Chapter 9
November 26th, 1984
Hutch stood a rigid attention his gaze focused on the horizon as the memorial service for Starsky began. There was no body to bury…no casket to bury to pay respects to. It was a small, very simple service that was being held to honor Starsky's memory. Hutch wasn't going to go because he still hadn't given up hope of finding his partner. But, Rachel Starsky had changed his mind.
He paused a moment in his thoughts remembering her words when she decided to have the memorial service for her missing son.
"Ken, would you please stand with me to honor my dear son? I somehow feel close to him when you're near. Please Ken!"
Hutch remembered thinking at the time, "No, I can't…he's out there somewhere I KNOW he is."
But, Hutch knew he couldn't refuse her request when Rachel said in a small frail voice she never revealed to anyone during that nightmare. "I don't think I'll be able to be strong enough to survive the pain if you're not there with me, Ken."
Hutch could no more turn down her request at that moment any more than he could ever deny her son anything he had ever asked of him. It was something he could do to help Rachel and if being at the service helped her then Hutch felt, at the time, "At least I can tell Starsky that I did what I could to help his mom when he couldn't be there for her himself."
What Hutch had actually said to Rachel that day was, "I will be there with you and help you in anyway I can, but know this…" Rachel had looked up at Hutch with tears running down her face as she listened to his words. "I WILL find Starsky and I will bring home to you…I promise you…I WILL BRING HIM HOME SOMEDAY!"
So, now, Hutch stood beside with Rachel Starsky on his left and Lizzie on his right, wearing his dress blues with all his medals pinned to his breast, listening to the words eulogizing his best friend and partner. After almost two months with no sign of Starsky, everyone else thought that he was dead, everyone except Hutch who refused to give up hope. Hope was all he had left.
Hutch let his thoughts drift again, back to the last time he had seen his partner.
"Hey Hutch, whatcha want to do tonight now that we're finally free of this place?" Starsky said. "Go down to Huggy's, knock back a few cold ones?"
"Naw, I think I'll just go home…make an early night of it…" responded Hutch knowing full well that an early night wasn't exactly what he had in mind for the evening's festivities.
"Sounds great Hutch…" answered Starsky. "How about I pick up a six pack and pizza and come over to your place for awhile?"
Hutch wasn't sure how to tell his partner that Lizzie had planned to come over and spend the night. "I should just tell him that I'm planning on company…no…why should I tell him that part?"
Hutch looked at Starsky square in the face, straight in the eye and told him that he would just rather be alone tonight if he didn't mind. He had an edge to his voice that Hutch really hadn't meant to come out, but he never was good at hedging the truth with his best friend.
Hutch remembered thinking that he had fooled his old friend…that he hadn't caught the edginess of in his voice or Starsky had just ignored it as he simply brushed past Hutch and opened the door to the Torino.
Well, OK then partner…." Starsky smiled coyly. "Enjoy your time alone, Hutch," emphasizing the word "alone" which meant for certainty that David Starsky didn't make his living as a detective for nothing.
Then with a knowing wink, the best friend he had ever had, peeled out of the police garage to parts unknown. His best friend had somehow known that he had plans for that evening with Lizzie. And ever since that night, Hutch had lived with the guilt that if she hadn't been so important to him his best friend would be with him now.
"If only I had gone with you, Starsk…or you had come with me!" Hutch thought as his eyes began to blur with unshed tears. "Would you have been kidnapped and ki…" Hutch couldn't even THINK the word. He couldn't think or say that word in connection with his partner's name.
"WHAT WERE YOU THINKING GORDO allowing yourself to be taken!" Hutch's mind screamed angrily at his friend…at God…at anyone …at EVERYONE. Hutch reprimanded himself swiftly for thinking badly about his friend…and then his thoughts returned to his old familiar emotional friend where this case was concerned…guilt.
There had been no ransom, no phone calls, no prints on Starsky's car or at his apartment. It was as if Starsky had gunned up the Torino and rocketed out of the police garage and then simply vanished. The guilt he felt for not joining Starsky that night as the brunet had suggested was slowly eating Hutch alive.
Lizzie's gentle touch on his arm brought him out of his morbid thoughts. The service was over and the crowd was starting to thin out. Starsky would have pleased. Almost everyone in the department had made an appearance. Huggy Bear and Sweet Alice had also been among the mourners saying goodbye to a special friend.
Hutch slipped his arms around Rachel's shoulders. She was sobbing quietly into a hanky, her body trembling with pent up grief.
"Come on, Rachel," he said quietly "I'll take you back to the Dobey's so you can get some rest."
Captain Dobey and his family had insisted on putting Rachel up while she was in Bay City. She intended on staying just long enough to clear out Starsky's apartment and dispose of his possessions. She had already insisted that Hutch take whatever he wanted from the apartment. So, Hutch had taken Starsky's guitar, his favorite black leather jacket, the pictures of each of them, alone and together, that had been taken over the years, a couple of Starsky's ship models and some of the Mexican pottery. He had been stunned when Rachel insisted that he keep the Torino. She pointed out with a wary smile that Starsky's brother, Nicky, wouldn't need it since he was in jail for the next five years. Rachel chose a few of her son's possessions to remember him by including the memorabilia that Starsky had saved from his childhood. The rest would be packed up and delivered to Huggy to dispose of. The furniture was being donated to a local homeless shelter along with the small appliances and kitchenware.
Lizzie fell into step beside him as he guided Rachel back to his car. Lizzie had been Hutch's lifeline during his ordeal and he had come to count on her more than he cared to admit. She would never take Starsky's place in Hutch's heart or in his life but for now, she was there when he needed her the most.