hello, Sam." Dr. Morse greeted him briskly. "This is Dr. Sanders, Dr. Porter and Dr. Rupenstein- specialists from the Mayo clinic. I've asked them to come and help evaluate your 'special case'. They are all very interested in learning more from you."
Over the next fifteen minutes, the three new doctors began bombarding him with questions while Dr. Morse interjected himself several times pointing out the tests he had already run on Sam and how he would make an 'excellent subject' for further case study on the effects that long-term coma had on the human body. The new docs heartily agreed with Dr. Morse and even began to discuss plans to have Sam transferred to the Mayo clinic for further testing and 'research', none of which Sam apparently had any say in.
Sam could only lie there fuming yet silent while they discussed their new 'star patient'. When they all finally left, talking excitedly amongst themselves about how and when to go about the transfer and the prospects of including Dr. Morse in on their research, Sam had come to the conclusion that his stay in the hospital had come to an end and he was going to leave that night, whether he had to crawl his way out the front doors or not.
There was no way he was going to become their next lab rat and he knew that he had to leave and find Cas/Jimmy and find out what happened to him and maybe he might know what happened to Dean as well.
Without any further delay, he started hatching a plan for his escape.
OOOOOO
Sam waited until the next morning to make his move. It would be easier to slip out unnoticed from his room during the nurses morning shift change and getting through the hallways while they were busy with people traffic would provide him with better cover. Grabbing the four-footed cane his physical therapist had given him to help provide support to his weak muscles while he walked, he quietly got out of bed and headed for the door, checking both ways down the corridor for any signs of the nurses charged with his care or for that damned Dr. Morse. Seeing that the coast was clear, he made a break for it, even though said break was about as fast as a snail's crawl.
First things first, Sam needed to find clothes and cash, neither of which he would get very far outside of the hospital walls without. He found both when he came upon the staff changing room and slipped inside unnoticed.
Now that it was between shift changes, the room was empty and quiet. Using a broken-off hypodermic needle that he had fashioned into a lock-pick the night before, he easily broke into the lockers and found a t-shirt, some jeans that sort-of fit over his gangly frame, a pair of shoes that were a size too small but would do for now and best of all, one of the foolish doctors had left his wallet in his locker which Sam quickly cleaned out before shoving the wad of cash totaling about $80 into his pocket.
After that, he made sure to lock all of the lockers back up before anyone came in and then he sneaked slowly out of the room, slipping unnoticed back into the busy halls. By this time, Sam's energy was wavering, but he was determined to not give up before he was outside the hospital walls. With people coming and going about their own business, he didn't cause anyone to pay him much mind, even though by the time he made it to the exit he was sweating profusely and panting heavily.
It wasn't until he was finally outdoors and clear of the building that he gave into the screaming constriction of his leg muscles and allowed himself to collapse in a heap onto the nearest bench facing the street just beneath the parking garage.
He sat there for a while cursing the weakness of his body even though his trek had been the longest he had made yet since his great awakening and he breathed quick and hard, gathering whatever energy he could find to formulate his next step. His initial plan hadn't really gone beyond just getting outside, but now as he sat watching the cars and people go by, he wondered at how he was going to get himself to Pontiac.
With only a little bit of cash, he might be able to catch a bus and find his way to either the nearest train or bus station and from there he could find a way to Jimmy/Cas and see what answers he could get from him, but all of that would have to wait until the shaking fatigue in his muscles quieted down.
Without the stamina to do much more than lean back against the back of the bench, Sam let his eyes close for a few minutes as the sounds of the city washed over him and the world kept on moving without him. He may have dozed there for a minute or twenty, he would never be sure, but when he felt a hand touch his shoulder, he immediately snapped awake, nearly coming out of his skin from the sudden contact.
"Sam? What the Hell?" Pepper seemed to materialize from out of nowhere before filling the space of the bench next to him. "What are you doing here? You should be inside- it's cold out here."
"Maybe I should ask you the same thing." He replied, surprised to see her.
Honestly, Sam hadn't really felt the cold after the physical feat he just pulled off, but now that she mentioned it, the t-shirt he was wearing did little to protect his exposed skin from the cool, morning air and goosebumps were springing up along his arms.
"I was just on my way to see you. I made some cookies last night and I thought you might like something that was homemade for once, but now I see that you're trying to skip out." She held up a small Tupperware container and shook it, rattling the cookies inside for him to see before she continued with her questioning. "How did you even get out here?"
Sam lifted up his cane tiredly with a small, sheepish grin. "I walked."
She shook her head the same way a mother might after finding her child had ransacked the candy jar and stolen some treats when she wasn't looking. "You never fail to impress me Sam, but you're gonna catch you death out here. C'mon, let's get you back inside." She said, grabbing hold of his arm.
He shook his head vehemently. "No...I'm not going back."
"Why?"
"It's complicated...but, I just needed to go, alright?" He came back a little more testy than he had meant to be. "look...I'm sorry, but I can't stay here. I've got...things I need to do- things you wouldn't understand."
"Really? And where are you gonna go, Sam? How are you going to get there and how are you going to pay to feed yourself? I mean look at you, you don't even have a set of clothes that fit you right."
"You don't have to worry about me." He argued back. "I can take care of myself."
"Just give me a good reason why you're doing this. Please...I thought we were starting to become friends here, but I know you're holding so much back. What is it, Sam? What are you looking for?"
Sam sighed and briefly closed his eyes. He didn't owe her the truth, did he? He barely knew her and she barely knew him. Sure, she had been his nurse for years, but she had never really known the man that lay asleep for all of that time. However, one look in her pleading eyes and he started to spill some of the things he had been keeping from her.
"I have this brother...I don't know where he is- whether he's alive or...or if he's dead. But, either way I have to know. I have to find him and I can't do that while trapped inside a hospital. I need answers..."
"Why didn't you just say this before- I can help you out."
"You don't get it. I have to leave Chicago. But, there's a friend of mine in Pontiac that might be able to help me find my brother."
"Well, then..." She looked down at her lap for a moment before raising her head once again and looking his straight in the eye, determination marking her features. "I guess I'll just have to take you there."
Sam shook his head quickly. "No...I can't ask that of you. Besides, don't you have work?"
She snorted and shook her head in dismay. "I wish. Yesterday Dr. Morse got wind of how I 'borrowed' your medical records and that was on top of the chewing out he already gave me for spilling the beans about how long you had been in a coma before he got a chance to talk to you himself." she sighed heavily. "So, I am now officially on suspension for the next two weeks and who knows if I'll still have a job after that."
Sam let his feelings of regret come through on his face. "I'm sorry, Pepper. You did all of that for me and look what it got you. You should probably walk away from me right now before I get you into any more trouble."
"It's too late for that, Sam." She shrugged. "I'm invested in you now whether you like it or not and I would be remiss in my duties as a nurse if I let you go gallivanting across the state in the condition you are in and besides, just imagining Dr. Morse's face when he sees you've skipped out on him is good enough for me. So, c'mon...My car isn't parked too far away and I've got cookies you need to start eating."
To Be Continued...