"He told me that you didn't want me," Peyton answers.
"He lied."
"Are you sure?"
"Peyton I was young, and scared when I had you, but there was never a second that I didn't want you."
"He said you wished that you never had me, that I ruined..."
"That's not true. I don't wish that. I've never thought that. You didn't ruin anything."
"Don't you ever wish..."
"Peyton the only thing that I wish is that you were never knew the hurt that he caused."
"You wish I never knew him."
"Sometimes I wish I had done a better job at choosing your father, but then you wouldn't be you. But I do wish I could have spared you the pain of knowing him."
"Mommy..."
"The day you were born I realized that you were a dream I didn't even know that I had."
"Weren't you scared?"
"Of course, but it didn't matter. I didn't know what I was doing, but you didn't care. You made me a better person."
Peyton doesn't answer.
"I'm afraid that when I close my eyes I'm going to have nightmares. I'm afraid that you're not going to..."
"I'll be here. I'm not going anywhere."
"How can I make them stop?"
"I don't know," Jane admits.
"Do you ever have nightmares?"
"When I sleep," she answers.
"About what?"
"About you."
"Just about me?"
"No."
"About what?"
"You remember asking me what happened to my hands?"
"Uh huh."
"I dream about that sometimes."
"What happened to your hands?"
"It's a long story."
"Too graphic for young audiences?"
Jane smiles for a moment, "A little."
"Is there an age appropriate version?"
"I was investigating a homicide, and I crossed paths with the killer."
"He did that to your hands?"
"Uh huh."
"How?"
"How is not important," she tries to redirect.
"Why?"
"Peyton there are a lot of malicious people in this word," she pauses, "Do you know what malicious means?"
"Evil," she replies.
"One day you will realize that there are a lot of different kinds of people. There are people who live their whole lives doing for other people. And then there are people who spend their whole lives trying to hurt other people. And the difference isn't always so easy to spot."
"Why are there so many bad people in the world?"
"Peyton I don't know the answer to that," she admits, "You've just got to look for the good in people."
"What if there is no good in them?"
"You have to remember that there is always a reason. And while it's not ok you have to remember that sometimes their victims of circumstance. Hate, and anger breed more hate and anger. Some people wait their whole lives for someone to save them, and no one ever does."
"Mom,"
"What?"
"Nothing. I just like being able to use that word again."
"I like hearing it."
"Can I ask you something else?"
"If you must," Jane smiles.
"Why didn't you find someone..."
"Someone?"
"A boyfriend or a husband?"
"I've had boyfriends, but... it's complicated."
"Explain it to me."
"I have a hard time finding anyone who I can trust. I try to keep anyone from getting too close. I guess that no one was ever worthy because I was never truly ready to move on. Without you, a piece of me was missing."
Peyton doesn't respond.
"Are you still awake?"
"Uh huh," she yawns.
"You're tired of asking questions?"
"I am tired but..."
"But what?"
"I just want to listen to your heart."
"Is it talking to you?"
"No, but it's making me sleepy," she admits.
"It always has. When you were a baby if I couldn't get you to sleep I would lay you on my chest. You always slept on your side, from the day you were born. You would lay on my chest with your ear pressed to my heart. Within a few minutes you'd always be asleep, and I would too."
"You'd pass out from lack of oxygen because you couldn't breathe with me on your diaphragm?"
"No, because it relaxed me to know that you were sleeping soundly. It was reassuring to know that you were right there."
"Do you have any cereal?"
"Are you hungry?"
"No, but I think that I want cereal for breakfast."
"All I have is raisin bran. Do you like raisins now?"
"No, that has not, and never will change. I hate raisins, almost as much as I hate gramma's candied yams."
"It's the syrup," Jane reveals.
"No, it's the mushy marshmallows," Peyton replies.
"But you're still going to pretend to like them."
"It is a family tradition," Peyton responds.